Introducing Our Blessing

Well, to update my blog, Crystal called Thursday afternoon about 1:30 to tell us she wants us to parent her little boy, who she had named Damian Alexander. She said she was sure about her decision, but would wait to sign paperwork until she met us. In a whirlwind rush, we got everything together to make a flight at 4:55 pm from an airport two hours from our home. To say I was stressed and overwhelmed is putting it mildly. But God is so faithful, and everything worked out for us to make the plane (even though we had to throw away our shampoo, hairspray, shaving creams, toothpaste, baby wash, and my Rewind--big ouch--because we haven't flown in so long we didn't know we couldn't carry-on the full size containers and we arrived too late to check it). We missed our connecting flight due to weather, so stayed over in Dallas, and arrived in Orlando about 11:30 am on Friday. We went directly to the lawyer's office and got to meet Crystal and her baby at 12:45. She was so brave and so strong for her little man as she made a decision that would change all of our lives.

Meet our precious little son who has already stolen our hearts--we are absolutely smitten.

I'm including this first picture for perspective, because he looks big in the close-ups.

Tyrell Damian was born July 25, weighed seven pounds, and was 19 inches long.

Daddy meeting his son for the first time.

He is so bright-eyed and alert already.

I'm one of those people who just loves a baby's face when he cries. Pitiful, isn't he? He has that pout mastered, but his cry is just a little squeak--so precious!

These pictures simply don't do him justice--he couldn't be more adorable.

Thank you all for your prayers and support along the roller coaster ride this journey has been. God has provided such peace, comfort and growth and your prayers have been felt along the way.

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. James 1:17

One Question

Crystal and I finally managed to touch base this morning. I was told she wanted to talk to me some more and ask more questions to help her as she's making this difficult decision about her baby's future. But she only had one question.

"Do you promise to send pictures? I have to know how he's doing."

My heart is just breaking for her. We will find out this afternoon for sure what she will decide--and it sounds like she is leaning toward placing him in our family.

But today I am sad that adoption invariably involves loss. Whether parents die or are in a situation that they can't physically or emotionally give their child all they want for them, adoption involves loss. Birthparents lose the years of day-to-day interaction with their child, and children lose their first parents. It is a time of rejoicing, yes, that a mother has chosen life for her child in this age where life is not valued. It is a time of rejoicing to have a child to love. But there is loss and mourning as a price to pay.

Please pray for Crystal's peace and comfort today, as well as for discernment in decision-making.

Laying Up for Winter

Even though it has been really hot putting up hay, it's been a rather enjoyable family experience. There's just something rewarding about working together in harmony and seeing the fruits of that labor.
We just won't talk about the fact that I fell off this load of hay, badly bruised my leg, and punctured my upper thigh. That is the sort of thing that can happen around such equipment, I'm afraid. But it did wake me up to the fact that I have let my weight get seriously out of control to the point that I don't have control of my body. As I fell, I knocked into Destry, who is, of course, agile and in shape and was able to control his fall. I, on the other hand, was completely out of control as I fell so I landed on the baler which deeply punctured my thigh. I think the fact that my pants leg was soaked with blood scared the rest of my family more than it hurt me--it didn't really hurt that badly. I am just very grateful that was the worst thing that happened. But I have lost eight pounds since this incident (no more Pepsi!), and hope to lose many more so I can be more of a help than a hindrance!

Easton and Kiana had great fun making up games to entertain themselves while we were working. Here they use the ubiquitous twine to 'go fishing' from the bed of the pickup. I love the things kids come up with when they use their imaginations and whatever they can find on hand.

Destry is growing up so much and is such a help. I think the excuse to drive the pickup is his favorite part of haying season.
Briana and I unloaded the bales from the rack to the elevator while Alan and Destry stacked them in the hayloft. Both jobs are taxing, but I'll take the rack any day over the hot, still hayloft!
As much as I appreciate this lifestyle, I also want to be careful not to romanticize it. There is a homesteading movement going on, and I hear many people talk about what a great life it would be and I hear and read of people jumping into it without planning or foreknowledge. It is hard work. We don't have a 'real' farm--it's just a hobby farm.

