Reading in 2014

At the end of each year I like to go back and review my reading list for the year.  I was a little surprised and disappointed in myself at my reading choices during 2014, but in my defense, I *did* have a baby who kept me tired with her refusal to sleep through the night, which kept me from desiring to tackle challenging books.  :)

I read 82 books this year and many of those were current fiction.  I actually read several books from a list of what women born in the 1970s are reading.  That was interesting, especially when I considered the worldview of some of the authors.  I also got caught up reading several easy fiction books by two different authors, Elizabeth Berg and Liane Moriarty, because I enjoyed their characterization.

A friend asked me recently "what I read for--an escape, for self-help, a good mystery, ideas, words used just right, or what?"  That was a fun question to ponder.  I answered her with the following:

Sometimes it's a great story that takes me away. Sometimes it's for characterization so I can learn about people and what makes them tick. Sometimes it's to appreciate "masterful writing" (although, alas, that is rare and so hard to find). 
Other times, yes, it's about ideas. To be challenged to grow in some way. To step out of my comfort zone, to evaluate what I believe and why.
Lately it's more the former than the latter. I'm tired, and books are my escape.  I'm having a hard time finishing the "idea" books because when I find TIME to read, I need to just shut my brain off. 

I loved the question she posed, and would love to read other people's answers.  If you read, what do YOU read for?

And now, without further ado, here are my top ten books I read in 2014 in no particular order, chosen either because I particularly enjoyed them or because of the effect they had on my thoughts and/or life:

• The Color of Water:  A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother--I didn't write a review of this one because I knew it would be too long.  But I enjoyed it because I am a White mother to a Black boy.  I enjoyed it because I could really relate to it as his mother was born within ten years of my grandmother and the author was born within five years of my mother and I found the simultaneous stories of their lives and time periods fascinating.  I enjoyed it because it is a story of endurance, of overcoming, of strength of character and it was well-written.
• To Kill a Mockingbird--This was my fourth time reading this classic, and I still loved it on this reading with my teenagers.  I didn't write a fresh review, but here is one I wrote a few years ago.
• The Rosie Project--I thoroughly enjoyed this novel and am eagerly awaiting the release of the sequel.
• Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full--This was very good for me to read in this busy season of my life.  It actually would probably be a good one for me to read again next year!
• Still Alice--This fictional novel about a women with early-onset Alzheimer's will likely stay with me for years to come.  Heart-wrenching.
• Animal Farm--Reading and discussing this with my teens was memorable and elicited emotions like anger and trepidation.
• What's It Like to be Married to Me?--I read and discussed this one with five dear friends and enjoyed it very much.  I find that it's best to constantly be focusing and working on my marriage, and this book had some positive effects on my marriage.
• The Hundred and One Dalmations--This was my favorite read aloud with my little ones.  I had never read it before, and we enjoyed it tremendously.  What excellent writing!
• The Glass Castle/Half Broke Horses--I'm cheating, I know I am, but I'm counting these two books as one. They are written by the same woman, and together they give a fuller picture of the author's family.  I am absolutely fascinated by this family's unique experiences.  I like to learn about people and examine what makes them tick, and this family is quite the case!
• Black Baby White Hands--I haven't written my review of this one yet, but it has been especially powerful to me this year.  It is the memoir of a Black man who was adopted by a White family.  It hasn't been easy for me to read (emotionally), so I have set it aside several times over the six weeks it took me to read it.  The author is very insightful and philosophical and his prose is filled with figurative language.  I am still processing this one, but I think it's going to impact my thinking for years to come.

So now, as I'm planning what to read next year, do you have a recommendation for me?  

And do tell, what do YOU read for?

Half Broke Horses

When I finished reading The Glass Castle, I got online and looked for more information about Jeannette Walls and her family.  I was so fascinated by them, and wondered how they got to be who they were.  Half Broke Horses tells the story of her maternal grandmother's life, which of course gives insight into who Rosemary is and why.

