Humbled as the Lord Keeps Working

Last week brought two more events that made me feel the Lord's arms around me in love and security.

Let's start with the more recent one first.  We received a handmade card in the mail with a check in it from some dear friends.  This was a sacrificial gift, I just know it.  This is a younger couple with small children, a single income family as mom stays home each day to care for their children and their home while dad commits himself to providing the family's needs.  While I'm certain that $200 could have been used in some way for their family, they heeded the Spirit's prompting and chose to help provide a home for Abigail's baby.  We are so very humbled, yet so very grateful that the Lord has allowed us to partner together in this effort.

We are going to cash this check and put it in an envelope for our expenses while in Phoenix to meet and pick up this precious baby.  According to my research, $200 will perfectly cover the expense of living in an extended-stay hotel for a week.  (We plan to go this route because an extended-stay hotel is less expensive AND will provide a kitchenette which cuts down on meal expenses as I can make our food instead of eating out while staying in Phoenix waiting on the ICPC.)

The Lord provides our every need.

Bring all the tithes into the storehouse,
That there may be food in My house,
And try Me now in this, says the Lord of hosts
"If I will not open for you the windows of heaven
And pour out for you such blessing
That there will not be room enough to receive it.
Malachi 3:10

The other event of last week simply makes me grin because it's like pieces of a puzzle fitting together as if they were made to do so.  To back up a little bit, we had to send $11,000 to the agency within 72 hours of Abigail choosing us to parent her baby.  (If you've read my blog long, you'll know I don't usually share lots of specific details of adoption expenses, but this is one of those times the Lord provided the exact amount so the amount is relevant here.)  We didn't have this much money.  We drained our savings account of money we had been saving toward a family vacation and for a new violin for Destry and a different couch, but that only amounted to $5,000. We had an application for a home equity loan at the bank, but didn't have time to wait for approval.

So we swallowed our pride and asked a family member if we could borrow $6,000.  (Let me tell you, this is a lot easier to type than it was to do!  We were both raised that you don't ask for money, and you don't mix family and money because relationships are always more important and money complicates those relationships.  But this was about a child, and the child is more important than our pride.  So we borrowed the $6,000.)

I already told you our former church sent us a $1,000 gift when they heard the news.  And I already told you that Alan was promised a bonus for his work the last several months in serving as Operations Manager for two branches at his job.

But I didn't know the amount of that bonus.

Can you guess?  C'mon, how well do you know my God?  We were $6,000 short.  He had already provided $1,000.  Do the math, my friend.

Yep, FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!  Just what we need to pay back that loan!

The Lord is providing what we need, as we need it.  What a ride, watching Him at work!  To God be the glory.

Baby Stuff Piling Up!

I have a million and one things going on, but somehow I'm having a hard time dwelling on anything that doesn't have to do with "Baby."

We received news on Monday that Abigail had a doctor's appointment and sonogram which revealed that Baby is due closer to the end of April (rather than March 22).  It also revealed that Baby is a GIRL!

While we would be equally happy with either a boy or a girl, it is a little exciting to know that it's a girl, to plan ahead a little bit, and to narrow down names (we have three in the top running!).

Meanwhile, the baby stuff is piling up!  I just love the way the Lord provides!  Alan's  nephew stopped in Sunday to return the Bumbo seat they had borrowed from us and to loan us their bassinet and vibrating bouncy seat (which just happens to be pink).

I've kept the Moses basket a good friend got me--I consider it something of a family heirloom.  And of course I have my sling because I absolutely love wearing my babies and giving them that added security of bonding with mama and being close to my heart.  Then there's the portable sling my brother and his wife got us when we adopted Easton.  This is the handiest thing and we've used it so much!  I've kept it for when friends who have babies are visiting and need a place to lay baby.  (Isn't it cuter to share this picture with Tyrell in it instead of showing an empty swing?!)

Briana, my creative young lady, is planning to make a cocoon for cozying Baby, and we still have several baby quilts that family and friends have made for various babies through the years.  A local friend has offered their crib for when the baby outgrows the bassinet, and my brother and sis-in-law have offered their infant car seat and bottles.

