My One Word: Savor

After reading My One Word, I settled on "savor" as my word to focus on in 2016.  It really isn't the word I thought I would choose.  I narrowed my list of sixteen down to three words, benefit, free, and savor, and continued reflecting on them.  I found many, many verses in the Bible that related to benefit and free, and few verses came to mind as I thought about "savor". But as I thought about WHO I want to be and HOW I want to be, as the book instructed, the word savor just resonated with where I am right now.

Savor means:
taste and enjoy it completely,
enjoy or appreciate completely, especially by dwelling on it
to delight in

 As I considered my goals for 2016, I knew I wanted to do better at savoring the Lord.  "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!  Blessed is the man (or woman) who takes refuge in Him."  Psalm 34:8

I want to be more consistent in spending time in the Word, to desire it, to relish and savor it, to hunger and thirst for it.

I want to "set my mind" on the things of God, first and foremost.  I remembered that Jesus rebuked Peter (in Matthew 16:23) for not savoring the things of God.  As I looked up the Greek word there, I saw that it can be translated "to exercise the mind, entertain, be mentally disposed to, set affection on, savor, think."

This leads to other areas I need to savor.  I want to better savor and appreciate my husband and our relationship.  It's a busy season, and it's easy to take him for granted.  I am purposing to enjoy him.

I want to savor this season, even in all its busyness and the many challenges that come with it.  This is Destry's last year at home.  Having an 18-year-old son is challenging, but it won't be long and he'll be out on his own.  I need to savor this last period of time I have with him.  Aryana is my last baby.  It's an exhausting season, trying to homeschool with a busy little one-year-old who is into everything and needs constant training, but it won't be long and she'll be a big kid too.  I want to delight in her antics and innocent joy.  I even need to be better at enjoying homeschooling in general.  It can become wearying, day in and day out, with fifteen years behind me and looking at seventeen more ahead of me.  But one aspect of this word "savor" seems to carry with it a sense of contentment and gratitude.  It's a choice, choosing joy, choosing to savor the moments.

I even found the word "savor" to complement my desire to get healthier this year.  I've made some changes in my diet (no Pepsi so far this year!), am implementing more exercise, and I've lost ten pounds.  I have many more to go, but I am trying to replace this idol of food in my life with more appropriate savoring--or cravings.  I am learning that I can actually enjoy and savor food more when I'm making wiser choices.  Hunger is, after all, the best seasoning.  I want to make the best of this stage of my life.  I'm not getting any younger, and I might as well feel the best that I can feel now.

I'm looking forward to seeing what I learn and how I grow this year by focusing on savoring in these areas.  I am tucking little reminders around my home to remind me to SAVOR, and I hope to journal throughout the year about how focusing on this word and attitude affect me.

He Is Faithful; He Will Do It

I love the idea of recording lessons the Lord is teaching me as "stones of remembrance" to remind me how faithful He has been in the past and thus how faithful He surely will be in the future.

He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.  I Thessalonians 5:24
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.  Hebrews 10:23

I've experienced a series of events recently which led to my realization of how the Lord is working in my life these last couple years and I don't want to forget this lesson.

I had the opportunity to attend a Ladies' Day a couple weeks ago where the topic was about recognizing and using our gifts.  The day was quite practical in nature and the teachers asked us to examine our own gifts and also to help one another identify her gifts.  Most of my gifts, unsurprisingly, involved people. I came away challenged and inspired to exercise my gifts of encouraging people, mentoring younger women, teaching and studying the Bible with ladies, and creating or taking advantage of opportunities to rally a group of people to study, serve others, or work together.

Frankly, as the next couple days passed, I became more discouraged than inspired.  I felt like I wasn't using my gifts; I felt like in some ways wasn't even being allowed to use those gifts.

So I spent an afternoon studying and praying.  I read Romans 12 and the admonition in verse 6 that as we each have gifts given to us, "let us use them".  I personalized passages in my journal like the following:

Ephesians 2:10--I am created for good works which God prepared beforehand for me to walk in.
I Peter 4:10-11--As I have received a gift, I must use it to serve others.  My gifts are provided by God's supply and are for God's glory through Jesus.

As I continued studying and meditating, I realized the Lord has provided opportunities to use my gifts, even if I'm not using them in quite the same way or with the same people I've used them in the past. Some of the opportunities He has been providing for me include:

• I was invited to study the life of Mary, the mother of Jesus, and share what I learned with a group of ladies at a Ladies' Day in Kansas City back in October.
• It has been two years since two younger women asked me to teach them how to use freezer cooking in the managing of their homes.  In that time, more and more ladies have popped in and out of our freezer cooking days until I've had the privilege of developing friendships with at least seven younger women.  Our time together includes many life discussions such as budgeting, child rearing, marriage, faith walk, etc. and we have all been richly blessed by our time together.
• I've had opportunities to gather several women from my homeschooling community in Bible studies and book discussions as well as joint efforts in educating our children.
• As my husband served as president of the board for the local crisis pregnancy center, he enlisted my aid in organizing their first banquet fundraiser, rounding up people to host tables and invite others, taking care of advertising and promotion, and behind-the-scenes organization.