I would read these books again, and would love to chat them out with friends. Lily is quite the character!  I do appreciate many of her aphorisms scattered throughout the book, such as "You can because you have to," and "Kids were like horses in that things went a lot easier if you got their respect from the outset rather than trying to demand it after they'd started seeing what they could get away with," and "In this life, hardly anyone gets to do what they want to do."

I like the voice Walls gave her grandmother.  She was a matter-of-fact woman who did what needed to be done, wasn't afraid of hard work, and learned to judge people's character.  She lived a full life by her own code and it definitely wasn't a boring one!

A few quotes I enjoyed:

"I never met a kid I couldn't teach.  Every kid was good at something, and the trick was to find out what it was, then use it to teach him everything else" (64).  (I love this philosophy!)

"But I had learned a lot--about myself and other people" (85).  (Her response to a particularly difficult time in her life.  So true, take the lessons and move on.)

"Sometimes after I finished a particularly good book, I had the urge to get the library card, find out who else had read the book, and then track them down to talk about it" (90).  (This makes me smile.  It sounds like something I would want to do!)

"I realized that you can get so used to certain luxuries that you start to think they're necessities, but when you have to forgo them, you come to see that you don't need them after all.  There was a big difference between needing things and wanting things--though a lot of people had trouble telling the two apart" (133).  (Isn't that a great point!  This was her reaction to moving to a remote ranch and giving up her indoor toilet.)

Briana Continuing to Self-Educate and Work

Briana has been enjoying her time since graduating from high school.  She continues to live at home and work at Jaarsma Bakery where she is valued and appreciated and has received steady raises.

In addition to campaigning for our state representative, she has been continuing to educate herself.  She continues to hone her homemaking skills by trying new recipes, making herself a ear muff, working on a new quilt, and reading The Hidden Art of Homemaking.  She has continued to read classics such as The Old Man and the Sea and Animal Farm and read A Muscle and a Shovel this Fall.

One of her favorite things she did this fall was attend an intensive class in Kansas City where she learned the basics of cutting hair.  She was gone for three days and as soon as she came home, she was sticking her scissors in people's hair!  Easton was her first subject, and Kiana followed soon afterward.  I was especially impressed with how nice Kiana's haircut looked. She says it's definitely not something she would want to do as a career, but it is a nice skill to have and she hopes to someday save her family money in this way.

It seems to this mama that she has been gone a lot lately.  If she's not at work or cleaning houses for her cleaning business, she is running off to Missouri to see friends or getting together with friends to go to a local performance or movie, or helping young mothers from church with childcare.  I am seeing more and more independence in her, and cherish the moments we get to spend catching up with what's going on or sharing dreams and hopes.

We had a lot of fun at a "mother/daughter" table when my good friend Caren invited us to their Ladies' Blessings Banquet.  The meal was delicious, the music was beautiful (Destry played for part of it!), and the message was encouraging.  Several of our other friends were there as well, which made it even more enjoyable.

Briana with her friends Amber, Hannah, and Rebekah from left to right.

The newest thing going on in Briana's life right now is that she is going to be clerking for an Iowa State Representative during the next legislative session.  She has been taking several classes to prepare her for this new job, including Word, Excel, Outlook, and classes teaching her how to navigate the website and manage bills.  This is something of a dream opportunity for her, and she is over-the-top excited about it.  We are very happy for her and love hearing about all the new things she is learning and about her visits with her representative and the goals he wants her to help him accomplish.  One of her new tasks will be to write his newsletter for his constituents.  I'm trying not to feel jealous of this fun opportunity.  :)

Her commute to the capitol from our house is right at 45 minutes.  She is seriously considering moving into an apartment with a friend from church while the legislature is in session.  There's a part of her that thinks it would take all of her earnings to do that, but another part of her longs for the adventure and the independence.  Whatever she decides, we'll be here supporting and encouraging her.

Friendship and Travel

"I'm trying to explain myself, trying to make myself known.  
Because isn't that the point of every relationship:  
to be known by someone else, to be understood?  

He gets me.  She gets me.  Isn't that the simple magic phrase?" 

(Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn pg 29)

I copied that quote from a book I didn't particularly enjoy because it was the best passage and really resonated with me.  To be known--to be understood. . .well, that's just important to me, and frankly, it's rare.

