Pregnancy Center Fundraising Banquet

One of the blessings we've found since moving is the opportunity to get more involved with our local pregnancy center.  Alan has been serving on the board, and then as president of the board, for a few years, and this past year we suggested putting together a fundraising banquet like one we had attended in Missouri.  It's been a couple months since the banquet, and I've had this post sitting in my drafts folder for a while, but I want to post it now so I don't forget about it.

Alan had board meetings twice a month for several months to get ready.  It shouldn't take so much time planning in future years, but everything from getting a facility, finding a speaker, recruiting sponsors, advertising, programs, music, catering, etc. had to be researched and figured out from scratch.  When all was said and done, about $20,000 was raised, and the board deemed it a resounding success.

Alan welcomed the group, introduced the board, presented the vision the board has for the future of the center, and shared a little about his connection to adoption and pregnancy centers.  The speaker for the evening, Norm Palaski with Iowa Right to Life, shared his journey from pro-choice to pro-life.  Then Rita, the executive director of the center, shared her story of being adopted, and explained the many services the center offers women and families.

We had nice piano music playing in the background while we enjoyed a delicious supper of a beef tenderloin with a demiglaze and chicken breast, garlic mashed potatoes, and vegetable medley and our dessert choice of chocolate cake, cheesecake, and red velvet cake.

We had rented all the plates, cups, saucers, etc. and we volunteers cleared all the tables and washed all the dishes to save money.

Wow, that was a big job!  Ha! We hope to not have to do quite all of that in future years, but you have to start somewhere, right?!

Overall, the event was a resounding success.  It got people talking about (and learning about) the pregnancy center, raised money to keep the doors open, and resulted in 15 people filling out volunteer applications.  Alan has been asked to go and speak to a few people in the community (including at a baby shower to raise donations for the center, ha!) which will continue to raise awareness.

We had a great time with friends and feel really blessed to be a part of this community.

The Atonement Child

My friend Alana chose The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers for our November book discussion.  I had read the book several years earlier and as usual, enjoyed Francine's rich characterization and the way she uses a fictional story to illustrate a rich message and drive a point home.

At first glance, the theme for this particular novel was abortion.  What will the main character, an innocent, sheltered Christian college girl, choose when she conceives a child through rape?  The author exposes many points of view through the counsel she receives from her friends at the christian college, her pastor-majoring-fiance, her parents, and her grandmother.  As the story unfolds, we learn of others who were faced with the same decision--to kill, or not to kill.  A married woman with children whose doctor says delivering her baby will likely kill her.  An unmarried young woman whose boyfriend abandons her and she has her whole life before her and limited resources to care for a child.  Rivers even manages to smoothly insert the experience of an abortionist doctor into the main storyline.

I think Francine Rivers once again humanizes a hot topic.  She addresses all the issues, all the arguments people use to justify aborting a baby, by introducing us to characters we can care about and letting us feel the emotions.  Not only does she introduce us to characters as they wrestle through the decision, but she also shows us the consequences of their choices.

As I said, abortion is the theme of the novel at first glance.  Yet I think there is a deeper theme that makes the book so successful--what position do you give the Lord in your life?  Because the place you give the Lord determines how you handle the trials in your life.  Some people blame the Lord in anger, some people feel like the Lord let them down and cheated them from what they deserve (and after all their good works and service too!), some people decide they have to take their lives into their own hands because the Lord must have messed up or at least dropped the ball here, and some people are so bound by lists and rules and tradition that they don't even realize they are missing the Lord completely.  Other people, however, turn to the Lord, burrow into His rest and comfort, trustingly place their hand in His and follow where He leads.

In many ways, this book is a difficult read for me.  I can't help putting my nearly-18-year-old daughter in the place of the main character, which horrifies me.  I can't imagine how broken she would be by such an experience.  I'm also passionate about life and the blessing children are so abortion makes me feel sick to my stomach.  But it's a really good book, a well-told story, and it reminds me to continually keep the Lord on the throne and to trust Him with my life.  He never promises our lives will be easy or free of trials.  What He promises is that He will be there with us through it.

