The Season I Almost Moved to Australia

It was a TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY.

I almost moved to Australia.

Well, okay, not really.  But I almost convinced myself I was a big, fat failure and was just wasting my time homeschooling my children.

I texted my husband:  "I feel like a failure.  And I want a different job."

I got on "long-name-amazing-results" for my region and started looking for jobs.  Not. even. kidding.

I *almost* called our local school district to see what their scope and sequence is for kindergarten, second, and third grades to see how it compares to where we are.

I really did call our local christian school to see when their new semester starts and how much it would cost to send my middle three children.

I wasn't ENJOYING homeschooling anymore.  I used to really enjoy it.  Planning lessons was fun.  Seeing the light bulb when the children understood a new concept was fun.  Organizing track and field days, musicals, PE, softball, and cooperative classes with area homeschoolers was fun and invigorating.  Going to homeschool conferences with other homeschooling moms, making my MOTH schedule, reading books about educational philosophies was all just a ton of fun.

Now I'm tired.  I'm tired in general, and I'm tired of doing this.  I'm tired of teaching the same old things.  I'm tired of enforcing schedules and chore times and reminding children to "Focus. Sit still. Pay attention."

I wonder what it would be like to be "Just Mom."  To exclaim over the projects they do at school and listen to the excitement in their voices as they tell me about what they've learned.  That someone else taught them.

I've been haunted by feelings of failure.  Things don't always go just the way I want them to, or always imagined they would.  I'm not sure I'm doing a good job anymore.  Different kids learn differently.  I'm older and have a lot of kids in different and difficult seasons.  I feel like I've invested so much of myself and my time and all that work, and for what?  I don't feel like investing even more just for more failure and heartbreak.

I spent a few weeks in that place.  I cried a little every day, and cried some more every time I talked to my husband about these feelings.  He was patient.  He listened, he prayed with me and for me.

But he said he wanted us to continue homeschooling.  He asked how he could help share the load and he pitched in.  He sent me encouraging emails from work such as the following verse:

with a short note:

"Thinking of you and remembering how much I trust what you are doing for our family.  You keep us fed, clothed, healthy, and taught.  I have confidence in the teaching you are doing.  Thanks for pouring your heart into our children."

Then a friend posted on facebook about a ladies' Bible study that was about to begin.

To be continued. . .

Isolation

There are seasons that are just isolating, don't you think?

I find the baby season to be rather isolating.  I can get in survival mode, so tired from getting up in the night multiple times, drowning in feedings and diaper changes, watching everyone else seem to have their act together while I'm trying to get to know this new baby and make the needed adjustments to the dynamics of a growing family.  It can feel like no one else is there with me, like no one else quite understands what's going on in the day-to-day.

A season of sickness can also be isolating.  When there are eight people taking turns with a virus, I don't get to go anywhere and there certainly isn't anyone coming around.  If I'm sick, I don't feel like going anywhere or being with anyone, yet the enforced seclusion feels isolating at the same time.

Right now I'm in another season that feels rather isolating.  This season of launching arrows has found me retreating.  I have this haunting fear of failure.  What if they don't choose well?  What if they make mistakes that have far-reaching consequences?

What's that, you say?  This is not about me, but about them?  Oooh, yes, that ugly pride of mine rears its ugly head yet again.

Sometimes I look at a child and worry that there might be more character flaws than character strengths (critical eye--another ugly trait I struggle with).  I dwell in the "coulda, shoulda, wouldas".  It's isolating because I want to protect the reputation of my children so I don't feel like I can share with others, so I cry and pray and try not to worry.  Some mamas have walked this path before me, falling back and praying while their child makes his or her own way, sometimes stumbling, sometimes striding confidently forward.

I listen to plans and dreams and think "What?!  That was NOT in my plan at all!"

I guess it's not about MY plan either, now is it?  It's not my plan, and it's not just my story.

My story is that God is teaching me, yet again, to trust Him, to walk with Him.
Growing pains.

I find that when there are seasons that remove me a little bit from people, those same seasons move me closer to God.

Major Mom Fail

Last night I was really kicking myself.  Whoa!  Major Mom FAIL moment!

I had received an email exactly one week ago advising me to reserve tickets for a performance Destry has coming up.  In this performance, Destry is playing the solo part from Spring by Vivaldi.  He is also the violinist for the honors piano trio which is performing that same night.

Last night I finally sat down to reserve tickets for our family, grandparents, and a few friends who want to support him.  Imagine my shock when the website showed that all tickets were sold out!

I frantically emailed the manager of the youth symphony.  I was resigned to having to just attend the dress rehearsal, but thought maybe, just maybe, there were still some tickets left.

This morning I received her reply that they had blocks of seating reserved for the soloists and their families.

Phew!  What a sigh of relief!

Maybe I have finally learned my lesson and will stop procrastinating.

Or maybe I should just hire a personal assistant.

It's What You Do

What are you doing these days?  I decided to have fun with a meme I saw on Stephanie's blog (instead of writing the guest post I should be writing--because it's not due until April 15 and why would I do anything early?!).

