Discoveries of the Day

Today I discovered five things.

1) Firstly, I have an addiction. Could someone direct me to "Book-a-holics Anonymous"? My bookshelves are all packed to overflowing. My bedroom is quickly joining along as it has become my "dump spot" for the books that are too good of deals to pass up.

For example, here are some outstanding books I picked up at a garage sale last weekend. A preschool teacher was retiring and I wanted every single book in the 10-12 boxes she had spread over a table. I think I showed admirable restraint in buying only two boxes full! There are delightful storybooks, books about musicians, books about art and artists, books about children of all colors and cultures, books of poetry for children, books for 'fun' and books for 'education'. I also got games for art appreciation and some Discovery Toy active cubes for a great price. Add in the three books full of literature units and imagine the happy dance I was doing!!
Since my bookshelves are all full, I 'had' to pick up the shelf also pictured (justifiable, right?). This little shelf now sits where Tyrell's bassinet used to sit in the living room with 10-12 books faced outward on it. Easton and Kiana love it! This morning they were parked in front of it with every book off the shelf at 6:45 am--before breakfast. What joy that brings mama's heart! I envision trading out these books once a week for endless hours of enjoyment. You know these books are great finds when my 14yod and 13yos spent an hour reading through them and pronounced them 'good'.
Then a friend who is no longer homeschooling passed me a few books that I just couldn't turn down. They look like great fun and I'm sure the little ones will enjoy them one of these days as I revisit these unit studies with them.Dare I confess that this box of books I purchased at a garage sale some time ago are still in said box? I have read several of them, but simply do not have room on a bookshelf to make them a permanent home. Yes, there are lots and lots of Francine Rivers books in that pile (hooray!) and several other gems I just couldn't pass up.My children's piano teacher has an entire wall covered with bookshelves--the bookshelves cover every inch of the wall all around her piano above and on both sides. I'm trying not to covet these bookshelves. I told my husband this is how I picture the south wall of my dining room. We'll see. . .

2) Today I also discovered why I spent $40 and three hours on prints of pictures, writing on the backs, and putting them in a photo album last Saturday. My children love looking at pictures of their life. It is so cute and rewarding to watch them pore over their history.3) Kiana will never be a neat and clean, girly girl. This is dirt. What in the world was she doing?? (Please don't even suggest she was eating it--I refuse to entertain that theory.)4) I am in love with my little boy. Okay, you're right, I didn't just discover this today. I just wanted an excuse to post this picture of him. Couldn't you just eat him up?!5) Attitude is not cute. No matter how cute you are. Fortunately, there is no picture of my attitude to illustrate this concept, (I dug this one out of the files) so maybe you won't realize I discovered the ugliness of MY selfish attitude today.I got this idea from fellow blogger Courtney and it was too fun not to join in!

Good News

In Christ alone my hope is found.
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace;
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease;
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe.
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied.
For every sin on Him was laid,
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay.
Light of the world by darkness slain.
Then bursting forth in glorious Day,
Up from the grave He rose again.
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me.
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand.
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand.
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me.
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand.
‘Til He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

I wanted to highlight some of the words to this song. The problem is, they are all so powerful and have SUCH meaning, I need to highlight the entire thing. I have listened to this song many times today. Be blessed--take the time to listen to it and let the words reach you. If you listen to it like I do, you'll crank the volume way up and sing along--with passion and at the top of your lungs, and likely with tears running down your cheeks. In my heart, my voice soars around the room like Travis's voice does. (Be glad you aren't here! chuckle)

This is the good news--the gospel of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

What Not to Say

I have long debated sharing this post. In choosing to post it, I want to make it clear that this is an educational post. My intentions are not to be snide or to make anyone feel badly. Rather, my intentions are to raise awareness and sensitivity.

I have learned a great deal about adoption in these last five years or so. One thing I've learned is an entirely new vocabulary, and how seemingly innocent and trivial words, questions, and comments can be harmful and insensitive. I really don't think most people even think about it--I know I never would have if God hadn't blessed me with these adoption roller coaster journeys. In truth, I made my own insensitive comment to a friend recently.

I personally have a difficult time knowing how to handle some of the things people say and ask. I have read many things and been counseled by adoption 'professionals' on responses, but many of them seem rude to me. I understand that if someone is being rude, they might need rudeness in turn to realize their comment or question was inappropriate. I sometimes THINK a recommended response (such as "Why do you ask?") but have never said it--I just can't help imagining how I would feel if someone turned such a question back on me when I was being insensitive. I have responded with a blank stare, which is another suggested response. This is not a planned tactic on my part, but rather a genuine "I-don't-know-what-to-say-and-I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that-to-me" moment.