What more could we possibly need, right?!  I had a "want-not-a-need" for a baby gym mat that you can dangle toys from because I've always had one and my babies have all seemed to really like it, but I had passed mine on after Tyrell.  My sister has already located one--how fun is that?!  Now I just need to pick up a few receiving blankets (because I passed those on as well) and some sweet little baby sleepers and we'll be set!

Quaker Summer

My friend Carrie recommended Quaker Summer by Lisa Samson.  Really, anything by Lisa Samson, she said.  I wasn't impressed by Tiger Lillie, but decided to go ahead and give Quaker Summer a try.

I'm glad I did.

I wouldn't say Samson is a wonderful writer, but she did make me care about the characters in this book, and she made me think--she made several wonderful points I would love to sit and discuss with a friend.

• "Every year I think there must be more to life.  And every year, despite a new car or a trip to a new land, new milestones and triumphs in my son's life, or a redone deck, pool, a spa, or an entertainment system, I take stock and think once again I was made for more than this.  But I love my stuff" (9).
• "(youth group) where the kids learned all about the issues they were facing these days, not about being like Jesus, being wise, being loving, or, gasp, being meek.  That's right, folks, let's make it all about you and then go have pizza" (58).
• "We tend to fit the gospel into our lives and not our lives into the gospel" (68).
• "Maybe we don't live for Christ because we don't live like Christ.  Maybe I don't live like Christ because I've taken the Man out of Him, made what He did here so mysterious and unreachable that I've taken away any possibility of success in imitating Him.  But He wouldn't have told us to be like Him if it was impossible" (146).
• "(volunteering at the shelter) wasn't what I thought it would be.  Not even close" (236).
• "I wonder how many Jaces are out there.  Men and women held behind in their calling because their spouses hold on to their ankles in one way or another, refusing to let them step out" (247).
• "So here's the bottom line.  Do I want to stand before God's throne and say I kept a clean house, I made sure my child was athletic, musical, artistic and got good grades, I was present at all the important church activities, and I changed the oil in my car every three thousand miles because I was such a good steward of my blessings?  Is that all I will have to show for the gift of life?" (270)

I don't know that I'll be reading more by Lisa Sampson, but I did think it was good to ponder how often the modern woman can get caught up in busyness--even the busyness of serving others--and feel empty and unfulfilled in the midst of it.  I appreciate the way this book pushed the main characters out of their comfort zone (because I think we all need that!), but it wasn't just the "big stuff" of  volunteering in homeless shelters, it includes the so-called little things of connecting with the lonely widower next door.

What We Keep

I read What We Keep by Elizabeth Berg on a good friend's recommendation and if you're looking for an easy but thought-provoking work of fiction, I would pass that recommendation on to you. 

Judging from this book alone, as the only title of hers I've read, I would say Berg is intuitive and understands people. I have to admit I found it a little disturbing--both as a daughter of divorced parents and as a mother. . .and let's face it, as a wife. Where is that line between fulfilling a responsibility to your children and being you? The line seems to also be dependent on one's relationship as a daughter of the Heavenly Father--or lack thereof.

Quotes that stood out to me:

"Sometimes I think what you say to kids doesn't make a damn bit of difference. It's all in what you do. It really is. It is all in what you do" (165).

"I wanted only that my loyalty not be tested in either direction" (210). (If only divorced parents could give this to their children!)

"I have finally begun to learn a kind of happiness that I thought I would never know! I have to get stronger in all this, I need to--" (214) (said by the mother after leaving her daughters in pursuit of herself)

"I knew what Sharla was feeling: the pull to a mother versus the great discomfort of spending time with a stranger who asked too much of you. . .my image of my mother was tempered by some measure of compassion: I could see how much she hurt. But I could not give her what she wanted. Not the things she named, such as living with her at least part-time; not the things she did not name that were the things she wanted most, such as a move back inside me to the lit place she used to occupy. That place was gone" (239).

"It's funny how, oftentimes, the people you love the most are given the least margin for error" (242).

(one sister to the other as adults talking about their mother) "If you'd just. . .met her," Sharla says, "like at a party or something, wouldn't you like her? I mean, doesn't she seem like a pretty neat woman?" (255)

"You can't get away from some things. You say you're turning your back on someone, and you start off down a long road, and you walk so very far, and then you find out the road is just a big circle and you are back where you started" (261).

