Braided Beauty

I can't say enough good stuff about this blog where I have learned so much about caring for and styling Kiana's hair. They are hosting a giveaway for two natural hair products and I'm hoping to win--even though I *never* win anything like this! (Some of my friends seem to win everything they ever enter--anyone want to enter for me and then pass the product on to my little beauty?! chuckle). I really hoped to win their giveaway of a sleep cap to protect Kiana's hair (both the style and from breakage) from her pillow, but I didn't. Katie also introduced me to the idea of satin-lined stocking caps to protect my daughter's hair. Guess I'm going to have to stop being lazy and just order a couple of these caps for her.

It seems the most prominent looks Kiana has sported lately involve braids, braids, and more braids. Katie shared the idea of protective braids with nothing in the ends to give her hair a little break without having to detangle every day. This took a couple hours to put the small braids in, and then I just twisted the ends and was pleasantly surprised at how well they stayed in.
I think it was an adorable little look for her, too. She didn't get any little red bumps on her scalp to signify stress, no damage to the hairline, and no breaking on the ends of the braids from banding. I loved the way the ends of the braids curled up, too.We were also able to play around a little with styling the braids. Here is how she wore the look for a picture we got snapped at the Walmart studio of all the kids. We just pulled the braids into two piggies and put some random clips at the bottom of a few of the braids for some ornamentation. I think it turned out cute and little-girly.
Other days we made a piggy of just the front braids leaving the back braids hanging, or put the braids in three or four piggies. Towards the end of the style (which lasted a good three weeks) I took the front few braids out and put in a couple cross-wise cornrows and left the back braids (which still looked good) hanging in the back. I will definitely be using this cute but protective style again!

Right now Kiana has her hair in cornrows, with a little puff or bun on top of her head. It's hard to just put her hair in a ponytail because once the product dries, her hair curls up and won't stay in the ponytail holder. So, we cornrowed her hair up into a ponytail in the back.
Then on the top of her head and in front we put some funky parts and cornrowed to the sides.

I haven't been all that crazy about the ponytail because her hair just isn't quite long enough to achieve the look I was going for, so most of the time she has worn a little bun on top of her head. That has been cuter, but you can see the ends of the cornrows are getting loose where the hair is gathered into the bun.I think tomorrow I'm going to take out the front cornrows and redo them back into the ponytail and see if that gives her enough hair to have a cute puff on top of her head where all the cornrows will meet. I don't love this style, but it was good for me to practice the cornrows, and I think I would like it better if I had just cornrowed all the hair into a puff in the first place. Live and learn!

Defend the Fatherless

To tell you the truth, I feel done. I feel content, blessed beyond measure, fully satisfied. I love having five children. I have been blessed by adoption, and God has used this avenue to change and grow me and my faith more than I ever could have imagined. But I feel, for the first time, really, that I don't long for more children.

I know after adopting Kiana I said I wanted to adopt two more children, but now I'm feeling content with the one more God has given me. Who knows, this may also change, and may just be because I am busy loving the blessings God has given me right now. I told Alan this the other night and he looked surprised. And the look in his eyes said something different. We'll just see what the future holds. It may not be about me (surprise!!).

But November is National Adoption Month and as I watch the videos being posted all over the internet my heart hurts and my spirit wants to do more--help more--love more.

Creation Groans from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

These children's circumstances break my heart. And when that little girl so woefully says "At night they didn't hug me or anything. They just. . .they just went to sleep.". . .

The tears spill over.

"I don't have to be lonely anymore. Now I'm just a regular kid."

Oh that every child might be "just a regular kid"--loved and secure!!!

Introducing Wednesday Wonderings

I think the biggest area in which God continuously works on me is that of pride. He reveals over and over where I fall short in humility. I recently read the book Humility: True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney and it was so good I immediately started reading it again. Then Alan said he would read it aloud to the older kids and me. It's a wonderful book and is provoking much thought and discussion among us.