A New Vision

I get such a kick out of myself sometimes and the way I can think I have some great idea, the perfect plan, and then the Lord moves me in a different direction and reminds me that His ways are so much higher than my ways.

There is a crisis pregnancy center (offering alternatives to abortion and parenting support and training) near us which has experienced some financial struggles in the last few years as a major employer (who matched employee charitable gifts!) moved out of the area.  We were blessed to be involved with a very active pregnancy crisis center in Missouri which was led by an inspiring director, and we were eager to get involved here. 

I talked with the director on the phone about various fundraising ideas, public relation-building events, and other needs such as washing donated clothing, cleaning the building on a volunteer basis, and hosting baby showers for mothers who chose to parent their babies.  I took in some baby blankets and other baby items we no longer needed and visited with her again.  We raised pledges and took part in the Walk for Life last Spring.  My husband also went to the facility and visited with the director and was asked if he would be willing to serve on the board, to which he agreed.

She never followed up with any of this.  No follow up call for me to clean or pick up baby clothing, no follow up call for Alan to come to a board meeting, no follow up call to help with fundraising (for which I had some great ideas, of course!).  Frankly, I was a little annoyed.  I had this all figured out, you know--how we could serve and promote life and prevent abortions.  But she wasn't being proactive and putting us to work.

Our first time meeting Easton May 2006

Well, I've been chuckling to myself the last several days about how the Lord works.  Here I was volunteering to wash donated baby clothing and such, but the Lord was planning to use me and the experiences He has provided for us in a different way.

A young woman who was not in a good situation came to the center and discovered she was pregnant.  The director told her about a couple families she knows who are interested in adopting and she picked one she would like to meet.  She would like an open adoption, and the prospective parents are unsure what they think of that idea, so the director gave them my name and number.  She knew the Lord had blessed us with three precious children through open adoption and thought we would be able to answer the prospective parents' questions and give them not only one picture, but three different pictures of what open adoption can look like.

Daddy meets Tyrell and holds him for the first time  July 2010

Well, we had a wonderful phone conversation and then met for supper the next night and I shared what the Lord has done in our adoptions.  I told her about the different ways our children's birthparents have adapted to their decision and the relationships we have developed with them.  I told her about our correspondence through the years and the opportunities we have had to meet with birthparents to build that relationship between parent and child and  provide reassurance that their child is healthy, happy and loved.

I was able to help prepare her for setting the "tone" of the relationship and compiled a list of questions/talking points for when they meet.  I suggested that they write a letter "introducing themselves" that they could give the expecting couple when they met, knowing that it would be a big meeting for them and they would be overwhelmed so having a summary of the prospective family to take home and review would be reassuring.  And of course I sent her home with a few books about open adoption to further prepare them.

I truly believe open adoption is a wonderful option when a woman is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and doesn't feel able to parent her child.  I am grateful that my children have pictures of their birthparents so they can identify physical characteristics they have inherited.  I am grateful we have relationships with their first parents and can share stories about their parents and talents they share.  I am so glad these relationships will one day provide an opportunity for answers to questions my children might have about why their first parents made an adoption plan.  Should my children someday have a health situation for which they need a blood relative, they each have the ability to contact numerous blood relatives.

I understand why it is a scary prospect for these prospective parents, but we have found open adoption to be a rich blessing and it was such an amazing opportunity to answer their questions and share our experiences.  It is natural to be afraid of the unknown, but by sharing our story we were able to ease their fear and educate them so they can also be blessed by open adoption.

Kiana--9 months old

Isn't it funny how I had "my idea" of how I could serve the pregnancy center but God was preparing something completely different?!  I can just see this being a perfect niche the Lord has prepared me for, to mentor families (both adoptive and birth?) as they go through the adoption process. Not what I had in mind at all. . .but truly amazing! 

