Our Cooperative Classes

I've been intending to blog about our cooperative classes all semester, but just haven't gotten around to it, so this post will be loaded with pictures.

In my usual "get-something-started-that-I-later-get-tired-of-and-don't-want-to-finish" fashion, I got a few friends together to do some cooperative studies this year.

It all started because I didn't get as much hands-on learning accomplished with Easton and Kiana last year as I would have liked.  We got the "essentials" of school done, but we weren't doing the "fun stuff" I had so enjoyed with Briana and Destry when they were little.  I looked into Classical Conversations a little, but since 1) I'm really too eclectic to camp in the classical philosophy alone, 2) the closest one meets a good 30 minutes from my house, and 3) it was pretty expensive, I decided not to join.  The parts that appealed to me most were the science experiments and the art projects, so I decided to get some friends together twice a month for hands-on learning.

It has been a resounding success!  I have to admit I rather regret it the night before each meeting (because I always procrastinate in pulling my lesson together!) but the kids love it, they are learning a ton, they love to be with their friends, and it really is minimal work for me compared to all the benefit.

Here are a few of the activities I've managed to snap pictures of.

(Making Native American dwellings during history time)

This was science class.  I have to admit I don't remember what they were learning with the balloons, but science class is consistently Easton's favorite activity.  Amy has been doing a fabulous job with this, conducting experiments to learn Newton's laws, the states of matter, and other fun activities.

Above the children are making a painting in a circular shape reminiscent of Botticelli.  I am teaching this art appreciation class and we have lots of fun learning about an artist, examining examples of his or her work, and then making our own artwork in that style.

Below the children are designing prints in the style of Albrecht Durer.

Above Easton is sharing his ship he made in history class (which actually floated--bonus!) and below Kiana and her friends are showing their poetry papers.

Here is my friend Amy with the silly science students on the day they studied the three states of matter.  She is an awesome teacher, and brought root beer floats to demonstrate the lesson.  How fun was that?!

The children got to dip candles in one of their history classes.  Other activities Neisha has done with them (a few that I remember off the top of my head) include making oil-paper windows, ink out of walnuts, and weaving baskets.  They always have lots of fun in this hands-on-history time.

When we learned about Vincent Van Gogh the children made reproductions of his Starry Starry Night Painting.  I thought they turned out really well.

In another science class, the children learned about blood and made blood cells with playdough.  The boys, of course, turned this activity into battles between the germs and the white blood cells.  I thought this was an especially clever idea.  When Tyrell got sick a few days after this class, Kiana explained to Daddy all about how his body was making lots of extra white blood cells and they were fighting the germs to help him get better.  Daddy was quite impressed!

 I think our study of Pablo Picasso produced some of my favorite work by the children.  They really got into the profile portraits.

 When I wanted a class picture, they wanted to substitute their paintings for their own faces.  What an adorable picture!  These eight children truly are a delight to work with.

 Easton and Kiana's Picasso portraits are pictured below.

Even though it's a lot of work, I am so glad after each meeting to have this group of friends come together with me to offer our kids some fun learning opportunities with their friends.  I'm glad it's only twice a month, though! :)

Another Perspective

Guest post from Stevie, Kiana's birthmother, sharing her perspective of open adoption.  Cross-posted at In Between the Sunsets

When I found out I was pregnant I had just started college, and was busy living in the dorms, learning what classes I was going to attend. I went to the free help clinic for moms and they had me take a test. Which came out positive and I went into the next room and I heard it, that sweet alien-like heart beat and we started it all.

My new friend Dustin was with me and he had been living in town before, for his first year of college the year before, he had worked at the hospital so he knew the doctors and suggested Dr. Fugate. I got an appointment with him and I continued to go back to the free clinic as they supported adoption and helping families.

When I found out I was pregnant I didn't have much time as I was already a good 8 months pregnant. At the clinic meetings, I watched a few videos and was given the option of keeping the baby or I was given adoptive family portfolios.  I thought I knew what I wanted: a good religious but not over-bearing family, this would be their first and only child. I wanted this baby loved unconditionally, no sibling fights, and I wanted God's love and life invoked.

Boy, did he give me a wonderful family and nothing like I thought I wanted! None of the other families stuck. I just couldn't even think of them until I saw this one, a family with a mom, a dad, an older sister, and two older brothers! They were a Christian family as well and they lived on a farm! My mind couldn't stay off of them even though the thought of dangerous farm equipment and my unfamiliarity with homeschooling both worried me.  But what a great blessing God gave me for this family that has grown with another boy and girl after they adopted my angel.