I wasn't out looking for any of these opportunities, and didn't really even think of them as "using my gifts".  But the Lord provided the right set of circumstances for my gifts to be used even when I was feeling stifled.  I realized the Lord is not limited by human weaknesses, but will use us in His way and in His timing.

Thanks?

Have you ever had someone pay you a "compliment", give you "encouragement", that felt more like a criticism, certainly of your past self? Some people need to learn how to apologize.  Others need to learn how to encourage.

Let's say, for example, that someone says:

"Wow, you're looking good.  You've lost a lot of weight and I can see that you've been working at that.  Because you used to be so fat!"

That exact situation didn't happen to me, but it was comparable.

Ummmmm. . . .
Thanks?

Isolation

There are seasons that are just isolating, don't you think?

I find the baby season to be rather isolating.  I can get in survival mode, so tired from getting up in the night multiple times, drowning in feedings and diaper changes, watching everyone else seem to have their act together while I'm trying to get to know this new baby and make the needed adjustments to the dynamics of a growing family.  It can feel like no one else is there with me, like no one else quite understands what's going on in the day-to-day.

A season of sickness can also be isolating.  When there are eight people taking turns with a virus, I don't get to go anywhere and there certainly isn't anyone coming around.  If I'm sick, I don't feel like going anywhere or being with anyone, yet the enforced seclusion feels isolating at the same time.

Right now I'm in another season that feels rather isolating.  This season of launching arrows has found me retreating.  I have this haunting fear of failure.  What if they don't choose well?  What if they make mistakes that have far-reaching consequences?

What's that, you say?  This is not about me, but about them?  Oooh, yes, that ugly pride of mine rears its ugly head yet again.

Sometimes I look at a child and worry that there might be more character flaws than character strengths (critical eye--another ugly trait I struggle with).  I dwell in the "coulda, shoulda, wouldas".  It's isolating because I want to protect the reputation of my children so I don't feel like I can share with others, so I cry and pray and try not to worry.  Some mamas have walked this path before me, falling back and praying while their child makes his or her own way, sometimes stumbling, sometimes striding confidently forward.

I listen to plans and dreams and think "What?!  That was NOT in my plan at all!"

I guess it's not about MY plan either, now is it?  It's not my plan, and it's not just my story.

My story is that God is teaching me, yet again, to trust Him, to walk with Him.
Growing pains.

I find that when there are seasons that remove me a little bit from people, those same seasons move me closer to God.

Secret Shopper, Covert Congregant

You know how there are people whose job it is to pose as a shopper and evaluate a store for their customer service, displays, cleanliness, pricing, etc.?

I'm thinking it would be interesting to do this for church congregations.  I've thought this for a long time, and especially so since we moved to a different state (and thus a different congregation) about 3 1/2 years ago.  I'm something of an anthropologist anyway--I love to study humans and try to figure out what makes them tick.  Wouldn't it be valuable for the leaders of a congregation to have someone come in "from outside" to evaluate their congregation?  Sometimes we are just too close to a situation to see what's right in front of our faces, we're in a rut, we have preconceived ideas.  But a fresh perspective can be very revealing of both strengths and weaknesses.

I was talking with a friend of mine not long ago who is traveling all over the United States with her husband's job these days.  She was talking about something similar, about how she comes into a city for a short time (from several weeks to a few months) and they visit various churches trying to find a place they can worship, serve, and get plugged in while they are there.  She commented how they can quickly learn much about a congregation in just a few visits, and how hard it is to find a "healthy church."

Intrigued, I asked her what they're looking for in a "healthy" church.  She responded with the following criteria, which I am expanding on slightly:

• They are in the Word.  The sermons are based on the Word and liberally sprinkled with Scripture.  They aren't just about fluff and entertainment, jokes and TV clips.
• They are loving and welcoming. They welcome visitors and don't leave visitors with a sense that the congregation itself is close, but that there is no room for anyone else.
• They are serving, both one another and the community.
• They are outward focused.  They have a strong core of who they are as a congregation, and then they serve outward, doing stuff that's not "program-y" but that meets needs in the area.
• It's their family.  Not that they are exclusive, as mentioned above, (or all biologically related) but that they see one another as their family.
• You sense that they WANT to be there, they aren't just checking a box.
• They practice hospitality.

Don't you wonder what a "covert congregant" would observe in your congregation?