Unplanned

We spent last weekend visiting friends in Missouri and one of my friends told me about a documentary she had seen called "Unplanned."  As she talked about it, I remembered I had that title on my incredibly long "want to read" list because of a review Carrie wrote last summer.

Then we went to another friend's house and she had the book sitting on her bookshelf and she offered to let me bring it home and read it.  I started it at 11 pm last night and shut the back cover at 1:30 am--I just couldn't put it down.

If you've been around here any length of time, you know I am a proponent of life.  I'm not just against abortion when a woman is unable or unwilling to parent her child; I'm for adoption.  So Abby Johnson's account of her time working for Planned Parenthood and how she "crossed the lifeline" certainly triggered my interest.

To quickly summarize the storyline, Abby started volunteering at Planned Parenthood in college in an effort to help women.  This led to her employment and eventual promotion to director of the clinic where she had chosen a second abortion of her own.  As she interacted with pro-life demonstrators and contrasted their love with the progressively profit-driven Planned Parenthood, she eventually not only resigned from Planned Parenthood but started volunteering with the Coalition for Life and now travels all over the United States sharing her pro life message.  The climax of her story took place when she assisted in an ultrasound-guided abortion and watched the baby trying to move away from the probe as he was sucked into the vacuum.

I think part of what made Abby's story so compelling to me is my desire to teach my children to be able to think, to analyze arguments for their logic or fallacies, and approach life from a biblical worldview.  Abby's story is a good illustration of a young woman not being grounded in a biblical worldview or owning an ability to discern truth from lies. 

You see, Abby was swayed as a college student by the Planned Parenthood rhetoric of empowering women and reducing the number of abortions with birth control.  As she progressed along her career path, she swallowed their "talking points" and parroted them back at the clients and media.  Others in her life, including her parents and her husband, saw through the rhetoric but she just wasn't discerning.  I want to prepare my children to think through what someone else says, to recognize fallacies in reasoning, and especially to *know* the Truth so well that they simply will not buy into a pack of lies, no matter how prettily packaged.

There are two other points in this book I would love to sit down and chat out with a friend.  I was saddened again by the lack of unity among professing Christians on this issue and appalled that one church would be categorized as "pro-life" while another is "pro-choice".  No wonder we are here, folks!

I also appreciated the reminder that we are all human, we all make mistakes, we are all susceptible to being misled.  I liked her representation that not all abortionists are necessarily evil people looking forward to killing babies.  We have an enemy--and it's not the people who are misled and being used by him.  Abby Johnson is a great example of someone who was influenced by the love of the Lord which led to repentance and her story inspires me to share that love with others while trusting the Lord to bring about fruit.

(And as a totally irrelevant aside, have you noticed how many books being with the prefix "un"?  Unbroken, Unglued, Uncompromising, Unplanned. . .)

Countering the Lies

Last weekend our family got to participate in the walk for life to raise awareness and funds for the local crisis pregnancy center.  It's a cause we believe in, especially as our culture is intent on repeating lies about when life begins and the relative value of life.  As I've said before, I think we need to speak the truth in order to counter belief in these oft-spoken lies.

After the walk, we listened to a short presentation and I have been mulling over some of the speaker's points all week.  He thinks it is good to raise awareness about life and organizations that promote life, but He contends the battle against abortion is "not a matter of using more convincing graphics or better reasoning.  It is a spiritual battle.  People choose to believe a lie sometimes, even knowing it's a lie."

His sister had two abortions in years past, and she now tells him she knew it really was a baby, that life really had begun, she just chose to believe the lies the abortionist told her because it "fixed" her current problem.

Sometimes we know something is a lie, we just choose to believe it anyway.  Because it's more convenient in the moment.  Because it satisfies self.  Because the truth is hard or uncomfortable or unpopular.

The only answer to lies is Truth.  Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

Reflections on October Baby

A movie about making choices.

Choosing life.  Choosing love.  Choosing forgiveness.