AS FOR ME, I'M:

realizing Briana and Destry will be out on their own before I know it.  More and more often, we have just four children with us when we go places.  Wondering if we've made the best use of the time we've had.

checking the calendar multiple times a day.  April is always full of opportunities, and I have to keep checking what dates are available while deciding what all we can handle.

remembering why I'm doing what I do.  It's easy to get caught up in the day-in and day-out of homeschooling, but we had a Moms' Night Out meeting of homeschooling moms last week and I was reminded that it's all about pointing my children to their Savior and keeping their hearts.  Academics are important, I'm not saying they aren't, but they aren't the MOST important.

reading several books at once, as usual.  I'm reading Great Expectations with Destry for literature, Unwind on the recommendation of a couple friends, and trying to finish Raising Real Men.  We also have one week left on our book study of The Prodigal God.

anticipating homeschool conference season.  I'm a homeschool conference junkie!  Alan and I are going to one in Kansas City the end of this month, and then a good friend and I are going to the conference in Des Moines.  Two is always better than one!

watching Aryana learn something new each day.  She stands up in the middle of the floor, but has yet to take her first steps.  She'll be one next week!

trying to write in my subject journal at least 3-4 times a week.  A good friend shared her Bible study journal which is divided into subjects, and I couldn't resist pulling one together for myself.  I think it's the neatest idea, to study a subject off and on and build my understanding "line upon line, precept upon precept".

cooking has been scarce of late.  I have been using several freezer meals lately, but Briana and I just worked up a new menu plan and went grocery shopping.  Some tasty meals in our near future will include Cranberry Mushroom Brisket and Lamb Roast with Plum Sauce.  I'm actually ready to cook something yummy again, and a plan always makes me feel better.

eating at Bonefish Grill with my husband and our friends, the Knights, this weekend because we got coupons! Yummy!

looking at colleges.  Destry has visited UMKC (Kansas City, MO) and Drake University (Des Moines, IA) He still wants to check out the University of Iowa (Iowa City) and Indiana University (Indianapolis).  He's interested in music, music, music (what else?!).

Destry dominated the teen boy races last year, hat and all

Kiana's softball throw last year

planning our upcoming Homeschool Track and Field Day. It's always lots of fun for the kids and most of our local homeschool community participates, which makes it a fun end-of-the year wrap up.

Tyrell's race (he's to the right)

sharing my home.  Freezer cooking, hosting a party to welcome new friends, hosting the book study of The Prodigal God, hosting a planning meeting for the Track and Field Day.  I tell the kids to pick things up and they immediately ask "Who's coming over?"  That's what our home is for, right?  (and it does help keep things picked up!)

Four Letter Word

T.I.M.E!

I'm struggling with finding time to write out my thoughts during this busy season of my life.  I wish there was some way to email between my brain and blogger.

Until someone invents that capability, I guess I'm just going to have to wrestle with time until I get enough pinned down to compose a worthwhile post.

My Hero--Mighty Hunter

You may remember my struggles with keeping my desk cleared.  A-hem.

It is a mess again.  As usual.

So, I was sitting here at my desk, emailing a friend who is going through a bittersweet time in her life.  My email was so serious, so empathetic, as I tried to encourage her.

When suddenly a MOUSE (shudder)

RAN (gulp) (I would say scurried, for we all know scurry is the verb associated with mice but he was all out running)

ACROSS MY DESK!!!!!

right in front of me

I squealed.  Of course I did.  (You will, however, be glad to know that I did *not* pee my pants. Thankfully I had just used the restroom.)

Yes, I squealed, and then I called in a quavering voice "Deeeestry. . ."

Destry was reading world history, whose stories of mighty warriors of old must have inspired him to immediate action.  He rushed in to see what was wrong and when I pointed a trembling hand at the monitor and whispered "a mouse just ran across my desk and he went that way" he peered down through the hole where the wires connect and saw the mouse cowering in the back.

He lunged down the stairs as he threw "be right back" over his shoulder.  In no time he had returned with his BB gun.

I had retreated across the room where I was perched on my knees on a chair.  Stereotypical, I know, but those scurrying little rodents just have that effect on me.

I wish I had been braver and grabbed my phone to take a picture of Destry, down on one knee, his BB gun propped on one shoulder as he carefully aimed under my desk.  The mouse was just a dark shadow.

Pop! went the little gun.  "Got 'im!" Destry proclaimed.

One shot.  Right in the heart.

MY HERO!

Yes, I realize other moms are posting pictures of their sons and husbands with deer in this season.  They are posting trophy bucks shot for their many-pointed racks.  They are posting with pride thinking of their men's provision of meat for the freezer.

But MY son. . .

My son SAVED my LIFE!

Getting Back in the Groove

That old urge is tickling at the edges of my brain again.  I've rather missed it.

If you've followed me long, you'll know I used to blog a lot more often.  I wrote about my faith walk, my children, our homeschool, our outdoor escapades, my homemaking, adoption, book reviews, the occasional soapbox. . .

But this year I haven't had much to say.  Oh, yes, I keep posting those book reviews and I like to post our freezer cooking recipes so I can come back to them later.  But for the most part I just haven't felt like writing.

It's been strange.  I have always written.  My desk has always been littered with scraps of paper containing quick outlines of a blog post.  I've had more ideas (many more ideas!) than I've had time.  And yes, life has been ever busier this year.  Yet there have been times I've sat at my computer during the children's naptime thinking "I should write something". . .and the cursor just blinked at me.