Summer Watermelon Editing

The previous owners of our property raised amazing melons in this sandy soil--cantaloupe and watermelon--so we decided to raise some as well.  We had fun cutting it a new way like some new friends showed us.  And you know the children love the watermelon.  It's such a classic summer food, and along with sweet corn, it's the kind of food we seem to find necessary to take adorable pictures of children eating.

But you know a crazy thing. . .I subconsciously only took pictures of my white children eating the watermelon.

I am part of an online group which discusses transracial adoption, and the black people have been very vocal about us white adoptive parents not perpetuating stereotypes by dressing our black children in monkey or watermelon clothes, or taking pictures of our black children eating watermelon (especially on the rind) or fried chicken.

I have mixed feelings about this, and am still processing it (although I obviously have internalized it to some degree as I don't remember consciously choosing not to take pictures of Kiana or Tyrell with the watermelon--I only noticed it when looking back through the pictures).  Mostly I think it's sad that the innocence of childhood is tainted by ugly racial slurs and stereotypes.

I never thought of these sorts of things with my first three children.  Briana wore an adorable little summer dress with a watermelon collar.  I called Destry a monkey all the time as he climbed constantly--trees, the swingset, up on the roof. . .Adorable little monkey clothes were all the rage when Easton was a baby, so I have many pictures of him wearing monkey clothes.  We even had a monkey dress-up costume!  We love fried chicken and eat it frequently (hey, we raise our own chickens and frying it is the yummiest way to eat it) and watermelon is probably my favorite fruit, so most of my kids will look back on pictures of their childhood to see themselves making a mess eating such things.

But now I hesitate to take these pictures.  Just one of many things that never even crossed our minds when we adopted black children. . .

Fun Interviews

I participated in this little Facebook meme and the kids' answers were so fun, I want to save them.  It's really tempting to insert commentary, but I'm going to refrain.

Directions:
WITHOUT ANY prompting, ask your child and write down EXACTLY what they say. It is a great way to find out what they really think.

Easton--9, Kiana--7, Tyrell--4

1. What is something mom always says to you? E--Stop yelling, K--Do your school, T--Give me a hug

2. What makes mom happy? T--bring you flowers and kisses, E--get you a Pepsi, K--pop some popcorn for you
3. What makes mom sad? K--if I would die, E--when your leg hurts, T--If I did a bad thing
4. How does your mom make you laugh? (In unison--ha, ha, ha)--BY TICKLING
5. What was your mom like as a child? E--naughty, K--kind of good, T--I think you were good
6. How old is your mom? T--41 (wow, they all knew how old I am!)
7. How tall is your mom? T--about 15 feet, K--I think you're short, E--I think you're like 4 feet 11
8. What is her favorite thing to do? E--tickle or eat ice cream, K--cook, T--probably. . .go to the zoo
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? E--do fun stuff, K--buy us presents, T--lay on the couch and go to sleep or type on the computer
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? K--A ROCK STAR!!, E--your cooking, T--dancing at a party
11. What is your mom really good at? K--cooking!, T--typing and making supper, E--reading
12. What is your mom not very good at? K--making pancakes, E--running, T--doing cartwheels and headstands
13. What does your mom do for a job? E--school, and take care of us and cook some stuff, T--you just sit around and do nothing, K--watch over us
14.What is your mom's favorite food? E--ice cream, T--mushrooms and canadian bacon pizza, K--crab rangoon
15.What makes you proud of your mom? E--her cooking, K--by you loving us, T--when you hug us and kiss us
16. If your mom were a character, who would she be? K--Elsa, E--the Grinch, T--Little Red Riding Hood
17. What do you and your mom do together? K--cook, E--fun crafts, T--hug each other, give bear hugs, read books
18. How are you and your mom the same? E--we both like reading, K--we both like ice cream, T--we both have brown eyes
19. How are you and your mom different? K--my skin is sandy beach and yours is white, E--I like pickles and you don't, T--my skin is brown and yours is white
20. How do you know your mom loves you? K--because she tells me!, E--because you buys us ice cream, T--because she knows my heart
21. What does your mom like most about your dad? E--because he's handsome, K-because he gives you kisses (which is Guh-ROSS!), T--he hugs you and kisses you and takes care of you
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? E--Cardinal Corner, T--New York to see Misti, K--to your mom's house
23. How old was your Mom when you were born? T--1, K--40, E--33

Friendship and Travel

"I'm trying to explain myself, trying to make myself known.  
Because isn't that the point of every relationship:  
to be known by someone else, to be understood?  

He gets me.  She gets me.  Isn't that the simple magic phrase?" 

(Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn pg 29)

I copied that quote from a book I didn't particularly enjoy because it was the best passage and really resonated with me.  To be known--to be understood. . .well, that's just important to me, and frankly, it's rare.

Earlier this year I got to travel to New York to see just such a friend.  Even though we hadn't seen one another for nearly four years, she still gets me.

And dare I presume to say that I get her as well?