After I found them I emailed them and we met up on the last weekend of September. What a great time--God had everything planned! I loved them before I met them and they were family when I did meet them. The night before they were going to head home we had our last visit, so we thought. Later that night was a weird night and that very early morning I went to the hospital and by 8:10am our little girl was born!

I called them and they came right over and stayed longer. After we left the hospital we took her to the free clinic to work on the adoption paperwork and I wasn't sure I could go through with it.  I just loved her so much. They came over to the clinic later and I wanted to talk with them before I finalized my decision to keep her and we talked and cried and I knew she was mine but meant for them. We went through a lot of adoption paper work and more tears and lots of pictures. My baby went with them that night.

I did a lot of crying and I've cried and yelled for her when I took a shower. The tears slowed as the pain of being without her eased, but my heart and mind were always on her. It helped a lot to have my friends and the Kleins there for support. When Christmas time came around they said they were back in KS and we drove to see them. It was the first time I had seen Kiana since they were allowed to return home.  It was a great visit and a little sad as well. It felt like I was giving her away again, but I feel without these visits I'd have never been able to get past it.

Pictures and emails and phone calls all helped between those visits. Visiting became easier until one day she was in the "mommy only" phase. It broke my heart, but I knew it was coming and it came and went. To have support was again a blessing, and visits again became easier.

Then a wonderful moment came--one every mom dreams of. We had another visit and as we were each getting ready to go our separate ways, I was helping them get her in the car. It was a little rushed, kids started to feel tired and crabby, and there it was. My baby said "I love you" and I instantly melted. When I got to the car we sat there and I cried and cried "she said 'I love you'!" It was a wonderful feeling.  I still cherish that moment, as well as when she first called me mom on her own free will when she was 5 years old.

The pains are gone. I've gone through several different emotions and phases throughout it, but I've never regretted it. We were meant to become this giant family. Now I have my own family and all my children know one another.  She is their sister-her picture hangs on the wall right with my children I'm parenting now. 

Number the Stars

I had read Number the Stars by Lois Lowry before, but read it again for Carrie's book club.

Three themes stood out to me in this reading of a young girl's encounter with Germany's oppression of the Jews.

1) Courage.  We don't know how brave we are until we are called on to act.  Like Annemarie, many of us admire the courage of others and doubt we would be able to exercise it similarly in the same situation.  Many of us are secretly "glad to be an ordinary person who would never be called upon for courage" (26).

Yet I think we would do better to prepare ourselves.  Jesus warns us not to be surprised if the world hates us (I John 3:13) and again in I Peter 4:12-19 we're cautioned not to be surprised when we go through fiery trials of suffering.  As Christians, I think we should prepare ourselves for life not to be easy and for the world to not understand or approve of the way we live and believe.  Christians have been called to be imprisoned or die for their faith before, and I daresay we will be again.  We still will never know how brave we are until we're called to act, but we can purpose to stand up for what we believe and do what we need to do when the time comes.

Bravery is doing what you need to do without focusing on the dangers. (paraphrased from page 123)

2) Sheltering.  Annemarie's papa wished he could protect his daughter from the knowledge that the Germans were coming to gather up all the Jews.  Sometimes we parents would like to be able to shelter our children from certain knowledge, but the realities of life often force us to expose them to things so they will be prepared to face and overcome those realities.

3) Pride.  It's not always a bad thing.  Pride in who we are, in our value as a human being, can help us stand up to face uncertain realities when we are stripped of all the external markers of who we are.

Annemarie's Jewish friends had taken pride in maintaining their home and religious ceremonies, in working as a teacher, in acting in plays. Yet when they were running for their lives in borrowed clothing, dependent on strangers for food and safety, "their shoulders were as straight as they had been in the past: in the classroom, on the stage, at the Sabbath table.  So there were other sources, too, of pride, and they had not left everything behind" (94).

Ultimately, I think, a better descriptor than pride is a confidence in who we are in Christ--and a confidence in our God--which will equip us to stand strong.  Like the three Hebrew children of old, we can confidently say "we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.  If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty's hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 3:16-18)

What Alice Forgot

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty

I can't imagine waking up tomorrow and finding my life the way it is now, but being my 29 year-old-self with a ten-year gap in my memory, but Liane Moriarty did an excellent job painting this scenario.

