Love Anthony

Love Anthony by Lisa Genova

So it turns out I LOVE reading Lisa Genova's books. I love the way she writes about neuroscience (our brains are so fascinating!) and I love her characterization. She knows people, she delves into the characters, what they think, how they are motivated, what makes them unique, and she examines the connections people have with one another.

Love Anthony focuses on two women, Beth (whose marriage is hit by a meteor) and Olivia (who has a son with autism). In a nutshell, the book is about learning to love (because, obviously, it is a lesson I need to be learning).

It's a little scary to me sometimes, reading about women who are going through crises, especially when those crises revolve around self-identity, mid-life questionings, and marital problems. According to my research, Genova herself is divorced, which I think affects her perception in some ways. Divorce is just not as big of a deal--not as scary--to her as it is to me. Yet for the most part, I appreciate the reflections the women go through in the story as I think they are thoughts we can all relate to at one time or another:

"Be yourself. But who is she? She's Jimmy's wife, and she's a mother. And if she gets divorced, if she's no longer Mrs. James Ellis, and she's only a mother, then is there less of her? She fears this and feels it already, physically, as if a surgeon has taken a scalpel to her abdomen and removed a whole and necessary part of her. Without Jimmy, she doesn't recognize herself. How can that be? Who has she become?" (65)
"She used to find inspiration in her everyday life here, and she used to write about it. When did she stop writing? When did her life become uninspiring?. . .She can't believe she stuffed so much of herself into a box, banished to the attic for so many years" (71).
"His once beautiful teeth. Her once beautiful skin. His annoying habits. She has them, too. She knows her nagging drives him crazy. This is what happens when people get older, when they're married for fourteen years" (7). . ."She remembers those days early on, when they were dating and first married, when he touched her, even in passing, and she felt it. Really felt it. That magnetic, electric heat of his hand on her. That invisible, magical, chemical connection. Where did that go?" (63)

The marriage counselor's assignment which I found interesting and enjoyed discussing with my husband:

"Here's your homework. I want you each to get out four pieces of paper, one for wanted, one for happy, one for secure, and one for loved, and I want you to write down specific actions and words that you need to see and hear in order to feel each of these things. Come up with as many as you can. Don't hold anything back" (196)

And the best quote of all, the book in a nutshell, a quote I have been pondering and using to examine myself the last few days:

"I was here to teach you about love. Most people love with guarded heart, only if certain things happen or don't happen, only to a point. If the person we love hurts us, betrays us, abandons us, disappoints us, if the person becomes hard to love, we often stop loving. We protect our delicate hearts. We close off, retreat, withhold, disconnect, and withdraw. We might even hate" (302).

What do you think?  Are you inclined to this self-protective version of love?