I took my teenagers to see the new movie, October Baby, which was inspired by Gianna Jesson's story.  The main character, Hannah, learns at the age of 19 that she was adopted shortly after she survived a failed abortion.  The movie explores the emotions and reactions of several people affected, including Hannah, her adoptive parents, her birthmother, and the nurse at the abortion clinic, as Hannah sets out to discover her story.

There are many worthwhile messages in this movie which are especially meaningful to me, as an adoptive mother.  I'll try not to spoil the outcome as I share some of my reflections:

• I am grateful we have open adoptions with our children's birthfamilies and that our children will never have to live "that moment" of realization that they were adopted.  I don't understand the decision to keep a child's adoption from her and I can understand why she would feel like her entire life was a lie.
• I didn't understand why she set out on her journey to meet her birthmother by herself.  It made me really sad for her.  I would think that I, as an adoptive mother, would want to be there for her, especially as an adoptee just never knows what she will find on the other end.  Will it be joy or pain, reconciliation or rejection?  I would want to be there for my daughter as she goes through that.  Yet perhaps it was a good symbolism of how alone she felt, not knowing where she belonged or who she was as she reeled with the shock.
• I thought the movie was real, and I appreciated that.  It was tempting to criticize some of the reactions, but the truth is, we all have our issues, we all have our baggage, and we don't always respond in some perfect little fairytale way.  The adoptive father hadn't healed from previous loss, he was wrestling with his trust in God, and he seemed to be holding on to some resentment for financial costs.  That's just the way we are in life sometimes, isn't it?  It's a good reminder for us to first examine ourselves for issues we need to let go of and second to extend compassion as we interact with others as they will have issues that affect your interactions with them.  I also thought Hannah's role was pretty real.  I don't know how I would react to the news that I was adopted *now* let alone at the age of 19.  I thought some of her reactions were immature as she flounced off here and there. . .but that was a believable reaction as I think about it.  She was experiencing a great amount of pain and loss--who am I to say what is an appropriate reaction?
• The movie was honest.  Adoption is painful.  As I've said many times before, adoption involves loss, frequently for all involved.  The adoptee loses her first family and frequently her sense of identity.  She wrestles with the rejection, wondering what is wrong with her.  In the movie, my heart broke when Hannah said to her father "Thank you for wanting me."  That is just wrong.  Who should ever feel it necessary to thank their parents for wanting them?  That's just a basic need for all of us--I don't even think about thanking my parents for wanting me.  I just take it for granted that of course they do.  But then, I've never experienced that feeling of rejection, of not being wanted.
• One of my favorite parts of the movie dealt with Hannah's search for freedom--freedom from her burden of pain and emptiness, anger and hate.  Before she leaves to find her birthmother, she writes in her journal that she has to know the truth, and asks if the truth will set her free.  After she gets back home, she is counseled to give forgiveness rather than carrying a burden of hate.  She is pointed to the cross with the reminder "if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" (from John 8:36).  I think this was the best message of all.  We don't always get "the truth" or the closure or acceptance that we need from humans, but we can still have healing and freedom in Christ.  I love this message and could write an entire post on it alone.  Consider what it means in each of our lives.

• I was struck by the story of the actress who played the role of the birthmother as she herself had chosen abortion.  The pain that lingers with a woman after she kills her baby haunts me.  I am angry with an industry that brainwashes women into believing it is an easy solution to erase their mistake and then blithely continues on making money as women suffer in silence and regret.
• I was both sickened and saddened as the abortion nurse shared "if you're told something enough times, you start to believe it.  We were told it's just tissue."  I wonder if we are speaking the truth enough to our children, our families, our churches and communities to counter their belief in the oft-spoken lies.
• I also appreciated the wisdom the police officer shared as Hannah drew closer to finding her birthmother.  He said "remember life isn't always black and white.  Hate the crime, not the criminal."  Right and wrong are still right and wrong, I don't think he's negating that.  I think he was reminding her that we are all human, we all make mistakes, and there is always room for forgiveness.  We can extend compassion and forgiveness just as we want others, and especially God, to grace us with compassion and forgiveness when we repent.

