The Purpose

Who am I? What am I doing here?

Those were the first two lines of a (really bad) poem I wrote when I was in middle school many years ago. That sounds like pretty common angst for a 13-year-old, but I was surprised recently to hear similar musings from a 60-something woman.

As she's looking back over her life, she's asking "What did I accomplish? Am I where I'm supposed to be?" And the questions are not bringing her peace or comfort. I understand that she's experienced disappointments and struggles in her life. But it makes me think.

Is my life about my successes and accomplishments? Is it about leaving my mark, gaining worldly acclaim, and receiving glory and recognition? I'm thinking not. I'm thinking it's about my GROWTH through my experiences and the way I HANDLE successes and failures. It seems to me my life is about my learning and being conformed into the image of Christ through the various trials and blessings I encounter.

I wonder what reflections I'll have in another 20 or 30 years. I'm witnessing what appears to me to be depression and despair in some who are dying, others who are reaching retirement age. As I'm reading Ann Voskamp's book "One Thousand Gifts," some of her initial statements sound familiar:

Where hides this joy of the Lord, this God who fills the earth with good things, and how do I fully live when life is full of hurt? How do I wake up to joy and grace and beauty and all that is the fullest life when I must stay numb to losses and crushed dreams and all that empties me out? (12)

Though I can hardly whisper it, I live as though He stole what I consider rightly mine: happiest children, marriage of unending bliss, long, content, death-defying days. I look in the mirror, and if I'm fearlessly blunt--what I have, who I am, where I am, how I am, what I've got--this simply isn't enough. (14)

We are such selfish and greedy people. It's all about me, all about what I want and don't want. But the rest of Ann's book (at least the four chapters I've read so far) is about learning to be grateful--really and truly recognizing and giving thanks--for the many blessings God gifts us with each day.

To learn how to be grateful and happy, whether hands full or hands empty. That is a secret worth spending a life on learning. (47)

C.S. Lewis said, to a man looking for fullest life: "If you think of this world as a place intended simply for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place of training and correction and it's not so bad" (54).

And I think Ann is on the right track. A large part of my purpose here is to recognize God's presence all around me and thus to be grateful. If I take the focus off myself--who am I? what am I doing here? what have I accomplished? is this really the life I was meant to live?--and instead focus on who I am in Christ I will find peace and comfort, gratitude and joy replacing doubt, fear, bitterness, and depression.

Learning and Life

We had a really productive week with lots of academic learning and lots of life-skills education. Academically, we've been studying fun things like the Punic Wars (so we found it humorous to meet a woman from Carthage this week! ha!) and the Roman soldier in history, conjugation of irregular verbs in Spanish, and punctuation in grammar. Our study of physical science was enhanced by a couple Bill Nye the Science Guy videos this week on simple machines and motion, which even Mom enjoyed. We also watched "The Scarlet Pimpernel" this week as an illustration of mob rule versus the rule of law, which was a fun wrap-up after finishing Maybury's book the previous week.

Our composer for this week was Haydn and even the little ones enjoyed this fun book about "The Farewell Symphony" before we listened to several examples of his music.

In the practical arena, Briana got her driving permit and has been racking up the hours on the road. We are all pretty happy with this cheap little 1993 Buick we bought and are enjoying the savings on fuel costs compared to our gas-guzzling van.She does pretty well with driving, although I have to admit my foot frequently stomps a little hard in the passenger floorboards. I wish there was a brake on my side of the car!Here is a little hint of Alan and Destry's woodworking project. . .It's so incredibly cool and I love it so much I will have to do a whole post about it. Can't you just imagine what it will look like when *I* am done with it?! :DThe highlight of Easton and Kiana's schoolweek was making kites.
They had great fun cutting and coloring and designing.

They didn't fly very well, so Daddy suggests next time they need to be bigger and use a lighter covering, such as newspaper instead of a brown paper bag. We'll see how it goes next time!
And I just have to share this video of Destry playing the Peanuts theme song since it's something I had to listen to all week. He thinks it is the coolest song, but it's pretty difficult. If you know the song, you'll notice he edited the most difficult part from this rendition. It's a work in progress, so if you'd like to hear what my house sounds like, play this video about 20 times--but crank up the speed. I'm glad he loves music. . .but I'm also glad that keyboard has earphones so he can sometimes play without me having to listen! :D (And I apologize for the videography--I was holding Tyrell and he was trying to get to the camera! chuckle)

Decision Points

I recently read George W. Bush's memoirs, Decision Points, and I'm so very glad I did because it was fascinating. My only regret is that I have to remove all my tags and return it to the library!
This book was engagingly written by Bush and his ghost writer, Chris Michel (who was Bush's head speech writer at the age of 26 and wrote the book at the age of 28--phew! Those facts amaze me!) After reading the first couple hundred pages I felt like I knew Bush and could sit down and have a conversation with him. I was fascinated by his unconventional education which included public and private schools, and Ivy League colleges as well as "learning through life and work experiences" throughout his 20s (reminiscent of Louis L'Amour's Education of a Wandering Man).

Throughout the book I was struck anew by how essential decisiveness is as a character trait for leaders. I admire decisiveness, likely because it's a trait I don't possess. I make lists of pros and cons all day long, then once a particular decision seems most likely, I debate it until I nearly convince myself the other choice is best. . .and the cycle continues. Bush, on the other hand, commended President Truman as "the man from Missouri (who) knew how to make a hard decision and stick by it" (174) and says he himself has "never been afraid to make a decision" (27).

Considering all the decisions he had to make in his presidency, it's a good thing he's a decisive man. While I'm a little cynical in viewing memoirs as something of an attempt to rewrite history or put a positive spin on a person's choices, I did find Bush's perspective and reasoning very interesting. I'm not great at following politics, so I was rather surprised to read his memoirs and fully realize all the major decisions he faced. From 9/11 to Hurricane Katrina to the War on Terror and stem cell research he was faced with serious decisions to be made quickly and without either full information or the current picture gained by hindsight.

