The Best Yes

The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands by Lysa TerKeurst

My local book discussion group chose this book to read and discuss.  While I don't think I have a huge problem saving my "yeses" for the most important things (I've worked on this off and on in the last 20 years), it still was good to review the idea and Lysa TerKeurst did a good job with the concept.

Some of my favorite quotes:
"When I tell someone no, I visualize my family and see myself saying yes to them."
"Whenever you say yes to something, there is less of you for something else.  Make sure your yes is worth the less."
"Be intentional about leaving enough unscheduled time on my calendar for relationship moments to happen."
"The decisions we make dictate the schedules we keep.  The schedules we keep determine the lives we live. The lives we live determine how we spend our souls."
"God's promises are not dependent on my ability to always choose well, but rather on His ability to use well."

There really were lots of good things in this book.  She lists questions to help the reader decide what the later consequences will be of saying "yes" to something now.  She challenges us to be brave enough to step out on faith and say "yes" when it's our yes, rather than being paralyzed by indecision.  She challenges us to know when to say no to self so we can say yes to someone else.  She cautions us to say no right away when it's needed, rather than letting pressure build until it's harder or more complicated to say no.

But best of all, in my perception, she focuses a lot on gaining wisdom as we're faced with opportunities--especially the very difficult opportunities life throws at us.  This is the best of TerKeurst's books that I've read so far.

Big Little Lies

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty

I thoroughly enjoyed this delightful story about motherhood, friendship, and imperfections.  In fact, I rather wish I hadn't read it yet so I could read it on my upcoming plane ride to New York (eeeek!  Sorry, that squeal just bubbles out of me when I think about it!).

I want to be friends with this circle of women.  They have their unique quirks, insecurities, and individual histories and trials and I love each one of them in spite of--or because of--them.  I like that this book is real, that no one has a sugar coated easy life, but rather they are all dealing with life in all its messy glory.  At the same time, the book is hilarious.  I laughed aloud several times.  Usually it was at Madeline.

For example, I am absolutely stealing her signature exclamation:  "oh calamity!"  Consider yourself forewarned.  I also cracked up at her description of this midlife version of PMS.  "Now, for one day every month, she had to fake everything:  her basic humanity, her love for her children, her love for Ed" (103).  (She had to fake her basic humanity--some days, my friends, some days!)

Even while the book was entertaining, it made a few more serious points that I enjoyed pondering.  As Madeline turns 40, she ponders:  "She didn't want to admit, even to herself, just how much the aging of her face really did genuinely depress her.  She wanted to be above such superficial concerns.  She wanted to be depressed about the state of the world, not the crumpling and creasing of her skin.  Meanwhile, Ed got sexier each year that went by as the lines around his eyes deepened and his hair grayed" (82).  (And I insert, yes!  Tell me what's up with that?!  How is my husband getting better and better with age, while I. . .uh. . .)

Yet while one woman is bemoaning her fading appearance, another bears the burden of extreme physical beauty which "had nothing to do with her, it was just random luck, it wasn't a decision she'd made" (165).

I also loved Mrs. Ponder's observations:  "Mothers took their mothering so seriously now.  Their frantic little faces.  Their busy little bottoms strutting into the school, ponytails swinging.  Eyes fixed on the mobile phones held in the palms of their hands like compasses" (2).

There was some language in this book, and some thematic elements that might bother the more sensitive reader.  But I enjoyed the writing, I enjoyed the characters, I enjoyed the story.  This would make for a fun book club discussion.

Eating In at The Restaurant

I don't think I'll be eating at that restaurant again anytime soon.  There was a fly in my salad, they wanted to put chicken soup on my steak, and the waiter spilled my Pepsi.

My little ones love to play restaurant.  I'm trying to do better at setting aside what I'm working on to play with them.  It really is so refreshing to actually play with them and hear the precious things they say and that work will still be there later (believe me!).

For example, at one point Kiana was ordering and Easton was the waiter.

Easton:  And what would you like to drink?
Kiana:  I'll have wine.

(At my surprised look)
Kiana (giggle):  I'm just kidding.
Curious where this idea came from, I asked:  Who do you know who drinks wine?
Easton:  King Saul.  And Jesus.
Kiana:  Yes, Jesus drank wine at the Passover.

Well, alrighty then!  I barely suppressed my grin.

A little later I realized that playing with your children is a great way to train them in parenting skills for their future.  Kiana was the mommy and Tyrell was the baby and  Tyrell was crying and crying and pitching a fit and I was a random lady at the restaurant.

Me:  What is wrong with him?
Kiana:  Oh, he's mad because I won't let him play with the candlestick.
Me:  Well, he needs to not act like that.
Kiana (with head tilted, hands flying, dramatically making his excuse):  Oh, well he's only 1.
Me (very seriously--this is a teaching moment!):  That doesn't matter.  When you're a mommy, you can never let your children pitch a fit.  You are the mommy and if you say he can't play with the candlestick, then he needs to learn to obey without pitching a fit.  Now go tell him mommy said no and he needs to stop his crying. If he doesn't stop, you will need to spank him.