This last week I have started scribbling ideas again.  I may have difficulty finding the time to flesh them out, but I'm still happy just to have the scribbles.  I'm not sure what has re-ignited this fire.  I'm guessing it might have something to do with a combination of the three following events:

• A friend referred me to another blog author who was looking for guest bloggers during November's Adoption Month.  I really enjoyed sharing my (long-winded) adoption journey for her.
• I made a quick trip to New York to see a dear friend I hadn't seen in three years.  I hope to blog about that, but she always invigorates me and "stirs me up to love and good works."  While she didn't encourage me to write, she encouraged me to think and to self-examine and to step outside of the daily grind that is my comfort zone.
• Aryana is sleeping through the night, so I'm getting more rest.  :)

I hope to chat with you more soon!

Cool or Gross?

I'm curious for your vote.  Do you find medical sort of stuff cool, or gross?

I have an ingrown fngernail.  I'm sure it's from chewing my fingernails (again!  I had quit the habit, and have recently started again).

In this picture, it hurt terribly.  It was a constant throb of pain.  I soaked it in salt water several times a day for a couple days, and put garlic on it to draw out infection. Then my handy-dandy husband punctured the yellow line along my nail and released quite a lot of pus.  (I spared you that picture.  You're welcome).

It was much better after that.  While tender to the touch, it no longer throbbed with pain.  It was healing, even as it looked strange from the peeling skin caused by the heat of the infection.  I put frankincense on it twice a day for yes, we jumped on that essential oil bandwagon along with everyone else.

Then I was making butter a couple days ago and nearly dropped my bowl.  In my desperate save (for yes, I did save the butter) I managed to SMASH the same finger.

Hello new throbbing and blood blister!

It looks terrible.  Truly, it looks worse than this picture communicates.  We have punctured it one more time and released a LOT more pus.  (If I have to do it again, ok, I promise, I'll get a picture!)

Destry tells me I need to go to the doctor or he is not going to feel sorry for me when my finger has to be amputated.  I say it's itching now, so it's healing fine.  What do you think?

Here's to Forty-One

I turned 41 yesterday.

Interestingly, I was asked if I wouldn't rather be turning 21.

I had an immediate and visceral negative response.  I have absolutely no desire to live the last 20 years over again.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been bad.  But it certainly hasn't been easy either.  I have experienced several trials beyond my control, made my fair share of mistakes, and grown exponentially in my walk with the Lord.  My 21-year-old self was much more idealistic and had to grow up in many ways and I don't care to experience that disappointment and disillusionment again in order to obtain that growth.  While I learned trust, peace, joy, perseverance, and contentment through times of uncertainty, pain, rejection, and struggle I am not voluntarily signing up to walk that road again. No, I'm definitely not longing to be 21 instead of 41.

As I've pondered this question, I realize the next 20 years will likely be just as challenging, if not even more so.

I might lose a child or children to death.  Even worse, I could have a prodigal child (or children).  I could lose my husband to death or disease.  I myself might receive a scary diagnosis.  Almost certainly, I will go through menopause in that time span. (Yikes!)  I could go off my rocker, leave my faith and family, and run off with some guy like so many women do, forgetting one of the lessons I've learned:  there is no such thing as Mr. Perfect.  Our parents will continue to age--and thus far, they have not been the sort to age graciously and selflessly, nor in godly wisdom.

Lord willing, I will become a grandma in this time.  How fun!  Yet I suspect watching my children parent will be a challenge in and of itself.  I assume I will spend 18 of the next 20 years educating the rest of my children at home (for a grand total of 31 years of home education!  gulp!)  I expect to make new friends, to grow in current relationships, and to encounter struggles in relationships.  On a larger scale, I wonder what it will be like to see how the church is affected by the next 20 years, and how our nation changes in the next 20 years.

So even as I realize this next season will have challenges of its own, I prefer to move forward through those challenges, anticipating further growth and a closer walk with my Lord.  I don't idolize youth, and I don't wish to go backward in this growth process.

Onward and Upward!
Further Up and Further In!

Keeping it Real: Intentionality

I aspire to be intentional.  I really do.

But lately I feel like life is just happening to me.

Do you ever feel like that?  I feel like I'm just surviving each day.

There are books I want to read with my older kids and books I want to read with my little kids.  There are Scriptures I want to share with each of them in their different stages, recipes I would like to try, piles I would like to find homes for, people I would like to get to know better, to have in my home.

But the days keep slipping by without me getting them done.

There are character issues I need to address with my little ones, character issues I need to address with my older kiddos, character issues I need to address in myself.

I would like to help my older kids learn a few more academic things we haven't gotten to yet and Briana is graduating in a few short months.  I would like to be more purposeful in preparing her to manage a home someday.  I need to be more intentional in guiding and nurturing the relationships my children, especially my younger children, have with one another.

I read a great blog post about a woman who is claiming this word as her word for the year.  I am tempted to copy her.

Best Indicator or New Leaf?

Here I go again.

I've heard it said that "the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior."

And in the past I've tried to lose weight and failed.  I've lost a little weight, and then given up on losing more.  I've lost weight, and gained it back.

But I'm trying again.  I'm at my all-time high.  I weigh sixty five pounds more than I did when I was nine months pregnant with Destry!  (!!!!)  Insanity.

