I Had a Dream

 I had a dream. I had a plan.

Not a full-scale plan that was underway. But I was beginning to plan. I was dreaming about "what life will look like when all the kids are raised." Maybe not even ALL of them raised, but when only two would be left at home and they would be teenagers building busy lives of their own. The dream involved a potential for post graduate education, some travel, serving actively as a team with my husband, and even moving to a fun little town designed for walking and electric biking with lots of music, educational, and cultural opportunities near friends. Helping others, using giftings while serving with my husband, having fun.

But then the call came. I didn't expect it, so felt kind of blindsided. It's not bad, necessarily. It's just not what I want.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9.

I wanted to reject it entirely. I am a selfish and entitled person who has to learn lessons of obedience and laying down my life over and over again. But "the sheep hear his voice. . .and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice." John 10

MY plan appeals to my flesh. When I think of my plan, I feel words like "excitement, fun, fulfillment, rewarding, and validation." When I think of the calling I feel words like "impossible, sacrifice, and thankless work." 

And the Spirit within me nods in recognition at those latter words.