Age Before Beauty

This is amazing. I look at my daughter's beautiful, flawless skin. It is even and smooth and. . .young. Now contrast with her momma.

I am weirdly fascinated by this picture.

Anticipating Spring

I'm trying something new. This year, I hope to have an herb garden. I want thyme and basil, parsley and chives, oregano and marjoram, lavender and mint. Most of all, I want rosemary because I *love* chicken breasts seasoned with rosemary and browned in butter. Then again, I want to try my friend's pesto--she makes the BEST I've ever had--so that basil is high on my list as well.

Easton helped me start the seeds. He was really into it on this windy day. We took it out on the deck because. . .well, you know, he's THREE!
The seeds were so tiny and he put them in "oh-so-carefully". Then we put the planter in our bay window in the living room. He ran to check them about an hour later to see if they were growing yet.He checked them and checked them--at least twice a day. Thankfully, we went to Springfield during this time.
Check it out!!! They're sprouting! What a happy little boy.

I can't help but see the spiritual parallels as we nurture these weak, spindly little plants. One plants, another waters, but GOD gives the increase. (I Corinthians 3)

Well, When You Put it THAT Way. . .

I'm reading such a great book right now! The reviews for the last three books I've read are percolating in the back of my brain, but this book is consuming much of my thoughts right now.

It's called "Crazy Love", and be ready, because I have a feeling this is the first of many posts it will prompt me to write. I feel like this theme of "LIVE your life for God" is everywhere I turn around these days--and that is the idea behind this book I'm reading. The love God has for us should inspire such an amazing love for Him and His people that we do something crazy. It's very convicting for me personally.

One 'side point' he has made has just really driven a point home to me. It's in the context of how much God loves us, and has a purpose for our lives. It's a reminder that we are created to do good works, and we shouldn't be afraid that we aren't talented enough or spiritual enough or influential enough. . .God has given us a job to do and He will equip us to complete it. "I don't have to worry about not meeting His expectations. God will ensure my success in accordance with His plan, not mine" (59). We can't be 'good enough' on our own, we just need to surrender our lives to be used for God's purpose and glory--not our own. So, here is the quote:

"Many people look at their lives and weigh their sins against their good deeds. But Isaiah 64:6 says, "All our righteous acts are like filthy rags." Our good deeds can never outweigh our sins. The literal interpretation of 'filthy rags' in this verse is 'menstrual garments' (think used tampons. . .and if you're disgusted by that idea, you get Isaiah's point). It's hard to imagine something more disgusting that we could brag about or put on display. But compared to God's perfect holiness, that's how our good deeds appear." (60)

Think about that for a minute! Next time you feel tempted to make sure everyone knows that good thing you did, imagine yourself proudly displaying a used tampon. (I know, it's easy to see what a turn off this is in others, isn't it, but I have to point it back at myself.) What a thought!

Because I'm a Kitty Cat

The answer to "Why did you write on your face with that pen?"

Living in Limbo

I talked to the adoption lawyer today. Cleara delivered her little girl March 18. Both momma and baby are healthy, Cleara is back in jail, and the baby is with her grandmother.

You would think this would provide closure, but it hasn't, largely because Cleara called the lawyer in tears this week still trying to decide what would be best for her baby--to grow up with her grandmother or to be a part of our family.

This is a strange place to be. We've prayed and prayed for Cleara and her baby so much, and I know this has tied our heartstrings to her and her life. I know it's natural to expect to mourn the loss of this baby we were expecting and had prepared for. I don't want to hold onto hope that is not mine to hold onto, but I wonder if maybe this is a God-placed hope and desire that this little girl (and possibly even her 2 yobrother and 1 yosister????) might yet become a part of our family.

So, we continue praying. Ultimately, we want God's will to be done, both in our lives and in Cleara's life and the lives of her children. But I must admit that my heart's desire is to love this baby for the rest of my life, to give her security and stability, and to teach her about her Creator and Savior. I know that isn't what our enemy wants. . .

The other birthmother has not yet met with the lawyer to view our profile to see if she would pick our family to raise the little boy she is expecting the end of April. So we are waiting, and praying, and trusting God that He has us in this place for a reason.

Please pray with us that Cleara would give her children the opportunity to know the Lord, love, and stability.