I have to admit a part of me is discouraged before I even begin.  This is such a stronghold for me--such a place of defeat.  I have a pretty "can-do" attitude in most areas of my life, an aura of confidence, but this one. . .

Does anyone want to volunteer to be a prayer warrior for me?  A support system to help me overcome this battle?  I've ever so weak when it comes to food and exercise.  I like to cook, I enjoy good flavors, I like to eat and I prefer sedentary activities (reading and blogging!) over calorie-burning motion.

My goal is to lose fifty pounds by my birthday--August 23--when I turn 40.  I'm to the point that I'm out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs, I wake up in the night from heartburn, I wonder if I will fit in chairs at events that have close seating, I have very few clothes that fit (and my size isn't easy to find), and I'm just plain tired of being tired.

I'm afraid food has become an idol in my life, a place I turn when feeling sad, lonely, bored, stressed. . .rather than turning to the Lord.  I want to turn to the Lord instead, to be filled with the Spirit rather than food, to manifest the fruit of the Spirit's self-control. 

Definitely seeking your prayer support as I embark upon this battle.  This week's first hurdle:  giving up my daily Pepsi!

Blog Love

I don't feel like I've had much of depth to say lately, but I have been reading a few posts shared by friends which just keep percolating in my mind.  I'm going to share them here both to give you the opportunity to read them and also to help me process them a little bit.

• On adoption disruption

For those not in adoption circles, an adoption disruption is when a family formed by adoption decides it's not working out for any of them and they find a different home for the child or children to whom they have promised to be their forever family.  It's a rough, rough road that I have a hard time wrapping my head around.

I was most struck by the quoted characteristics of the mother who disrupts an adoption:

Certain types of parents are more likely to end up giving up adopted children, as well. Younger adoptive parents, inexperienced parents, and parents who both work outside the home are linked with higher levels of disruption. Wealthier parents and more educated mothers, in particular, are also more likely to disrupt an adoption.

"I understand where that might seem odd, but I think there's a potential for less tolerance if someone's more educated or they make more money," says Brooke Randolph, director of adoption preparation and support services at an Indianapolis adoption agency.

 I keep thinking about what this means.  My gut equates these characteristics with selfishness.  I'm not professing to have it all figured out, I'm just not comfortable with those characteristics and lower tolerance leading to upheaval in a child's life.

• On hurrying to get it all done vs. remembering what really is most important:

This one is a must read for every mother.  It got me big time.  We serve Christ when we serve our families.  What do we think is so important that we need to get to that we try to hurry up and get all our housework done for, that we try to get our kids to hurry up and be perfectly trained for, that we want to check "done" beside our families so we can get to it???

Be here, in the now. There is nowhere more important to be; there’s nothing more important to accomplish.

I really encourage my fellow mom-friends to read this one.  It's too good to miss.

• The "trainwreck" conversion of an atheist lesbian English professor:

WOW!!  There's so much in this post, I just can't stop thinking about it.  I ordered her book just today and can hardly wait to read it.  It addresses the stumbling block of non-thinking Christians, the way your worldview affects the way you think, and the effectiveness of loving kindness.  It addresses the difference between praying a prayer for the willingness to obey and praying a prayer for miraculous healing "if" God really doesn't want me to live this way.

Even more, it shares the power of the WORD OF GOD to bring people to Him. Even when the cost is an entire lifestyle, your loved ones, your career path, your very identity.

• On homeschoolers held hostage by the expectations of the world:

It's so easy to lose my vision--my focus--in our daily homeschooling.  High school, worrying about future careers and goals, getting distracted by what others around me are doing, wondering if I am doing enough. . .all this clanging noise tempts me to push my teenagers into a typical, college prep academic path.  St. John's reminder that doing more is not God's expectation was a breath of fresh air to me.  She looked back at the pioneer homeschooling mothers and reminded me why they were successful.

these moms had a vision for homeschooling—they weren’t trying to re-create school at home. They were simply being obedient to the One who had called them to be different. They knew that if He had called them, He would equip them. And they were right.

I'm so excited for more fresh air from Heidi St. John when I get to go with three new friends to the Teach Them Diligently conference in a few months! (giggle and tee hee)

WWBUT: Organizing

So, it's not often I go to someone's house and see something they have that I want, but I have to confess it happened to me recently.  You see, while I aspire to being organized, I'm actually rather "organizationally challenged" (no snorts of laughter, Marcy or Shayla!).  When Matt and Sarah had us over to share lunch with them, I saw an organizational rack on the back of her pantry and got a case of the "I wants".

She told me she got it at Lowe's.  And I turned big brown puppy dog eyes on my hubby.

I've been blessed with this large, deep, wonderful pantry.  It has so much room, but it's also easy for things to get lost in there.  And the shelving unit was really so cool.  I guess Alan thought it might be justified so he bought it for me.

I thoroughly enjoyed these precious moments of watching Destry and Easton put it together for me.  How sweet are these brothers?!

 You wouldn't believe how much extra space this unit cleared up on the interior shelves.  Now I feel like going bulk shopping (Costco?  Dutchman store?) and completely filling up that pantry!

 Before and after--how fun!

Top Ten of 2012

Don't you just hate it when you're challenged to pick your top ten?

