Moving. . .With Children, Part One

Have you ever had a friend who challenges you to examine your life by asking hard questions?  A friend who you know loves you and wants the best for you, is great at helping you keep it real, and who provokes you to grow?

Yeah, I've got a few precious friends like that too.  My friend Laura has been asking some tough--but great--questions in the comment section in the last few weeks about moving with children.  This one was my favorite.

Still praying for you and would love an update on how your oldest are thinking/dealing with all this (and how you are including them or not in this process).

So the other night I sat down with my teenagers and played journalist, interviewing them about the move, their feelings, things they've learned, what they wish we had done differently, etc. (I must say, it was actually kind of fun and I can't help but think they are really NEAT kids!)

Q:  What have you learned from this whole experience?
B:  It hasn't been easy, but it has given me the experience to see God's faithfulness and that He's trustworthy, which gives me HOPE for the future.  I think of Romans 5:3-5 "And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also:  knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience experience; and experience, hope:  And hope maketh not ashamed, because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given to us."
D:  This world isn't everything, don't get too comfortable.  I think we can get too comfortable--to the point we don't long for heaven and we call this world "home."  It makes me ask myself "What do I value?"  Is it this life so I don't need to grow and this is good enough?  Or is it God's plan so that His vision affects how I live.

Q:  What has been the hardest thing about this whole process?
B:  Grasping the reality.  It was especially hard when we were in-between, not knowing where we were going.  It's hard to get used to something new when you don't know what new is.  And it's hard to say goodbye when you aren't leaving yet--you feel a need for closure.
D:  Leaving the farm.  And leaving people I admire and respect like Jeff (a man from church), Karen (his violin instructor) and Twila (his piano teacher).  (And may I insert that he has incredible discernment as these people are all worthy of his great respect--they are all fascinating people!)


Q:  What has been the best part of this experience?
B:  We're together.  We're going as a family, with the people I love best.

Q:  Think about the way we (mom and dad) handled this whole situation.  What do you wish we had done differently?  What did we do that you liked?
B:  Well, we knew you were the leaders and you would make the final decision, but you were open with what was going on and we felt included.  I think you had the right balance.

Q:  Describe your feelings about moving.
B:  I think at first I was numb.  I was just surprised and shocked.  My friends would cry, and I felt bad about not crying.  I was just matter-of-fact about it.  I mean, I was also sad, but I just didn't see the point of wallowing in it, I had to move on.  Now that the move is over, I have some excitement and anticipation for "what happens next?"
D:  Overwhelmed.  But learning to take one thing, one day, at a time.

Q:  What advice would you give parents who are going through a similar situation as far as how to deal with it with their kids?
B:  Stay optimistic.  Focus on hope and thanksgiving and count your blessings.  Enumerate (giggle, she is my daughter!) God's provisions.
D:  Be open with information.
B:  You don't have to act like you have it all together.  It helps the kids relate because they are feeling the uncertainty, and it helps them to know they're not alone.
D:  Keep the proper attitude.  "What's right is what's best."  (I had to think about his little aphorism for a few minutes, but upon reflection, I think he's got a great point.)

So, there you have it, Laura!  We handled it the only way we knew--with honesty and prayer.  I'm glad in hindsight that they felt secure through the whole experience, because even as they knew we didn't always know the next step, they knew that we believed God would take care of us all.  Really, that's one of the main lessons I want them to learn in this life:  people are fallible, don't rely on mom and dad because we WILL fail you.  God alone is our Rock and our Salvation.  So my piece of advice after going through this is the same as my most important piece of parenting advice:  point them to the cross.  That's what it's all about.