(Can I insert here that I am freaking out a little bit that I am reading books about 40-year-old women. . .and they are kind of about me--I can relate to them--they are my peers?)

I very much enjoyed this book.  It wasn't quite as good (or as funny, although she frequently made me giggle with her descriptions of "middle-aged people") as Big Little Lies, but I still loved the way she uses stories and excellent characterization to make the reader think and take a good look at her life.  I wouldn't want to go back and be my 29-year-old self.  The last ten years have formed me into someone else.  I also don't really want a peek into the next ten years.  Wherever I'm going to be ten years from now. . .well, the next ten years will shape and prepare me to be there.

I want to appreciate my life, and especially my marriage.  The thought of jumping ten years and finding my marriage in shambles. . .well, it's horrible to contemplate.  It reminds me to be purposeful now rather than coasting along getting distracted by raising children, running here and there, and paying the bills.  "She'd been so cozy in the cocoon of their relationship.  She assumed she got to stay there forever" (135).

I especially loved the description of Alice and Nick's marriage as observed by Elisabeth.  This is beautiful to me, and it's the way I want a man to love and empower my daughter(s).

"I used to secretly watch Nick listening to Alice when she told a story; that tender, proud look he got on his face, the way he laughed harder than anyone else when she said something funny or typically Alice.  He got Alice, the way we did, or maybe even more so than us.  He made her more confident, funnier, smarter.  He brought out all the things that were there already and let her be fully herself, so she seemed to shine with this inner light.  He loved her so much, he made her seem even more lovable" (109).  

I was also struck by the epilogue, when 50-year-old Alice was looking back at the marriage problems of their 30s.   I wonder how often we all would feel that way, if we could just hang in there and mature through the hard times.

"She and Nick had been so *young*, so full of the earth-shattering importance of their own feelings" (455).  

I have to agree with my friend Stephanie, who also read this book.  It made me appreciate my marriage and determine not to take it for granted.

November Freezer Cooking

While people rarely comment on my freezer cooking posts, they tend to have the highest views, so I'm assuming they're blessing someone out there. :)  Additionally, I like the record of what we made with the recipes, so I'm hoping to keep posting them.  We haven't eaten all of them yet, but I'm rating the ones we have eaten.  So far, so good!

Here is what we made in November:

• Freezer Meatloaf  4
• Easy Crockpot Chili 4
• Hearty Western Casserole 3.5
• Cheeseburger Soup 5 

• Texas Style Lasagna  4

Cook 1 1/2 lbs. ground beef.  Add 1 t. seasoning salt, taco seasoning, 1 can undrained diced tomatoes, 1 can tomato sauce, 1 can chopped green chilies.  Simmer 15-20 min.
In separate bowl, combine 2 c. cottage cheese and 2 eggs.
In 9X13, layer half the meat sauce, 6 torn tortillas, half the cottage cheese, and 2 cups Monteray Jack cheese.  Repeat layers.
Bake at 350 for 30 minutes or until bubbly.

• Potato-Topped Chicken (makes two casseroles serving 6 each)--1.5

Cook 4 pounds red potatoes and make mashed potatoes with milk, butter, and cheddar cheese.  Set aside.
Cook 3 pounds of chicken with 4 chopped carrots and 2 chopped onions.  Shred chicken and drain.  Stir in 1/4 c. flour, 2 T. tomato paste, salt, pepper, 1/4 t. thyme and 1 1/4 c. chicken broth.  Bring to a boil, simmer for 6-8 min or until thickened.
Place half chicken mixture in each pan and top with half the mashed potatoes.
Bake 400 degrees for 15-20 min or until bubbly.

• Sausage Fettuccine Bake (makes two casseroles, serving 6 each) --3.5

Cook 1 1/2 pounds fettuccine.
Cook 2 lbs sausage with 2 chopped onions and 1 chopped green pepper.  Add 2 28-oz cans diced tomatoes, undrained, 2 cans mushrooms, and 4 t. Italian seasoning.  Simmer five minutes.  Add fettuccine.
Divide mixture between two pans.  Sprinkle each with 2 c. mozzarella cheese.  Mix 2 cans cream of mushroom soup with 1/2 c. beef broth and divide over the pans, then sprinkle with parmesan and more mozzarella if you want.  Bake 20 min at 350 covered, then uncover and bake 10 minutes longer.