Since I tend to process things best when writing them out, I am going to try to write about this book and the thoughts it provokes every Wednesday. I'm imagining covering 2-3 chapters each week. If you want to read along and blog your responses as well, grab the button below (which I hope I did right--it's my first try and I'm pretty tickled about it) and join me. Or if you just want to read along and comment, do that too. Or even if you don't want to read the book, join me each Wednesday and talk with me about the thoughts from the book. I'm hoping this will help hold me accountable and I will actually implement some of Mahaney's tips into my life. It certainly can't hurt.

To preface the book, I just have to share notes I have on my list of 'future blog posts' (yes, I have a list of things to write "when I get time"). I heard some definitions of pride and humility some time ago which really stuck with me.

Pride, the speaker said, is about status in relation to others--whether we are higher or lower. Think through that one. I've heard more than one person say that insecurity and embarrassment are as much indicators of pride and selfishness as arrogance and cockiness are, and it took me awhile to see that reality. Both extremes indicate thinking about oneself more than is necessary. Both extremes tend to result from comparing ourselves to other people around us.

Humility, the speaker contrasted, is about awareness of our status in relation to God. Ahhhh! I couldn't help but flash back to my reading of The Second Mrs. Giaconda earlier this year when Salai learned "Leonardo was something in between God and the devil. Well, so was he."

In the foreword of the book, Joshua Harris observes that as Christians we want to be humble--or at least we want to be "thought of as humble. We want that reputation, but don't know how to get to the reality" (9). In challenging us and educating us how to make humility more than just a performance, Mahaney says we will learn three things throughout this book.

1) Humility is our greatest friend and pride our greatest enemy.
2) Redefine success and discover the nature of true greatness which is attainable only through Christ's death on the cross.
3) Practical ways to cultivate humility and weaken pride.

I'm looking forward to learning about and applying humility in my life!

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Discoveries of the Day

Today I discovered five things.

1) Firstly, I have an addiction. Could someone direct me to "Book-a-holics Anonymous"? My bookshelves are all packed to overflowing. My bedroom is quickly joining along as it has become my "dump spot" for the books that are too good of deals to pass up.

For example, here are some outstanding books I picked up at a garage sale last weekend. A preschool teacher was retiring and I wanted every single book in the 10-12 boxes she had spread over a table. I think I showed admirable restraint in buying only two boxes full! There are delightful storybooks, books about musicians, books about art and artists, books about children of all colors and cultures, books of poetry for children, books for 'fun' and books for 'education'. I also got games for art appreciation and some Discovery Toy active cubes for a great price. Add in the three books full of literature units and imagine the happy dance I was doing!!
Since my bookshelves are all full, I 'had' to pick up the shelf also pictured (justifiable, right?). This little shelf now sits where Tyrell's bassinet used to sit in the living room with 10-12 books faced outward on it. Easton and Kiana love it! This morning they were parked in front of it with every book off the shelf at 6:45 am--before breakfast. What joy that brings mama's heart! I envision trading out these books once a week for endless hours of enjoyment. You know these books are great finds when my 14yod and 13yos spent an hour reading through them and pronounced them 'good'.
Then a friend who is no longer homeschooling passed me a few books that I just couldn't turn down. They look like great fun and I'm sure the little ones will enjoy them one of these days as I revisit these unit studies with them.Dare I confess that this box of books I purchased at a garage sale some time ago are still in said box? I have read several of them, but simply do not have room on a bookshelf to make them a permanent home. Yes, there are lots and lots of Francine Rivers books in that pile (hooray!) and several other gems I just couldn't pass up.My children's piano teacher has an entire wall covered with bookshelves--the bookshelves cover every inch of the wall all around her piano above and on both sides. I'm trying not to covet these bookshelves. I told my husband this is how I picture the south wall of my dining room. We'll see. . .

2) Today I also discovered why I spent $40 and three hours on prints of pictures, writing on the backs, and putting them in a photo album last Saturday. My children love looking at pictures of their life. It is so cute and rewarding to watch them pore over their history.3) Kiana will never be a neat and clean, girly girl. This is dirt. What in the world was she doing?? (Please don't even suggest she was eating it--I refuse to entertain that theory.)4) I am in love with my little boy. Okay, you're right, I didn't just discover this today. I just wanted an excuse to post this picture of him. Couldn't you just eat him up?!5) Attitude is not cute. No matter how cute you are. Fortunately, there is no picture of my attitude to illustrate this concept, (I dug this one out of the files) so maybe you won't realize I discovered the ugliness of MY selfish attitude today.I got this idea from fellow blogger Courtney and it was too fun not to join in!