Vacation Thoughts and Ramblings

I'm having a wonderful time in Springfield with my hubby and kiddos. Even though Alan is going to meetings eight hours a day so he doesn't see it as much of a vacation, it is a real break for me. It is so relaxing to run away from cooking and cleaning and stay in a motel for a few days! We've had lots of fun swimming. . .

and playing at parks.

While the little ones nap in the afternoons, the big kids and I have been enjoying some quiet reading time, visiting, and watching the History channel. We splurged by going to Lambert's, "Home of the Throwed Rolls" before we headed home.

Today we went to Barnes and Noble. I could LIVE in that store! What's fun is I have the kids trained to love it too. (sinister chuckle) We were there for TWO HOURS!!! Easton and Kiana had great fun playing with the train table and looking at books, Destry read several books about World War II, and Briana read a book about snakes and a biography of past presidents.

Oh, I'm sorry, are we not supposed to treat BN as a library??

Anyway, I read a heart-breaking story. I Am Nujood: Age 10 and Divorced.

This book was about a Muslim girl from Yemen. Because they were poverty-stricken (and her father chose to use drugs--some plant I can't remember the name of--instead of working harder to support his family) he sold his ten year old little girl off to be the wife of a 30-year-old man. Apparently this is relatively common in this culture. The law says girls must be 15 before their fathers arrange their marriage, but the law is not enforced. So, this pre-pubescent girl was forced to get married, forcefully deprived of her innocence, and beaten for the first 30 days of her marriage. Then she worked up the nerve to go to court and demand a divorce. This is unheard of, I guess, as in their culture women can be punished by both their own family and the husband's family for insulting the men's 'honor' in not upholding a marriage arrangement.

But since she has done this, a 9 year old girl and 12 year old girl in her country have followed suit, as has an 8 year old girl in Saudi Arabia.

What a mess! Sometimes I feel so sheltered in my little life, and when I 'step outside' my box to see what is going on around the world, I get so overwhelmed by the ugliness. I feel like I should 'do something'. . .but what can I do? I guess awareness and prayer are the first steps. . .

This story also made me think about the power of example. If we will just be brave enough, just be courageous enough, to take a step--even when we are the only one doing it--our courage can inspire courage in others.

I think of David, in I Samuel 17. Have you ever stopped to think that he *could have* just sat there and bemoaned the fact that the lion and the bear had taken his sheep? But no, he went after those beasts, he courageously stepped forward and fought--and through the strength of the Lord, he won the battle.

These victories prepared him for an even greater battle. But notice, once again, it's not as if Goliath came knocking specifically on David's door. He wasn't challenging David specifically. No one was expecting David to be the one to fight this champion--he was just a shepherd boy, the youngest of eight brothers--indeed, three of his older brothers were trained for battle while David was not.

But David stepped up.

I've heard people use this story to remind us that one day, we will all face our own Goliath. And that is true, we may. Goliath may come knocking on our door in the form of disease or loss or whatever. But I wonder how many opportunities we've had to step up, in the power of the Lord, to defeat the bear, the lion, the giant. . .yet we didn't. Because we're just waiting for something to stand on our doorstep rather than aggressively looking to battle for the Lord. I'm not saying to *create* a Goliath, or even to look for a giant. . .but to RECOGNIZE when he is there, defying the army of the Lord, and stand up to say "The battle belongs to the Lord!"

Coasting

I was talking with a good friend recently and we got to talking about our individual Christian walks. She shared that she almost hates to say it, (for really, who wants to invite one!) but she feels closer to God when there is a crisis in her life. It's under these circumstances that she is most often engaged in a passionate prayer life and is immersed in God's Word. This is the time period we are most likely to fall on our face before God. Why is that, we wondered. Perhaps because we are most likely to go to Him when we are made to realize we are out of control--when we simply can't do it all on our own.

I was reminded of this conversation when reading "Hinds' Feet on High Places" in the last couple weeks (I'm way behind on blogging--I have about three books I want to review! smile). Much-Afraid was similar to my friend. When the traveling was nearly impossible (by human standards), she was able to focus on her Shepherd and trust in Him to get her through. But once the traveling was easier. . .let's face it. She grew impatient. She wanted to hurry up and get to the destination. She wondered what the point was of just continuing on in this sunshine. Dare we suggest she . . .got bored??

