One That Will Stay With Me

Have you ever closed the last page of a book and then sat and cried?

I just read one of the most well-written and powerful books I have read in a while. A friend recommended The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini three or four years ago. It didn't sound very interesting to me, and I never read it. But just a few weeks ago, while at a garage sale, this title jumped at me off a table. It was a mere twenty five cents, and as I remembered my friend's enthusiastic recommendation, I snatched it greedily off the table, while doing a little dance inside that I got it so cheaply.

I had no idea what I was getting into. I don't have any words to write a succinct book review, other than to say I have heard the phrase "masterfully written" and never had occasion to use it. I now will use that phrase and say this masterfully written book will grab your attention, ignite your imagination, educate your brain, and evoke powerful feelings from your heart. This man is a genius with words.

He taught me about Afghanistan--the people, culture, religion, and ethnic conflicts. He beautifully and painfully exposed betrayal and the resulting conflicts and consequences. He delved into the complex father/son relationship. He revealed a lack of hope, and then the need for repentance. He powerfully demonstrated the need for a sacrifice for sin. He showed the power of forgiveness and love. (Having said that, this book is *not* a christian book. It doesn't share the gospel story in any way. . .yet to me, the book cries out for the gospel--the need for the gospel, the need for Jesus, the sacrificial Lamb.)

I cried when I closed the book and I can't even tell you why. Some, I suppose, was for the depth of the book, the depth of hopelessness and pain and betrayal. It is so sad to think of the depth of humanity's tendency to hurt one another. In other ways, I felt hope and redemption in the end of the book. It is definitely a book that will stay with me--I finished it two days ago and am still thinking about it.

There are many themes throughout the book, and the symbolism is some of the richest I've read. The foreshadowing is so perfect, I literally started reading the book again the same day I finished it, just so I could savor how he fit it all together.

Here are just a few quotes that stood out to me. They are tiny pieces from the book, but an example of the "mini-themes" the author so eloquently sprinkles throughout the story.

• On facing reality: "It hurts to say that," he said, shrugging. "But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie" (58).

• On independence versus welfare: Baba dropped the stack of food stamps on her desk. "Thank you but I don't want," Baba said. "I work always. In Afghanistan I work, in America I work. Thank you very much, Mrs. Dobbins, but I don't like it free money" (130).

• On the status of women: "I had relieved her of the greatest fear of every Afghan mother: that no honorable (man) would ask for her daughter's hand. That her daughter would age alone, husbandless, childless. Every woman needed a husband. Even if he did silence the song in her" (178).

• On religious and ethnic persecution/discrimination: I read that my people, the Pashtuns, had persecuted and oppressed the Hazaras. It said the Hazaras had tried to rise against the Pashtuns in the nineteenth century, but the Pashtuns had quelled them with unspeakable violence. The book said that my people had killed the Hazaras, driven them from their lands, burned their homes, and sold their women. The book said part of the reason Pashtuns had oppressed the Hazaras was that Pashtuns were Sunni Muslims, while Hazaras were Shi'a. (9). . .and later "Why are you here?" "For the boy." "It's hard to believe. . .why that boy? You come all the way from America for. . .a Shi'a?" That killed all the laughter in me. And the sleep. . .maybe what people said about Afghanistan was true. Maybe it was a hopeless place" (267).

I can't wait to read the next book--A Thousand Splendid Suns. My understanding is that it's about women in Afghanistan. I've heard it's even better than The Kite Runner! Disclaimer: There is a rape scene in the book. While not overly graphic, it is enough that I wouldn't recommend to young adults without pre-reading.

Polish

When my fourteen-year-old daughter paints her toenails, my two-year-old daughter just has to get hers painted too. If big sis is using purple polish, that is the color Kiana wants. My heart just clenches as I look at these toes. It wasn't that long ago Briana had to have her tiny little toenails painted the same color as Mommy's. "Teach me how to be a girl," these requests say to me.

And notice how those little tiny toes are carefully framed between the protective feet of big sis.

One of My Favorite Things

We are doing a literature study on "The Giver" by Lois Lowry and I am reminded how much I enjoy reading and discussing books with my children. I am reading it aloud, and I get such a kick out of the way my kids listen. I love to steal looks at their faces and treasure those expressions in my heart. I love it when they interrupt my reading to tell me what they think about a character's actions, or predict what is going to happen, or speculate about the meaning behind some of the actions.

This book truly is fascinating. In a nutshell, it's about a supposedly utopian world gone awry. The reader is challenged to examine how important individualism and free thought are. We evaluate whether a lack of growth is worth the absence of pain and temptation. We wonder over the value of life and love. You really should read this book if you haven't yet. It's an easy read--but very thought-provoking (and eerily familiar in some respects).

I love schooling during the summer because I get to focus on 'fun' things--my favorite things. Reading and discussing such thought-provoking literature with my children is truly one of my favorite things!

Daddy's Day

I don't know that Father's Day is really any different from any other day in our home. It doesn't matter what day it is, Alan spends time with his children, plays with them, encourages them, is blessed by them, trains them, and takes care of them. I am thankful for my children's daddy.

I missed pictures of him swimming with the kids in the newly filled pool, and I didn't get pictures of him playing "No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed" with the little ones. But here is a peek at what his day looked like with the kids.
He listened patiently to Briana and Destry play a duet on the piano. . .over and over.He read books to Easton and Kiana. Several books. Long books. Whichever books they brought with their standard request "read it to me."
He enjoyed a piece of the gooseberry pie Briana made for him.
We all went to Wooden Nickel for supper together where he enjoyed a blackened Ribeye and played video games with the kids.
Then he went to the musical practice for a performance of "Alice and Wonderland" that he and Briana are in. This wasn't really his idea, you know--it's something Briana desperately wanted to be a part of, so he added "one more thing" to his already-busy schedule. Yeah, that's the kind of Dad he is.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

Summer Days

I am really enjoying our summer break. We are getting some work done, but we are playing and relaxing a lot too! I love that my children love to read. When I saw them on the deck like this, I just had to get a picture. They are reading so many books for pleasure this summer. It's a relief to know I haven't burned them out with reading for school! (Notice Briana's hair, by the way--it's shorter today and a wad is going out to locks of love in the mail!)