Earlier this year I got to travel to New York to see just such a friend.  Even though we hadn't seen one another for nearly four years, she still gets me.

And dare I presume to say that I get her as well?

Some friendships are wonderful but based on external similarities, whether they be a stage in life or similar life choices.  Other friendships transcend such superficiality and are based on knowing the other person--recognizing who they are underneath the stages and life situations--and not just accepting but also genuinely liking that inner person.  It's somewhat scary to open oneself up to let another person see who we really are.  It makes us vulnerable as they might not like what they see.  It requires intimacy - "into me see".

Something I appreciate about this friendship is that we feel no need to put one another in a box.  Neither of us expects the other to make identical decisions and life choices.  Rather, we each expect the other to grow in her individual walk with the Lord.  We don't try to hold one another back but allow and even encourage the other to grow.  We give one another support, not critical judgement.

We went to New York City and had a wonderful day seeing all the tourist attractions, visiting with her friend, and riding the train, subway, ferry, trolley and in a taxi--not to mention all the walking.  We laughed our heads off over the downpour that drenched us on the trolley, giggled some more at our crazy adventures in Chinatown, and hooted and snorted with laughter while learning how to open doors.

"I'm as miserable as I've ever been!"

We visited attractions in the Hudson Bay area and met fascinating people.  We ate yummy food, saw beautiful scenery, and got to enjoy her kiddos together.  But my favorite part of the trip was simply spending time with her over pizza, driving down the road, and in the wee hours of the night (who needs sleep when grabbing a rare moment with a dear friend?!).

Sharing our hearts, thoughts, fears, dreams, struggles, and successes.

Reconnecting.  Understanding and being understood.

I do recognize and value this rare gift.

Traveling seems a good excuse to see one another.
Perhaps we should go to Europe next.  Or Australia.

Four Letter Word

T.I.M.E!

I'm struggling with finding time to write out my thoughts during this busy season of my life.  I wish there was some way to email between my brain and blogger.

Until someone invents that capability, I guess I'm just going to have to wrestle with time until I get enough pinned down to compose a worthwhile post.

New Adoption Books for the Kiddos

I try to pick up a couple of new children's adoption books each year during national adoption month, and last month was no exception.

The first book was I Don't Have Your Eyes by Carrie Kitze.  I think the children liked this one and particularly enjoyed the illustrations.  Each page highlights another body part and discusses the ways mother and child are different and alike.  I really liked this one because I am always noticing the physical characteristics my children get from their birthfamilies, and the perspectives and habits they get from us. Both nature and nurture are at work in their lives and this book shows both.  I also think it will be a different take for Aryana as she gets a little older and we are learning the names of body parts.

As I'm slowly reading Black Baby, White Hands, a memoir by an adult transracial adoptee, I'm being reminded how important it is that we not pretend to be "colorblind" and not discuss the differences between us and our children.  The author of the memoir struggled as he watched his parents and their biological children highlight their similarities to one another (red hair, freckles, interest in science, etc.) but yet in their efforts to show him they loved him "just the same", they ignored their differences, which made him insecure.  I think reading books like this one will naturally provide opportunity to talk about ways we are alike and ways we are different and most of all, how we are a family who loves one another.


I also bought Motherbridge of Love illustrated by Josee Masse.  I didn't realize this book is basically just an illustrated version of a well-known poem about birthmothers and adoptive mothers until after it arrived.

Once there were two women Who hardly knew each other
One you do not remember, The other you call mother
Two different lives shaped to make yours one
One becoming your guiding star The other became your sun.
The first gave you life And the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love And the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent, The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, The other dried your tears.
The age old questions through the years; heredity or environment-which are you the product of?
Both my darling-both.
And two different kinds of love!

It's not as relevant to us as some books are since its focus is on Asian adoptees and it implies older adoption, but the children still very much enjoyed it.  There are few words and lots of vivid, colorful illustrations.  They enjoy observing all the details of this artwork, and look at it even when we aren't reading it to them.

The Reason I Jump

The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with Autism by Naoki Higashida

Simply fascinating.