It had been easier to accept the hard path and to be patient when the sea was grey and dull than now when the sun shone and everything else around looked bright and happy and satisfied. She put her hand in the Shepherd's and said sorrowfully, "You are quite right. I have been thinking that you are allowing me to follow this path too long and that you were forgetting your promise." (104)

She began to realize that, cowardly though she was, there was something in her which responded with a surge of excitement to the tests and difficulties of the way better than to easier and duller circumstances. It was true that fear sent a dreadful shuddering thrill through her, but nevertheless it was a thrill, and she found herself realizing with astonishment that even the dizzy precipice had been more to her liking than this dreary plodding on and on through the bewildering mist. In some way the dangers of the storm had stimulated her; now there was nothing but tameness, just a trudge, trudge forward, day after day, able to see nothing except for white, clinging mist which hung about the mountains without a gleam of sunshine breaking through. (157)

Isn't that an interesting thought to consider? As I've continued thinking about it,however, I think someone else might have a different perspective. Someone else might have a pretty 'cushy' life, professing to be a follower of Christ, but when the storm hits. . . her faith is challenged, she questions 'why me?', she doubts God's love for her and perhaps turns completely from Him.

Sometimes we are tempted to love God's BLESSINGS more than we LOVE GOD.

Have you ever thought about that? Is your love for Him defined by what He does for you? This is such a huge thought to me. I want my love to be for God, not just for the blessings He showers on me; not just because the church tells me to love Him, but to have a passionate love for my Creator, my Savior, just because of Who He Is.

If your material things were removed; if your children were removed; if your spouse was removed; if your freedom to gather with fellow Christians was removed. . .would you love Him then?

When life is busy: the job is demanding, the kids have a million activities, your church has a ministry going on nearly every day, the dishes/laundry/dirt are threatening to take over your house, and you're determined not to sacrifice your "me time" to make the crazy schedule work. . .do you love Him then? Because, for me, this is the time that sounds like the "dreary plodding on through the bewildering mist", the "trudge, trudge forward, day after day, able to see nothing" that Much-Afraid referenced in her journey. This is the time, when I get so caught up in the "cares of this world". . . that I lose sight of the big picture. I can't see that my life is just a vapor, a fading flower, withering grass--and I don't have time to waste just coasting along.

How about you? When is your faith the strongest? And looking back over your christian walk, what can you see going on when your faith is the weakest?

Much-Afraid

I recently finished the book "Hinds' Feet on High Places". It is a story, rather like an allegory, about a girl named Much-Afraid who left the Valley of Fear that she has always known, and embarks on a journey with the Shepherd to become a new creation. I like the way Suffering and Sorrow are her constant companions to help her become a new creation. I especially appreciated the way the book addressed our longings and fears as we follow God. There are time we can't see what is ahead; there are times we feel like we are going in circles; there are times we feel like He is not leading us where we really want to go. But through it all, we trust that He is good and loving, and when He asks us to lay something down, it is for our own good. The walk we are on, even when accompanied by sorrow and suffering, is the walk we must take to develop our "hinds' feet." The story of our walk with our Lord is ultimately a love story. We learn to love Him more and more, to depend on Him more and more, and we learn that He is always there the instant we call for Him because of His great love for us.

Here are some quotes I especially enjoyed and don't want to forget.

As the Shepherd asked (if love had been planted in her heart) he looked at her very steadily and she realized that his eyes were searching into the very depths of her heart and knew all that there was there far better than she did herself. She did not answer for a long time, because she was not sure what to say, but she looked rather flinchingly into the eyes which were gazing at her so penetratingly and became aware that they had the power of reflecting what they looked upon. (24)

It is only up on the High Places of Love that anyone can receive the power to pour themselves down in an utter abandonment of self-giving. (60)

Sorrow and Suffering had always seemed to her the two most terrifying things which she could encounter. How could she go with them and abandon herself to their power and control? 67

But remember, though bread corn is brused, no one threshes it for ever; only until the bruised and broken grain is ready for its highest use. This also cometh forth from the Lord of Hosts, which is wonderful in counsel and excellent in working Is. 28:29, pg 88

Remember also that it is always safe to obey my voice, even if it seems to call you to paths which look impossible or even crazy. (93)