And your top ten books you've read in the last year, to top it off.  It's almost like being asked to pick my favorite child.  (Well okay, not really, but still!)

The more I think about it, however, it's easy to pick my favorite book I read this year.  Hands down, this award goes to Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.  This book had it all--outstanding writing, intriguing plot, interesting characters, and enough to think about to keep one's brain busy for quite some time.  In the wake of our recent election and news items involving companies like Hostess and Hobby Lobby, this book is increasingly relevant.

It's also pretty easy to include two outstanding books I read this year about worldview:  Assumptions That Affect Our Lives and Life at the Bottom.  These are the kinds of books I would love to read with a good friend and chat the hours away over a Pepsi.

 These books were so well-done that I am tempted to say everyone should read them.  Life at the Bottom, a collection of essays, was the easier read, but they both will challenge and enlighten the reader about what they think, why they think it, and the consequences of their thoughts and attitudes.

 In the area of encouragement for me as a mother, Loving the Little Years easily wins a spot on my top ten.  This book was so encouraging, sprinkled with great tips, and entertaining all at the same time.  I have loaned my copy to several friends and recommended it to many others.  I literally sent an email to several friends who live a distance from me and told them they need to read this book.  Perhaps I should read it again. . .

As a homeschooling mother, I gained a great deal of encouragement and wisdom from Diana Waring's Reaping the Harvest.  This is another book which would benefit from a re-reading.

 I am a little surprised to see Managers of Their Homes on my top ten for 2012 even though it was my third time through.  I include it because it is one of the books that had an impact on my life this year.  In moving twice this year, I had let my daily schedule slip.  The motivation and inspiration I gained from this third reading got our school back on track to the point that, yes, believe it or not, our days almost run themselves.  This is a priceless feeling and every homeschool mother deserves to give it a try.

I was blessed to complete a challenge to read through the Bible in 180 days this year, but I'll not include the Bible on my top ten because, well, that's just a given, right?  But several other books blessed and challenged me in my spiritual walk this year as well.  What I Learned in Narnia by Douglas Wilson was a very rich discussion of some of my favorite books.

 I Will Carry You by Angie Smith was also a powerful testimony of a woman walking through one of the saddest trials I can imagine, but doing so with faith, trust, obedience, and ultimately bringing glory to God.  I am glad to have this real-life example of experiencing tragedy with hope.

I'm also rather reluctantly including 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess on my top ten.  Why reluctantly?  Because I read it pretty recently so I don't know if its impact will wear off over time.  I'm also rather afraid it's a "fad" book, but it has really challenged me in my spiritual walk so I'm including it.  I think it's hard to maintain a balanced life--a life lived in moderation--and she tempts me to extremism.  At the same time, I never want to fall into complacency or a comfortable, self-driven life, so it's good to examine myself again and again.

I think it's ironic that very few fiction books made my top 18 (hey, I had to start somewhere!) as I would tell you I prefer to read fiction.  I turn to fiction for an escape, and probably read more fiction than non-fiction.  But as I evaluate the year and the books I most enjoyed, or the books that made the most impact on my life, or made me think the most. . .well, it's heavy with non-fiction.

I'm surprising myself by picking the inimitable Tom Sawyer as the representative of fun fiction on my top ten list.  It was just such a fun read for me this time through, and Twain's writing was a delight.  To repeat Destry's assessment, "You can tell he was a kid once--and he loved it."

I know I said this was my top ten, but I'm going to include a bonus book that affected me this year.  Especially in light of recent events with Russia closing their borders to US adoptions--even as they have unimaginable numbers of orphans languishing and dying in their orphanages--I can't help but reflect on Alex Krutov's account of his experience in Russia's orphanage system in Infinitely More.

I do recommend this book as an eye-opener to what life is like for orphans.  You might also like to take a few minutes to read Linny's post in light of recent events.

If you want to see the list of the other 65 books I read in 2012, you can check it out here.  I would love to know your favorite book (or books) you read this year!

Hot Mess

I'm stealing a phrase from my dear sister-in-law.  We all have our moments when we realize what a mess we are and I love it when she describes herself as not only a mess, but a "hot mess."  It's been one of those weeks and I am officially acknowledging my status as a hot mess.

I shared in my last post that my mind is always going like crazy and I usually have a post composed in my head before I sit down to type it.  This is how my mind is going today.  Are you ready?

We have survived this week.  That's it.  And frankly, I'm glad to be able to say that much.  I was sick for a couple days and it was a very strange sickness.  It started with a pain in my lower abdomen.  I thought it was just because I was ovulating, then it got worse, and I started thinking I might have a cyst.  Or maybe it's ovarian cancer.  Yes, ovarian cancer, because my brain goes in crazy directions like that.  Then the next day I had a fever and body aches and extreme tiredness.  No stomach flu, but a horrible stomach ache.  Probably appendicitis.  But I don't want to go to the doctor in case that's not it.  So I continued on, felt a little better, but still really tired and sporadic pain in my lower abdomen.  Pretty sure it's not constipation.  Maybe a bowel obstruction, I've heard of that before.  I wonder what it is.  Or my gall bladder, sometimes people have problems with their gall bladder and it's down there somewhere.

You'll be relieved to hear that I'm fine now--physically at least.