I hope you'll get the opportunity to watch October Baby and share its truths with people in your life.  Help others believe that a baby is a baby at conception and if it's left alone, it will result in viable life outside the womb.  If it's just tissue and not life, why the urge to kill it?  If we tell the truth enough times, maybe others will start to believe it.

You've Gotta Read This

Designer Babies, Designer God

It's a little bit long, but you don't want to miss it. Thought-provoking and convicting on more than one level.

All Roads Lead to Rome

It's been a really good week at our house and the two things I'll highlight this week are Briana's preparations for TeenPact and our study of Ancient Rome.

As I've previously mentioned, Briana is heading to a four-day government class at the state capital on Monday. In preparation for this she has spent hours on homework, including several pages of vocabulary terms, becoming familiar with our state's vital statistics, analyzing bills, writing a proposed bill, reading the constitution and writing a few paragraphs explaining the Bill of Rights. She also read the book "Real Citizenship", wrote letters to her representatives, and memorized I Timothy 2:1-3 and Romans 13:1-2.
She is so excited for this opportunity and had all her homework completed, printed, and organized in page protectors in a three-ring binder by Wednesday. I'm really proud of her for being so responsible and organized--especially considering if *I* were the one going, Sunday night would be a crazy, stressful night of getting everything ready at the last possible minute!

Our study of Rome this week has been both fun and challenging. We studied Rome's many scientific and architectural accomplishments including bridges, roads and aqueducts. Briana found it especially interesting that they borrowed many of their ideas from the Greeks and Egyptians, yet were so practical and physical that they implemented their ideas and technologies in order to improve their lives. She insightfully observed that the Greeks were thinkers and the Romans were doers.
Destry was fascinated with the 53million miles of roads the Romans built, many of which are still in use today. My plan was to make a small-scale model in a pie plate to demonstrate how the Roman roads were fashioned . Alan and the kids had a better idea. Since we have worn a path through the yard going around the deck to get to our back porch, they decided we could make a "Roman road sidewalk" (I'm rather inclined to make a road sign labeled "Appian Way" giggle).
So they dug a hole to make the foundation of the road, then broke bricks into large gravel to partially fill the hole. By turning bricks vertically they created curbstones, then filled the rest of the hole in with small gravel and sand until the depth was just right for laying the cobblestones (for which they used bricks laid flat). This was their application of the description of the road-building process given by first-century poet Statius.

The first task here is to trace furrows, ripping up the maze of paths, and then excavate a deep trench in the ground. The second comprises refilling the trench with other material to make a foundation for the road build-up. The ground must not give way nor must bedrock or base be at all unreliable when the paving stones are trodden. Next the road metalling is held in place on both sides by kerbing and numerous wedges. How numerous the squads working together! Some are cutting down woodland and clearing the higher ground, others are using tools to smooth outcrops of rock and plane great beams. There are those binding stones and consolidating the material with burnt lime and volcanic tufa. Others again are working hard to dry up hollows that keep filling with water or are diverting the smaller streams.

They completed just this small section, and then it snowed again. They have the ambitious plan to finish all the way around the deck and I think it will be really neat when they are finished. This sort of learning project is just perfect for Destry, who much prefers physical labor to bookwork!
We have also thoroughly enjoyed our continued reading of Whatever Happened to Justice. As we've examined the governmental systems used by the Romans, we've learned about the rule of law--when a society realizes they must be ruled by a written law instead of by an imperfect human who is selfish and inconsistent. We've also learned the value of a limited government and the principles of common law: do all you have agreed to do and do not encroach on other persons or their property. It has been fascinating to read and discuss this book, and I just love the way it worked out for us to study this right before Briana goes to TeenPact! I'll close this post with a few quotes my children have highlighted from this book.

• Always beware of anyone who tells you a topic is above you or better left to experts. This person may be trying to shut you out. You can understand anything.
  