She clung to them and sobbed again, "I am afraid to call," she gasped. "I am so afraid that if I call him, he will tell me that I must go that way, that dreadful, dreadful way, and I can't. It's impossible. I can't face it. Oh, what shall I do? Whatever shall I do?" (123)

The awful glimpse down into the abyss of an existence without him had so staggered and appalled her heart that she felt she could never be quite the same again. However, it had opened her eyes to the fact that right down in the depths of her own heart she really had but one passionate desire, not for the things which the Shepherd had promised, but for himself. (176)

It looks as though they think it is the loveliest movement in all the world, as though to cast oneself down is to abandon oneself to ecstasy and joy indescribable. (186) {Speaking of the Falls of Love by Much Afraid} "At first sight perhaps the leap does look terrible," said the Shepherd, "but as you can see, the water itself finds no terror in it, no moment of hesitation or shrinking, only joy unspeakable, and full of glory, because it is the movement natural to it. Self-giving is its life. It has only one desire, to go down and down and give itself with no reserve or holding back of any kind. You can see that as it obeys that glorious urge to obstacles which look so terrifying are perfectly harmless, and indeed only add to the joy and glory of the movement." (187)

Always go forward along the path of obedience as far as you know it until I intervene, even if it seems to be leading you where you fear I could never mean you to go. (189)

Much-Afraid could hardly do more than crawl forward on hands and knees. All along she had hoped that the higher she went and the nearer she got to the High Places, the stronger she would become and the less she would stumble, but it was quite otherwise. (205)

One flame burned (in her heart) steadily, the flame of concentrated desire to do his will. Everything else had died down and fallen into ashes. (211)

She found herself blushing as she remembered some of the dogmatic statements which she and others had made in the depths of the valley about the High Places and the ranges of Truth. They had been able to see so little and were so unconscious of what lay beyond and above. . .things which she had thought dark and terrible and which had made her tremble as she looked up from the Valley because they had seemed so alien to any part of the Realm of Love were now seen to be but parts of a great and wonderful whole.(236)

What she learned:
1) accept with joy all that you allow to happen to me and lay down my own will on the altar
2) bear with love and forgive others
3) you never see me as I was, but as I would be when you completed your work in me (and want us to see others the same way)
4) every circumstance, if reacted to in love and forgiveness and obedience to your will can be transformed (overcoming evil with good)(240)

Suddenly she discovered that her feelings toward her relatives and those who lived down there in the Valley had undergone a complete change, and she saw them in a new light. She had thought of them only as horrible enemies, but now she realized that they were just miserable beings such as she had been herself. They were indwelt and tormented by their different besetting sins and ugly natures, just as she had been by her fears. They were wretched slaves to the natures which gave them their names, and the more horrible the qualities which characterized them, the more misery they endured, and the more we should show them compassion. (247)

The Gift

A good friend took my children yesterday to give me five solid hours for fasting, prayer, and Bible study. It's amazing what comfort and healing and peace can come with a gift like this. I prayed, I read, I cried, I sang. I realized and confessed sins, prayed for myself and for others. I prayed and I walked outside and I memorized Scripture.

Among other things, I read and prayed Psalm 34 and read the book of Joshua. I memorized some verses God spoke to Joshua and right now to my heart:

I will be with you. I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them.
Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey. . .do not let the Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

I was reminded that God is in control and it is just for me to learn about Him and obey Him. So, back into the adoption journey I go, submitting our profile for birthparents to consider, surrendered to God's will, whatever it may be.

The Joy of Music

Destry has been studying violin for six years now. Sometimes I have wondered if it would last. He has learned perseverance, responsibility, and time management in addition to the many things he has learned musically. But something I am seeing now is a joy in music. I love seeing this in him. He is starting to play 'for fun' (not just to practice) and he is picking out tunes such as from the Fiddler on the Roof and other little melodies. Here is a sample of him playing the fiddle part from Casting Crown's song "Praise You With the Dance." I love that he just picked up his violin to 'see if he could play it.'

If you don't know the original, you can listen to it at about 2:47 on this video.


We have been blessed with his teacher, Karen, this year. I am amazed at how much he has grown under her instruction. I think she has been influential in his growing appreciation of music as well as his overall improvement. He has a great deal of respect for her, and she is patient with him, yet challenges him.