But even a hobby farm or a homestead requires hard work and is at the mercy of uncontrollable circumstances. It can be too wet--and it can be too dry. The seed you planted can be wasted money, or the hay you are counting on may get too wet and have to be burned off. Hogs you buy planning to feed out and butcher die and you lose that money. They get out of fences and root up the yard, requiring lots of time to get them back in and repair the yard and fence. Sheep get worms, foot rot. . .and just die for no apparent reason. A milk cow must be milked every single day--twice a day--and it might still get mastitis. Equipment breaks down and must be fixed. It doesn't matter if you have something else you would like to do. It doesn't matter if this is a convenient time to deal with animals getting out of enclosures, getting sick, or giving birth--you have to deal with it. You have to butcher the chickens when they are ready, whether you had other plans, or you think it's too hot, or you don't feel great. All farmers know the phrase "you make hay when the sun shines" and that is a truth I don't think one fully understands until they've made such a commitment.

I've heard people say things about loving to build fence. I can't help but think "seriously? That just lets me know you haven't built much fence." You might have built fence with someone a few times for the experience, but you haven't built it out of necessity--over, and over, and over--nor come up with the money for the supplies. It's the same way with baling hay. It's hard work. It might seem like fun if you just do it every once in a while, but when you spend several days baling the first cutting, knowing you'll do it again for the second cutting, and hoping the weather is good enough you might get a third cutting. . .then it's about a lifestyle and it's about doing what needs to be done.

Even when things are going well, there is constant maintenance to be done on buildings, equipment, soil, and fencing. You must plan ahead and always be prepared for the next season or the next potential crisis.

I enjoy having a milk cow. The milk tastes so good, I know where it comes from, and it is a great experience. But people need to know that a milk cow has some control over your life--you can't just run off and do whatever you want without planning ahead. You have to have a place to milk the cow, you have to scoop manure, you have to buy feed, you have to bale hay, and you might even want to grow corn to cut down on costs (which involves more time, work, and expense). You have to take care of jars and lids--not break the jars, not bend or dent the lids--and keep them clean and sterilized to preserve the milk. You have to skim the cream, and (if you don't want to be wasteful) make butter, sour cream, alfredo sauce, homemade ice cream. . .whatever it takes to be a good steward. The same is true with the milk--when she is producing more milk than you can drink, that creates more work as you learn other ways to use it. It's nice to have these fresh products, and it's even fun to learn how to do it. But when it comes down to it, there are days I make butter and cheese just because it needs to be done--the novelty has worn off.

Am I complaining? No, don't think that. I'm just trying to present a real picture and perhaps remove some rose-colored glasses for those who have romanticized the country life. It's a good life. In many ways, it is a simple life, because one is more in tune with creation and the times and seasons. But it's not something to just casually jump into, or even to presume to say you know how to do it if you never have. That's almost an insult to those who live it day in and day out. And I say that, knowing that my pathetic little experience is even an insult to those who have 'real' farms that they have made a living from for years and years.

A Bit of an Update. . .

but don't get too excited!

Here is what I know:

Crystal had her baby boy Sunday afternoon (July 25). He is 'perfect' and weighed seven pounds. She sent him home with the adoption lawyer this afternoon when she was discharged from the hospital, and says she is intent on making an adoption plan, but didn't sign the consent papers and is still not 100% sure what family she wants to parent him. I am expecting a call from her tonight or in the morning with more questions (and she has some GOOD ones!).

So. . .we are still filled with uncertainty and we are still waiting.

Such an interesting place to be. . .

At first, I just felt torn in a million directions. Praying for her, praying for the baby, praying for God's will to be done, wondering what to do about boy clothes if we need to leave right away, should I pack (oh, but I dreaded unpacking again--that was NOT fun!), how can I make plans for childcare at a moment's notice for the other kids, what all do I need to take, how much are plane tickets, when are there flights and where should we fly out of. . .

But now it's been two days of just waiting and truly trusting the Lord and having peace that things will work out as they are supposed to and there's just nothing I can do about it. So, we went to the Bible study for two days, had lots of fellowship and spiritual food, and just some perspective.

So, we'll see. What an interesting journey the Lord is taking us on this time!

No Way to Plan

Well, Crystal is having her baby today, it's pretty certain. But she's still hesitant about an adoption plan, so we are sitting tight, once again (you guessed it) WAITING.

Waiting to see if she has the baby and how they are doing.
Waiting to see if she chooses to make an adoption plan.
Waiting to see if she chooses our family.
Waiting to see if she signs the papers.
Waiting to see if we need to pack, make flight arrangements, childcare arrangements, etc.

