What'll It Be?

I've been thinking a lot about choices these last few days. I wonder if we even realize the many choices we make and their possible ramifications. So often, I think we make a choice and don't realize the results of the choice until many years later.

We went to a fundraiser banquet for Lifeline Pregnancy Resource Center Thursday evening. As I listened to the speaker share the story of her abortion many years ago, I couldn't prevent tears from coursing down my cheeks even as I managed to hold back my sobs. My heart broke for her as she shared that her 'counselor' told her she had 'choices' thanks to Roe vs. Wade--even as the counselor presented no alternative to abortion. Then she shared that she came to believe Christ's death on the cross provided forgiveness of sin--but she couldn't believe it could cover THAT sin. She wouldn't forgive herself, and never had children because she had been 'such a bad mom to her first child.' She felt guilt when the father of the child (who never even knew she had been pregnant) suffered an accident leaving him paralyzed so he would never be able to have children--and she had killed his child. She never told anyone, even her family, that she had the abortion, but carried it around as a huge weight that she feared people discovering. Then she shared a dream she had nearly 30 years after the "procedure", of many tiny children playing and singing in a beautiful field. A little boy came up to her, and without him saying a word, she 'knew' he was her son--the child she had killed. And all the children in the dream represented the millions of children who are killed through abortion. So, she made the choice to share her story in the hope of preventing the deaths of more children, and the years of heartache for other women who make this choice and then are stuck with the consequences.

I've also recently been inundated with choices regarding adoption. A few days ago I read on a blog about a family who was seeking a home for their son they adopted 3 years ago. In the adoption world, I guess this is called 'disruption.' And this weekend, on a homeschool egroup I subscribe to, I read of another family going through a 'disruption'. As a result of this story, at least three or four other people on the egroup have shared similar stories to reassure the first person. This just breaks my heart--to think of a family adopting a child who has been through so much already, and then deciding they are going to. . .I mean, how do you say this?! Kick the child out? Reject the child? Break their promise of being a 'forever family'? I don't want to judge these situations because I haven't 'been in their shoes' and well, I guess I can't say I would never do it since I've never been in their situation. But I seriously cannot imagine doing it. I think it would rip a piece of my heart out. And it hurts me to hear of other people doing it-- frequently, apparently, as I've learned in just the last few days. It's common enough that there is a 'term' for it. There are support groups for those who have 'disrupted'. Wow.

And for some reason, I've been subjecting myself to reading a blog written by a girl who was adopted 22 years ago. This girl alternately hates her birthmother and idolizes her birthmother. She blames society and the 'adoption industry' and her adoptive parents for her birthmother's "rejection" of her. I've never read such negative, self-consumed, dramatic, selfish, whiny, self-centered writing in all my life. She blames everyone (adoptive parents, sister, birthmother, etc) for everything you could possibly imagine and refuses to choose to look on the positive side, to appreciate what both her birthparents and adoptive parents have done for her, or to simply grow up. She has chosen the victim mentality as thoroughly as anyone I've ever seen. Can I just confess that as an adoptive mother, this girl scares me to death?!

And, finally, I've been thinking of the choices people make in marriage. In my Bible study, I was blessed to read of Abraham's servant going to find a wife for Isaac. When Rebekah's family was told about the situation (and the servant's prayer), and asked if she could go back to marry Isaac, her father and brother responded 'This is from the Lord; we have no choice in the matter' (Gen. 24:50). Isaac and Rebekah had never met, but Genesis 24:67 says he married her and he loved her. What great choices! Rebekah and her family chose to submit to God's will in obedience, and Isaac chose to love the wife who had been chosen for him. How I wish people would choose to love the spouses they have! I'm just hearing, once again, of a 'christian' couple who are separated. She is making allegation of spousal abuse and he is making allegations of a boyfriend. They are making choices that affect eternity, their children, friends and family, the church. . . and the ripple effect goes on.

It's so sobering to me to think of the consequences of the choices we make today. How will they affect our future? How will they affect others? How will they affect our walk with the Lord and how our light shines before others?