He has just started taking piano lessons too. He was messing around on his keyboard, and we have been torn for some time about getting him lessons because we didn't want to "take the fun out of it." But as he has played around on it more and more, picking out more melodies (including an AC/DC song--thanks Dad!), we decided to take the step and enlist a guide. He has had only two lessons, and I sat on a couch reading a book during the second lesson. I literally had tears in my eyes after Mrs. Twila let him sightread a song once, took the music away, then told him to play it again. He did so, then she told him to play it again in the key of F. He did so, then she told him to play it again in the key of A Minor. I feel so blessed--this is exactly what I wanted for him! He's having fun and he's being challenged at the same time.

So What Happens Now

Even though this song isn't completely appropriate to this place in our adoption story, it's the song that came to my head as I was unpacking our suitcases this morning. :) In case you don't know it, Eva was a poor girl with big ambitions who. . .uh. . .used her influence over men to get to the top, if you know what I mean. Yet, she's a likable character and many of her countrymen looked to her as a hero of the people.

I know, silly me, but I like Evita, this music expresses my emotions, I was unpacking suitcases (which made me think of some lyrics from the song), and I really do wonder "so, what happens now."



We do have Hope, however, which brings us comfort and joy even in our sorrow. I can't help but think of someone like Eva, or Cleara. . .or countless others who don't have that hope, who don't even know what they're missing. The hardest thing for us has been thinking of this little girl, for whom we have prayed and prayed, living that life. Cleara has had pretty much every experience you don't want your child to have to go through, yet she's sentencing her children to that same life, that same caregiver. That's the hardest part, wondering why, yet knowing that God sees the big picture and we don't have to know or understand.

So, I received another profile today of a birthmother who is looking for a family to raise her baby. And you know what I think? I'm just not ready yet. It's so sad--this girl's life, she's had two abortions in the past, she has her priorities all messed up. . .You just put yourself so out there and you pray and pray for someone and I'm not a 'detached' kind of person. I'm not over Cleara's story--can I take on another one? I don't know, we'll pray about it of course, and I'm sure God's will will prevail. But right now, I feel a little too tender.

But then, it's not about me, is it?

Blessed

I am blessed by friendship, and by the Body of Christ. I appreciate you all and am thankful to have you along on this journey, wherever it leads.

Bruised

Failed adoption.

That's the term for it. Cleara has decided she wants her mom to raise her baby, not us. Ouch. It hurts. What it means is no baby to hold, no baby to lie in that crib, no baby to cuddle and sing to and rock.

So strange--this is the first time we've had two months of notice and waiting. This is the first time we've decorated a room in preparation to adopt a baby; the first time we've had packed suitcases sitting by the door; the first time we've had twelve meals frozen in the freezer for my mom and the kids while we are gone.

Ironic this would be the first failed adoption, hmmmm?

I'm sure we'll see God's perfect plan at some point, but at the moment it is beyond me.

Valleys and Mountains

An adoption journey is never just a stroll through the park, an amble across the prairie, or a meander along the beach.

No, it's more like a perilous climb in a mountain range with dangerous cliffs appearing right under your feet where you were just about to step. It has its amazing highs, as you stand on a peak and get an amazing view--a rush--an absolute euphoria. Sometimes you feel just this close to the absolute top--like you could just burst right through the clouds.

At other times, you feel like you're right down in a valley, surrounded by insurmountable mountainsides. It kind of looks like you might as well just settle where you're at, and not worry about continuing on, or climbing higher. Admittedly, a valley can be lush and beautiful and the presence of God is just as evident as when you're perched on a peak. But the valley wasn't the original destination.

And we're in a valley right now. We heard from the lawyer today that Cleara's mother is now trying to discourage Cleara from making an adoption plan and wants to take the baby home from the hospital. In some situations, this might be a good thing for a child to stay with a member of her birthfamily--but I'm not getting that vibe in this particular situation. I don't want to go into details now, because should the Lord still bring this baby into our family, it will be HER story, and HER privacy. But suffice it to say this grandmother has not provided a good environment for her children, they have spent time in the foster system because of choices she has made, and it just breaks my heart to think of more children in her "care".

So, we are in praying mode, confident that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). He is fully in control, and we are praying that His will would be accomplished in this baby's life. Would you join us, please?