I can't say I agree with every decision he made as I'm more of a fan of small or limited government than he is. I thought about adding up the millions and billions of dollars he approved the spending of, but I truly can't comprehend that many zeros. In his defense, however, he inherited a citizenry that wants the government to fix all their problems and tends to think the solution to every issue is to throw more money at it.

I apologize for yet another long review, but there are some quotes which struck me and since I have to remove those tags marking my favorite parts, I'm going to record a few that especially struck me.

• Insight about George W. personally, some of what shaped him to be the man he is.
  

"As I got older, there would be others I looked up to. But the truth is that I never had to search for a role model. I was the son of George Bush" (4).

"At times I was surly, demanding, and brash. Despite it all, my parents still loved me. Eventually their patient love affected me. When you know you have unconditional love, there is no point in rebellion and no need to fear failure" (8).

"Even if I lost, I would still have a wonderful life. My family loved me. I would be governor of a great state. And I would never have to wonder what might have been. 'When my time is up,' I would tell my friend, 'my dance card is going to be full'" (37).
"The people you choose to surround you determine the quality of advice you receive and the ways your goals are implemented. . .I was looking for integrity, competence, selflessness, and an ability to handle pressure. I always liked people with a sense of humor, a sign of modesty and self-awareness" (66).

"Each president decorates the Oval Office in his own style. . .I brought a scene of a horseman charging up a hill by W.H.D. Koerner. The name of the piece, A Charge to Keep, echoed a Methodist hymn by Charles Wesley. . .both the painting and hymn reflect the importance of serving a cause larger than oneself" (107).

• I once heard a quote that went something to the effect of "if you want to be a great man, read books about great men."
  

"Nobody I know has read or absorbed more history than Karl (Rove). I say that with confidence because I've tried to keep up. A few years ago, Karl and I squared off in a book reading contest. I jumped out to an early lead. Then Karl accused me of gaining an unfair advantage by selecting shorter works. From that point forward, we measured not only the number of books read, but also their page count and total lateral area. By the end of the year, my friend had dusted me in all categories. The final tally was 110 to 95 in books, 40,347 to 37,343 in pages, and 2, 275,297 to 2, 032,083 in total square inches" (52).

• About his refusal to allow government funding of embryonic stem cell research.
  

"In the heart of central London sat a thirty-four-story gray building. One floor contained a large, open space known as the Fertilizing Room. Inside, technicians meticulously mixed eggs and sperm in test tubes to produce the next generation. The hatchery served as the lifeblood of a new world government, which had mastered the formula for engineering a productive and stable society. . .That scene came from Aldous Huxley's 1932 novel, Brave New World. With the recent breakthrough in biotechnology and genetics, the book now seemed chillingly relevant. So did its lesson: For all its efficiency, Huxley's utopian world seemed sterile, joyless, and empty of meaning. The quest to perfect humanity ended in the loss of humanity" (106).

"If I abandoned my principles on an issue like stem cell research, how could I maintain my credibility on anything else?" (123).

(The discovery that) scientists were able to replicate the medical promise of embryonic stem cells without moral controversy. . .was the scientific breakthrough that I had hoped for when I made my announcement in 2001. Charles Krauthammer, a respectful critic of my stem cell decision in 2001, wrote, 'The verdict is clear: Rarely has a president--so vilified for a moral stance-been so thoroughly vindicated'" (124).

• A quote that made me giggle (I read elsewhere about the change in attire and respect that took place in the White House staff with the change of administration. This was Bush's only subtle crack and the one he chose to include just hit me kind of funny).

"My first Oval Office decision was to replace the desk chair--a bizarre contraption that vibrated when plugged in--with something more practical" (109).

• About 9/11
  

"September 11 redefined sacrifice. It redefined duty. And it redefined my job. The story of that week is the key to understanding my presidency" (151).

• An interesting insight into the leadership during Hurricane Katrina
  

"After four days of chaos, it was clear the authorities in Louisiana could not lead (308). . .'Nobody's in charge,' said the mayor of New Orleans. 'We need a clear chain of command.'(309). . .The governor did not want to give up authority to the federal government. That left me in a touch position. If I invoked the Insurrection Act against her wishes, the world would see a male Republican president usurping the authority of a female Democratic governor by declaring an insurrection in a largely African American city. . .I was as frustrated as I had been at any point in my presidency" (321). . .General Honore brought exactly what the situation required: common sense, good communication skills, and an ability to make decisions (323).

"While many officers carried out their duty honorably (during Katrina), some abandoned their posts to deal with their own personal emergencies. Others joined the criminals. I was enraged to see footage of police officers walking out of a store carrying big-screen TVs. I felt like I was watching a reverse of what had happened four years earlier in Manhattan. Instead of charging into burning buildings to save lives, some first responders in New Orleans were breaking into stores to steal electronics" (320).

• On politics
  

"The death spiral of decency during my time in office, exacerbated by the advent of twenty-four-hour cable news and hyper-partisan political blogs, was deeply disappointing. The toxic atmosphere in American politics discourages good people from running for office" (121).

• A quote to ponder
  

"The failure of immigration reform points out larger concerns about the direction of our politics. The blend of isolationism, protectionism, and nativism that affected the immigration debate also led Congress to block free trade agreements with Columbia, Panama, and South Korea. I recognize the genuine anxiety that people feel about foreign competition. But our economy, our security, and our culture would all be weakened by an attempt to wall ourselves off from the world. Americans should never fear competition. Our country has always thrived when we've engaged the world with confidence in our values and ourselves. The same will be true in the twenty-first century" (306).

• My personal challenge for further self-education recommended by George W. Bush
  

A movie I want to watch: The Lives of Others, a movie depicting life under the Stasi (secret police in communist East Germany) which reminds us how dramatically freedom can change a society.

A book I want to read: "One of the most influential books I read during my presidency was Aquariums of Pyongyang by the North Korean dissident Kang Chol-hwan. The memoir tells the story of Kang's ten-year detention and abuse in a North Korean gulag. . .(I saw) satellite photos of the Korean Peninsula at night. The south was alive with lights while the north was pure black. I read intelligence reports that malnutrition had left the average North Korean three inches shorter than the average South Korean" (422).