We have been planning to go to an intense Bible study next week. Will we go, or won't we? I look forward to either option, whether it involves flying to Florida to pick up my new son or if it involves a time of spiritual growth and fellowship. But I feel stuck in limbo, uncertain which outcome to plan for.

I have absolutely no idea.

But I'm praying for Crystal, that her delivery would be safe. I'm praying for the baby to be safe and healthy. I'm praying for Crystal to have discernment and peace with whatever decision she makes. Join me, hmmmm?

One of Many Reasons Why

Last night we had Casey's pizza and watched a movie, Invictus. We really enjoyed it, and stopped the movie at least three times to talk about points.

I lay in bed afterward thinking about Crystal's question "Why do you homeschool?" There are so many reasons we live this lifestyle, and each reason is multifaceted. I can't imagine having to write an essay on all the reasons and the layers within them. But our evening watching and discussing that movie made me reflect on just one of them.

The movie, as you may know, is about Nelson Mandela's presidency of South Africa as the apartheid ended (did you have to look that word up? We did--we stopped the movie to haul out the dictionary and look it up! I had heard it before, but didn't know exactly what it meant).

As the plot unfolded and we could see the racial tensions, Briana and Destry started talking about Prince Henry the Navigator and how he started the slave trading and the white colonization of South Africa back in the early 1400s. Then they talked about David Livingstone and how South Africa was the entry he used into the African continent to share the gospel. And when the rugby team from New Zealand did their little war dance, we had to reminisce about our studies of the Maori and how much fun we had (do you remember their Maori snowman they made?)

This is one of the reasons I homeschool. I don't have to teach to a test, I am not limited to state or (let us not go this route--but the writing is on the wall) national standards. When they study something, they don't just read a sentence in a text, memorize a date for a test, and then forget about it. We have delved into Prince Henry, David Livingstone, and the Maori people--and my children remember it. More than that, they can apply that knowledge. They connected the dots, all on their own, and saw how history from the early 1300s, 1400s and 1800s influenced our recent history of the 1990s. They saw how history affects the future; they saw that decisions made today will have consequences.

This is one of my goals and reasons for homeschooling. I want my children to love learning, to apply what they have learned, and to connect the dots between causes and effects. I want them to see the big picture, to realize this life is not about them--but that it's about living for the Lord and being aware of the influence our life can make.

Next on our agenda--read the poem Invictus and read biographies about Nelson Mandela.

Nerve Wracking

I spent an hour on the phone today with Crystal, a birthmother who is considering our family as she makes an adoption plan for her son who is due around July 29.

She seems very nice, articulate, and organized. She had a list of questions prepared for me that made me feel as if I were being interviewed--as indeed, I suppose I was! I know it's not about me, and I shouldn't have been nervous, but I felt very nervous anyway. She definitely loves her baby and wants the very best for him and she's going to do all in her power to make sure he ends up in a safe and loving home.

Here is an example of some of the questions I remember her asking

• How would extended family accept a brown baby?
• How will you handle racist comments from people?
• How do you discipline your children?
• Why do you homeschool? If your children wanted to go to school, what would you do?
• What kinds of opportunities are they offered with homeschooling, and do they get to take classes and do things with other kids?
• Do you have a pond/pool? Are you CPR certified?
• If you’re home with your kids all the time, what do you do for yourself/when you need to get away?
• What is your religion?
• Why do you want another child?
• What kind of interaction do you expect during the adoption process?

All these questions, of course, are well within her right to ask as she is trying to do what is best for her son. So now we continue waiting to see if she chooses our family to parent her son. That's just the way this adoption journey is going--be prepared at all times, and then wait! I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but I really liked her as I visited with her, and it's exciting to think he will soon be born. Please be praying that God's will is done and for Crystal as she makes this difficult decision.

Motivation

"What motivates me?" asked the leader of a Bible study this last Sunday as we were discussing spiritual growth.

We have a responsibility as fellow believers to motivate one another, to incite one another to love and to do good. In order to effectively motivate, we must know one another well enough to know what motivates our fellow believers.

Hebrews 10:24 says "And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works" or in the NIV "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."

The only other time this Greek word for 'provoke' or 'spur' is used in the New Testament is in Acts 15:39 where the KJV translates it as 'the contention was so sharp between them'. So, this is a really strong word--we're not just to suggest or encourage someone to do what is right--it has a stronger connotation than that.