I read the translator's introduction, and was intrigued that "the three characters used for the word autism in Japanese signify self, shut, and illness" as though a person is imprisoned in his body.  I thought it would be interesting to read a 13-year-old boy's answers (conveyed using an alphabet grid) about his life with autism, but then I set the book aside for several days.

When I next picked it up, I read it through to the back cover.  This is a simple read, packed full of insight.  I found it inspiring, really, and it filled me with empathy.  I was most struck by three re-occurring themes:

1. He kept referring to being in a body that he can't control, how terrifying that is, and how it makes him lose who he is to have to focus so much on trying to control his own body.
2. He is drawn to things that are unchanging--that are reliable and he can count on.  Numbers, familiar commercials on television, the same foods and clothes.  "People with autism get quite a kick out of repetition.  If I was asked how come, my reply would be this:  'When you're in a strange new place, aren't you relieved too if you run into a friendly, familiar face?'" (75)  "While we're repeating the action, we get to feel really good and incredibly comforted" (97) or "soothed and calmed down" (100).
3. He is very aware of how his struggles with verbal expression or body control or emotions upset people around him.  He frequently appeals to the reader to "stick with us", to "please never give up on us" and to consider what it's like for the person interacting with the world through the veil of autism.

I understand some complaints at "creative license" the translator might have taken with the prose, but I enjoyed it personally.  I've also read some criticism that the author is speaking for all people who have autism while not everyone has the same experience, but I think it's easy to realize that he is speaking from his personal experience most of the time and occasionally musing about common experiences.

If you have ever been curious at possible answers for why some children

• are picky about their food,  (each type of food has its distinct taste, color, and shape and they need more time than the average person to come to appreciate unknown types of food so they're happy sticking with only those foods they're used to eating, 57)
• are extremely bothered by loud noises, (you don't understand how the noises affect us--it's a fear that if we keep listening, we'll lose all sense of where we are, it's absolutely terrifying, cupping our ears is a measure we take to protect ourselves and get back our grip on where we are, 51)
• line up their toy cars and blocks, ("it's the best fun.  I care about the order things come in, and different ways of lining them up.  It's actually the lines and the surfaces of things like jigsaw puzzles that we love, and things like that.  When we're playing in this way, our brains feel refreshed and clear" (70)
• love being in the water, (it's so quiet and I'm so free and happy there. . .there's not so much stimulation for our eyes and ears 71)
• flap their hands in front of their face, (it allows the light to enter our eyes in a pleasant, filtered fashion that feels soft and gentle)
• or yes--why they jump--(as if feelings are going upward to the sky, I can feel my body parts really well too, a physical reaction to happiness and sadness, shaking up the ropes that are tying up my body and feel lighter, 47)

(and many other questions) you really should read this young man's reasoning.

I think I'm going to try to find time to skim back through it again before I have to return it to the library.

Pumpkin Patch Fun

Oh look!  I found a post from over a month ago that I forgot to publish!  And I would rather read than write a post today--so lucky you!  Here are some pictures from when it was quite a lot warmer.

A funny thing about having several children is that you end up doing the same things over and over again.  Do you know how many hayrides I have been on, how many times we've been through corn mazes, how many times we've gone to the pumpkin patch to pick out our very own pumpkin?

Yet somehow it's special every single time with each child, as I get to treasure their smiles and their squeals of excitement.

It's extra fun for the kids when we get to take field trips with friends.  Above Kiana is on the hayride with her friend Lauren and Lauren's little sister, while below Easton sits between his buddies Ryan and Matthew.

After the hayride and selecting their pumpkins, the kids got to roam through a corn maze, looking for the correct punches to fill out their papers.

Once they conquered the corn maze, we had a picnic on the grounds with friends, and then the kids ran and played while the moms visited.  They had a haypile to jump into from a swinging rope, a chicken house turned playhouse, a teepee, large haybales to climb on. . .all kinds of good, outdoor fun.

Our Cooperative Classes

I've been intending to blog about our cooperative classes all semester, but just haven't gotten around to it, so this post will be loaded with pictures.