Some friendships are wonderful but based on external similarities, whether they be a stage in life or similar life choices.  Other friendships transcend such superficiality and are based on knowing the other person--recognizing who they are underneath the stages and life situations--and not just accepting but also genuinely liking that inner person.  It's somewhat scary to open oneself up to let another person see who we really are.  It makes us vulnerable as they might not like what they see.  It requires intimacy - "into me see".

Something I appreciate about this friendship is that we feel no need to put one another in a box.  Neither of us expects the other to make identical decisions and life choices.  Rather, we each expect the other to grow in her individual walk with the Lord.  We don't try to hold one another back but allow and even encourage the other to grow.  We give one another support, not critical judgement.

We went to New York City and had a wonderful day seeing all the tourist attractions, visiting with her friend, and riding the train, subway, ferry, trolley and in a taxi--not to mention all the walking.  We laughed our heads off over the downpour that drenched us on the trolley, giggled some more at our crazy adventures in Chinatown, and hooted and snorted with laughter while learning how to open doors.

"I'm as miserable as I've ever been!"

We visited attractions in the Hudson Bay area and met fascinating people.  We ate yummy food, saw beautiful scenery, and got to enjoy her kiddos together.  But my favorite part of the trip was simply spending time with her over pizza, driving down the road, and in the wee hours of the night (who needs sleep when grabbing a rare moment with a dear friend?!).

Sharing our hearts, thoughts, fears, dreams, struggles, and successes.

Reconnecting.  Understanding and being understood.

I do recognize and value this rare gift.

Traveling seems a good excuse to see one another.
Perhaps we should go to Europe next.  Or Australia.

Here's to Forty-One

I turned 41 yesterday.

Interestingly, I was asked if I wouldn't rather be turning 21.

I had an immediate and visceral negative response.  I have absolutely no desire to live the last 20 years over again.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been bad.  But it certainly hasn't been easy either.  I have experienced several trials beyond my control, made my fair share of mistakes, and grown exponentially in my walk with the Lord.  My 21-year-old self was much more idealistic and had to grow up in many ways and I don't care to experience that disappointment and disillusionment again in order to obtain that growth.  While I learned trust, peace, joy, perseverance, and contentment through times of uncertainty, pain, rejection, and struggle I am not voluntarily signing up to walk that road again. No, I'm definitely not longing to be 21 instead of 41.

As I've pondered this question, I realize the next 20 years will likely be just as challenging, if not even more so.

I might lose a child or children to death.  Even worse, I could have a prodigal child (or children).  I could lose my husband to death or disease.  I myself might receive a scary diagnosis.  Almost certainly, I will go through menopause in that time span. (Yikes!)  I could go off my rocker, leave my faith and family, and run off with some guy like so many women do, forgetting one of the lessons I've learned:  there is no such thing as Mr. Perfect.  Our parents will continue to age--and thus far, they have not been the sort to age graciously and selflessly, nor in godly wisdom.

Lord willing, I will become a grandma in this time.  How fun!  Yet I suspect watching my children parent will be a challenge in and of itself.  I assume I will spend 18 of the next 20 years educating the rest of my children at home (for a grand total of 31 years of home education!  gulp!)  I expect to make new friends, to grow in current relationships, and to encounter struggles in relationships.  On a larger scale, I wonder what it will be like to see how the church is affected by the next 20 years, and how our nation changes in the next 20 years.

So even as I realize this next season will have challenges of its own, I prefer to move forward through those challenges, anticipating further growth and a closer walk with my Lord.  I don't idolize youth, and I don't wish to go backward in this growth process.

Onward and Upward!
Further Up and Further In!

Too Full

Have you ever had your heart so full, so absolutely stuffed with the Lord's working that you can't even express it?

That's where I am this week.  I can hardly process it, let alone express it.  It's percolating.  Hopefully next week I will have some time to sit down and work through it with words.

I've Gone to Find Myself

Some seasons of life are complicated.  I think most of us would agree that being a teenager qualifies as one of those seasons.  For some reason, even as those of us past that age easily realize that figuring out who you are and what you are going to do with your life is an ongoing journey, some teenagers (probably those who have perfectionist tendencies) feel a burden to figure it all out and NOW.

My 16-year-old son has recently been sharing a quote he gets a kick out of mocking: 

"I've gone to find myself.  If I get back before I return, please keep me here."

This is irony at its finest as I'm striving for patience (and frequently failing) while walking with him through this season of his introspection and self-criticism. 

I love this quote Laura shared on her Outnumbered Mom blog and need to keep it for further reference and instruction:

“Unless introspection is accompanied…by an equal passion for the good life, it all too easily degenerates into a spineless, narcissistic fascination with our own sin and weakness.”

--W.H. Auden

There is some serious wisdom to ponder--and act upon--today.

Keeping it Real: Intentionality

I aspire to be intentional.  I really do.