Good News

In Christ alone my hope is found.
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace;
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease;
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe.
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied.
For every sin on Him was laid,
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay.
Light of the world by darkness slain.
Then bursting forth in glorious Day,
Up from the grave He rose again.
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me.
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand.
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand.
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me.
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand.
‘Til He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

I wanted to highlight some of the words to this song. The problem is, they are all so powerful and have SUCH meaning, I need to highlight the entire thing. I have listened to this song many times today. Be blessed--take the time to listen to it and let the words reach you. If you listen to it like I do, you'll crank the volume way up and sing along--with passion and at the top of your lungs, and likely with tears running down your cheeks. In my heart, my voice soars around the room like Travis's voice does. (Be glad you aren't here! chuckle)

This is the good news--the gospel of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

What Not to Say

I have long debated sharing this post. In choosing to post it, I want to make it clear that this is an educational post. My intentions are not to be snide or to make anyone feel badly. Rather, my intentions are to raise awareness and sensitivity.

I have learned a great deal about adoption in these last five years or so. One thing I've learned is an entirely new vocabulary, and how seemingly innocent and trivial words, questions, and comments can be harmful and insensitive. I really don't think most people even think about it--I know I never would have if God hadn't blessed me with these adoption roller coaster journeys. In truth, I made my own insensitive comment to a friend recently.

I personally have a difficult time knowing how to handle some of the things people say and ask. I have read many things and been counseled by adoption 'professionals' on responses, but many of them seem rude to me. I understand that if someone is being rude, they might need rudeness in turn to realize their comment or question was inappropriate. I sometimes THINK a recommended response (such as "Why do you ask?") but have never said it--I just can't help imagining how I would feel if someone turned such a question back on me when I was being insensitive. I have responded with a blank stare, which is another suggested response. This is not a planned tactic on my part, but rather a genuine "I-don't-know-what-to-say-and-I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that-to-me" moment.

So today, I'd like to share a few things to avoid as you visit with people who have been touched by adoption, whether they are adoptive parents or were themselves adopted. Unfortunately, these are all taken from real experiences in my life.

• "So, which ones are your real children?"

They are all my real children. None of them are pretend or imaginary. The correct terminology would be biological children, but why does it matter?

• "Do you know his/her real mom? Was she young? Does she know who the father is? Why did she give him up?"

Again, I am the real mom. The word you are looking for is birthmother. Any questions about her (or the birthfather) are difficult for us to address. On the one hand, it is private and a story that belongs to the child.
On the other hand, I as an adoptive mother, feel some responsibility and desire to quell the stereotypes about birthmothers. A birthmother is not necessarily a young, irresponsible, selfish tramp as many readily assume. She is a human being in a difficult situation who is trying to do the best she can for her child. She typically does not have the resources many of us simply take for granted. And when I say this, I am not just talking about material resources. I mean she doesn't have people in her life who love and support her. She likely didn't have this during her formative years. Take a minute and imagine having no one there for you. No one has EVER been firmly on your side. How different would you be? Even if I should now somehow lose everyone who is there for me--my husband, my parents, my siblings, my church, my friends--I have had them all these years and am a confident, capable and independent woman as a result. Not everyone had these same experiences. I have probably shared too much of my children's birthstories over the years as adoption professionals would see it. But in doing so, I believe my friends and family who love my children have gained an awareness and sympathy that makes it worth it.

(And incidentally, it's recommended that you not use the term "give a child up" or similar phrases, but rather say "made an adoption plan".)

• "He/she sure is lucky you adopted him/her. You are such wonderful people to do this."