In my usual "get-something-started-that-I-later-get-tired-of-and-don't-want-to-finish" fashion, I got a few friends together to do some cooperative studies this year.

It all started because I didn't get as much hands-on learning accomplished with Easton and Kiana last year as I would have liked.  We got the "essentials" of school done, but we weren't doing the "fun stuff" I had so enjoyed with Briana and Destry when they were little.  I looked into Classical Conversations a little, but since 1) I'm really too eclectic to camp in the classical philosophy alone, 2) the closest one meets a good 30 minutes from my house, and 3) it was pretty expensive, I decided not to join.  The parts that appealed to me most were the science experiments and the art projects, so I decided to get some friends together twice a month for hands-on learning.

It has been a resounding success!  I have to admit I rather regret it the night before each meeting (because I always procrastinate in pulling my lesson together!) but the kids love it, they are learning a ton, they love to be with their friends, and it really is minimal work for me compared to all the benefit.

Here are a few of the activities I've managed to snap pictures of.

(Making Native American dwellings during history time)

This was science class.  I have to admit I don't remember what they were learning with the balloons, but science class is consistently Easton's favorite activity.  Amy has been doing a fabulous job with this, conducting experiments to learn Newton's laws, the states of matter, and other fun activities.

Above the children are making a painting in a circular shape reminiscent of Botticelli.  I am teaching this art appreciation class and we have lots of fun learning about an artist, examining examples of his or her work, and then making our own artwork in that style.

Below the children are designing prints in the style of Albrecht Durer.

Above Easton is sharing his ship he made in history class (which actually floated--bonus!) and below Kiana and her friends are showing their poetry papers.

Here is my friend Amy with the silly science students on the day they studied the three states of matter.  She is an awesome teacher, and brought root beer floats to demonstrate the lesson.  How fun was that?!

The children got to dip candles in one of their history classes.  Other activities Neisha has done with them (a few that I remember off the top of my head) include making oil-paper windows, ink out of walnuts, and weaving baskets.  They always have lots of fun in this hands-on-history time.

When we learned about Vincent Van Gogh the children made reproductions of his Starry Starry Night Painting.  I thought they turned out really well.

In another science class, the children learned about blood and made blood cells with playdough.  The boys, of course, turned this activity into battles between the germs and the white blood cells.  I thought this was an especially clever idea.  When Tyrell got sick a few days after this class, Kiana explained to Daddy all about how his body was making lots of extra white blood cells and they were fighting the germs to help him get better.  Daddy was quite impressed!

 I think our study of Pablo Picasso produced some of my favorite work by the children.  They really got into the profile portraits.

 When I wanted a class picture, they wanted to substitute their paintings for their own faces.  What an adorable picture!  These eight children truly are a delight to work with.

 Easton and Kiana's Picasso portraits are pictured below.

Even though it's a lot of work, I am so glad after each meeting to have this group of friends come together with me to offer our kids some fun learning opportunities with their friends.  I'm glad it's only twice a month, though! :)

Another Perspective

Guest post from Stevie, Kiana's birthmother, sharing her perspective of open adoption.  Cross-posted at In Between the Sunsets

When I found out I was pregnant I had just started college, and was busy living in the dorms, learning what classes I was going to attend. I went to the free help clinic for moms and they had me take a test. Which came out positive and I went into the next room and I heard it, that sweet alien-like heart beat and we started it all.

My new friend Dustin was with me and he had been living in town before, for his first year of college the year before, he had worked at the hospital so he knew the doctors and suggested Dr. Fugate. I got an appointment with him and I continued to go back to the free clinic as they supported adoption and helping families.

When I found out I was pregnant I didn't have much time as I was already a good 8 months pregnant. At the clinic meetings, I watched a few videos and was given the option of keeping the baby or I was given adoptive family portfolios.  I thought I knew what I wanted: a good religious but not over-bearing family, this would be their first and only child. I wanted this baby loved unconditionally, no sibling fights, and I wanted God's love and life invoked.