But lately I feel like life is just happening to me.

Do you ever feel like that?  I feel like I'm just surviving each day.

There are books I want to read with my older kids and books I want to read with my little kids.  There are Scriptures I want to share with each of them in their different stages, recipes I would like to try, piles I would like to find homes for, people I would like to get to know better, to have in my home.

But the days keep slipping by without me getting them done.

There are character issues I need to address with my little ones, character issues I need to address with my older kiddos, character issues I need to address in myself.

I would like to help my older kids learn a few more academic things we haven't gotten to yet and Briana is graduating in a few short months.  I would like to be more purposeful in preparing her to manage a home someday.  I need to be more intentional in guiding and nurturing the relationships my children, especially my younger children, have with one another.

I read a great blog post about a woman who is claiming this word as her word for the year.  I am tempted to copy her.

For Real Friday

I had too much fun first reading Laura's blog today, and then popping over to her friend's "For Real" post to read of a mom who couldn't remember the last time she had bathed her child.  It made me laugh and like this total stranger, so I thought I would turn today's (this week's??) funk into a For Real post as well.

FOR REAL:

• I stayed up past 1 am two nights this week to re-read The Hunger Games trilogy.  Why?  I don't know.  I realize it's pointless, they were fine to read once but twice?  really?  It's just such an interesting alternate universe and it sucks me in. . .
• My daughter stayed up past 11 pm two nights this week also reading The Hunger Games which irritated me mightily because she was tired and slow-moving the next morning.  (Because I, of course, would never do that!)
• I'm feeling kind of tired and crabby the last couple days (what? you think that's related to the above?  pschaw!)
• I still don't feel like I have any friends in this church congregation.  Sometimes I think it's my problem.  Most of the time I think it's everyone else's.  (hey, we're being real here, right?!)
• Sometimes on Sundays this song won't leave my head.  I'm just not a fan of big smiles, hearty handshakes, backslapping, and shallow conversations about nothing week after week.  Yet I'm tired of inviting people over, trying to get below the surface, and it just makes me feel lonely.
• I want to have a really fun New Year's Eve party this year.  It's my favorite excuse for a fun party with friends and silliness and laughs.  And I'm trying to justify inviting people I have the most fun with instead of thinking about my kids and who they would have the most fun with.  But we'll probably end up going where my teens will have a good time again this year.
• I picked a fight with my husband this week because he paid the homeowner's and auto insurance bill and the amount of it made me annoyed.  As if he's the one who chose the amount.  (You know we have two teen drivers, right?)
• When my teenaged son is in a bad mood or we are having a little rift in our relationship, I can always make him laugh by making a farting sound with my mouth.   Then he tells me I'm the weirdest mom ever.  But at least he's smiling at me when he says it.
• I think the worst thing about being a stay-at-home mom is the supper smells that torture me all day long.  Right now I have a beef brisket slowly cooking in the oven with garlic, thyme, oregano, onion, and sun-dried tomatoes.  It just makes me want to eat all day long.  Chips, chocolate, popcorn, whatever I can find. . .until I'm not hungry when supper time finally arrives.  Then I'm hungry after the kids go to bed.  Don't ask how those weight-loss goals of last Spring are coming along.
• If I had it all to do over again, I wouldn't have let my son watch Napoleon Dynamite.  It is really, really, REALLY annoying to hear quoted day after day after day.

That's kind of therapeutic!  Let's be real--what are you REALLY thinking today?

Reflections on "Enlightened" Parenting

This post is prompted by my reading of Wild Grows the Heather in Devon but I was afraid my review of the book would get way too long if I got on my soapbox about parenting styles. :)

Early in the story, little Amanda was indulged by her parents and by the end of the book she was a prodigal daughter, bringing her parents much heartache.

"Even at the young age of seven, Amanda was well accustomed to triumphs,.  Strong willed and precocious, she had walked and talked at an early age. . .Before much longer she was the acknowledged queen of the whole household.  Whether barking out orders like the little commander she was, slyly orchestrating events so they conformed to her liking, or simply charming others into complying with her wishes, she had become adept at getting her own way. 

Nor did either father or mother strenuously resist such tendencies.  Times had changed, and they were enlightened parents. . .The thought that indulging their daughter's willfulness might be detrimental to her never occurred to such modern thinkers.  For the most part, they admired her independent spirit. . .For the mother, all that mattered was that her daughter feel her accepting and unconditional love" (76).