The Snowy Day

Now that it is warming up and we have more mud than snow, I'll post of few pictures of some winter fun! We really had quite a bit of snow there for awhile. The kids love to play in it!
Kiana liked climbing on the tall piles our friend pushed for us when clearing the drive so I would stop getting stuck.Kiana is also pretty good at cajoling big brother and sister into giving her rides.Easton loves to ride his trike--it doesn't matter whether it's in the rocks, grass, mud or snow!Obviously, I borrowed my title from the title of this classic award-winning book.We've had this book for years and have always enjoyed it, but I am starting to realize it is one of only a few books we own that have African American children in the pictures. It's not something I consciously thought about until the last couple years, but I need to get more books with pictures of children who look more like my little girls. I like good books, however--I don't just want a token 'African American book'. I'm looking for good storylines, engaging characters, and well-done illustrations. Do you have any suggestions?

While I'm Waiting

I'm waiting. We haven't heard anything new on the baby and birthmother. For now, we know the baby is dropped, weighs somewhere in the neighborhood of seven pounds, and birthmom is dilated to a 2. We have most of our things packed and by the door, lots of food frozen for the kids to eat while Mom is here with them, school planned and laid out, and a sheet of contact information to take with us. We've completed another inch-high stack of paperwork and I've filled out everything in the baby book that I can so far.

So, while I'm waiting--patiently I will wait--trying still to worship and serve and not faint--and I am peaceful. . . (sorry, I have the lyrics to John Waller's song in my head!) I thought I would show you the progress on the girls' room!!

First is my very favorite arrangement, on the north wall. Isn't this adorable?!I absolutely love this room! You can see the swag and dresser scarf my good friend, Misti, made for the baby. She compiled all these wonderful decorations of the mirror and lamp and candle and basket and stuffed tiger together with the cute little elephant from Corin and the pieces I picked up at Hobby Lobby and I just love it. She printed the following poem and framed it for the girls:

I knew of you before your birth, I loved you before we ever met.
I prayed for you day and night, thankful your birth mother had chosen life.
The waiting was so anxious and hard, you already held a place in my heart.
Weeks went by, and sometimes I cried. Then the call of good news came with your daddy by my side.
Tears of joy fell on my cheek the first time I held you,
Precious Baby, so tiny and sweet. I'm thankful your birth mother had chosen life.
Rocking and singing sweet lullabies, you've brought so much joy to so many lives.
I'll love you forever, sweet little one. Memories to treasure, a new life begun.
To My Precious Girls, with love from your Mom

Yeah, it makes me blink really hard every time I read it!

Misti made pillow cases and blankets for the toddler bed and crib, and Briana made the curtain.

Here we have the southeast corner, and it now has a swag hanging above this arrangement, so it looks nice and finished.
The south wall is our big mural, which is not quite complete. My mom wrote the scripture from James 1:17: Every good and perfect gift comes from above. The picture frame to your left now holds a photo of Kiana, and the one on the right is awaiting a picture of our coming little one. Then we will put their handprints beside their pictures, and my precious friend Misti is envisioning some sort of a canopy to frame it all. I just love this room! It is so warm and cozy and absolutely beautiful!
I am just blessed beyond words with amazing friendships. I am especially blessed, as I look at this room, by my friend Misti who knew I needed something to do as I've been waiting. I'm blessed that she looked into my heart and saw what I liked and pulled this all together. I am blessed that she personalized the room with God's words, special words and sentiments, made-with-love touches, and pictures of my girls. I'm blessed by the time she has spent with me--painting, hammering, decorating, listening, praying, understanding, encouraging, supporting. . .Thank you, Lord, for such friendships--yet another good and perfect gift from above!

Counting the Cost

Yet again, I am feeling like everything in my life these last couple weeks is hammering a message home to me. This is a message I think I really need to *get*.

Did you realize this past Sunday was Purim, the holiday Jews celebrate in remembrance of God, through Esther, saving their people from massacre? If you've never read it, or even if you have, set aside an hour to read this short 10-chapter book of the Bible. We had a powerful lesson overviewing this story a couple weeks ago with our church. The main thought that stood out to me was from chapter 4, verse 16: "I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish."

