Most days I have a positive attitude as my hubby is going through this job change. Most of the time my spirit it peaceful and trusting and I look forward to seeing what God is going to work out of the whole situation, knowing that it will certainly involve personal growth.
Yet there are times my human frailties get the best of me. I think my biggest worry is for my children's first parents. I worry that they will be scared. They chose us to parent their precious babies because they thought we were stable. Well, not that we aren't stable, but let's say *settled*. We thought we were settled, we expected Alan to stay with his former employer until he retired and we expected to live on these 65 acres until we were too old to take care of ourselves. They liked our little farm and the lifestyle it would provide. What if we end up selling our place and moving to a house in town? What if we move farther away from them and the frequency of our visits is reduced? I'm afraid they will be sad or regret their choice--or feel like we're letting them down.
For myself, I trust in God and am sure He will provide our needs and work in our lives for our good. But for those who don't have this same relationship with Him. . .well, that's just an added responsibility that has come with the adoption journey that I never expected. I didn't realize I would feel a need to answer to my children's first parents when life brought about changes in our circumstances.
My human frailties also try to get the best of me when I think about friendships. I am sad that people I considered friends are simply not there--here--as we walk this journey. I have some hurts in this area that sometimes leak into anger. And as small-town rumors (lies) reach my ears, I am again forced to face mama-bear anger and turn it over to the Lord knowing that vengeance is simply not my place. I'm not really used to resisting anger. I tend to more often deal with other emotional temptations rather than anger, so this is a learning experience for me.
Ah yes, constantly learning, constantly growing. I'm finding Alan's resignation to be rife with opportunities for me to grow yet again.
Okay, I'm gonna say - you're just being silly. The first parents didn't choose 65 acres and a job to raise their children, they chose YOU!!
ReplyDeleteI was adopted by parents who were far from perfect. That wasn't the point. The point is that they were MY PARENTS. And it didn't matter where we lived or any of that stuff. That's not what makes a home.
Okay, I hope I set you straight ;) Good night.
Awwwww, Missy, that is the nicest thing you could have said! I'm just being silly--ok, you're right, consider me set straight--we are neither the job nor the farm, but Mom and Dad! chuckle Sending you an appreciative "good night hug" as I head off to bed!!
ReplyDeleteyucky feelings...I'm sorry. I know that everything is a little harder for me when I am dealing with them. (especially homeschooling - something that is best done without a short fuse!) I don't know what to say other then, you are on the right track. You know that God is growing you. You are aware of your feelings and you are taking them to The One who can deal handle them. Sorry for your yucky feelings. Praying specifically for your marriage at this time.
ReplyDeleteYou sent me some hugs this week...I am sending you some!
I totally agree with Missy. A change in circumstance doesn't change the parents you are. Uncertainty is the most difficult part of change for me. I'm a type A personality so if you give me the new task, a new circumstance I'll be all over it, making the best of it, conquering. The in between when things are up in the air and I'm waiting to find out what's next is where I falter. Having said that I also think that those are the times that I grow the most.
ReplyDeleteI'll continue to pray for you guys and hope that you find some peace in the in between time.
P.S. (I always forget something) I so appreciate you keeping it real. I think people to often gloss over the rough stuff, leaving the impression that things are always perfect in there life. As such an imperfect person I find that discouraging. (Wondering why I have so much trouble when it's so easy for others.) I appreciate that you share the struggles as well as the triumphs. Thanks for keeping it real!
ReplyDeleteWell said Corin. Missy I completely agree too. The first parents picked you and your family, not where you live. I completely agree that keeping it real is the way to go! You will always know where we where I stand with our friendship!
ReplyDeleteKnowing that God is working and you are growing doesn't necessarily make it easy or smooth, does it? Who you are as individuals and as a family is a stronger thread of stability than the job you have or where you live, by far. But being in that place of not knowing--I know how hard that is. Hugs and prayers for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much y'all for the prayers and encouragement. My hubby is always telling me I just think too much! :)
ReplyDeleteI love what Corin said about keeping it real -- you do, and I love that. The best part about all of this is that the way can be easy or rocky, but our Constant is always by our side. And He knows the path much better than we.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it great that our mates aren't mirrors of us? Sounds like you two complement each other just the way God intended. Maybe that's one of those lessons...
I understand - really - and love you. Thanks for being real and not shiny and perfect. Shiny and perfect is so overrated!
ReplyDeleteLaura--what a great point! Yes, I think you are exactly right about one of the many lessons being learned in this season--many thanks to you for pointing it out to me.
ReplyDeleteJenn--thanks for not only your acceptance (of the good, the bad, and the ugly! ha!), but your love. I think you are a *delightful* person and friend.