Frustrated Perfectionist

I think I've tried a little of every lesson planning method. Some home educators use a typical teacher's planner in organizing their studies. I could tell right away that wasn't going to work for me as I don't have 20+ kids all at the same age/level. I tried a detailed plan for each day of what exactly we were going to do in each subject. The problem was, life happened and I was always frustrated that I didn't get to neatly cross everything off. Then it messed up the next day because I had to move part of Monday's lessons to Tuesday and so forth. . .and it messed up the whole week!! (Not to mention I get excited in the planning stage and cram way too many great projects and wonderful books into a small space of time).

Then I tried general lists of things I wanted to accomplish in each subject for each week, and that worked better. But I still got frustrated because we would get all our goals accomplished in three or four subjects, but a couple subjects would have assignments that needed carried over to the next week. . .which once again messed up the following week (or weeks!). (You're seeing the pattern here, right? I want my paper with lesson plans on it to look all nice and neat. I wasted a lot of time RECOPYING lesson plans because they got 'messed up' and it just drove me crazy.)

This year, however, I have FINALLY hit on what works best for our family. I LOVE index cards (although you can see I typed my plans on the computer, printed them on cardstock, and cut them into cards)!!

• Each color represents a different subject.
• Each card represents a week of lesson plans for that subject (labeled "week one" or "lesson four"--not labeled with dates).

All my lesson plans for the semester fit nicely into this little pink index card box (not on random sheets of paper scattered over the house, not in a huge three-ring binder that contains my whole LIFE and brain, not crowded on a huge wall calendar that also contains all our commitments, birthdays, etc.).
Every Sunday evening I hang a card for each subject on our homeschool cabinet using that delightful sticky tack. As assignments are completed, we just check them off on the card. If life happens and we don't get to Spanish all week, we just leave that card up the next week and move on in the other subjects. No recopying lesson plans, no circling and drawing an arrow to the next day or week, no reorganizing Spanish lessons for the entire month. Just leave the card up and do it next week.It's wonderful! The kids love it because they like to know what is expected of them at the beginning of each week. I love it because I go ahead and work really hard before a semester begins, but then everything is all planned out for me for the semester and I don't have to keep making changes to my plan (which frustrates me greatly--another character flaw, I know).
If a card is not completed, but is partially checked off, I usually leave it up but hang the next card up as well and we usually work hard to complete both cards so we can take them down the next week (and not get too far behind the overall plan). This system also works great for my preschoolers as I have planned things to do with them, but it's not on a rigid schedule so I feel no guilt in letting them just be kids on the weeks they would rather play than "do school" or on the weeks when we do extra running with activities or have illness.
And that's it! It's not terribly complicated, it doesn't cost a lot of money, and it provides a plan with flexibility. Structure, a skeleton, a vision--with room for chasing rabbits, living life, and pursuing individual interests. It's not copyrighted--go ahead, try it! You'll like it! :)

Weakness Revealed

I'm not a Barnabas.

I wish I was just a natural encourager, but I'm not. After writing that post about encouraging words, however, I'm realizing encouraging others is just a choice we all need to make.

This message was recently driven home to me when I offhandedly commented to a student in my speech class that he has really good eye contact. This sounds cliche, but I literally saw his eyes light up. My head tilted in realization as I stored that observation away in my brain and surely a lightbulb appeared above my head in a little bubble.

I tend to be a little like the man in the old joke about a woman asking her husband if he loves her. He responds "I told you once that I did--if anything changes, I'll let you know." If someone is doing well, I see no need to say anything. If he or she is doing wrong, however, correction is needed. I'm reminded of something my mom used to say:

"Police officers don't pull people over to tell them good job for going the speed limit. They don't give them stickers or candy bars. No, they pull them over for speeding and give them tickets. We aren't setting our children up for life if we teach them they have to be praised every time they do something right. Doing the right thing is the reward in and of itself."

Now, don't get me wrong, I do encourage my children sometimes (not as much as I should, however) by pointing out "that was really kind to share your puppy dog with your sister" or "thank you for putting your plate on the counter without being asked--that was being responsible" or "I notice you cleaned out the spill in the microwave--thank you for taking initiative." But I don't sprinkle every conversation with praise.

I am especially less inclined to encourage someone who seems really confident--especially if he or she seems to be confident to the point of cockiness. When I appear confident in an area, it's because I am, so I perceive others the same way. If I don't know what I'm doing, I'll let that be known, so I tend to think others do the same. But I need to be aware that we're all different. Sometimes that person who acts cocky is operating on pure bravado and I need to be more perceptive and sensitive to meeting the needs of others.

But at the same time, I'm wondering what the proper balance is. I KNOW I need to improve in biblical encouragement. Our society, however, is on a huge kick to raise self-esteem. And I'm not on board with that shallow goal, especially as I see the effects of it. A friend shared an article with me in which the author makes some excellent points:

College students today are much more likely to agree with statements such as “I am easy to like” than college students 30 years ago. In the 1950s, 12 percent of high school seniors said they were a “very important person.” By the ’90s, 80 percent said they believed that they were.

In short, there’s abundant evidence to suggest that we have shifted a bit from a culture that emphasized self-effacement — I’m no better than anybody else, but nobody is better than me — to a culture that emphasizes self-expansion. (emphasis mine)

Writers like Twenge point out that young people are bathed in messages telling them how special they are. Often these messages are untethered to evidence of actual merit. Over the past few decades, for example, the number of hours college students spend studying has steadily declined. Meanwhile, the average G.P.A. has steadily risen.

Some argue that today’s child-rearing and educational techniques have produced praise addicts.

What are some effects of raising praise addicts? Ask any employer. Look around the churches where people want to just focus on "God is love, God loves me, God wants me to be happy, Jesus made me special." Consider what one used to learn in order to earn an 'A' and how you receive an 'A' (notice the different verbs there) now. In fact, consider the whole weighted grade system--how do people get a 4.13 GPA anyway??? It's because of grade inflation--ego inflation. Examine the divorce statistics (the purpose of marriage is to make ME HAPPY and this spouse is not appreciating me so I'm out of here).