• In my opinion, in America today we place far too much emphasis on intelligence and too little on character. Intelligence is great, but only if used in honorable ways.
  
• If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was, and never will be. --Thomas Jefferson
  
• If once they (the people) become inattentive to the public affairs, you and I, and Congress and Assemblies, Judges and Governors shall all become wolves. --Thomas Jefferson
  
• The abortion question is terrifying to me. The eventual resolution will very likely come through a constitutional amendment. And, pro or con, the answer will be important, but not half as important as the method of answering--through political means. A right-to-life question will have been decided by majority rule. Could anything be more dangerous? Once a right-to-life question has been decided democratically, then fourteen centuries of common law reasoning will be swept away. The right to life--yours, mine, and everyone else's--will be regarded not as a given, not as a gift from the Creator, but as a gift from the voters. The victory of political law will be complete. Nuremberg will be gone, and no one's life will be safe. Our legal system will be sitting squarely on the same foundations as that of Nazi Germany.
  
• Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one. They seem to have an insatiable desire for leaders who will tell them how to think and act. Individualism is rare.
  
• The America I love is the America of principle, not of geography, and not of politics.
  
• If you want to understand what is happening in your world today, study the difference between the French Revolution and the American Revolution. The French went after democracy; the Americans went after liberty. The French got mob rule and the Reign of Terror; the Americans got the most free and prosperous nation ever seen on earth.
  
• Man cannot make principles, he can only discover them. --Thomas Paine Common law was our way of discovering legal principles. Now it is gone, but our high-tech civilization continues moving forward without its guidance. We are left without a rational way to answer legal questions about abortion, animal rights, artificial intelligence, assisted suicide, child theory, euthanasia, fathers' rights to children born out of wedlock, surrogate motherhood, etc.
  

Bella, the Movie

We watched this movie again last night, and I just want to invite you to watch it as well. I'm going to try really hard not to spoil it for you as I share my musings. It's kind of confusing as it has lots of flashbacks and even foreshadowing so sometimes you don't understand exactly what is going on, but it all comes together at the end. It is even more enjoyable to watch the second time, in my opinion.

In a nutshell, this movie is about a moment in time that changes your life. It is about a woman deciding between life and death for her unborn child. It is about a man learning to live again after a tragic moment.

There were several other thoughts prompted by this movie, however. I couldn't help but think about how different people's lives can be. One person may have lost a parent when she was a child, have no siblings, and her other parent just checked out when the spouse died. In contrast, another person has lively, joyful parents and brothers who express their love in words, action, hugs, and spending time together. The first person goes through major life events and pain such as job loss or unplanned pregnancy without a support system--totally alone. The second person, in contrast, experiences unbelievable pain, grief, regret and tragedy--but his family is by his side through every step.

This movie also made me think about priorities and seizing the moment. It made me think about putting others before myself. As you're busy with your day, and what you are doing seems sooooooooo important, are you willing to ditch it all because you see a need? What if ditching it all is going to really cost you--your entire day, emotional intimacy, perhaps your job and money?? It's not convenient; it's not fun; it's not what you feel like doing. But someone needs you. The choice you make can affect the other person for their entire life. The choice you make can affect the rest of YOUR life.

Finally, the concept of hospitality stood out to me in this movie and made me examine myself. I couldn't help noticing how a family simply had an open door. They weren't worried about the house, what they were having for food, or about their own selfish plans. Instead, they cheerfully welcomed anyone at anytime. Their sons knew they could bring anyone home at the drop of the hat and they would be welcomed with open arms. This is how I want to be. I want my children and husband to not even think about if it would be 'ok' to bring someone home with them (but I have to admit I'm not there yet!)

I love the growth experienced by the characters of this movie. I saw selflessness heal a shattered heart and life when the character responded to need in someone else. I saw gratitude replace selfishness and despair. I saw life cover the gaping wound of death.

What'll It Be?

I've been thinking a lot about choices these last few days. I wonder if we even realize the many choices we make and their possible ramifications. So often, I think we make a choice and don't realize the results of the choice until many years later.