Different personalities require different motivations. Some are inspired to do good deeds by seeing others do good deeds--while their counterparts might get lazy thinking it's already done or intimidated that others are doing it better than they could. Some are motivated by words of affirmation and/or rebuke, while others are offended or hurt by similar words.

I can't help but also think of the opposite of motivation. What discourages me? The more I think about these things, the more I think a healthy body of believers would endeavor to know both what motivates and what discourages each member in their spiritual walk and then make a point to employ the motivational techniques and avoid those that discourage as the body 'grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work' (Ephesians 4:16).

As for me, I am motivated by words of affirmation, for sure, as well as a challenge to learn and grow. I am encouraged when invited to share in something. So if you see my spiritual walk faltering, invite me to study the Bible with you or join you in serving someone, or ask me to discuss a challenging Bible question (so I will be prompted to get back in the Word like I need to be!). I am discouraged by criticism/critical spirits and similar attacks to which I react defensively rather than being prompted to love and do good works.

How about you? What can your Christian brothers and sisters do to spur you on toward love and good deeds? And what should we avoid doing that may lead you to stumble?

Immaturity

We've had the opportunity to be involved in some outstanding Bible studies recently that have been prompting a lot of thought and self-evaluation. One lesson was about spiritual growth, and the leader of the study mentioned, almost as an aside, that he sees three areas in which spiritual immaturity is evidenced. This was not the main point of his message, but my brain got hung up here, and I have really been meditating on some of these points.

Spiritual Immaturity is evidenced by:

1. Carnality. I Corinthians 3:1-3 talks about infants in Christ being worldly and getting bogged down in jealousy and quarreling. In Philippians 3:15-21 Paul cautions Christians not to have confidence in the flesh, and observes that instead of being mature "their mind is on earthly things." This makes me think of so many things that tempt us to think about the flesh, to fulfill self, to focus on this life here and now. . .I even think of entertainment as someone recently said "the purpose of entertainment is to keep us from thinking about God." Now, I'm one who enjoys reading, watching movies, sports, and playing games--but when I thought about it as just distracting us from our purpose as a Christian. . .that really makes me stop and think!
   
2. Ignorance of the Scripture. Hebrews 5:12-6:2 talks about those who need milk, not solid food, which is for the mature "who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil" and are ready to move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ. Constant use. . .I would sure know the Scriptures better if I used them constantly!
   
3. Instability. Ephesians 4:14-15 tells us not to be children who are tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine, but to *grow up* into Christ in all things and II John 9 cautions us not to run ahead but to continue in the teaching of Christ. It's so tempting sometimes to have 'itching ears' and seek out those teachers or books that tell us what we want to hear or have a new idea instead of loving the Truth and continuing in the teaching of Christ. I think of Balaam, famous for his talking donkey. God gave him clear direction. . .but Balaam didn't like what God said. So he asked again, like a child asking for something again, or going to the other parent, hoping for a different answer. He certainly showed immaturity, both by his carnal greed and by essentially saying "I don't like what God says--how can I find a way around it?"

These points were very convicting to me, and as I look at myself and compare with God's Word, I see plenty of room to "grow up into Christ."

Why They Need Both Mommy and Daddy

Destry has been working on farm implements with Alan quite a bit this summer. As a result, he builds replicas with his Legos. Here he made a mowing machine complete with a sickle, PTO shaft, and Pitman stick.

He showed it to me and I said "That's really cool, Destry."
Then he showed it to his dad. Alan immediately started to move it across the table while saying "ch-k, ch-k, ch-k, ch-k."

Then he had to examine it closely to figure out how all the parts worked and they played around refining some pieces.
That is just one of the many reasons God's plan is for boys to have both a mommy and a daddy. I have never in my life been tempted to pick up a Lego creation and drive it while making sounds--you know, PLAY with it.

Confession Time

I have three confessions to make today. They involve parenting and homeschooling. I could confess many more shortcomings, of course, but I have chosen to reveal only three of them for now.