So yesterday afternoon we had some new friends over for the afternoon. They are delightful people and we all enjoy them thoroughly.  They have three teenagers to play games and be loud and giggle a lot with my teens, two little boys to run and play with Easton, and two little girls to play with Kiana and Tyrell while the mother and I just sit in recliners and talk about every random subject that pops into our heads.  During this time on a blessedly gorgeous afternoon, Tyrell and Kiana took off their boots while playing outside.  (That's just what we do around here.)

Kiana received these adorable boots for her birthday from my mother and she loves them.  She wears them every single day with dresses, skirts, jeans, tutus. . .you name it, she's convinced they match.  I don't even want to know what they cost.

And one of them got lost.
While the kids were digging in the sand box that doubles as our yard.
Really deep holes.  With shovels and hoes if you really must know.
If my mom is reading this, we of course tore the yard apart until we found it.  If you're not my mom, we're still on a mission to find that stinkin' boot!  I wonder if they have metal in them and we could buy a metal detector. . .

The problem here, you see, is that I have issues with stuff.  As in, stuff is not important to me.  My parents tried really hard to teach me good stewardship and responsibility and to think ahead about potential outcome but all it managed to do was give me a huge guilt complex about always losing, breaking and otherwise ruining things.  My mom would get me a nice necklace and I promptly broke it or lost it.  When they bought me a nice dress my senior year I wore it twice.  The first time was for my senior pictures, the second time was for a vocal concert.  Then after the concert was over I changed my clothes, put the dress in a garment bag, teased my big hair some more, sprayed half a bottle of hairspray to hold said hair (hey it was 1991, what did you expect?), then threw the other half of the bottle in the garment bag.

I threw the hairspray in with the dress.
The hairspray bleached a huge spot in the dress.
Ruined it forever.
Ooops.

In case you're wondering, gifts are not my love language.  Please don't buy me stuff.  Unless you hate my guts and want to send me on a huge guilt trip when I lose it, break it, or otherwise ruin it.

Speaking of stuff, you may remember we thought we were moving to Colorado about eleven months ago, so we gave a bunch of stuff away.  Who wants to move a ton of stuff halfway across the country?  For example, it would be much easier to just buy new welding equipment there than to move it.  And we don't watch a lot of TV anyway, so let's just give that extra TV with the built-in VCR to some friends.  We're trying not to regret that now as Alan needs to weld something and I would like to put the little kids in one room with a cartoon tonight while I watch something more interesting with my husband since our teenagers are going down the road to a friend's house to play games.  But we only have one TV.  I guess that's because we like to be together and sacrifice and pick something everyone can watch and enjoy.  growl

But as I was saying, it's been one of those weeks.  Our schedule has somehow taken over my sanity.  The older kids started Driver's Ed this week (Mon eve, Thurs eve, and Fri aft) and we started the children's musical on Monday.  There are lots of boys in the musical, which is a really good thing.  Boys are very active and wiggly and noisy, which I'm also reminding myself is a very good thing.  Did I mention that I'm directing the musical?

It's going to be fun, and I'm sure it will turn out just fine.  It always has in the past.  It's just one of those areas where I'm a little out of my comfort zone.  I am more gifted at organizing people and telling them what to do than I really am at music.  While I love to sing, it's always a bit of a toss up when determining if more notes were in tune or more were flat.  I can tell you the names of notes and read a key signature, but you have to be really missing the pitch for me to notice.  So I always wonder if the musically gifted parents are wishing I would just sit down and let them direct.

But the good news is that Briana and Destry are going to be helping me a lot.  I'm a firm believer in "providing opportunities" (a.k.a. telling people what to do)  for them to give back and serve others as they have been served.  Briana is great with the kids and she just might have inherited a healthy dose of my gift for "organizing people and telling them what to do".  Destry is also great with the kids and the boys especially think he is super cool.  Did I mention there are LOTS of boys?  So this will help a lot. And I'm hijacking his musical ability for my own use to lead the children in scales and such.

Speaking of his musical ability, we were goofing off the other night while waiting for the microwave to reheat leftovers for supper after I got home from a Bible study and the big kids were done with Driver's Ed (don't judge me) and I for some reason started singing "The Wheels On The Bus Go Round and Round."   (Having teenagers is fun--they bring out your goofy and immature side.)  Destry looked at me curiously for a moment, tilted his head and said "Hey, you started on the note from the microwave.  You're singing it in A-flat major."

!!!!!
Who does that?
Do you ever wonder why the Lord gave this kid to me?
A musically-challenged hot mess!

In good news I have never lost or broken a kid (the jury's still out on ruining any).
And this is Friday.

Oh, and I picked up Iris Johansen's new book at the library when I dropped the big kids off for driving and the little ones are napping.
Goodbye.

EDIT:  3:41 pm  Destry found the boot!!!!!

C'mon and Play With Me

This is my idea of fun--wanna play?  We recently took a personality inventory with a group of people.  Not only is it good for us to consider our own personalities, but it's also a fun way to learn more about people you interact with.

I want to get to know YOU better.  Take a couple minutes to complete this inventory and then leave me a comment sharing what animal is listed under your highest total--and you could even list your two highest for extra fun.  (rubbing hands together in anticipation)

Gary Smalley and Dr. John Trent's Personality Inventory

Keep track of the number of words or phrases in each section that describe 

a consistent character trait of yours in your home. 