Is it possible this culture that emphasizes self-expansion might also attribute to suicide? I don't agree with everything in this video a friend posted on facebook, but I think there might be merit to some of the points. We humans know we aren't perfect--deep down, we really do. But if people are always telling us how wonderful we are and never correcting our mistakes so we have opportunity to learn and grow, well, it seems to me that would create dissonance in our hearts. What if you KNEW you weren't perfect or wonderful, but everyone acted like you were? What a horrible burden that would place on you! Who can hold up under this burden to appear perfect, trying not to let it be known that he's not wonderful after-all, fearing that he will be found out and everyone will be disappointed??

I really don't want to teach my children to be praise addicts, nor do I want to contribute to this false puffing up with my students in speech or drama. A few weeks ago, in an effort to be more of a Barnabas, I took candy to the drama class to reward those who obeyed the directive to mark their scripts. I was thinking of the old adage "you draw more flies with honey than with vinegar" and I knew some of the kids would be irresponsible and disobedient by not marking their scripts. Instead of rebuking them, I chose to reward the students who proved themselves reliable.

Now I don't know if that was the right thing to do or not. Sometimes rebuke is needed--plain and simple. How do you balance biblical encouragement with correction? How do you emphasize self-effacement rather than self-expansion? How do you build others up without puffing them up?

(For more on this topic, check out this post and what looks like an amazing resource. I'm finding it interesting that after I started examining this topic, others have shared articles, videos, and now a BOOK with a similar focus. I guess I'm really supposed to be learning something here!)

(EDIT: This is simply crazy! Another effect of over-praising and focusing on building self-esteem is a fear of failure! Check out Karen's post and schedule fifteen minutes to watch the video--then gather your children to watch it with you!)


Okay, this is the "work-in-progress post." Check out this article written by my good friend Tom Woody. I especially appreciate the following quotes:

Paul taught us in Romans 12:3 that we are "not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to think"... and many of the children who have been taught self-esteem at school have a far higher opinion of themselves than is warranted.

Consider what is taught in Galatians 6:2-10: "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden. Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all [men], especially unto them who are of the household of faith."

Meditate on this passage to see how a person can have the proper estimation of their own worth. The rejoicing we are longing for will only come when we learn to serve others. The self-esteem we desire will come when we learn to esteem others better than ourselves, beginning with our own parents; extending outward to all men. And God is to be esteemed above all, for He is our Creator Who truly loves us and proved it by the sending of His only begotten Son.

Back in Business

Well, we got a new milk cow. She's a Holstein, the kids named her "Ruby" and we got an incredible deal on her (my hubby is good at finding good deals! smile). We still have Dinah (the Jersey), but she did not breed back so we've been without fresh milk for a few months (which means higher grocery bill, less milk drinking, and no fresh cheese, butter, yogurt, etc.).
Alan saw this cow advertised for $800. He talked to the owner on the phone and got them to come down a little, and agreed to bring some hay to trade toward some of the cost. He came home with the cow saying her got her for only 50 bales of hay and $400 cash! What a deal! A dairy farmer-friend said we could take her to a sale and turn her around for $1000 to $1200 easy, but we're keeping her and enjoying having the milk. I've already made a batch of mozzarella cheese and a couple pounds of butter and have enough cream skimmed to make at least four pounds more butter tomorrow. Feels good to be back in the dairy production again.
And I'm just throwing in a picture of some sheep for free because the lambs are so cute outside on a relatively nice day. It was a rough year lambing this year (the "blizzard" hit at the same time), as we lost 19 lambs, but we have 48 living and we're grateful for them

Aqueducts, Rockets, and Penpals

It was a long week, but we still managed to get our schoolwork done. I think it was my problem--I had too much going on and felt like I was always half a step behind (YES! because I had PROCRASTINATED, I *KNOW*!) and I am having some. . .uh, "organizational challenges." But we persevered and learned a lot.

History claimed the spot for favorite subject of the week. We wrapped up our study of the amazing sciences, architecture, and innovations of the Romans. Just for fun the kids made aqueducts out of cereal boxes.

(I didn't get a picture of Destry's finished project because he poured so much water through it that the cardboard dissolved before I got a picture!)
We actually learned quite a bit from this fun little hands-on project combined with the reading about aqueducts (I say 'we' because I never really understood their full purpose or why they were up so high. . .part of the fun of home education--getting some of those questions answered!). Because the population of the cities grew so rapidly, the wells within the city would quickly be insufficient for the cooking, bathing, and other needs of the people. So they piped water from many miles away, many times more than 30 miles, using the aqueduct system. It really was an engineering feat as they had to be built with a constant slope from beginning to end to keep the water moving. They were built about 55 feet high to prevent people from stealing or poisoning the water.
Easton and Kiana had to get in on the fun, too, although they were more concerned about painting their cereal box than learning about aqueducts. (What is it with these two and painting?!)
Easton is fascinated with rockets these days, so Daddy did a little experiment/project in which they powered rockets with balloons and rubber bands. Kiana didn't pay as much attention as Easton did. . .(is there something on my elbow??)
The little ones were also thrilled to get letters in the mail from some friends and immediately started their return pictures and letters. They thought they were pretty big stuff as they tromped out to the mailbox and put up the flag for the mail carrier.
"See the stickers I'm sending to my friend??"
Tyrell is now army crawling all over the place and pulled himself up to the train table at a local library. He has also learned that suckers are yummy and very sweet (thank you Grandma!! ha!)I'm glad to remind myself that we accomplished some learning even in the midst of this busy week (including a homeschool rally at the capitol) but I'm going to try to be a full step ahead in the upcoming week. (ha, we'll see how that goes!)

Reading the Classics

Some good friends and I have challenged one another to read more classics this year. There are so many great books I have never read and it's fun to read and discuss them with friends (not to mention it's good to be held accountable!). My natural inclination is to use reading as an escape--as entertainment. This challenge is helping me better use my reading time to educate myself and grow in my thinking. We compiled a huge list of books we would like to read, most of which at least one of us has never read. The list is daunting, but we decided to focus on one classic per month which makes it more realistic and attainable. I'm going to briefly summarize thoughts and impressions from the classics I've read so far this year with these friends.