1) I am tired of my children practicing instruments. I have not revamped our daily schedule since Briana and Destry began piano lessons, and I just can't figure out a good time of day for them to practice piano. Destry practices his violin every morning from 8 to 8:30 and that works out pretty well. But they have to take turns on the piano, and if they do it in the morning, it seems to mess the whole day up and I feel behind. The sound of wrong notes makes my ears hurt, my blood pressure rise, and simply puts me on edge and makes me irritable. Add to that, Mrs. Twila is moving them along at an incredible pace, so they each think they need to practice for an hour. Oh, and did I mention they enjoy it? So sometimes, at random points throughout the day, they practice AGAIN!!

2) I don't particularly enjoy Tolkien. I thought I did--it's been years since I read his books--and I purchased an incredible literature guide for The Lord of the Rings series. The guide is outstanding, it will teach them more than a hundred literary terms, and they will write many essays and other excellent opportunities. I was so looking forward to this literature unit and enjoying it with the children, but I'm reading The Hobbit right now and it's like taking medicine. Maybe it will get better???

3) I am tired of math. I enjoyed math in school and took every class--Algebra I and II, Geometry, Trigonometry, Analytic Geometry and Math Analysis in addition to Statistics and Calculus in college. But now I'm tired of it--and research says math is the weakest subject for homeschoolers, so I have long been determined to stay with my children in this subject. I watch every new lesson with them, look over what they are doing to make sure they understand it, and personally grade not only all their tests, but most of their daily lessons (although they sometimes switch papers and check one another). I am tired of pages piling up that need graded and I am tired of sitting down and remembering how to work with binomials, polynomials, square roots, slope-intercept, and volume and surface area.

Well, that's enough sharing for one day. Sometimes parenting and homeschooling just isn't about me and what I enjoy, now is it? And don't worry--I'm not letting my bad attitude rub off on the kiddos. They're still practicing instruments, we're still going to have fun with Tolkien, and I will continue keeping up with Algebra and Geometry (even if it kills me!). I bet that was three things you didn't know about me before, hmmm?

Alice Clips

Here is Briana, about to fall down the rabbit hole. This song is an example of the strange sounds of the music from this musical. Briana gets to do a little dance with her daddy, then I stopped recording before she did a cool little number with the whole chorus.



Here is Alan's first solo. I didn't get a good video of Briana's solo--sorry about that!



Here is Alan's second solo (if you want to call it a solo! chuckle). The girl who played the role of the Duchess was really good.



Here is one of the scenes with multiple Alices. The Cheshire Cat did an amazing job, too!


Here is the finale of the musical. Sorry the lighting is so terrible!! You can see Alan stage left with his cook's hat on, and Briana is the Alice to stage right.

It really was a fun musical, and I'm sure it will always be a memory Briana and Alan will treasure.

Acting Fun

Briana as Alice in the beginning listening to her sister read her a story before she falls down the hole.

When we heard the Kirksville Parks and Recreation Department was putting on a performance of Alice in Wonderland, Briana desperately wanted to try out. She loves the book, has read it twice, and she simply loves acting. So, she talked Alan into trying out with her, and they spent several weeks this summer learning lines and rehearsing. The performances were this last weekend, and I've had a couple requests to share pictures and video, so that's the purpose of this post.Briana as Alice when she first falls down the hole and meets the 'late' rabbit

Three different actors portrayed the character of Alice. Briana was the original Alice, but when she started drinking from bottles and eating strange foods, the actress changed to portray shorter and taller Alices. At times (because it was Wonderland, afterall!!) all three Alices took the stage together.

She wouldn't fit through the little door, so she tried a drink from the talking bottles.
Alan had two different roles, in addition to being a member of the chorus. Below, he is a mouse (far left) who is hanging out with a dodo bird, a duck, and a turtle.
At another time, he was a cook who sprinkled pepper on a baby everytime it cried.
I'm having a hard time uploading the videos, so I'll try another post tomorrow for your viewing pleasure. It's kind of fun--Briana is on the front page of the Tuesday edition of the Kirksville Daily Express. Check it out if you have access--it's a great picture! I'm going to have to figure out how to get some copies for family and her scrapbook.

It's That Time

I recently finished Barbara Shelton's monster of a book on how to home school high school, Senior High: A Home-Designed Formula.