Likes authority * takes charge * determined * confident * firm * enterprising * competitive * enjoys challenges * problem solver * productive * bold * purposeful, goal-driven * decision maker * adventurous * strong willed * independent, self-reliant * controlling * persistent * action oriented

Total X 2 _________
LION "Let's do it now!" 

Enthusiastic * takes risks * visionary * motivator * energetic * very verbal * promoter * friendly, mixes easily * enjoys popularity * fun-loving * likes variety * spontaneous * enjoys change * creative, new ideas * group oriented * optimistic * initiator * infectious laughter * inspirational

Total X 2 ___________
OTTER "Trust me!  It'll work out!"

Sensitive feelings * loyal * calm, even keel * non-demanding * avoids confrontations * enjoys routine * dislikes change * warm and relational * gives in * indecisive * dry humor * adaptable * sympathetic * thoughtful * nurturing * patient * tolerant * good listener * peace maker

Total X 2 _________________
GOLDEN RETRIEVER "Let's keep things the way they are."

Enjoys instructions * accurate * consistent * controlled * reserved * predictable * practical * orderly * factual * conscientious * perfectionistic * discerning * detailed * analytical * inquisitive * precise * persistent * scheduled * sensitive

Total X 2 _________________
BEAVER "How was it done in the past?"

Each personality type, of course, has its strengths and weaknesses.  In general:

Lions are leaders, decisive, bottom line, problem-solvers, not conversational.

Otters are fun-loving, entertainers, net workers, motivators, creative, talkers.

Retrievers are loving, nurturing, loyal, good listeners, encouragers.

Beavers are hard-working, detailed, accurate, focused on quality.

 On the other hand, being aware of our weaknesses allow us opportunity to work on them:

Lions: Be softer and more gentle and include others when making decisions.

Otters: Think before you speak, and consider consequences before you act.

Retrievers: Practice saying no and making firm decisions.

Beavers: Learn to relax and don’t expect others to do things just like you.

So, who are you?  I'll let you know how I scored in the comments in a day or two.  Meanwhile, if you'd like to guess which animal represents me, that would be fun too! :)

Truth Tuesday--What Gets Your Goat?

Okay, so I know it's Wednesday.  But this happened last night (which was Tuesday) so it counts.

It's confession time.  What part of your personality gets you into trouble--that pesky character trait that surfaces every once in a while no matter how hard you try to keep it tamped down, and then you feel shamed and embarrassed after you realize Mr. Hyde has taken control yet again?

I'll go first.  You are safe here with me (cuz it doesn't get any worse than this!).  insert clearing of throat

Hello.  My name is Shonya.  I am always right.  A-hem.  Let me rephrase that.  When I know I am right, it drives me crazy for someone else to think they are right. (really, really crazy)

We went out for supper last night.  I'm sorry for those of you who don't enjoy math, but this post involves a story problem.  Stick with me here.

Seven people go out to eat.  There are four people in the adult-price-buffet bracket at $9.09 each.  The other three are children ages 6, 4, and 2 and their buffets cost $4.50, $3.00 and $1.50 respectively.  It is "Kids Eat Free Night", but there is a catch.  Patrons must purchase one full-price adult buffet for each child eating free.  The family also has two coupons for "buy one adult buffet at full price, get second at half price".  What combination of full price, reduced, and/or free buffets will result in the lowest bill for this frugal family?

(Isn't this fun?!  I'm one of those weird people who enjoyed both English and math in school.  In fact, I started my college career as a math major, then did a 180 and graduated with a degree in communication with an emphasis in journalism.  That's how torn I am between these two subjects.)

The man behind the counter (who just happened to be the manager) told us our best deal would be to purchase four full-price adult buffets, save the coupons for another time, and get the three kids' meals for free.  He was smug and arrogant and rang it up as though that was the way it was going to be.  My immediate mental computation disagreed, but I might have kept my mouth shut if he hadn't been so. . .priggish about it.  And then when I casually said I thought it would be a better deal to pay for the two-year-old's buffet and get one of the adult buffets at half-price, he smugly disagreed.

Sigh.  Can I say I just paid the man and went on, or do I have to tell the truth?  Ok, ok, full disclosure.  I was starting to get frustrated that he wouldn't listen at all, so I said I would prefer he "please ring it up with one coupon and I will pay for the kid's buffet because it would be the best deal--it's just simple math."

"Yes, it is just simple math," he rebutted as he refused to adjust the cash register.  "And math is my thing."  I was polite, but I reached for his little pad of coupons he had beside the register and wrote out the math as I said "yes, math is my thing too".

He acquiesced and rang it up as I requested, even as he mumbled that I would only be saving a dollar.

I paid without saying another word about it.

Even though I was actually saving three.

Personal Peculiarity

I love these little funky i-clip bookmarks.  It's a very silly little thing, I realize that, but they are much more fun to keep my place in the books I'm reading than the random scrap of paper I used to grab.  They are magnetic, so they just close right over the page with a satisfying click.

Unfortunately, other members of my family have jumped on the bandwagon.  I am only reading two books right now, but I have seven empty spots.  There's my peculiarity--I'm OCD about irrelevant things, like my i-clip bookmarks.  (Why are they called "i-clip"?  I have no idea.)