• Pizza Pizzazz (makes nine servings) --4

Cook 8 oz. penne pasta
Combine 2 1/3 cups spaghetti sauce, one pound cooked sausage, 1 pkg. chopped canadian bacon, 1 jar mushrooms, chopped green pepper, chopped onion, 1/2 c. parmesan cheese, garlic powder, salt, pepper, 1/8 t. crushed red pepper flakes.
Mix with pasta, pour into pan, top with one more cup of spaghetti sauce.  Cover and bake 45 minutes at 350.  Sprinkle with more mozz cheese, bake uncovered 10 min longer.

Three Things I've Learned About Adoption

Adoption has changed our lives in big ways over the last ten years, not the least of which is that we have gone from being a family of four to a family of a eight.  I consider myself a lifelong learner, so I was glad for the opportunity to examine and summarize "three things I've learned about adoption" for Shelley's blog.

1.  Adoption has been a tool the Lord has used to grow me in ways I never would have expected.
Adopting two sons and two daughters has given me the opportunity to step outside my comfort zone like nothing else ever has.  I learned to trust the Lord to provide rather than relying on myself--financially, in parenting, in loving others, endurance in the waiting season--you name it.  I have had the opportunity to interact with people who are different from me in the way they think and in the way they live.  And I've learned that they are people, just as I am--we really aren't so different.

Through adoption, I am learning more of what love means.  I am learning to tap into the well of love the Lord has for me and share it with others, not in my own strength, but in his.

2.  Not everyone sees adoption as a positive.  We need to be sure and secure in what we're doing and why we're doing it and not be discouraged by the naysayers.  
Adoptee blogs and online adoption groups can be scary and make me think we've done a terrible thing, that we've ruined our children's lives by bringing them into our family. I think there are things to learn from these resources, but I've had to take them "with a grain of salt," consider their worldview, and be sure to examine their views through the lens of my own worldview.

Some people we know have expressed concerns about us adopting, saying "you don't know what you're getting" when adopting a child or predicting rebellion for our children and turmoil for our family.  We've even been scorned by some who think adopting is a way of showing off, or doing deeds in a way that they'll be seen by men.  We have learned to look to the Lord for our strength in the face of disagreement.

3.  Adoption doesn't end with bringing the child home.
Yes, adopted is a past tense verb, but parenting a child who was adopted is very much a present and ongoing verb (let's scrub off those old grammar studies--is it the present perfect progressive verb tense that says an action has been going on, is currently taking place, and will continue in the future?).

We have learned the importance of maintaining a life book for our children to help answer their questions about how they came to be a part of our family. We have learned to communicate with our children's birthparents in our open adoptions and to put forth the effort to stay in contact through letters, phone calls, facebook, and visits to nurture their relationships.

Adoption has brought different gifts and personalities and even challenges than biological family and we are learning how to best develop, equip, and "train them in the way they should go".

As two of our children have different racial backgrounds from my husband and I, we have had the opportunity to learn how to properly care for their black skin and hair.  We are learning  about exposure to their genetic culture and how to prepare them to live as Black men and women in society.

Before adopting, I planned to parent any children through adoption just like I parent our biological children, but I've learned it's not just like raising a biological child.  In many ways it's the same, yes, but there is an additional layer and I am learning how to navigate it.

Most of all, I've learned that adoption is about growing our hearts and our family and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

My Hero--Mighty Hunter

You may remember my struggles with keeping my desk cleared.  A-hem.

It is a mess again.  As usual.

So, I was sitting here at my desk, emailing a friend who is going through a bittersweet time in her life.  My email was so serious, so empathetic, as I tried to encourage her.

When suddenly a MOUSE (shudder)

RAN (gulp) (I would say scurried, for we all know scurry is the verb associated with mice but he was all out running)

ACROSS MY DESK!!!!!

right in front of me

I squealed.  Of course I did.  (You will, however, be glad to know that I did *not* pee my pants. Thankfully I had just used the restroom.)

Yes, I squealed, and then I called in a quavering voice "Deeeestry. . ."

Destry was reading world history, whose stories of mighty warriors of old must have inspired him to immediate action.  He rushed in to see what was wrong and when I pointed a trembling hand at the monitor and whispered "a mouse just ran across my desk and he went that way" he peered down through the hole where the wires connect and saw the mouse cowering in the back.

He lunged down the stairs as he threw "be right back" over his shoulder.  In no time he had returned with his BB gun.

I had retreated across the room where I was perched on my knees on a chair.  Stereotypical, I know, but those scurrying little rodents just have that effect on me.