And that doesn't begin to touch the passages about her marriage, their lack of connection, her feelings of being trapped, of him not knowing her, of not fulfilling her dreams of who she meant to be. Lots in this book, well worth reading. I could definitely chat this one out in a couple of red chairs! ;)

The Thought I Try Not To Think

It sounds a little like a Dr. Seuss title, doesn't it?

Yet it's not a fun thought.  I'm trying to walk in faith, trusting the Lord.  And the truth is, I'm getting ridiculously excited for another baby to join our family.

Especially when I get fun little packages in the mail like this pile of burp cloths from a friend who has committed to praying us through this journey.  (giggle and tee hee)

But I have this little niggling of fear in the back of my head.  For those of you who have been around for awhile, you'll remember that our past adoptions have gone really fast.  So fast, in fact, that we haven't really been matched with expectant mothers until the baby was born, or right before the birth.  Easton was three weeks old.  We met Kiana's birthmom the day before Kiana was born.  And we had been in conversation with Tyrell's birthmom the last week or so of her pregnancy, but she didn't choose us to parent him until he was four days old.

Then there was Cleara who chose us to parent her baby a couple of months before the baby was born.  We decorated the baby's room, some friends had a baby shower, I had my freezer full of meals. . .and she decided to have her mom parent the baby.

Cleara's baby was due March 17, 2010. 
Abigail's baby is due March 22. 
Gulp.

Learning to trust one day at a time. . .
and trying not to think.

Redemption

Redemption by Karen Kingsbury

I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed this book which a woman from church brought and told me I should read.  The characterization was good enough that I feel like I know the adult Baxter siblings and I am looking forward to reading the rest of the series to see what happens in their lives.

This particular installment focused mostly on Kari who discovers her husband's infidelity.  The way they deal with it was refreshing to me, even as it was painful.  I have to admit I guessed how it would end, but that's just me--always trying to figure out how the plot will go.  I still enjoyed the journey getting there. :)

Two quotes stood out to me:

"God will always honor your choice.  If ever you decide not to put God first, God will always honor your choice" (135).

I thought this was a really good point. We are the ones who make the choice about following God or following self and God will allow the consequences that come from following self.

"When they were kids it all seemed so easy.  They went to church and believed, and in return God took care of them and made sure everything worked out the way it was supposed to" (213).

Hmmmm, trying to process that one.  It seems an immature understanding, for sure.  The character who had this thought is struggling with her faith, and I would guess her understanding is part of the reason.  The Bible FOR SURE never promises that our lives will be easy because we follow the Lord.  I think there are too many people who have this sort of expectation and then struggle when life happens to them.  I think that's one of the reasons I am so enjoying this series (for I moved immediately into the second book before writing this review)--real life is happening to the Baxter family and that makes them relatable.

Answered Prayer

It's funny how clearly we can see answers to prayer when we step out in faith.

I hate to talk too much about money (it makes everyone a bit uncomfortable, right?), but unfortunately, money is a rather large part of the adoption process.  It also provides an avenue for the Lord to make His provision abundantly clear.

We really stepped out on faith financially this time--more than we've ever done before (which to spell it out for you means we have less money saved than we ever had in any of our other adoption journeys).  I have to admit I thought we might receive some assistance from our local church and we swallowed our pride to share all the details with the leadership only to have them say they would not be assisting us financially at all.  The first time we've ever asked for any help and we get a flat no.  Discouraging, to say the least.

We even went through a couple days wondering if we should be on this journey again after all.  We  had prayed for the Lord's guidance and discernment all along the way, but we were second guessing.  Maybe this is just foolish to step so far out in faith.  Besides, we have five kids already.  And we will be almost 60 years old by the time this child is of an age to be independent.

Oh, the father of lies is sneaky, sneaky. 

But we talked with an older brother in the Lord for whom we have utmost respect and he was only encouraging.  When Alan came right out and asked if he thought we were being foolish, he adamantly replied "No."  He asserted that this child needs a home and he or she needs to be in our home.  Encouraged (that is, filled with courage), we continued onward.  We've been praying for discernment, for provision, for trust and peace.