This is uncomfortable, for sure. And people don't seem to realize that we parents are the ones who are blessed to have these children in our family. But even more importantly, imagine how it would feel as someone who was adopted to hear how "lucky" you are and how "wonderful" your parents are for adopting you. Firstly, we have to remember that adoption invariably involves loss for children--loss of your first parents, loss of the people who look like you, loss of the sounds and smells of the woman who carried you for nine months, loss of your genetic history. No, loss isn't lucky. Secondly, might it make a child question what is wrong with him that it takes someone special/wonderful to love him?

• "Now, are they brother and sister?"

Yes, they are. All of my children are brothers and sisters. They all wear my last name, they live and share and argue together, they share the same parents. I know you're asking if they are biological siblings, but why does it matter? And in my particular situation, the children we've adopted don't look anything alike. I don't understand why people ask this question.

• "So, where did you get him/her? Where did he/she come from?"

My common thought again: why does it matter? It's been kind of funny in our experience however to reply with "Kansas" or "Florida" just to see the uncomprehending looks on people's faces. I guess people assume all adoptions are international or something. I really would like to know why so many people ask this question. The reason I think it would be better for people not to ask this question is just because it feels like they are screaming "you are different, you don't fit in" to my child. And I'm a protective mama bear. Just love the children and tell me they're adorable, cute, precious. . .things like that. :)

• "I've heard adoption is so expensive. How much did it cost?"

Yes, it is expensive, but this is a question to which I really would like to respond "why do you ask?". If you're asking because you have room in your heart to adopt a child, I am inclined to share our experience with you. I would first recommend, however, doing a little research on the subject before asking, and then ask only if you are seriously interested in pursuing adoption. If, on the other hand, you're asking because you're nosy or insensitive or critical of our stewardship. . . is nothing tacky anymore?

• "He/she is so adorable. How could anyone give him/her away?"

Wow. This is one of the blank stare moments. Seriously, that's how I responded. I didn't even know where to start with that one.

• "Adoption sure is the easy way to have more children. At least you don't have to go through morning sickness and delivery and all the other difficulties of pregnancy."

And we have another winner of the blank stare moment. 'Easy' and 'adoption' simply do not belong in the same sentence. I also simply found this offensive--highly so.

It reminded me of a moment with a close friend during our last adoption journey. She had been with us along every step, listened whenever we needed to talk, prayed for hours, written reference letters, and was genuinely interested in the journey. She showed up at my house one day when I had stacks and stacks of paperwork all over the table. She stood for a moment, obviously taking it all in, and with an expression of dawning comprehension said "This is your pregnancy, isn't it?"

Finally, regarding children of a different ethnic background than your own, please, please, please don't say things like the following:

"Oh, little black babies are so cute! I would love to have one."

or

"He/she looks exactly like the little brown doll I had when I was little."

I hope I don't have to explain why such comments are inappropriate, but I guess I will if I need to.

From the Mouth of a Child

I had the most delightful conversation with Kiana this morning as I was helping her dress for the day. What is it about a talk with a child that brings all of life down to its simplest form and pares out all the unnecessary stuff until all that's left is what is most important?

God is my daddy.
Yes, he is. He loves you and gives you everything you need, doesn't He?

Does He live in Heaven?
Yes, He does.

And I'm gonna go there?
Yes, if you love and obey God, you will go there.

I will!!! I will obey Him!!!! And you are going to come with me?
Yes, I love God and I obey Him, I will go to Heaven and be with God too.

What are we gonna do there?
We get to be with God and Jesus and worship them all the time and be happy and never be sad or sick.

Is Nathan gonna go? Is Adi gonna go? And Isaiah gonna go? And Mya? And Zayne (Zayne-knee)? (each asked and responded to individually, of course)
Yes, if they love and obey God, they will go too.

How are we gonna go there?
Jesus is going to come and get us.

Yay!!!!!! It's gonna be so much fun!!!! (jumping up and down) Can we go right now?
No, first we have to live on Earth and obey God and tell other people about Him so they can come with us.

But ye have received the Spirit of adoption,
whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
Romans 8:15

Kiana, experiencing the love of the Father through her earthly daddy

as he submits to her pretend play that he is her baby who will cry without the little toy pacifier.