I wish I had been braver and grabbed my phone to take a picture of Destry, down on one knee, his BB gun propped on one shoulder as he carefully aimed under my desk.  The mouse was just a dark shadow.

Pop! went the little gun.  "Got 'im!" Destry proclaimed.

One shot.  Right in the heart.

MY HERO!

Yes, I realize other moms are posting pictures of their sons and husbands with deer in this season.  They are posting trophy bucks shot for their many-pointed racks.  They are posting with pride thinking of their men's provision of meat for the freezer.

But MY son. . .

My son SAVED my LIFE!

The Glass Castle

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

Fascinating!  I can't stop thinking about this book.  In fact, shortly after finishing it I hustled to google to learn more about Jeannette Walls--where is she now?  What about Lori, Brian, and Maureen?  And Rosemary?

How much of who we are is influenced by genetics, how much by our upbringing and experiences, and how much by our perspective?

Is it mental illness that leads a person to a nomadic life, an irresponsible pursuit of dreams, and neglect of children or is it selfishness or is it a worldview?  (Mom accused Jeannette of being sold out:  "Next thing I know, you'll become a Republican.  Where are the values I raised you with?" 269)  Were I to subscribe to secular psychology, I would suspect bipolar and PTSD in the father which he self-medicated with alcohol, and I would suspect co-dependency in the mother for sure, as well as possibly some bipolar tendencies and hoarding.  Yet another part of me discerns their worldview and wants to credit it just as much.  I can't help but wonder what someone with a very liberal worldview would do with this book.

As a home educator, I was intrigued by the children's unconventional education (learning Morse code, doing math in binary numbers, exploring the outdoors, arguing with dictionary publishers about word definitions). . .and their future successes.  I was also intrigued with some of the parenting ideas that people worry too much about and do too much for their children and "children shouldn't be burdened with a lot of rules and restrictions" (59).  Struggles produce strength and independence.  This was taken to an extreme of course (what an understatement!).  But it's still interesting to ponder to a lesser degree.

As I've gotten to know (a little bit) some people who are homeless, I was especially intrigued with the discussion of homelessness on pages 255-257.  "They'd been learning the ropes.  They'd visited the various soup kitchens, sampling the cuisines, and had their favorites.  They knew which churches passed out sandwiches and when.  They went to plays and operas and concerts in the parks, listened to string quartets and piano recitals in office-building lobbies, attended movie screenings, and visited museums."  They said the city made being homeless easy.  Then a professor engages Jeannette with the question "if homelessness was the result of drug abuse and misguided entitlement programs, as the conservatives claimed, or did it occur, as the liberals argued, because of cuts in social-service programs and the failure to create economic opportunity for the poor?"  "Sometimes, I think, it's neither," Jeannette responded. "I think that maybe sometimes people get the lives they want.  If some of them were willing to work hard and make compromises, they might not have ideal lives, but they could make ends meet."

My library copy is filled with little post it note flags on pages I would love to discuss with someone!

Open Adoption

We have open adoptions in all four of our adoptions.  What does that even mean?

Well, frankly, it looks different in each of our adoptions.  At a minimum, an open adoption involves the exchange of information such as the full names of adoptive and birthparents, and contact information, whether it is a physical address or post office box, phone number, or email address.  Most times the adoptive parents and birthparents meet one another at least once.  In many cases, there is regular contact (such as sending pictures and updates) and sometimes even visits between the birthparents and adoptee.

In our specific adoptions, we have varying levels of interaction, some of which are affected by distance.  Three sets of our children's birthparents are friends on facebook, so they get frequent updates via pictures and cute stories throughout our daily life.  Some of our children's birthparents have requested pictures and letters once a year to a few times a year (somewhat dependent on the age/developmental stage of the children).  We meet frequently with two of our children's birthparents so they can actually spend time face to face celebrating birthdays or enjoying outings to a zoo, park, restaurant, or children's museum.  Every couple years I make books about each child on snapfish and send copies of those books to the children's birthparents for them to keep and treasure.

Always the goal is to let them get to know one another and to build memories and a relationship.

Some people fear open adoption.
We have heard people express fears that a birthparent might change their mind and come and "kidnap" a child.  We have never seen any support for this fear.  In fact, our experience has shown that having a way to stay in touch with their children, to see how they are doing and that they are loved, helps birthparents through the grieving process.