The Lord then proceeded to be so kind as to give us three affirmations that we are following Him and that He will provide.   I just have to record these so I don't forget them, so I can glorify the Lord, and so I can revisit them at some time in the future when I need to be reminded of His provision.

1. First, our former church in Missouri before we moved to Iowa sent us an unsolicited check for $1,000 when we shared the good news with them.
2. Next, we were leaving a friend's house and he pulled Alan aside to ask (again, unsolicited) if we would please let him be a part of our adoption journey.  He would like to buy one of our plane tickets to travel to Phoenix to pick up the baby (I'm guessing this will cost around $500 as we don't know the exact date Abigail will go into labor so we can't get tickets ahead of time).
3. Third, Alan has been serving as the Operations Manager over two branches at his job the last few months while a co-worker is undergoing treatment for pancreatic cancer.  The end of last week his boss was thanking him for the job he has been doing and told him he would be receiving a bonus this week.  "I think you will be very happy with it," were the exact words.  I don't yet know the amount of this bonus, but I know every dollar of it will be applied toward adoption costs.

Doesn't that sound like answers to prayer to you?  The Lord is going to provide, yet again!

It's humbling (but not humiliating) to think He cares so much for me to move His people to answer my prayer.  I must admit it's not as easy for me to be a recipient as it is to be the giver, but I know how the Lord works.  He uses our needs to grow us--both the person receiving and the person who has the opportunity to be used by the Lord to meet a need.

Really, isn't it neat to think that the Lord allows us to be used to answer someone else's prayer?  It convicts me to continue walking in the Spirit (as Paul encouraged in Galatians) heeding the nudge to give, to make that call to a lonely person, to send that card of encouragement or friendship, to make a second lasagna to share.

Another Blessing Through Adoption

Time just keeps getting away without me getting time to blog.  I wonder time and again if I should just let it go altogether, yet I can't bring myself to stop completely.  I had decided I would let it drift to just being a place to record my thoughts from reading various books, but then I got started on Goodreads.  My blog has been pretty quiet these last couple of weeks while I've played on that site with friends who actually talk back to me.

But recently I've been reading through my past posts from previous adoptions and they have been very encouraging and faith-building for me as we step out in faith again.  So as I have time, I'll try to record this journey to revisit in years to come.

In this particular journey, we received an email from a "friend of a friend" stating that an agency in Arizona currently had 16 women who have chosen life for their babies and are looking for families to parent them, but the agency didn't have enough families to present.  Would we be interested in being presented?  We received this email on a Thursday, contacted the agency and started filling out all the required paperwork over the weekend, and were presented to some birthmothers on the following Tuesday.  We met with Abigail via Skype on Thursday evening and were informed this past Friday that she wanted us to parent her baby who is due March 22.

 

Phew!  It was rather overwhelming at first as it felt like someone had turned on a treadmill under our feet and set it on warp-speed and we were scrambling to find our balance.  Now that we have all the paperwork fully completed (for now at least) and were able to borrow some money from a family member (until the bank loan comes through) to send to the agency, we are getting excited.  I am tickled at the thought of having a baby in my sling again.  We are having fun tossing around possible names (for both boys and girls as we don't know this baby's gender yet) and looking up their meanings.   All five kiddos are extremely excited at the thought of having another sibling.  Easton, Kiana, and Tyrell are especially excited to have a new little baby and seem to think it will be a girl to make the family "even" since we currently have one more boy in the family than we have girls.  We will all be happy whether it's a boy or a girl.

At this point, we don't know much else.  We know that both birthparents are Caucasian.  We know that birthmom is just a couple years younger than I am (somewhat reassuring to me as I have been thinking I might be too old to do this baby thing again--but biologically speaking, I am not too old! smile)  We know that Abigail has chosen us to love her baby because she thinks we can provide a stability that she can't at this point in her life.

And we know, above all, that our Lord God is able, He is mighty, He provides, and He goes before us.  Your prayers are humbly requested for Baby's safety, for Abigail as she goes through the end of pregnancy and the pain of relinquishing her baby for someone else to raise, and for us as we traverse this journey. 

‘Ah Lord God! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and by Your outstretched arm! 

Nothing is too difficult for You  

Jeremiah 32:17