I'm missing five clips--they seem to have evaporated or escaped to the nether regions of couch or chair crevices.  (Oh, and just fyi, my birthday is one month from today and I linked above to another set I think is really fun, although these shoe clips are cute too. giggle)

Girls' Getaway

I was so excited a few weeks ago to attend Beth Moore's Living Proof Live conference in Kansas City, with my sister, Shayla, and my sister-in-law, Marcy.

I have completed several of Beth's Bible study guides and previously attended two of her conferences, so I was well-acquainted with her passion for and knowledge of the Lord.  I don't always agree with everything she says, but her studies have nurtured my hungering and thirsting for the Word and challenged me in my growth.   I recently finished her guide for the book of James which was one of my favorites (right up there with Believing God, Living Beyond Yourself, A Woman's Heart, Breaking Free. . .hey!  It's in my top five anyway! chuckle).  I thought it was fun to see Beth's growth throughout this study as her theology was challenged by James' emphasis on "if you don't live it, you don't believe it" and that made me even more excited to go and be a part of this conference.

 

Something you should know about Beth, if you don't already, is that when you have completed a few of her studies (let alone heard her speak in person), you feel like you know her.  I know about her husband, children, dogs, and grandkids.  I know some of the major trials of her life, including her childhood abuse and her pain in parenting a little boy for several years before he returned to live with his birthmother.  Most of all, I know her love for the Word of God, her incredible sense of humor, her gift for teaching, and her transparency.  Marcy is just as bad as I am--we had fun joking around about our friends Beth and Travis.

An auditorium filled with 9,800 women gathered to study the Bible all lifting their voices to sing praises to God is an amazing thing.  I literally had goosebumps as we finished one song in three-part harmony a capella in that huge convention center.  I really enjoyed the study of I Thessalonians chapters 1 and 2, as I referenced earlier, and was especially pleased that they used this opportunity and gathering of women who professed to love God to extend an appeal for us blessed Americans to sponsor starving children in third world countries through Compassion International.  Before the appeal, I have to admit to feeling somewhat sick to my stomach as I looked around at the thousands of people and started calculating how much money had been spent for all of us to be there.  Ticket, motel rooms, gas, eating out. . .maybe even a splurge for a new outfit.  Times 9,800 women.  While children are starving, homeless, many parentless.  My respect for the Living Proof Live team deepened when they encouraged the women to share some of our bountiful blessings.

I had only two complaints about the weekend.  I was frustrated and disappointed when she led a prayer at the end of the convention and asked everyone to join her in committing their lives to Christ.  When she was finished, she said that several people had likely just been saved.  It's so sad to me that such a student of the Word can persist in believing (and perpetuating) this practice, when it's simply not what the Bible teaches.  I have searched and searched and can find no Scriptural example of just saying a prayer and thus accessing the blood of Christ to cover our sin.  On the day of Pentecost it doesn't say Peter led 3,000 people in a prayer and they were saved, nor do any of the other apostles throughout the book of Acts counsel the people they were teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ to "accept Jesus into your heart, repeat after me and you will be saved".  I don't know a lot about David Platt, although I was inspired by his book Radical, but I admire his courage in standing up for the lack of Scriptural justification for this "superstition" in this video.  Should it not concern us?!

My other complaint about the weekend was that it was simply too short.  We ran down Friday afternoon, had the conference Friday evening and Saturday, then came straight home.  We ate some outstanding food and I enjoyed meaningful conversation in the vehicle there and back with some of my favorite people, but I really could have used one more day.  I guess that's a silly complaint, though.  :)

Forty Three More Days

I am so happy to be in the New Testament!  Don't get me wrong, the Old Testament is full of richness as it teaches us about God and how He interacted with His people and serves as a schoolmaster to bring us to Christ (Galatians 3:24), but I have been reading through the Old Testament for the last 136 days and I'm ready for the New Covenant.

It seems to me a great summary of the Old Testament is provided in Nehemiah 9.  Here the people confess their sin and praise God's mercy, faithfulness, righteousness and graciousness as they enumerate the many times God blessed them and provided for them.  They confess how often they stiffened their necks, disobeyed, rebelled and acted presumptuously and earned God's punishment but then were saved by God's mercy and grace when they repented.

Sounds a little familiar, doesn't it?  Too often I choose worry o'er the future rather than trusting God will provide as He always has in the past.  Too often I elevate other things, people, or even myself to a place that is God's alone, thus committing the same idolatry the Israelites were so fond of rather than holding Him in reverence and awe.  Too often I am stubborn and "stiff-necked" pursuing what I want to do rather than submitting to the Lord who knows best.  Yet He loved me first (I John 4:10), and while I was yet a sinner Christ died for me (Romans 5:8).  Mercy and grace indeed.
 
This challenge to read through the Bible chronologically in 180 days has been both rewarding and challenging.  I have spent more time in the Word each day than I think I ever have so consistently (at least 30 minutes every single day) and I appreciate the perspective of the "big picture" I have gained in reading large chunks of Scripture at a time.  It has been really good for me to spend more time reading the Bible than all the other books out there.  I have recorded each book of the Bible on my "reading list" as I read them and can't help but notice how much less time I've spent reading books authored by humans.

My handy, dandy Kindle tells me I am now 76% of the way through the Bible!