 (You have no idea how many times I have wanted to give similar counsel in the store, restaurants, church, etc. to real mommies!)

Cherishing the moments. . .

The Song

I went to see The Song at the movie theater with Alan and two other couples last Friday when it opened.  In the interests of full disclosure, I will admit that my interest was first piqued by the fact that my distant cousin, Ali Faulkner, had a leading role.

I keep thinking about the movie, however, and that raises it up a few notches from just going to see my cousin in a movie.  I'm also looking forward to watching (and discussing!) it with my teenagers.

In a nutshell, the movie is about a singer who gets married and his love for his wife inspires a song which rockets him to stardom.  He begins to travel more and their marriage is tested, each of their characters are tested, and they have to decide where to go from there.

But it's about so much more.  I keep reflecting on the many messages and themes woven throughout the movie and the more I think about it, the more I like it.

I love the way Scripture was woven through the story.  I recognized passages from Ecclesiastes and the Song of Solomon, and think some were from Proverbs.  This was incredibly well done.

I love the idea.  I really, really love the general idea of the story.  The main character, Jed King, is the son of David King.  David. . .as in David of the Old Testament.  David was a famous artist who made some big mistakes--such as seeing a friend's wife skinny dipping, betraying his friend, and experiencing the friend's death.  Does this story sound familiar to anyone?  Then David's son, Solomon. . .er, I mean Jed. . .is determined not to repeat his father's mistakes.  He asks the Lord for wisdom.  And he experiences all that the world has to offer before declaring them vanity, vanity.

I look forward to discussing with my children the importance of seeking a man or woman of integrity to marry.  Integrity and strong character.  Who will they be when the trials of life come?  How will they handle adversity, temptation, mistakes?   Who they are is so much more important than being whisked off your feet or flattered by attention and charming words (or songs).

I look forward to discussing with my children the importance of "leaving and cleaving"--of transferring your loyalty from your family of origin to your spouse, even while honoring your parents.  Marriage is to be held in honor and the marriage bed undefiled, and this movie provides a good opportunity to discuss this.  Unfortunately, the marriage bed is a prime place to practice selfishness, and it's good for people to have the proper expectations and attitude before going into marriage.  This was tactfully handled, but as I have discussions with young christians, I think some of the points that come up in the movie are good for people to consider and discuss prior to marriage.

The forbidden or "strange" woman of Proverbs 5-7 is fleshed out in the character of Shelby Bale and she comes right out and reveals her worldview to Jed.  "Remove your way far from her!" you'll want to shout, but alas, Jed is one of those people who doesn't learn from the mistakes or teachings of others--he has to take the field trip.  Oh how I hope and pray my children will choose to learn from the wisdom of those who have gone before rather than insisting on learning the hard way.

While there were times I thought the movie dragged a little, and I wasn't a fan of the music, I still liked "The Song."  For it was the song--the story--of living and loving and falling and growing and being picked up.  It's about being human and about being forgiven.  It's a life story of redemption that I can relate to.

Wench

Wench by Dolen Perkins-Valdez

This book was recommended to me by a Black woman on a transracial adoption board I read.  She said it more accurately depicts the inhumanity and hopelessness of slavery than any other book she's read.  It was not an easy read.  It was, in fact, horrifying and contained some pretty graphic scenes.  At the same time, it was well-written and accomplished its purpose.  It definitely made me think.  How would I have handled this, had I been a black woman in America in that season?  I shudder to even imagine it.

The main character was purchased by her master at the age of 7, separated from her family, and then carefully groomed by her master for the next six years until she was prepared to accept his sexual advances as an expression of love, even believing herself in love with him.  Because really, what choice does she have?

This book details personal growth in four different women as each summer the slave mistresses travel to the free state of Ohio to vacation at a resort with their masters.  It shows the lack of choice and ownership they had over their own bodies.  It revealed how the birth of each child conceived as a result of their violation further enslaved them and removed the possibility of choices for fear of their children being punished or even sold off.  Most of all, it conveys the utter hopelessness of their situation as they were forced to simply endure.

"She had the look. The look of a woman who is done fighting.  The look of a woman months after her children have been sold from her.  The look of a slave who has decided it is better not to feel" (53).
"Lizzie tried to stop the pain in her head.  The resort had lulled her into feeling human again.  Had she glanced around at the others, she would know it had done the same to them" (68).
"Big Mama had once told her she had to prepare for a life in which she would be violated:  it hurt the first time, she'd said, but you get used to it" (93).
"she figured that to protest would be futile.  A passivity settled upon her along with the blanket.  This resignation was a feeling she would not soon forget" (110).
"Lizzie knew she ought to feel bad about it, pitiful as Glory's face was, but she didn't.  She really couldn't say that she felt anything at all.  It seemed like lately, her feelings had been drying up" (253).
(in regards to her children) "It was better, she figured, for them to know sooner rather than later that the white people they loved would disappoint them (146).  She took to hitting her children more, especially Nate.  She didn't want a white man to be the first to beat her son" (151).
"She thought of (her daughter) and what she would teach her.  This was what she would say:  Don't give in to the white man.  And if you have to give in, don't give your soul over to him.  Love yourself first.  Fix it so you don't give him children.  If you ever make it to freedom, remember your mammy who tried to be good to you.  Hold fast to your women friends because they are going to be there when ain't nobody else there. . .Learn a craft so you always have something to barter than your private parts" (287).