I found it especially revealing that her parents were "enlightened parents. . .the thought that indulging their daughter's willfulness might be detrimental to her never occurred to such modern thinkers".  This story, you understand, was set in the early 1900s.  Now it's 2013 and I'm seeing this theme continued in sentiments like the following which I copied from a friend's post on facebook:

Do you want to know a little secret?  I love children--I mean seriously love children.  But children who are raised by "enlightened parents" get on my nerves in no time flat. You know the type--those children who radiate willful defiance. Such as a five year old who is writing on a white board and is told not to write on it right now, so "please give me the marker" who instead thrusts the marker behind his back while he tilts his chin and stubbornly initiates a staredown with the adult.  (The child won.  I couldn't tear my eyes away.  It's like a trainwreck happening right before your eyes!)  I know it's not necessarily that child's fault, for it's his parents' responsibility to train him, but I don't enjoy that child.

And if this continues I'm pretty sure he won't be an enjoyable adult to be around either.

It's a sad culture when sin is excused as just "being human" rather than something to be avoided--and the very reason our Savior died for us.  It's not about a "standard of perfection" but about training in the peaceable fruit of righteousness.  It's about training our children's character so they will be more receptive to the working of the Holy Spirit who is the source of joy, peace, patience, kindness, self-control and other godly fruit.

"The positive fruit of the rigorous (intellectual) training early in their lives was as evident as the negative fruit brought about by the corresponding absence of disciplinary regulation. . .We realize now that we fed the sense within Amanda that she was the center of the world and need answer to no one.  We too readily gave her her own way.  There were few restrictions placed. . .We were loving parents, but we were not thorough parents" (239)

Parenting styles produce fruit, for certain.  "Enlightened," permissive, child-centered parenting produces rotten fruit while biblical parenting produces pleasing and appealing fruit.  I believe that God's grace, thankfully, is able to compensate for our mistakes, yet we also have a responsibility as parents to follow God's plan rather than being sucked into humanistic, secular reasoning.  Why not prepare our children, from the very beginning, for the concept that their lives are not their own--they are not to rule themselves but to submit to their loving Father's Will?  How much easier that will be for them if they first have been trained to obey their earthly parents!

Let's not give in to "enlightened" thinking, my friends.  Let's persevere, even if our friends or family or the "experts" disagree or don't understand.

"Amanda's character is more important than the traditions of society, more important than what people think of us, more important than what she thinks of us" (391).

Things That Have Been Bothering Me

You know how sometimes there are things that weigh on your mind and drag you down until you let go of them and entrust them to the Lord?  I've had a few of those on my mind lately.

• First of all, Kiana has been experiencing some struggles with learning to read.  She was doing great until we hit some sounds that she doesn't pronounce correctly, so I wondered if I needed to get her some speech therapy.  Long story short, we got her a speech evaluation and they say she is on target developmentally.  They aren't worried about her substitutions, the way she bites her lip to make the 'v' and 'f' sounds, or her lack of 'r' sound.  In fact, they showed me that she is getting the 'r' as she pronounces it at the end of words and they think she will be able to pronounce it at the beginning of words in the next six months.  They aren't worried about her lisp for now, but said if she still has it in a year, she might need some help with it.  So, that was good news!  She is still struggling with adding additional sounds in reading, however, so I have been cramming every spare minute reading about brain integration therapy to see if she might be a right brain learner who needs some training in how to move new material from her short term memory to her long term memory.  I'm sure it will all work out fine, I'm just wishing I had known to educate myself in these areas during the summer before school started.  grin

• Secondly, I recently learned of the upcoming divorce of a couple in my local homeschool group who are parents of 10.  As a child of divorce myself, I know how painful divorce is and the aftershocks that continue through years to come.  My heart just goes out to these children, ranging in age from 22 down to 4.  While I don't know the family or the situation very well, it is pretty obvious that the mother is leaving her husband for another man (who has also broken his family for her).  Doesn't the general decline in the valuing of marriage just depress you?  And frankly, it scares me sometimes as I fear going off my rocker, abandoning everything I've believed and sacrificed for all these years, and ripping my family apart in a selfish pursuit of ME.  I hearby give you permission to knock me up the side of the head, tie me up and throw me into a cave if I take leave of my senses in such a way!

• I've also been irritated by a recent editorial in the Des Moines paper criticizing Iowa's amendment to homeschooling laws.  There is a pretty well-done rebuttal here, and I would love to see if there are any responses in letters to the editor, but I'm reluctant to go buy a Sunday paper today to reward the Register for its inflammatory editorial.  In short, the Register takes a statist view claiming the state is ultimately responsible for our children and that "professionals" know what is best for your children and mine.  They also claim the recent amendments were slipped in secretively and maintain that somehow the state knowing a child is being educated at home will ensure that said child receives an adequate education.  

Simply typing this little blurb increases my blood pressure.  You may recall my irritation while jumping through the hoops mandated by former Iowa law when we first moved here.  It was ridiculous and ineffective.  Parents were required to fill out a form stating their intent to home school at the beginning of each year.  We also had to compile a list of resources we planned to use to educate each child and turn it in to the local school district.  It might seem like it was little enough to have to do, but it stole my time from actually educating my children and did absolutely nothing to improve their education or ensure that I was educating them adequately.  It was just busywork.  Additionally, I moved here from Missouri where the parents' rights were better recognized, so I chafed at the state sticking its nose in our business anyway.