I feel:

refreshed by the reading and a renewed focus

overwhelmed by what all I want/need to do

inspired by her vision and the many possibilities

motivated to seek the Lord and give my very best to my children these last few years

scared of messing up this most important task of my life

excited to learn along with them and see what God does with their lives

nervous about how to do this and how ill-equipped I am

pumped about planning

reassured that God equips us for the task

Our Baseball Season

"He's just an all-around good ball player," one of Destry's past coaches said to me after one of his ballgames this season.
I've been thinking about this statement, and as much as I (as his mother!) should probably just agree with it, the truth is, I don't think it's an accurate statement. Some people truly are just natural baseball players. They play effortlessly--as if they had a magnet in their glove and the ball were made of steel. Without even trying, they stick their glove off to the side when a hard-hit grounder bounces across the field and they just scoop the ball up as naturally as I breath.

But that's not my son.

He played several positions this year--pitcher, left field, catcher and shortstop. And he played each of these positions well. But here's my perception: his coaches like him because he works hard and he respectfully listens to them.
When he pitches, you don't have to worry about a 'walkfest' because he concentrates on putting the ball in the strike zone. It doesn't matter if he's tired or hot, he digs down deep to throw the ball where it needs to be. When the coach tells him where to throw the ball, he places it exactly where he's told. He doesn't question the coach's judgment, he doesn't get all cocky and think he knows best, he respects the coach and follows his direction. When the count is 0-2, for example, and the coach says throw it at eye level because the batter will be protecting the plate, he'll swing, and he's likely to miss. . .well, that's what Destry does. He doesn't complain about wearing the catcher's gear when it's hot and he's already caught several innings. He strives to catch every ball, and loves to get runners out as they attempt to steal a base.

Mike, his coach this year, thanked him for playing as we were leaving our last game Friday evening. "I appreciate the way you have hustled all season," he said. "It didn't matter if we were winning or losing, or if it was the first inning or the last, you always hustle and I like to see that."Destry took a hard hit from a wild pitch while batting last year, and his batting really suffered as a result. He worked hard and overcame the fear of the ball this year and had some good hits, including doubles and triples.

Courage. Respect. Perseverance. Hard work. Enthusiasm. Diligence.

I've had seasons with Destry when I despaired of him developing the character traits I so desperately wanted him to have. He's a lot like me, so of course I see the character flaws in him that I don't like about myself and we tend to butt heads. But through this ball season, I have seen some good character traits that encourage me and give me hope for the young man God is shaping him to be. I'm glad he decided to play.

Little Princess?

I love to see Easton and Kiana play together. Easton can be such a little gentleman with his little sister--helping her, offering her drinks and snacks. . .and yes, pulling her around in the little red wagon. He figured out how to hitch the wagon up to his little tractor and told her to 'sit in it and I'll pull you!' She has the Homecoming-Parade-wave down at the ripe ole age of two!
I've mentioned before, however, that my lil princess is not a CLEAN princess! She gets dirty eating, playing, and just breathing I am afraid. When we arrived at the ballgame she was all cute in her little dress. An hour later, however. . .but she still has the "I'm cute" shrug going on.

Then she got busted for sitting on the table. I guess princesses think they can get the preschool activities off the shelf without asking and climb up on the table to 'do school'.
Another day, she wanted a rice krispie bar. She climbed up all by herself. She thought she could cut a bar all by herself (notice she is holding the table knife upside down!). I think two-year-olds are so much fun!!

Black in White

I've not experienced judgment or criticism for adopting transracially yet. I wondered, back when we were on our first adoption journey, how our small, rural (white) community would react if we adopted a child of African American, Hispanic, or Asian heritage. The few locals we talked to about it had favorable responses, and since we've adopted Kiana, I've observed nothing but acceptance of her as a member of our family and community. Indeed, our little girl has the most crowded little finger I've ever seen as the entire community seems to be wrapped around that little finger! Our librarian reads her books at her every request, moms at Destry's ballgames bribe her with candy to come and talk to them, and all my friends adore her.

In fact, as I reflect back over the last nearly three years, I can remember only one incident that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It was very recently.

We were at one of Destry's ballgames, and a man standing behind me talked incessantly. I had never met him before, but to be perfectly honest, after listening to him go on for about an hour, I found him rather annoying. He barely stopped to breath in his jabbering, his conversation was mostly negative, and was liberally sprinkled with language I don't appreciate hearing at all, much less at a children's ballgame.

His young married daughter and her husband were showing their cute little black puppy to Easton and Kiana who were, of course, delighted. After some time, the daughter offered the puppy to her dad saying "Here, do you want to hold your 'grandson'?" The man replied "What would I want with a N. . .", then reached out and took the dog.