Others are concerned that children might be confused at the birthparents' presence in their lives.  We just haven't found that to be the case.  Think about it--we are perfectly capable of loving more than one child and knowing who is who.  I daresay most of us had more than one grandma and grandpa, but we knew who each was and had relationships with each of them.  Children are able to understand, at various levels developmentally, of course, both their first mom and their day-to-day mom and their respective roles.

Other objections I have heard include the possibilities of birthparents interfering in parenting or a child wanting to live with his or her birthparents (particularly during challenging seasons such as the teen years) and I can't speak very much to these concerns yet as we are only eight years into these open adoption relationships.  So far, all of our children's birthparents/birthfamilies have been only respectful of our role as the rule-enforcing parents, and they even clear gifts with us before giving them to their children.  I'm not really worried about these concerns as my husband and I both have pretty strong personalities and aren't afraid to stand up for our beliefs and practices, and I also feel confident that our children's birthparents chose us to parent their children because they trusted us.

I think it's probably pretty likely that a time will come that each of our children will think it would be better to live with someone else because they are unhappy with our rules or something (the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence!).  There have certainly been times our biological children haven't been the happiest with their responsibilities or privileges, but that's just part of life.  We'll deal with it as it comes, but I hope we adoptive parents and birthparents will be able to stand as a united front in the best interests of the children we all love.

We have found open adoption to be a blessing for all involved.
For the children/adoptees (my number one concern) I have found open adoption to help them in developing their identity.  They don't have to wonder who they look like or where they have inherited a certain talent.  If they should have any medical issues or wonder about potential allergies they will have the ability to get the answers.  They'll never have to look at strangers wondering if that might be their first mom or dad.  I'm hoping it will be less awkward for them to establish mature relationships with their birthfamilies as adults as they have been able to build on that relationship through the years.  I have read too many stories of adoptees in reunion with their birthfamily who have no common ground, who simply can't establish any kind of rapport with their birthparents, and they ache and feel like they lost their families twice as a result.

For the birthparents, open adoption seems to help with the grieving process.  Speaking from my own observations (not trying to speak for birthparents), their greatest desire seems to be that their children are safe, that they are loved, that they, the birthparents, made the best decision they could.  Seeing their children grow and develop normally, seeing their smiles and contentment, seeing how very much we love them, seems to have been a source of comfort and reassurance for our children's birthparents.  They don't have to wonder what their child looks like or how they are doing--they can see for themselves.

For us, the adoptive parents, open adoption has also been a blessing.  Knowing our children's birthfamilies helps us to know our children more completely.  Loving our children's birthparents has grown our extended family even more than we ever could have imagine.  Not only have we been blessed with more children through open adoption, but we have also been blessed with friends.  There are certain people you can rave to about your child--how cute and smart and generally wonderful they are.  But sharing your love for a child with his or her first parents--well, they love him or her every bit as much as you do.  They will agree with every single thing you say about how fabulous those children are.  And that's just fun!

The benefits outweigh the complications.
I can't deny that open adoption can be complicated.  There are frequently many differences between the lives of the adoptive family and the birthfamily that have to be considered and reconciled--whether they be cultural, socioeconomic, racial, educational, geographic, age. . .the list goes on and on.  Coordinating schedules and expressing expectations aren't always easy.  But always the effort is worth it for the good of all of us involved.

Our Adoption Journeys, Part Two

So there we were, richly blessed with four children—two through birth, and two through adoption. On the one hand we were content with our family and on the other hand we were open to any other blessings the Lord would send our way.

With our adoption of Kiana, who is of mixed heritage, we had also entered the category of a transracial family. As we continued to learn more about adoption, we realized it would be good to have another child in our family who could mirror Kiana's darker skin and curly, ethnic hair. We had been so blessed by growing our family through adoption, and we felt we still had room in our hearts and home for another child, so we started praying about adopting again in 2009.

I had been reading a blog written by a woman who lived in Alabama (we lived in Missouri) for over a year and had prayed through their process of bringing home their infant son, Kai. One day she had a guest blogger who wrote about the preference many potential adoptive families have for a healthy child who “looks like them” (mostly Caucasian) and the need for families who are willing to adopt children of color, children who have been exposed to drugs, or have other special needs. The author worked with a network of adoption agencies to find families for all children. When I shared this post with my husband, he told me to email the author to learn more.

Imagine our surprise when the author lived in Kansas City and knew the social worker and agency who had facilitated our previous two adoptions! We decided to complete our home study, update our profile for potential birthmothers to get to know our family, and sign up with this worker. In January of 2010 we were matched with a woman who was due with a baby girl on March 17. We were very excited and had fun getting ready (we had never had time to really prepare after being matched in the other adoptions). We decorated a room for her, some friends had a shower for her, and I froze several meals in preparation for my mom to watch the other children while we traveled to Florida where she would be born.