Boy, did he give me a wonderful family and nothing like I thought I wanted! None of the other families stuck. I just couldn't even think of them until I saw this one, a family with a mom, a dad, an older sister, and two older brothers! They were a Christian family as well and they lived on a farm! My mind couldn't stay off of them even though the thought of dangerous farm equipment and my unfamiliarity with homeschooling both worried me.  But what a great blessing God gave me for this family that has grown with another boy and girl after they adopted my angel.

After I found them I emailed them and we met up on the last weekend of September. What a great time--God had everything planned! I loved them before I met them and they were family when I did meet them. The night before they were going to head home we had our last visit, so we thought. Later that night was a weird night and that very early morning I went to the hospital and by 8:10am our little girl was born!

I called them and they came right over and stayed longer. After we left the hospital we took her to the free clinic to work on the adoption paperwork and I wasn't sure I could go through with it.  I just loved her so much. They came over to the clinic later and I wanted to talk with them before I finalized my decision to keep her and we talked and cried and I knew she was mine but meant for them. We went through a lot of adoption paper work and more tears and lots of pictures. My baby went with them that night.

I did a lot of crying and I've cried and yelled for her when I took a shower. The tears slowed as the pain of being without her eased, but my heart and mind were always on her. It helped a lot to have my friends and the Kleins there for support. When Christmas time came around they said they were back in KS and we drove to see them. It was the first time I had seen Kiana since they were allowed to return home.  It was a great visit and a little sad as well. It felt like I was giving her away again, but I feel without these visits I'd have never been able to get past it.

Pictures and emails and phone calls all helped between those visits. Visiting became easier until one day she was in the "mommy only" phase. It broke my heart, but I knew it was coming and it came and went. To have support was again a blessing, and visits again became easier.

Then a wonderful moment came--one every mom dreams of. We had another visit and as we were each getting ready to go our separate ways, I was helping them get her in the car. It was a little rushed, kids started to feel tired and crabby, and there it was. My baby said "I love you" and I instantly melted. When I got to the car we sat there and I cried and cried "she said 'I love you'!" It was a wonderful feeling.  I still cherish that moment, as well as when she first called me mom on her own free will when she was 5 years old.

The pains are gone. I've gone through several different emotions and phases throughout it, but I've never regretted it. We were meant to become this giant family. Now I have my own family and all my children know one another.  She is their sister-her picture hangs on the wall right with my children I'm parenting now. 

Number the Stars

I had read Number the Stars by Lois Lowry before, but read it again for Carrie's book club.

Three themes stood out to me in this reading of a young girl's encounter with Germany's oppression of the Jews.

1) Courage.  We don't know how brave we are until we are called on to act.  Like Annemarie, many of us admire the courage of others and doubt we would be able to exercise it similarly in the same situation.  Many of us are secretly "glad to be an ordinary person who would never be called upon for courage" (26).

Yet I think we would do better to prepare ourselves.  Jesus warns us not to be surprised if the world hates us (I John 3:13) and again in I Peter 4:12-19 we're cautioned not to be surprised when we go through fiery trials of suffering.  As Christians, I think we should prepare ourselves for life not to be easy and for the world to not understand or approve of the way we live and believe.  Christians have been called to be imprisoned or die for their faith before, and I daresay we will be again.  We still will never know how brave we are until we're called to act, but we can purpose to stand up for what we believe and do what we need to do when the time comes.

Bravery is doing what you need to do without focusing on the dangers. (paraphrased from page 123)

2) Sheltering.  Annemarie's papa wished he could protect his daughter from the knowledge that the Germans were coming to gather up all the Jews.  Sometimes we parents would like to be able to shelter our children from certain knowledge, but the realities of life often force us to expose them to things so they will be prepared to face and overcome those realities.

3) Pride.  It's not always a bad thing.  Pride in who we are, in our value as a human being, can help us stand up to face uncertain realities when we are stripped of all the external markers of who we are.

Annemarie's Jewish friends had taken pride in maintaining their home and religious ceremonies, in working as a teacher, in acting in plays. Yet when they were running for their lives in borrowed clothing, dependent on strangers for food and safety, "their shoulders were as straight as they had been in the past: in the classroom, on the stage, at the Sabbath table.  So there were other sources, too, of pride, and they had not left everything behind" (94).