It's even more frustrating to read the comments to the above editorial.  Our government schools have done their job well as they have indoctrinated generations to believe that the state has a greater right to our children than we parents do.  Many commenters believe in the "expert" fallacy as the state obviously loves children more than parents and certainly the state knows best.  Somehow people have the idea that parents are responsible to the state (rather than to God), that parents must ask *permission* of the state, and that parents must be accountable to the state.  (After all, government schools have to be accountable and that's just not fair if government schools have to be held accountable in their use of tax dollars to provide an adequate education to the children of those tax payers while home educators aren't held accountable in the education of their children which they themselves are funding.)  (deep breath)

• Okay, last one, I promise.  The final thing that has been bothering me is people who purport to be helping children but manage to amply pad their pocketbook in the process.  To give a  brief background, some states are changing laws so that parents who are about to have their parental rights terminated by the state (for neglect, abuse, etc) have the option of voluntarily signing consent for adoption.  This is a very good thing.  In addition to saving taxpayers lots of money, it allows parents to make one final loving decision so their child(ren) will be part of a family forever (rather than likely bounced from one foster family to another) and if there are siblings, they are able to be in a family together (rather than in separate foster homes). 

But here is the problem.  Adoption agencies are the ones who have proposed the new policies.  And you guessed it--too often their motives are less than altruistic.  Now, don't get me wrong, I fully believe a laborer is worthy of his hire.  People need to make a living for what they do.  I just think we get greedy.  I was recently made aware of such a situation in which an agency was looking for an adoptive family for a brother and sister who have been in foster care for three years and are currently in separate foster homes.  The agency had a week to gather information, find a family, and prepare the necessary legal documentation. Their fee?  TWENTY SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS!  Do you know anyone who makes $26,000 for a week's worth of work?!  Even intense, time-sensitive work surely doesn't require such exorbitant fees.  

It bothers me that agencies and lawyers who have the ability to help children find loving families make it so cost-prohibitive.  If I didn't have five children I'm trying to homeschool, I think I would have to try to find some way to change the adoption industry (for don't doubt that an industry it is).  Anyone wanna take up the banner for me while I'm in this busy season?

The Peaceable Fruit of Righteousness

I really don't like having to discipline my children.  For the present, it truly is grievous and not joyous.  I would love to just never have to correct them.

But alas, that is just not how real life is.  For example, one Sunday Kiana woke up "on the wrong side of the bed".

While I'm talking about her, I might as well highlight her beautiful head of hair and her latest hairstyle, right?  It's been quite some time since I shared.

First she didn't like the dress that was laid out the night before (to make our Sunday morning routine smoother) and then she wanted to wear her tan tennis shoes instead of the pretty matching shoes. She didn't want to carry her Bible, she walked to the van with a scowling face, and still had crabby eyebrows even after she was told to make a happy face.

I know, I know, I should have corrected her before this point.  But I do understand where the anti-spanking people are coming from.  It's no fun to have to spank your child.  I calmly and consistently won each of the above battles (except for the eyebrows, I guess), but didn't want to engage in the war.  I wanted to be "fun mom".

Isn't this hairstyle, once again created by Briana's friend Kidon, simply beautiful?!

Once we got to services, the attitude continued.  I offered her a notebook and a pencil during the study but she didn't want the black mechanical pencil I offered--she wanted the red (which I had checked and it had no lead). As a consequence, she got nothing to play with.  She then commenced to waller on Briana (who sat on her right side), so I pulled her to my side and sat with my arm around her.  I gently tickled her arm and held her close.  I thought maybe things were getting better.

Then it was time for the collection.  I gave her some money to put in the basket and while I was passing more out to Easton and Tyrell, Briana told Kiana to clasp it the money in her fist instead of flinging it around so she wouldn't drop it.

Kiana defiantly rolled her money between two hands.  Time for the swat.  This unpleasant attitude had finally resulted in a willful act of disobedience.

Kiana then miraculously turned into a sweet girl with a happy, smiling face and shining eyes.  Funny how that works, hmmmm?

Tucking Away the Joy and Rewards

There are certain moments along this parenting and homeschooling journey that I, like Mary, treasure away in my heart.  Earlier this week, in our discussion of A Tale of Two Cities, I had such a moment with my teens that just made my heart glad and gave me the encouragement and strength to persevere through another year.  I share this on my blog to help me remember it.

The literature guide we are using asked the question:

Sometimes it is very difficult to see beyond a person's outward appearance.  At the end of Chapter 20, Darnay offers his view of Sydney Carton, but Lucie seems to see more clearly into Carton's secret heart.