As I heard this scripture, it made me think of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego who refused to worship the idol and were thrown into the fiery furnace. They said to the king, in Daniel 3:16-18, "Oh Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is *able* to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, o king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, o king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

Wow! Talk about counting the cost! These servants were fully aware that they weren't promised an easy, cushy, *happy* life in return for following God. Rather, they were aware of the strong likelihood of facing death--but it was a cost they were prepared to pay. Would you be willing to obey God to this extent--that you would die for Him? I think, to tell you the truth, that it's relatively easy to say 'yes' to this question (especially since we aren't faced with it at this moment in our country). The more difficult question, for me, is are you willing to LIVE for Him.

Am I willing to 'take up my cross' and follow Him--to deny myself and fully live for Him? I profess to be a Christian, a follower of Christ, but am I living like I believe--like I really believe?! Living for Christ is going to cost me something. It's going to require some sacrifice--most of all, I'm beginning to think, a sacrifice of my COMFORT.

Did you get that? Part of following Christ is refusing to dwell where it is comfortable. That will mean different things for different people. For some, it might mean selling your excess 'stuff' to feed the hungry. For others, cutting your 'eating out' budget or buying secondhand and sale clothing. . .or wearing what you already have. . .in order to financially care for a need. Some might move away from their friends and family to serve others or to provide their multiracial children with more diversity, or be pushed out of their comfort zone with their familiar denomination. Others might take in a child who needs to know love and security, and still others will work to serve food to the homeless (stinky, dirty, and scary though they might be) while someone else commits to do something they can not do on their own (considerable) strength--finally learning to lean on God's strength to get them through.

What is it for you, I wonder? What does giving up your own comfort, taking up your cross, LIVING for Christ look like for you? I'm trying to figure out what it looks like for me.

I'm inspired by what it looks like for Katie. Can you imagine, as a typical American teen, going to Uganda (Africa) to work in an orphanage for one year. You plan to do this, then return home to your comfortable life in Tennessee, go to college, marry your high school sweetheart, live happily ever after. But then you see a need--a huge need--for children to be loved, to see the love of Christ, to be bathed and held and fed and taught. So you stay. And you raise money for children to be fed. And you raise money for children to have scholarships to be educated to rise out of poverty. And you adopt a child who has no home, no hope, no love. And you adopt another one. . .and another. . .and now you're 21 years old, you've let go of your highschool sweetheart, you've let go of the comfortable American life, you've let go of being able to see your parents and brother on a regular basis. . .you have adopted 14 girls. And you're holding onto God.

No, not comfortable. But yes, counting the cost of following Christ. Living your life like you BELIEVE it's all true--that GOD IS LOVE. Living like you believe this life is not about this TEMPORAL life--the STUFF!! It's not about the nice houses, the fancy vehicles, the stylish clothing, the sports, the scrapping, the quilting, the hunting, the cooking, the new building, the number of people, the television, the recreation, the busyness, the children's {drama, music, sports, dance. . .fill in the blank}, the job or the career, the books read, the one with the most toys wins. . .

What is it costing me to follow Christ? And if it's not costing me, can I really say I am following Him??

Briana Turns Fourteen

B--beautiful, both inside and out
R--responsible, I can count on her to do what needs to be done
I--intuitive, she has a depth of perception beyond her years
A--actor, quiet and reserved in real life, she comes alive on the stage
N--neighborly, the kind of person who thinks of others and is willing to serve
A--adopted, child of God who loves Him fervently

Briana turned 14 on Sunday. This time is going by so quickly--it seems like she was just 4 or 5 not very long ago! Briana is such a precious blessing, and I am so very grateful she is my daughter. She chose a peach cobbler for her 'birthday cake'. . .and was blessed with lots of fun presents including a birthstone ring from Grandma and several fun tops from Sheldon and Marcy. . .
a game she desperately wanted from Jon and Shayla. . .books and the fabric and pattern for a dress she wants to make from friends. . .and outfits from Mom and Dad.She chose to take some friends to see one of her very favorite musicals, "THE FIDDLER ON THE ROOF", which was being performed by a community theater in a nearby town. It was even more special to run into another friend there on the same day.
She enjoyed it so much! It was fun for me to sit behind her as she sat with her friends and watch her clap enthusiastically. . .
or turn to one of her friends, shrug her shoulders in delight, and grin from ear to ear.
She is such a delight, it brings me joy to bless her and share these fun opportunities and memories.