GONE WITH THE WIND by Margaret Mitchell
I started this in December and finished it in January, so I'm including it on "this year". I had started Gone with the Wind in high school and never finished it. In the early part of the book I remembered why I didn't finish it: I simply don't like Scarlett. I know! I think I'm the only person who feels this way, but I find her annoying and a spoiled, selfish little brat (although at the end I felt so sorry for her and thought a 45-year-old could surely give an immature 28-year-old another chance!!). I persevered, however, and became captivated by the story because of Mitchell's amazing gift with words. (Really, the reason I dislike Scarlett so is due to Mitchell's characterization!). I am glad I read this book, which was ultimately about survival ("In the end what will happen will be what has happened whenever a civilization breaks up. The people who have brains and courage come through and the ones who haven't are winnowed out."), and find it an interesting view of the Southern culture and the ravages of the Civil War. I was also especially impressed by the reminder of perspective:

"In the old days, now dead and gone, life had been so complex, so full of intricate and complicated problems. . .Now life was so amazingly simple. Now all that mattered was food enough to keep off starvation, clothing enough to prevent freezing and a roof overhead which did not leak too much." --Scarlett

I think it would be interesting to read Gone With the Wind and Uncle Tom's Cabin back to back.

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT by Fyodor Dostoevsky
I was fascinated with this book that we read in January and will definitely have to read it again some day. It was a challenging read for me as I had to look up words like "scrofulous" (morally degenerate, corrupt) and acquaint myself with ideas and teachings like those of Fourier (a mathematician--trig in specific and heat equations) and Schiller (a philosopher who believed emotions should be educated by reason so that duty and inclination are no longer in conflict with one another and who taught the ability to defy one's animal instincts, such as the drive for self-preservation, and willingly sacrifice self for conceptual ideals). Then there was Nietzsche saying "God is dead" and presenting a "superman" ideology and nihilism rejecting all the "old beliefs" in favor of "nothing". . .it really was a thought-provoking book that incited my curiosity! I would love to study it with the kids someday--maybe their senior year as there is a lot of depth to this novel.

In a nutshell, the main character commits a murder and then suffers the punishment of guilt as he waits for the police to figure out he did it. His motives for the murder are unusual, his actions after the murder are bizarre, and his relationships with his family and friends are especially strange. There is so much depth to this book--themes of sacrifice, love, guilt, alienation, suffering, poverty, pride, selfishness. . .The main character is very interesting, but some of the minor characters are just as interesting if not more so! I'm so glad to have read this book!

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD by Harper Lee
Our classic for the month of February was one I had read twice before--in high school and in college. It was much easier to read than C&P, which was a nice change and the storyline is such that it can be read in one or two sittings. Even though I had read it before, some of my life's experiences made different aspects of the book stand out to me. For instance, I found it interesting to compare and contrast the racial stereotypes in this book with those in Gone With the Wind--and then think back to Invisible Man which I read last fall. I was also fascinated by the commentary this book had on education, which I suppose is more meaningful to me now as a home educator than it was as a student. I was struck by the way Atticus taught his children, nurturing their curiosity and whetting their appetite for learning and how that was contrasted with the teacher's rigidity and adherence to what the curriculum said a child should know and when. As an educator, it reminded me of what is important in teaching my individual children and not to get boxed in by curricula or tests or the expectations of other people. Life, or experience, truly is our best teacher.

I was disappointed that we didn't make time to discuss this book with my friends (which my children jokingly refer to as our "literature class") and I just may have to drag my friend Dianna to a nearby library for their book discussion--I think she said it's on the 23rd, right Dianna?? :)

The message that hit me most in reading To Kill a Mockingbird this time is summed up in a quote from Mother Teresa that I see on the header of an online friend's blog:

"It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start."

I would add to this quote "our own home, family, neighborhood, or town". I don't know if it's because I read Radical by David Platt and Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearn in the last couple months as well, or what the reason is, but it really stood out to me that the ladies of the Missionary Society were so concerned with doing good to those "Negroes in Africa" yet completely overlooked the need to love those 'close to home' and talked badly about their African-American cooks and servants. This hypocrisy really stood out to me. I'm not negating the need to be aware of poverty in other countries and to do what we can in the name of Jesus to help those in third world countries. It just reminded me to tend to our relationships with our own families, friends, and neighbors first--even though it's sometimes easier to feel compassion and a desire to help people in third world countries than it is to feel love and compassion for those we actually interact with who might be annoying, selfish, rude, or unappreciative.

There's much more that could be addressed, but I'm going to go read a few more pages of the "modern classic" we're reading this month: All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy.

TeenPact Experience

Briana thoroughly enjoyed her experience with TeenPact at the state capital last week. I was pleasantly surprised at how fast the week went even for mama left at home!
She stayed at a campground with the other fifty teens who participated. She got really spoiled as she and six other girls stayed with their "cabin mother" in this nice cottage rather than the smaller and more primitive cabins. I was spoiled, too, as upon arrival I discovered that her "cabin mother", Candy, was a fellow regional director of Families for Home Education so I wasn't leaving my girl with complete strangers!! What a blessing for my peace of mind!After getting her checked in, we left to attend a parent meeting and she was on her own. Her days were packed completely full. She heard speeches from State Representatives Mike Cierpiot, Kurt Bahr, and Chris Kelly, State Senator Jane Cunningham, and Supreme Court Judge Patricia Breckenridge. I think Briana was most impacted by a representative that other students didn't like as much because he employed the Socratic method in challenging the students to think. Some were intimidated by this approach, and even turned off, but Briana was fascinated and is still mulling through some thoughts from his speech. She was also excited when one of the speakers reiterated principles we have been studying in our reading of "Whatever Happened to Justice".