Read Matthew 7:1-5 and James 4:11,12.  What do these verses teach us about judging others?  Philippians 2:1-4.  According to these verses, how should we regard others?

We had so much fun when we realized we didn't need to open our Bibles to read these passages because by working together we could quote them.  This led us to a discussion of the Jews in concentration camps who reportedly compiled Scriptures they had hidden in their minds and hearts when they had no access to written Scriptures, and then we segued to a discussion of the importance of continuing to memorize Scripture ourselves as we don't know what the future holds in this increasingly anti-Christian world we live in.

Home educating our children is frequently a scary journey, fraught with uncertainty and insecurity about adequately preparing our children.  But in moments like these, I feel the Lord is giving me hope and encouragement not to grow weary as He gives me a peek at the fruit He is growing.

Regardless of whatever else did or did not get accomplished this week (or cleaning up peed pants, monitoring disagreements, compelling children to clean up messes, getting frustrated with a child who simply cannot pronounce the 'r' sound, etc), this moment made the week a success to me.

Liberal Arts Education

It's that time of year again.  Homeschool conference season.  Time to plan the next year.

I've always wondered why they schedule conferences at this time.  Don't they know I am sick to death of homeschooling?  Don't they know we're just forcing ourselves to continue on, get these last two chemistry modules finished, this last chapter of Geometry completed, this last literature book read and discussed, one more essay written, revised, and called good enough?

Yet here I am, planning next year, reading curriculum reviews, and doing some comparison price shopping.

As I look over our past and future studies, I realize that as a graduate of a liberal arts university I have followed that model in my children's education.  And now that my firstborn will soon be a senior, I wonder if that was the best choice.

A liberal arts education is all over the place.  On the one hand, it seems a good idea to expose my children to lots of different things.  I think knowing a little about a variety of topics makes people more interesting to talk with as one can find something in common with most people.  I think it teaches people to think and evaluate new ideas and equips them to be life-long learners ready to grow with whatever the future brings.

On the other hand, a liberal arts education might produce a "jack of all trades, master of none."  It makes it much more challenging to help children discern their talents and future when they are capable in multiple disciplines but not especially proficient or passionate about a specific one. 

I am challenged by a quote from the wise CS Lewis:

“…the greatest service we can do to education today is to teach fewer subjects. No one has time to do more than a very few things well before he is twenty, and when we force a boy to be a mediocrity in a dozen subjects, we destroy his standards, perhaps for life.”

Then again, might it not be art and music and literature that provide a purpose and enjoyment of other learning endeavors?  As the music teacher in Mr. Holland's Opus summarized  "Well, I guess you can cut the arts as much as you want. Sooner or later, these kids aren't going to have anything to read or write about."

Right or wrong, we have thoroughly enjoyed learning to appreciate music and discussing great literature.  I think I'm still going to go ahead with that art appreciation curriculum for next year.

Typical Alan

My husband is the king of good deals.  He saves us a ton of money sniffing out ways to get us something we're looking for without paying retail price for it.

We had a nice pool in Missouri for the kids to swim around in. Personally, we like having our own pool because swimming is great exercise and lots of fun (especially when it's really hot!) but we aren't fans of the attire (or lack thereof!) at public swimming pools.  Having our own pool allows us to have the benefits of a pool while maintaining a dress code we are comfortable with.  But we gave our pool to some friends when we moved as we planned to rent for awhile and wouldn't have a place to set it up.  Now that we are a little more settled, Alan has been scoping around for a pool.

Wouldn't you know it, he got a whale of a deal.  This 24 foot by 52 inch swimming pool retails for almost $1100.  The previous owner had invested in a salt water filter system so there is no need to add chemicals to the water (Alan estimated that to be about $300).  They also threw in a solar-heating pool cover (that keeps the water warm) and a few "floaties" that the kids can sit on that somehow have guns on them they can shoot water at one another.  Oh, and a volleyball net for water volley ball.

Would you like to guess what he paid for all this?

My sister-in-law guessed $800.  Yes, that would have been a good deal.  But Alan was almost offended, responding with "Does she really think I would pay that much for a pool??"

He talked them down to $200. 

Admittedly, it will probably cost another $200 to fill it, but the kids are going to have hours and hours of fun this summer.  What a deal!!

The Highlights

I was blessed by a special meeting of the church this past weekend.  There were some lessons I really needed to hear, and I came away from it feeling convicted, challenged, provoked and encouraged.

CONVICTED
to speak what is helpful in building others up instead of complaining or criticizing.

CHALLENGED
to look for God's "appointments" in my life rather than being disappointed when *my* plan doesn't work out and gracefully accept the seasons during which God is preparing me for something ahead.

PROVOKED
to contend for the faith--to wrestle, to agonize--instead of sitting back watching to see what happens, being lazy, or thinking I'll do it later.

ENCOURAGED
to walk in good works that Christ's light might shine brighter through me.