We're enjoying time with friends. I thought this picture of Kiana with her friend Jennady was pretty precious. Playing at the park with popsicles--what more could a couple of two year olds need!Briana and Destry spent a couple days at the city park cleaning and painting with a group of friends. They worked their heads off, but they enjoyed it and have a sense of accomplishment as a result.My new hobby this year is learning how to raise herbs and cooking with fresh herbs. My good friend, Misti, blessed me with a personalized sign for my herb garden! I would never have thought of such a thing (decorating is NOT my gift), but it brings me pleasure every time I enter the gate.

I am most excited about the rosemary and the basil. I love cooking with rosemary--on chicken, pork and potatoes--and when it's fresh from my own garden, it's just that much more fun! I also have three different kinds of basil growing, and learned how to make pesto from my friend Trinity. I cannot begin to express how much we love this pesto!

Below, Alan is eating some fresh pesto on Briana's homemade bread. This is his idea of making a face to show how heavenly it tastes. I'm not sure if it looks like he's enjoying it or if it's hurting him! LOLFinally, I think it's time to put up the pool. Destry and his good buddy Tallis have been swimming in the pond. This makes me a little nervous (and they get really dirty and disgusting), but both their dads say they grew up swimming in ponds, so okay. . .They've been fine, really, and they look out for each other, so I suppose it's part of raising boys and I should just relax.
I hope you're enjoying your summer as much as we are!

Keisha Update

Well, Keisha is unsure who she wants to parent her baby, and has requested more profiles to look at, which sounds like she didn't connect with us or any of the others she has seen these last few days. Thanks for your prayers, and keep 'em coming! :)

Her Mother Didn't Know Her

I remember the Columbine shooting back in 1999, but I just recently read She Said Yes: The Unlikely Martyrdom of Cassie Bernall, the book about a girl who was killed when the gunman asked her if she believed in God. It was written by her mother, and it was not at all what I expected.

I guess, as I type that, I don't know what I DID expect. But for sure, I didn't expect to read a book that reminds me how important it is for us parents to know our children and to keep their hearts. How focused I need to be to gain the role of my child's confidant, to help them understand why I make the decisions I make, and to stay plugged in with their thoughts, dreams, and disappointments! I didn't expect to be challenged to take drastic measures to redeem my child--to make whatever sacrifices are needed to protect and guide them. I didn't expect to be awed, once again, by the power God has to change a life.

Believe it or not, Cassie entered her teen years in outright rebellion. She was involved in the Goth movement and even in the occult. She and a friend had detailed plans to murder both a teacher and Cassie's parents. At one point in her life, she would have identified with her murderer. But her parents didn't know her. They didn't know what was going on in her life, what she was thinking, who her friends were. Quite by accident, her mother found a letter Cassie had written telling how much she hated her parents and plans to murder them. This is when her parents started re-evaluating their parenting philosophies and practices, and decided they needed to make some drastic changes (even sacrifices) for their daughter's benefit.

"Gradually we began to see where we had failed Cassie as parents, especially in the period leading up to her most troubled phase. Previously, whenever Cassie was rebellious, we had tried harder to win her friendship. . .in the end, we were catering to her whims and wishes far more than we ever wanted to. (A friend said) 'Stop trying so hard to be Cassie's friend. You're the adult; you're her mother; you call the shots. You don't have to have Cassie's approval for everything you do. She'll just end up thinking that the world revolves around her, and that she can do whatever she wants.'. . .I began to see my role as a parent in a new way--as a mentor and confidant, rather than as a buddy. I stopped trying to please Cassie and make her like me, and I started trying to guide her more consistently. Unbelievably, instead of rebelling, she accepted the boundaries I set for her and even seemed grateful for them" (80-81).

(What a concept, a child seeming grateful for boundaries! But I digress. . .) So, long story short, Cassie's parents removed her from her school and sent her to a private school, and even moved to a different house. Her mother quit her job so she would have more time to be involved in her children's lives. After some time at the private Christian school and involvement in a church youth group, Cassie was showing different fruit and eventually asked to go to a different school--Columbine--where she would eventually be given the opportunity to stand up for the One who had changed her life so radically.

There is a tone in the mother's writing that still makes me sad. I don't think she ever really knew her daughter--either during her rebellious phase or after. Her writing is filled with wondering and hesitance, and she shares quotes from Cassie's friends, from letters she has found since Cassie died, and in Cassie's journal and Bible study guides as if all these pieces of her daughter are just now being discovered. And that makes me sad. What I'm taking from this book is not as much about a young person being killed for her faith as I thought it would be. I do agree with her mother who said "To me, Cassie's life says that it is better to die for what you believe, than to live a lie" (160). But more than that, I'm reminded of the importance of relationship. I'm thinking about the priorities our society sets, and how easily we parents can just go along with the culture around us.

"Why, when parents and lawmakers are calling for gun control and an end to TV violence, are our young crying out for relationships? Why, when we offer them psychologists and counselors and experts on conflict resolution, are they going to youth groups and looking for friends? Why, when everyone else is apportioning blame and constructing new defenses, are they talking about a change of the heart?" (159)

I am convicted to spend less time on myself and more time building and nurturing the relationships with my children. I can't imagine writing a book about my child, after his/her death, in an effort to figure out who they were.