I was also struck by the attitude that some people had that slavery--the captivity of a human being--isn't such a bad thing if masters are "good ones".  As one white woman in the book said "Good. 'cause I can't stand men who are brutes.  A lot of slave owners are brutes, aren't they?  At least, that's what I hear.  That's why I detest slavery" (229)  As if having no freedom, as if having a man raise you from childhood to be his mistress, is okay as long as he's not a "brute" who beats his slaves.

While I'm not a fan of "self-love" in general, believing that most of us have too much love for ourselves, I couldn't help but ache at the conclusion Lizzie came to toward the end of the book.  "My children ain't the only thing I love.  If I was allowed, I reckon I'd love myself, too" (286).

Just Okay

I know I'm supposed to be reading The Brother's Karamazov, but if you've been reading my blog any length of time at all, you know I have issues when books catch my eye.  These books have been decidedly easier to read than Dostoevsky, but they have been just "okay".  I guess it's time to get back to a classic.

I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusak


I read this because I thought Zusak did such a great job with language in The Book Thief. 

This means I went into it with high expectations. . .and I was disappointed.  It was "ok".

Mostly, it was weird.  There were hints of his developing language usage, but it's easy to believe The Book Thief came later.  I was excited to read it, but then I had to make myself finish it.

In my opinion, the best part of the book is the end, which I can't tell you about the bizarre twist because that would ruin it for you.  I will just say it is original and unexpected.  It's the only thing that made me stop and think about the book.

I won't be reading anymore pre-The Book Thief work by Zusak, but I do hope he writes another and continues growing.

The Cuckoo's Calling by Robert Galbraith

I thought it was ok for my long road trip over Labor Day weekend, but was a little disappointed in the story and characterization--it wasn't Harry Potter! She was just so good at creating that alternate world in HP. . . Some people had told me it was decidedly "adult", but I didn't think it was bad other than the pervasive language. It's good enough that I read the next book, but not so great I would recommend it, nor did it keep me up into all hours of the night

The Silkworm by Robert Galbraith

These books were "okay" to me.  I used to read lots of mysteries and there are two types I hate:  those which introduce the killer for the first time in the last chapter (grrrr, so annoying!) and those which make it obvious who the killer was in the first quarter of the book.  Rowling/Galbraith makes neither of these mistakes, but neither does she produce my favorite type of mystery: those which cleverly allude to the killer in such a way that you figure it out right before you're told. . .or at the very least, once you're told, you can easily connect the dots/clues of supporting evidence so that it makes sense.

While there is more language and reference to sexual practices than I prefer, it's also not as prevalent or detailed as many other books in the mystery genre (the main reason I gave up reading mysteries).

Easton Starting Second Grade

We started school today.  (Yes, I still have two more students to highlight.)  After we finished school today, Easton came up to me, gave me a huge hug, and whispered in my ear "I love school!"

That is just the sort of incentive we homeschooling mamas need to get us through the year!

Easton has turned into a first-class bookworm!  (Hurray!  Three down, three to go!)  It seems he always has his nose buried in a book or a magazine.  He finished reading Mr. Popper's Penguins last week, read several Highlights magazines and Billy and Blaze books these last few days, and started Ralph and the Motorcycle today.

For school this year he will continue reading aloud from level-appropriate readers and be allotted time for sustained silent reading.  He is finishing Alpha level in Math U See and will soon start level Beta.  He loves to use Draw Write Now books for penmanship practice (the drawing is a bonus for him), and he will also start a daily reading comprehension workbook this year.  For history we are using Beautiful Feet's Early American History, which employs many living books and I'm incorporating several fun hands-on activities from the colonial time period.

In addition to these core subjects, we will be interspersing Scripture memorization, Bible stories, art appreciation, science, music appreciation, character readings, poetry, graphing, and some geography.  He will also be participating in the coop, will continue his involvement with the monthly Lego club, and the children's musical.  He is most excited about beginning piano lessons with Destry.

I have also incorporated a "chore time" to our daily schedule, and for right now, one of his chores includes mowing the lawn.  He learned to mow the lawn on the riding lawn mower this summer and it is more fun than work for him.  It's funny--he has turned into a lover of "things that go" as one of his other favorite activities is driving the go-kart all around the yard.

I'm hoping he's still telling me he loves school a few months down the road!