One of the highlights of the experience for her was getting to meet our local representative. She had a nice conversation with him and he asked if they could get their picture taken together by one of his staff members. Another highlight for her was their daily prayer walks. They walked around the capitol building praying for various aspects of government and the decision-making of the representatives. Each day they focused on a different area of government and of the capitol and their small group stopped to pray together. This opportunity was a fascinating combination of a spiritual focus and perspective on government, practical civics lessons, and leadership training.

They had many quizzes over material they had studied prior to arrival and Briana said the homework was more academically challenging than the actual TeenPact experience. While at the capitol, they focused more on field experiences by going out and meeting with legislators, hearing speakers, and holding a mock-legislature to discuss and debate bills and make some of them law.

They also held an election for four positions--one governor and three senators. I thought it was ironic that the closest friend Briana made at TeenPact, Hannah, was also a first-time attendee, was also 15, and was quite different from Briana--especially as she ambitiously ran for governor. It sounds like alumni usually are the ones who are more comfortable and experienced and more likely to win the elections, but Hannah was elected governor by her classmates. I can't quite picture Briana running for office even as an alumnus but it's neat how personalities can complement one another.
I was also impressed by the teenagers who organized and staffed TeenPact. Pictured below with Briana are two of the young ladies who served as 'staff' or 'teachers' of the event. Briana said most of the student were ages 15-17 (a few were 13 and 14) and a little over half of the 50 students were there for the first time while the rest had participated in previous years. At the graduation ceremony the ages of the staff were disclosed and they ranged from 17 to 19 years of age! Even the program director was only 19! It's amazing to see the leadership skills these young people have when given the opportunity and expectation.Below are some of the other friends Briana made last week. They seemed like a really great group of kids and she looks forward to staying in touch with them. I had to chuckle at one story she told me. They were transported from the campground to the capitol each day on a bus driven by a lady Briana guessed to be in her 60s. On the last day of the event, Briana said she pulled over to the side of the road, stopped the bus, and stood up to turn around and address the students. (At this point I was thinking 'uh-oh'--I've spent my fair share of time on a school bus, you see!) Then Briana said the driver told them how much she had enjoyed transporting them that week and she had never had so many people greet her with a smile and a 'good morning' or tell her 'thank you' as they got off the bus. I thought that was a wonderful blessing for the kids to be appreciated and a wonderful testimony of these young people for the Lord. It was also encouraging to think of the fellowship Briana had with such a group of kids.
This next picture didn't turn out so great, but it shows them in 'legislative session' and Briana is standing to your left asking a question of the writer of a bill.
Below, Briana receives her certificate of completion at the graduation ceremony.There's no way to fully share all the great experiences she had last week or to convey the level of excitement and enthusiasm in her voice and body language as she chattered for hours about TeenPact. I am really glad she had this opportunity to participate and glad she will be able to represent TeenPact and 'give back' by distributing flyers and answering questions about TeenPact at the homeschool rally at the capitol tomorrow. (I'm thinking we should be able to push an 'automatic pilot button' on the van for the trip as it will be our third journey to the capital in just eight days!)

The Preparations

As TeenPact has a dress code for their students so they will present themselves both professionally and modestly, Briana needed several new clothes for her adventure last week. Thankfully, her Aunt Marcy is talented both with fashion and bargain-shopping and loves her niece very much so helped her compile her TeenPact wardrobe.

Here Briana models her daily outfits, accessories, and hairstyles in preparation for the week as she planned and packed.
Monday she wore her hair down with a cute barrette and was outfitted in a red cardigan with black skirt, tights, and pumps.Tuesday was one of her favorite outfits and she was glad this was the day the photographer took a group shot. She had fun with a cute necklace and earrings she borrowed from Aunt Marcy, and wore her hair with the sides twisted back.
Wednesday was the young, cute look with brown shoes and tights, khaki skirt and fun belt, and bright pink shirt. She wore her hair in a classy low ponytail. You can't really see her dangling pink earrings made by Ugandan women (out of paper!) and fun necklace, but they really polished off her outfit.
Her outfit for her last day revisited the black skirt but paired it with a burgandy/purple tank and cardigan and a fun scarf which was a thank you gift from the orphan children's choir.
Trying on all the outfits and planning her hairstyles was so fun. It really made her more excited for the trip!
Then Aunt Marcy gave her a new pair of pajamas and a purse for her birthday to take with her, which built the excitement even more. She was fully outfitted, had a plan, and all her homework was completed and organized in page protectors in a three-ring binder. All that was left was the actual TeenPact experience! I'll try to summarize her experience for you tomorrow. . .

Loved By Choice

I recently read a book which has a tone that is appreciated by an adoptive mom who reads a little too much. I have to admit I sometimes am drawn, like a moth to a flame, to blogs in which adult adoptees or birthparents write about how adoption has ruined their lives. I don't know what it is about me that goes back to those blogs. . .

Admittedly, I want to be educated about adoption, and I want to be as prepared as I possibly can to help my children through this aspect of who they are as an adoptee. I frequently find them frustrating, even irritating, to read as I'm just not one to get stuck in a "victim mentality." I tend to be more of an "okay, so this is the past, this is what I can do about it, this is what I just need to accept and move on, so let's move on" kind of person with issues in my own past.

But I also have empathy for the bloggers, and I also want to see things from someone else's perspective as I think that will help me to understand and help my children. So I keep going back, even though they tend to depress me a little bit--and scare me, if I'm being completely honest.

But this book is written from a different perspective (and some of the bloggers I've read would say contributors are in 'denial' or that the author selected only those who had positive experiences to include in their anthology--see how reading those blogs puts thoughts into my head?!). Loved by Choice: True Stories That Celebrate Adoption was compiled by Susan Horner and Kelly Fordyce Martindale and focuses on the relationships among adoptees and their biological and adoptive families and their respective experiences. It shares perspectives of birthparents, adoptees, adoptive parents, and even grandparents (both birth and adoptive, as I recall) and siblings, so it presents a pretty complete picture.