We went to a fundraiser banquet for Lifeline Pregnancy Resource Center Thursday evening. As I listened to the speaker share the story of her abortion many years ago, I couldn't prevent tears from coursing down my cheeks even as I managed to hold back my sobs. My heart broke for her as she shared that her 'counselor' told her she had 'choices' thanks to Roe vs. Wade--even as the counselor presented no alternative to abortion. Then she shared that she came to believe Christ's death on the cross provided forgiveness of sin--but she couldn't believe it could cover THAT sin. She wouldn't forgive herself, and never had children because she had been 'such a bad mom to her first child.' She felt guilt when the father of the child (who never even knew she had been pregnant) suffered an accident leaving him paralyzed so he would never be able to have children--and she had killed his child. She never told anyone, even her family, that she had the abortion, but carried it around as a huge weight that she feared people discovering. Then she shared a dream she had nearly 30 years after the "procedure", of many tiny children playing and singing in a beautiful field. A little boy came up to her, and without him saying a word, she 'knew' he was her son--the child she had killed. And all the children in the dream represented the millions of children who are killed through abortion. So, she made the choice to share her story in the hope of preventing the deaths of more children, and the years of heartache for other women who make this choice and then are stuck with the consequences.

I've also recently been inundated with choices regarding adoption. A few days ago I read on a blog about a family who was seeking a home for their son they adopted 3 years ago. In the adoption world, I guess this is called 'disruption.' And this weekend, on a homeschool egroup I subscribe to, I read of another family going through a 'disruption'. As a result of this story, at least three or four other people on the egroup have shared similar stories to reassure the first person. This just breaks my heart--to think of a family adopting a child who has been through so much already, and then deciding they are going to. . .I mean, how do you say this?! Kick the child out? Reject the child? Break their promise of being a 'forever family'? I don't want to judge these situations because I haven't 'been in their shoes' and well, I guess I can't say I would never do it since I've never been in their situation. But I seriously cannot imagine doing it. I think it would rip a piece of my heart out. And it hurts me to hear of other people doing it-- frequently, apparently, as I've learned in just the last few days. It's common enough that there is a 'term' for it. There are support groups for those who have 'disrupted'. Wow.

And for some reason, I've been subjecting myself to reading a blog written by a girl who was adopted 22 years ago. This girl alternately hates her birthmother and idolizes her birthmother. She blames society and the 'adoption industry' and her adoptive parents for her birthmother's "rejection" of her. I've never read such negative, self-consumed, dramatic, selfish, whiny, self-centered writing in all my life. She blames everyone (adoptive parents, sister, birthmother, etc) for everything you could possibly imagine and refuses to choose to look on the positive side, to appreciate what both her birthparents and adoptive parents have done for her, or to simply grow up. She has chosen the victim mentality as thoroughly as anyone I've ever seen. Can I just confess that as an adoptive mother, this girl scares me to death?!

And, finally, I've been thinking of the choices people make in marriage. In my Bible study, I was blessed to read of Abraham's servant going to find a wife for Isaac. When Rebekah's family was told about the situation (and the servant's prayer), and asked if she could go back to marry Isaac, her father and brother responded 'This is from the Lord; we have no choice in the matter' (Gen. 24:50). Isaac and Rebekah had never met, but Genesis 24:67 says he married her and he loved her. What great choices! Rebekah and her family chose to submit to God's will in obedience, and Isaac chose to love the wife who had been chosen for him. How I wish people would choose to love the spouses they have! I'm just hearing, once again, of a 'christian' couple who are separated. She is making allegation of spousal abuse and he is making allegations of a boyfriend. They are making choices that affect eternity, their children, friends and family, the church. . . and the ripple effect goes on.

It's so sobering to me to think of the consequences of the choices we make today. How will they affect our future? How will they affect others? How will they affect our walk with the Lord and how our light shines before others?