Ultimately, I think, a better descriptor than pride is a confidence in who we are in Christ--and a confidence in our God--which will equip us to stand strong.  Like the three Hebrew children of old, we can confidently say "we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.  If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty's hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 3:16-18)

What Alice Forgot

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty

I can't imagine waking up tomorrow and finding my life the way it is now, but being my 29 year-old-self with a ten-year gap in my memory, but Liane Moriarty did an excellent job painting this scenario.

(Can I insert here that I am freaking out a little bit that I am reading books about 40-year-old women. . .and they are kind of about me--I can relate to them--they are my peers?)

I very much enjoyed this book.  It wasn't quite as good (or as funny, although she frequently made me giggle with her descriptions of "middle-aged people") as Big Little Lies, but I still loved the way she uses stories and excellent characterization to make the reader think and take a good look at her life.  I wouldn't want to go back and be my 29-year-old self.  The last ten years have formed me into someone else.  I also don't really want a peek into the next ten years.  Wherever I'm going to be ten years from now. . .well, the next ten years will shape and prepare me to be there.

I want to appreciate my life, and especially my marriage.  The thought of jumping ten years and finding my marriage in shambles. . .well, it's horrible to contemplate.  It reminds me to be purposeful now rather than coasting along getting distracted by raising children, running here and there, and paying the bills.  "She'd been so cozy in the cocoon of their relationship.  She assumed she got to stay there forever" (135).

I especially loved the description of Alice and Nick's marriage as observed by Elisabeth.  This is beautiful to me, and it's the way I want a man to love and empower my daughter(s).

"I used to secretly watch Nick listening to Alice when she told a story; that tender, proud look he got on his face, the way he laughed harder than anyone else when she said something funny or typically Alice.  He got Alice, the way we did, or maybe even more so than us.  He made her more confident, funnier, smarter.  He brought out all the things that were there already and let her be fully herself, so she seemed to shine with this inner light.  He loved her so much, he made her seem even more lovable" (109).  

I was also struck by the epilogue, when 50-year-old Alice was looking back at the marriage problems of their 30s.   I wonder how often we all would feel that way, if we could just hang in there and mature through the hard times.

"She and Nick had been so *young*, so full of the earth-shattering importance of their own feelings" (455).  

I have to agree with my friend Stephanie, who also read this book.  It made me appreciate my marriage and determine not to take it for granted.

November Freezer Cooking

While people rarely comment on my freezer cooking posts, they tend to have the highest views, so I'm assuming they're blessing someone out there. :)  Additionally, I like the record of what we made with the recipes, so I'm hoping to keep posting them.  We haven't eaten all of them yet, but I'm rating the ones we have eaten.  So far, so good!

Here is what we made in November:

• Freezer Meatloaf  4
• Easy Crockpot Chili 4
• Hearty Western Casserole 3.5
• Cheeseburger Soup 5 

• Texas Style Lasagna  4

Cook 1 1/2 lbs. ground beef.  Add 1 t. seasoning salt, taco seasoning, 1 can undrained diced tomatoes, 1 can tomato sauce, 1 can chopped green chilies.  Simmer 15-20 min.
In separate bowl, combine 2 c. cottage cheese and 2 eggs.
In 9X13, layer half the meat sauce, 6 torn tortillas, half the cottage cheese, and 2 cups Monteray Jack cheese.  Repeat layers.
Bake at 350 for 30 minutes or until bubbly.

• Potato-Topped Chicken (makes two casseroles serving 6 each)--1.5

Cook 4 pounds red potatoes and make mashed potatoes with milk, butter, and cheddar cheese.  Set aside.
Cook 3 pounds of chicken with 4 chopped carrots and 2 chopped onions.  Shred chicken and drain.  Stir in 1/4 c. flour, 2 T. tomato paste, salt, pepper, 1/4 t. thyme and 1 1/4 c. chicken broth.  Bring to a boil, simmer for 6-8 min or until thickened.
Place half chicken mixture in each pan and top with half the mashed potatoes.
Bake 400 degrees for 15-20 min or until bubbly.