Shortly after this, I read Kevin Hofmann's book, Growing Up Black in White. You may remember my post awhile back when I discovered his blog.

Kevin was adopted as a young boy in Detroit where racial conflict was a daily experience. Some hater, in fact, burned a cross in his family's yard when he was still an infant, and their church refused to accept that the family had adopted a Black boy. As a result, his family took such drastic measures as to move to a predominantly Black neighborhood where they would become the 'minority' and their son could develop security and identity in his ethnic heritage. This autobiographical book is quite interesting for those touched by transracial adoption, and it has opened my eyes in many ways.

I have to admit I was distracted by the typing/spelling and grammatical errors. If he publishes a second edition, I am tempted to email him and ask if I can edit/proof it first, because it was pretty bad. (chuckle) He also switched between past and present tense in a way that kept the book from flowing smoothly.

Having said that, it is still a book worth reading and I appreciate his candidness. He doesn't paint a rosy, happy, happy, joy, joy picture of adoption in general or transracial adoption--but then, that's just life, isn't it? Our choices have consequences, and sometimes those consequences involve sacrifice. This book raised my awareness level, and revealed some areas I need to be especially diligent about. I especially was reminded that we need to instill in Kiana a strong sense of her personal identity in God, her identity in her family, and her identity in who God made her to be to equip her for the challenges of life.

I can't help but wonder, as I ponder this book, what might Kiana say 30 years down the road? What sort of autobiographical book would she write to families who are navigating a similar road? Will she see us stand up to ignorance and racism on her behalf? I can't help but feel we might have failed her at that ballgame. I was sitting behind Alan in the bleachers, and I saw his shoulders stiffen in my peripheral vision as I whipped my head around to give the man an arched-eyebrow "EXCUSE ME?!" look. But that's all. Some situations might be more appropriate than others to say something--I don't know. But I feel more prepared for 'next time'--and sadly, even as I see and hope that our society is doing better in this regard, I expect there may very well be a 'next time'.

What do you think we should have done/said? Anything?

Partial Cornrows

I just had to post a couple pictures of this hairstyle because I think it is so cute. It looks much better in person than it does in the photos, because I am not a very good photographer! But this will give you the idea, and allow me to keep a record.

I am thinking about adding a page of different hairstyles. It's been very helpful to me, as an adoptive mother, to look at things other people have done, so perhaps my hair journey could help someone else. I also think it would be nice to have several different styles we know how to do in one place so when it's "Hair Day" and I feel out of ideas, I could look back and see what I can do! This style has several benefits. For one, I get to see her beautiful curls instead of having all her hair in braids, yet her hair is out of her face and looks cute and styled. This is also a great style for someone like me who is still learning how to do cornrows--I didn't have to do her whole head, but am still getting some practice!

To complete this style, I just parted a line from ear to ear, then divided the front section into nine rows and cornrowed each section back to the line, secured it with a small band, and clipped it with a pretty little clip. My cornrows aren't very straight, and her hair is very thin (esp along the hairline) so it's difficult with so little hair to work with. They've been in for a little over a week and are getting pretty fuzzy, so I think we'll take them out tomorrow and change styles. If anyone has any tips to keep cornrows from getting fuzzy, please share!!

A Follow-Up

Well, I finished A Thousand Splendid Suns yesterday(Khaled's Hosseini's follow-up to The Kite Runner) and it was a good book. Not nearly so powerful, not nearly so well-written, but a good book. It's definitely worth reading, especially for a woman to imagine living as an object and servant under a burqa.

I can't imagine being stripped of my individuality, independence, and DIGNITY as the women in this book were. I can't imagine being 'one of' the wives. I can't imagine telling my daughter "There is only one skill a woman like you and me needs in life. . .only one skill. And it's this: endure. . .It's our lot in life. We endure. It's all we have" (18).

Another awareness-raising concept from this book is that of the effects of war. It opened my eyes (a little--I truly can't imagine it!) to what it would be like to be living in relative comfort and have those everyday conveniences ravaged by war. The author vividly describes losing loved ones to rockets randomly fired upon a city, the viciousness that possesses men under such circumstances, and the uncertainty of living in the chaos for years.

This book was worth reading, but I never need to read it again. The Kite Runner, on the other hand, is one I will definitely re-read.