Unfortunately, this story ended with what is called a “failed adoption” when she decided to have her mom parent the baby instead of us. This was a hard time for us as there were some unhealthy family cycles that had been repeated through the generations and we were concerned that this little girl would end up in foster care as her mother had before her since her grandmother had not changed her lifestyle, but we had to just trust in God and entrust her to Him.

As we healed from this experience, we were presented in other situations, but nothing came of them until July when we received a call from a woman on the 21^st who was due the 29^th. She had a series of challenging questions as she interviewed us to see if we would be the best family for her son. “How will your family accept a brown baby? How will you handle racist comments? How do you discipline your children? Why do you homeschool? Do you have a pond or pool? Are you CPR certified? What is your religion? Why do you want another child?” Her son was born on the 25^th and she still was undecided about making an adoption plan. Finally, on the 29^th, she called with one more question: “Do you promise to send pictures? I have to know how he's doing,” and then she asked us to be in Florida the next day at noon to pick him up.

We chose the first name Tyrell for this beautiful little boy and kept the name Damian from his birthmother as his middle name. While we rejoiced to add him to our family and believe “every good and perfect gift comes from above” (James 1:17), this adoption cemented for us that adoption invariably involves loss. Whether parents die or are in a situation that they can't physically or emotionally give their child all they want for them, adoption involves loss. Birthparents lose the years of day-to-day interaction with their child, and children lose their first parents. It is a time of rejoicing, yes, that a mother has chosen life for her child in this age where life is not valued. It is a time of rejoicing to have a child to love. But there is loss and mourning as a price to pay.

Nearly four years later, life had continued racing along. My husband changed jobs and we moved to Iowa (where we had both been raised) as the children grew older. I celebrated my 40^th birthday and figured our days of adopting were probably over, as I doubted anyone would choose us to parent a baby at this age. However, we received an email from a friend of a friend who wondered if we would be willing to adopt again. She knew of an agency who had 16 pregnant women wanting to make adoption plans, but the agency didn't have enough adoptive parents to present to them.

So just this year, we said yes again and were soon chosen to parent our beautiful daughter Aryana Joy (her mother's name is Abigail, which means Joy). We really didn't have the money and since we had moved so recently, we didn't have the relationship we had enjoyed with our former banker who we could call at the drop of a hat when an adoption situation arose. Nevertheless, we moved forward in prayer and faith, trusting that the Lord loved this baby girl and He would provide. This adoption journey was particularly faith-building (although all of them have been faith-building, this one has been especially so) as our extended church family joyfully rallied around us at the opportunity to bring this little girl into our family.

We count ourselves richly blessed to have grown our family both biologically and through adoption. Each member fits perfectly into our family and each has taught us something more about trusting God and loving one another.

Our Adoption Journeys, Part One

My friend Deb recommended that I write our adoption stories for a series a fellow blogger was hosting for November, National Adoption Month.  I really enjoyed looking back over the past ten years and remembering how the Lord has blessed us through adoption, and wanted to share it here as well.  I also just think it will be nice to have here on my blog to look back at in the future.  Take a walk down memory lane with me. . .

It has been about ten years now since our lives were changed by adoption. In that time we have gone from being a family of four to a family of eight. We have learned more about trusting God and we have learned that family is more than just who we are related to by blood. We have grown in number and we have grown in love. While it hasn't always been easy, it has always been a blessing.

We had two children biologically when we were in our early 20s—a boy and a girl. Young and selfish as we were, we made a permanent decision to have no more children. This all seemed fine until we started growing in our faith and thus in our perception of the value of children. For a couple years we were inundated with a longing for more children and with teachings on the blessing of children. As we got more involved in speaking out against abortion, we realized we couldn't encourage women to choose life for their unborn children without being willing to open our hearts and home to those children through adoption.

We started taking foster-to-adopt classes in the Spring of 2005, but decided against adopting through the state for several reasons which I won't go into here other than to say it just didn't seem the best option for our family. Instead, we chose to register with Christian Family Services of the Midwest in Overland Park, KS in August of 2005.