I was very touched by accounts from the first mothers who chose to make adoption plans for their children. As I read the experiences and emotions shared, I could really relate to them as I've heard similar sentiments from my children's first mothers. I read with a Kleenex in my hand as I know the pain these women experienced is all too real. At the same time, I was grateful to them for sharing their stories and can see how it could be comforting to an adoptee to hear these accounts and know it was never an easy decision, it was never an intent to reject, it was always a desire for the best these mothers could give their children.

"Our days together in the hospital were bittersweet. I held Becky and cried a lot. I told her how much I loved her and hoped she'd understand why I was giving her up for adoption. I asked my baby to forgive me, hoping that maybe someday she would understand how heartbreaking this was for me. . .The moment I saw her (sometime after the adoption) I knew I had made the right choice. She was a healthy, happy, smiling, wonderful child. When she looked at me it was as if she knew who I was and loved me. My joy was indescribable" (19) (birthmother)

"I was unprepared emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. . .I have always believed a child needs a mother and a father if at all possible. I knew I was not ready to parent, even though I was already a parent, and the baby's father had made it clear he wasn't ready for parenthood either. I thought of all the love, support, and security my parents had given me through the years, and I knew I couldn't give anything close to that to my child. Not yet anyway" (65). . ."we would go our separate ways in just a few minutes--a family with a new baby and me with empty arms" (70).

"I could raise my child. Alone. Without family. Without security. Without any guarantees. The bottom line was, did I love this child enough to want the best for him--even if I wasn't the one who could provide it? Adoption is a choice of love. Of sacrifice. Of giving so that someone you love can have more even if it leaves you wanting" (81).

"I wanted my baby to have a safe, loving home, with a kind and nurturing mom and dad--something I had always longed for. How could I give what I didn't have? I was only fourteen. . .It hurt so much to be away from (my baby). But deep in my heart I felt at peace about my decision to go through the pregnancy and place my baby for adoption. I know it was the best thing, the most unselfish thing I've ever done in my life. . .She will always be in my heart and part of my family. I didn't reject her, but chose adoption because I loved her so much" (94).

Some of the comments from adoptive mothers resonated with me as well. One of the mothers expressed my exact thoughts as we've spent time with birthparents before placement:

"I desired to know the birthmother. I wanted to reassure her that we would be the best parents we could be. Further, the more I knew about her, the better I could answer our child's questions. . .We wanted to stay longer (in the hospital) but understood Tanya and her family were saying their goodbyes. This was their time with (the baby). . .The bittersweet part for me was while I was experiencing great joy, I knew Tanya was experiencing great loss" (22). (adoptive mother)

I have written before about the "extended family" relationship we have with birthparents of our children, and I really focused on the positive aspects. So far, we *have* had very positive relationships with our children's birthparents. But I have to admit there are uncomfortable aspects to the open adoption experience as well. For example, we haven't quite figured out what our children will call their birthparents. For now, we refer to them by their first names, and that is what the children call them. In our opinion, the children are young enough, we think it would be confusing to call them 'mom', for example, when that's what they call me. Birthmother or birthmom is one term, but it's awkward and. . .formal?? First mom feels more natural to me, as far as for reference, but when we meet face to face, what will our children call their birth parents? Our thought is to let the children decide what feels right and natural to them--but I'm not saying we have it all figured out. We'll see.

Sometimes I also wonder how it will be as the children get older and perhaps we have different parenting philosophies from a birthparent. Will that cause hard feelings? Might our children wish to be parented by a more lenient parent? Might a birthparent encourage rebellion in our son or daughter or side with them against us in a disagreement? I realize we will just have to cross that bridge if it presents itself. But I was comforted by some of the sentiments in this book, such as when an adoptee wrote "(my birthmother) and I both see my mom as "The Mom": the one who can put me on restriction, and the one who comforts me when I'm sad or sick" (35).

I was surprised to see another sentiment shared by an adoptive mom which I've held deep inside. It is actually rather freeing to know I'm not the only adoptive mom who has felt this desire to reassure my children's birthparents that they made the right choice in choosing us to parent their precious children by wanting to present this picture of a perfect parent and family, even as I'm so desperately aware that we aren't perfect--we're just humans doing the best we know in the moment, just like anyone else. But what if they should see something they don't like and then be filled with this horrible regret and feel they've made a mistake and there's nothing they can do about it? That's taking on quite a lot of unreal expectation and responsibility--so this woman's comment was rather freeing:

"The openness has not always been comfortable. . .It was because I was trying to do everything within my power to assure these women that they had made the right decision; that (my husband) and I were wonderful parents and that their child would always be happy with us. I wanted to appear perfect. The rub is that I am not perfect and neither are my children" (32).

It was also freeing and reassuring to read the reflections shared by the adoptees themselves. I don't know why I let myself get bogged down by reading blogs of adoptees who hate that they were adopted. It's especially ironic considering I know several people who were adopted and without exception they have encouraged us along this journey (another irony is that the only discouraging words we've heard have come from families who adopted children or siblings of children who were adopted???? still not sure what to think of that!). Good friends Dixie, Stacie, and Mary have gone out of their way to write and speak words to us sharing their positive adoption experiences and how much they love their (adoptive) parents. These three have comforted and reassured me as I share fears that have arisen from reading the pain of adult adoptees. Nonetheless, I was still glad to read words such as these:

"I felt doubly loved. I have always known my parents and both of their families loved me. But it just hit me that (my birthmother's) family loved me too" (28).

"When I hear my mom say how incredible (my birthmother) is and how hard it must have been for her to give me up for adoption, it makes me feel good about who I am. I came from her, and she will always be a part of me" (33).

"Being adopted is sad, but being adopted is glad. I lost something, but I gained something" (127) adoptee

"This I know--I was loved when I was born; I was loved again when I was adopted. And knowing this, I wouldn't change a thing about my life" (240).

So, all in all, I recommend this book highly--for those interested in adoption, for those who have any sort of connection to adoption, or for those who would just like to understand the perspectives of the many relationships forged by adoption. It's an easy read, and an honest look at the thoughts and emotions of various adoption experiences.