Try Again Sally Jane

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I recently had the opportunity (misfortune??) of conversing with a group of people regarding abortion. I don't think I've ever had a more depressing conversation in my life. Aside from the expected opinions such as a 'woman's right to control what happens to her body' and 'when does life begin', there were other thoughts I wasn't quite as prepared for. Do you know that some professing christians don't agree with abortion 'except in cases of rape, incest, or danger to the mother'? We just always have to have an exception clause in there, don't we, as if God doesn't love and have a plan for every single person he makes. And then there was the opinion that a person could have one abortion if she just got 'unlucky' b/c her birth control failed. Seriously, I'm not kidding--you get one 'free pass', just don't make it a habit. I was very, very saddened by the attitude expressed by a couple of young girls. Similar to Obama's declaration that he wouldn't want his daughters to be 'punished' with a baby, these girls didn't think they deserved to have their lives 'ruined' by a baby. I was also shocked at the overall misunderstanding of adoption. When I suggested this as an option, I was met with absolute scorn. The attitude was that they would never 'give a child away' b/c it would end up in an orphanage or moved around from foster home to foster home, likely being abused and unwanted. My attempts (as an adoptive mother familiar with the process) to educate them about this option were ridiculed and demeaned. I tried to share with them that I found adoption to be a selfless and mature alternative to abortion, a decision made in the best interests of a child. I told them a child never needs to become part of 'the system' or end up in an orphanage, but that they could have control of choosing a family for their child. It just made my heart twist in pain to think of young girls killing their babies b/c they truly think it's the best option for a baby they don't want--an option preferable to being stuck in an orphanage somewhere, unwanted and unloved. But the attitude that struck me the most was the absolute self-centered, me-first, immediate gratification, what-I-deserve attitude. I can't even express it. I was literally told that adoption wasn't 'such an easy solution'. "It's not easy." Well, of course not! Is that really what we're looking for?! The easy out?! I respectfully submit to you that an 'easy answer' is not the point. The supposed dilemma here is to either end a life, raise a life, or make an adoption plan for a life. None of these three is an easy answer. This is real life, here, and there's nothing easy about it! Apparently, to these girls, ending the life is the easy answer--regardless of the psychological and potentially physical harm they will suffer in addition to the loss of the physical life of the child and their own spiritual death. As I was shocked to silence (yes, imagine that!) by this attitude--it's just not easy--I couldn't help but think of a children's book I used to read to Briana and Destry. It's called 'Try Again Sally Jane'. The main storyline involves a little girl trying to rollerskate, and she falls into a pond. As she's moaning that it's not easy, a series of animals tell their stories. I used to emulate various animals as I read it to them. "Not easy?" croaked the frog. "What is? Look at what I had to learn how to do. Jump! Dive! Eat flies! Do you think THAT was easy?" The animals show her that lots of things aren't easy, so what she needs to do is 'try again, Sally Jane'. While the message of not giving up is a good one, I also like the message that lots of things in life just aren't easy. Don't expect it to be easy. Don't look for the easy out (unless you're playing baseball!). Don't whine that it's not easy. And please, please, please, don't kill your baby because the other options 'aren't easy'. (I daresay you'll find that killing the baby doesn't turn out to be quite the easy solution you thought it would be, anyway). I think it's time to dust that book off and get my voice into shape. Easton and Kiana need to learn that life isn't about what's 'easy for me', and it's never too early to start teaching that lesson.

If this doesn't grab your heart and mind. . .

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

I'm trying something different here, and don't know if it will work. But a friend shared this (thanks Brea!) and I just had to share it with others. Gianna Jessen has some awfully good points, and I find her very convicting. It's one thing to say I don't believe in abortion because God speaks against it, but what can I *DO* to help others see His will and bring glory to Him in this issue?? Yes, the video is a little longer than you might be used to, but I don't think it will be a wasted 15 mintues for you at all. And I'm sorry folks, but I simply am unable to get the second half loaded on here, but please go to this website to hear the rest--it's worth your time! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8B1nKGIAeg&feature=related