This was a busy season of prayer, preparation, and self-education as we read books and articles and began the mountain of home study paperwork (at which I am now a pro!). We also faced the daunting task of writing a letter to prospective birthmothers and preparing a book to introduce our family so those women considering an adoption plan for their babies could choose the family to love him or her. We have been blessed by this concept of open adoption and sincerely believe it to be good for all members of the adoption triad: the birthparents, the adoptee, and the adoptive parents.

After a few false starts and what felt like forever (but was really only nine months) we received the call. A mother of a three-week old baby boy would like to meet us, could we be in Kansas City (a 3 ½ hour drive) by 6 pm? Of course we said yes and were thrilled to meet her. Her hopes and dreams for Easton were that he would “learn to be responsible, have a good work ethic, and to be a man of integrity.”

We fell instantly in love with this precious, even-tempered little bundle of joy and were able to bring him home a mere three days later. We had held to the promise in Psalm 37:4-5, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this,” and we were blessed by his addition to our family.

Since we had two children who were significantly older, we hoped to be able to adopt at least once more so Easton would have a brother or sister closer in age to grow up with so we started praying about beginning the process again when he was about nine months old. We received our answer “yes” when an anonymous gift came in the mail wanting to help with adoption expenses (which we had already paid off) in the exact amount we needed to update our home study.

Our home study was completed in July of 2007 and we expected another nine-month (or more—the average is two years) wait, but the end of September we were asked to travel about six hours to meet an expectant woman who liked our profile and wanted to meet us. She got to meet us with our other three children on Saturday, then my husband and I joined her and her friend for supper that night. She told us she wanted us to be the family to raise her baby, and then we prepared to travel back home on Sunday afternoon. Instead, her tiny baby girl was born Sunday morning!

They kept Kiana Jayde (we chose her first name and adapted her birthmother's choice of “Jayden” for the middle name) in the hospital a couple extra days as they wanted her to weigh five pounds before dismissal. This was a difficult time for all of us involved. Her birthmother was spending every minute with her, storing up memories for the future and showering her with love. When it came time to sign the relinquishment papers, she just couldn't do it.

My husband and I went to our car and prayed and cried. While we had fallen in love with Kiana, we had also developed a relationship with her mother and we genuinely wanted what was best for everyone involved. After much debate and many tears, she decided completing her adoption plan was truly the best option for her precious little girl. We have been so blessed by Kiana, who is a tender-hearted, vivacious and dramatic little lady, and adopting her has also afforded us the opportunity to love her birthfamily who have become extended members of our family.

Aryana, Six Month Update

This little lady is in a hurry to grow up!

Aryana has grown and changed SO MUCH these last three months!  She is busy all the time and is learning new things every day.  I think my favorite thing she does now is wave her little hand.  It is so precious.  She has the princess wave going on, twisting her little tiny hand back and forth.  She is terribly distracting at church as she waves at all the people behind us and they just wave right back! She also blows raspberries all the time, and can come up with the funniest expressions.

Another precious new thing she does is singing.  Whenever one of her toys plays a little song, she sings along and sometimes at church when we have congregational singing, she joins right in with me.   Everyone just gushes over how cute and sweet she is.

She is also ON THE MOVE!  She has the army crawl down.  She doesn't stay still for a moment.  She is starting to get up on her hands and knees to crawl, but when she sees something she wants, she reverts to a purposeful army crawl.  She is all over the house now and nothing is safe from her.

I'm pretty sure she's teething as she constantly chews and drools, but I don't see any signs of a tooth breaking through in the near future.  She isn't too fussy with it, unless she tries to chew on a toy that's harder and that kinda hurts her gum, so she lets out a mad holler.  I'm thankful she has so far been perfectly healthy, with only a slight runny nose a couple days when the weather was getting cooler.

She loves to eat, and is especially fond of the homemade squash Aunt Marcy made for her.  She's starting to eat some table food and plays along eagerly when Daddy slips her contraband such as a bite of ice cream or a piece of donut.

She has gone from the half-propped up position to fully sitting herself up in just the last couple of weeks.  She transitions between crawling to sitting back to crawling like an old pro now.

I was quite shocked when she started pulling herself up last week.  First she was pulling herself up to Mommy or Daddy as we lay with her on the floor, and then she started pulling herself up to the couch.  I'm afraid I'm going to have an early walker, and we're having a hard enough time training her for the no-nos (like the basket of diapers, or the cabinet of videos).  Look out world, here she comes!

Aryana Joy is aptly named, for she is a constant source of joy.  All of her older siblings vie for her attention, and her ready smile invites others to smile with her.