Please Feed the Animals

We like food in this family. I am actually rather grateful for that fact as I have friends with picky husbands and/or children and that would drive me crazy. (In fact, I have warned Briana to consider how picky a man is when choosing a spouse so she won't try bending over backwards to appease a husband's limited appetite. chuckle) I enjoy cooking, but get bored making the same things over and over and my family is always open to trying my new recipe adventures. I am also lazy enough that the thought of making two (or more!) meals for varied palates doesn't appeal to me. And I'm also impatient and intolerant enough that dealing with picky eaters simply would make me crabby. These weaknesses (boredom, lazyness, impatience and intolerance) are probably my problems, I realize that, but I'm grateful for an adventurous family, nonetheless!

So, to get to the point of this post, I am cooking for seven people now which is a demanding job. I have always tried to "manage my home" in the area of meal planning and grocery shopping, but I'm discovering a need to buckle down and learn more. Just today I purchased the Grocery University resource (which is on sale for less than half price through today!!) and I'm looking forward to having time to learn and implement some of these tips. I saw a great review of this product about a month ago and have been debating investing the time and money to improve my techniques--the sale ended my indecision and procrastination!

This post will highlight my current methods and you can hold me accountable to see what new methods I implement from Grocery University. Something you need to know about us first: we don't buy meat (or at least only very little) at the store. As a matter of fact, we currently have two freezers full of beef, pork, and chicken which were all raised on our own little hobby farm (and may I add this is a very good feeling?!). This affects two areas: 1) we eat a wide variety of meats/cuts of meat and 2) our grocery budget doesn't extend to the purchase of meat (instead we have a separate budget category to cover feed and processing expenses).

When I sit down to make a meal plan, I have developed a few strategies and tools. First, I always start supper and have yummy smells wafting through the house. This has proven beneficial as it makes everyone hungry. In the past, I got frustrated that I had to come up with all the meals myself. By manipulating, er, wisely applying my family's hunger pangs, I get lots of suggestions for meals that appeal to everyone.

Secondly, I have created a list of "Food Ideas" which is divided by cuts of meat and has a list of recipes I frequently make with that type of meat. It's not terribly fancy, but it works nicely to get my brain working. This is useful as I can consider the cuts of meat I have available at the time. For example, we frequently have pounds and pounds of hamburger in the freezer. Hamburger bores me. No matter what I do to it, it tastes like hamburger. But my handy dandy sheet lists 27 different things to do with hamburger.
Thirdly, I collect three or four cookbooks (or cooking magazines--Taste of Home is my favorite) and spread them all over the table. Now that Briana is older, I hand her one or two of them to browse through and see if anything looks good and fun to try. This adds a little variety to our menu and allows me to experiment in the kitchen.

I am not a strict menu planner--I don't figure out what we're having for lunch on Monday and supper on Thursday and so forth. Instead, I make a general list of meals to have within a certain amount of time. I've done this different ways--sometimes meals for a week, sometimes meals for a month, other times I organize by meat for a month (all the chicken meals in one column/list, all the beef meals in another, etc.) Recently I have started planning for five weeks at a time. I found weekly planning to go by too quickly, and monthly planning was nice, but the "new month" always seemed to catch me off guard so I would have a week of chaos before I sat down and made a plan for the current month. Five weeks at a time is working much better for me as it rarely coordinates with the flip of a calendar.

I wish I was some guru with charts and computer graphics, but I'm not. Simple seems to work best for me, so here is an example of my five-week meal planning chart. The first column lists the date of the week, the second column is where I can list ideas for side dishes, the third column has room for dessert ideas (I typically make two desserts per week), and the fourth column is for lunch ideas. We used to mainly clean up leftovers for lunch, but Destry is a garbage disposal these days and we very rarely have leftovers. We got tired of frozen pizza and PB&J for lunch when I didn't make a lunch plan and had no leftovers, so now I plan at least 3-4 lunches per week. Next is a column in which I list items specific to a recipe that I need to add to my "usual" shopping list--such as green peppers for fajitas or "taco fixings" or shrimp for jambalaya. The last column is for me to make a note of where to find the recipe if it's something from a cookbook or magazine that I don't frequently make. (Yes, this feature was added because I have made a list with a meal on it, then I couldn't find the recipe when it came time to make it!)While I'm planning menus, I also use my permanent shopping list, which is an idea I got from donnayoung. I've adapted her shopping list to our family so as we use the last of something, we mark a need for it on the list. I keep my pantry stocked with many staples. I think this is something that helps me keep the food budget down as I can stock up when there are sales and I don't have to buy things when prices aren't good when I've previously bought several on sale. Living where we do (25 miles from a store with decent prices), I have to plan ahead and buy the ingredients in my every-other-week grocery trip, both for convenience and for good stewardship.
One last tip I've learned in menu planning is the idea of cooking once, eating twice. I try to group things together so I make extra that can be turned into a different meal later. For example, bake a chicken for a meal, and also have chicken noodle soup that week to use the broth and leftover meat. I am sporadic in applying this technique, but find it works best for me to do some extra cooking on Saturday evening to make things easier on myself later in the week. For example, one Saturday evening we were having something with fried hamburger in it for supper. I had Destry fry four pounds of hamburger, used some of it for supper, and had the other as tacos for one meal and spaghetti for another meal throughout the week. I also put two roasts in the oven that night and we had roast for Sunday dinner and used the leftover broth and roast later in the week to make beef and noodles and hot beef sandwiches. It wasn't a lot of extra cooking on Saturday evening, but it really made things easier the next week as that evening of cooking resulted in six meals. This last Saturday I boiled a chicken and we had chicken pesto sandwiches Saturday night, we'll have chicken noodle soup tonight, and we'll use the rest of the chicken in a chicken and rice dish for lunch tomorrow.

Now, per Corin's request, I'll share our planned meals for this week:

ham and beans with cornbread
chicken noodle soup with breadsticks
homemade pizza with fruit and raw veggies
chicken and rice casserole
sloppy joes
hot beef sandwiches
taco ring
spaghetti
baked potato bar

What tips help you with planning meals for your family while staying within the budget?