• Sausage Fettuccine Bake (makes two casseroles, serving 6 each) --3.5

Cook 1 1/2 pounds fettuccine.
Cook 2 lbs sausage with 2 chopped onions and 1 chopped green pepper.  Add 2 28-oz cans diced tomatoes, undrained, 2 cans mushrooms, and 4 t. Italian seasoning.  Simmer five minutes.  Add fettuccine.
Divide mixture between two pans.  Sprinkle each with 2 c. mozzarella cheese.  Mix 2 cans cream of mushroom soup with 1/2 c. beef broth and divide over the pans, then sprinkle with parmesan and more mozzarella if you want.  Bake 20 min at 350 covered, then uncover and bake 10 minutes longer.

• Pizza Pizzazz (makes nine servings) --4

Cook 8 oz. penne pasta
Combine 2 1/3 cups spaghetti sauce, one pound cooked sausage, 1 pkg. chopped canadian bacon, 1 jar mushrooms, chopped green pepper, chopped onion, 1/2 c. parmesan cheese, garlic powder, salt, pepper, 1/8 t. crushed red pepper flakes.
Mix with pasta, pour into pan, top with one more cup of spaghetti sauce.  Cover and bake 45 minutes at 350.  Sprinkle with more mozz cheese, bake uncovered 10 min longer.

Three Things I've Learned About Adoption

Adoption has changed our lives in big ways over the last ten years, not the least of which is that we have gone from being a family of four to a family of a eight.  I consider myself a lifelong learner, so I was glad for the opportunity to examine and summarize "three things I've learned about adoption" for Shelley's blog.

1.  Adoption has been a tool the Lord has used to grow me in ways I never would have expected.
Adopting two sons and two daughters has given me the opportunity to step outside my comfort zone like nothing else ever has.  I learned to trust the Lord to provide rather than relying on myself--financially, in parenting, in loving others, endurance in the waiting season--you name it.  I have had the opportunity to interact with people who are different from me in the way they think and in the way they live.  And I've learned that they are people, just as I am--we really aren't so different.

Through adoption, I am learning more of what love means.  I am learning to tap into the well of love the Lord has for me and share it with others, not in my own strength, but in his.

2.  Not everyone sees adoption as a positive.  We need to be sure and secure in what we're doing and why we're doing it and not be discouraged by the naysayers.  
Adoptee blogs and online adoption groups can be scary and make me think we've done a terrible thing, that we've ruined our children's lives by bringing them into our family. I think there are things to learn from these resources, but I've had to take them "with a grain of salt," consider their worldview, and be sure to examine their views through the lens of my own worldview.

Some people we know have expressed concerns about us adopting, saying "you don't know what you're getting" when adopting a child or predicting rebellion for our children and turmoil for our family.  We've even been scorned by some who think adopting is a way of showing off, or doing deeds in a way that they'll be seen by men.  We have learned to look to the Lord for our strength in the face of disagreement.

3.  Adoption doesn't end with bringing the child home.
Yes, adopted is a past tense verb, but parenting a child who was adopted is very much a present and ongoing verb (let's scrub off those old grammar studies--is it the present perfect progressive verb tense that says an action has been going on, is currently taking place, and will continue in the future?).

We have learned the importance of maintaining a life book for our children to help answer their questions about how they came to be a part of our family. We have learned to communicate with our children's birthparents in our open adoptions and to put forth the effort to stay in contact through letters, phone calls, facebook, and visits to nurture their relationships.

Adoption has brought different gifts and personalities and even challenges than biological family and we are learning how to best develop, equip, and "train them in the way they should go".

As two of our children have different racial backgrounds from my husband and I, we have had the opportunity to learn how to properly care for their black skin and hair.  We are learning  about exposure to their genetic culture and how to prepare them to live as Black men and women in society.

Before adopting, I planned to parent any children through adoption just like I parent our biological children, but I've learned it's not just like raising a biological child.  In many ways it's the same, yes, but there is an additional layer and I am learning how to navigate it.

Most of all, I've learned that adoption is about growing our hearts and our family and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.