So today, I'd like to share a few things to avoid as you visit with people who have been touched by adoption, whether they are adoptive parents or were themselves adopted. Unfortunately, these are all taken from real experiences in my life.

• "So, which ones are your real children?"

They are all my real children. None of them are pretend or imaginary. The correct terminology would be biological children, but why does it matter?

• "Do you know his/her real mom? Was she young? Does she know who the father is? Why did she give him up?"

Again, I am the real mom. The word you are looking for is birthmother. Any questions about her (or the birthfather) are difficult for us to address. On the one hand, it is private and a story that belongs to the child.
On the other hand, I as an adoptive mother, feel some responsibility and desire to quell the stereotypes about birthmothers. A birthmother is not necessarily a young, irresponsible, selfish tramp as many readily assume. She is a human being in a difficult situation who is trying to do the best she can for her child. She typically does not have the resources many of us simply take for granted. And when I say this, I am not just talking about material resources. I mean she doesn't have people in her life who love and support her. She likely didn't have this during her formative years. Take a minute and imagine having no one there for you. No one has EVER been firmly on your side. How different would you be? Even if I should now somehow lose everyone who is there for me--my husband, my parents, my siblings, my church, my friends--I have had them all these years and am a confident, capable and independent woman as a result. Not everyone had these same experiences. I have probably shared too much of my children's birthstories over the years as adoption professionals would see it. But in doing so, I believe my friends and family who love my children have gained an awareness and sympathy that makes it worth it.

(And incidentally, it's recommended that you not use the term "give a child up" or similar phrases, but rather say "made an adoption plan".)

• "He/she sure is lucky you adopted him/her. You are such wonderful people to do this."

This is uncomfortable, for sure. And people don't seem to realize that we parents are the ones who are blessed to have these children in our family. But even more importantly, imagine how it would feel as someone who was adopted to hear how "lucky" you are and how "wonderful" your parents are for adopting you. Firstly, we have to remember that adoption invariably involves loss for children--loss of your first parents, loss of the people who look like you, loss of the sounds and smells of the woman who carried you for nine months, loss of your genetic history. No, loss isn't lucky. Secondly, might it make a child question what is wrong with him that it takes someone special/wonderful to love him?

• "Now, are they brother and sister?"

Yes, they are. All of my children are brothers and sisters. They all wear my last name, they live and share and argue together, they share the same parents. I know you're asking if they are biological siblings, but why does it matter? And in my particular situation, the children we've adopted don't look anything alike. I don't understand why people ask this question.

• "So, where did you get him/her? Where did he/she come from?"

My common thought again: why does it matter? It's been kind of funny in our experience however to reply with "Kansas" or "Florida" just to see the uncomprehending looks on people's faces. I guess people assume all adoptions are international or something. I really would like to know why so many people ask this question. The reason I think it would be better for people not to ask this question is just because it feels like they are screaming "you are different, you don't fit in" to my child. And I'm a protective mama bear. Just love the children and tell me they're adorable, cute, precious. . .things like that. :)

• "I've heard adoption is so expensive. How much did it cost?"

Yes, it is expensive, but this is a question to which I really would like to respond "why do you ask?". If you're asking because you have room in your heart to adopt a child, I am inclined to share our experience with you. I would first recommend, however, doing a little research on the subject before asking, and then ask only if you are seriously interested in pursuing adoption. If, on the other hand, you're asking because you're nosy or insensitive or critical of our stewardship. . . is nothing tacky anymore?

• "He/she is so adorable. How could anyone give him/her away?"

Wow. This is one of the blank stare moments. Seriously, that's how I responded. I didn't even know where to start with that one.

• "Adoption sure is the easy way to have more children. At least you don't have to go through morning sickness and delivery and all the other difficulties of pregnancy."

And we have another winner of the blank stare moment. 'Easy' and 'adoption' simply do not belong in the same sentence. I also simply found this offensive--highly so.

It reminded me of a moment with a close friend during our last adoption journey. She had been with us along every step, listened whenever we needed to talk, prayed for hours, written reference letters, and was genuinely interested in the journey. She showed up at my house one day when I had stacks and stacks of paperwork all over the table. She stood for a moment, obviously taking it all in, and with an expression of dawning comprehension said "This is your pregnancy, isn't it?"

Finally, regarding children of a different ethnic background than your own, please, please, please don't say things like the following:

"Oh, little black babies are so cute! I would love to have one."

or

"He/she looks exactly like the little brown doll I had when I was little."

I hope I don't have to explain why such comments are inappropriate, but I guess I will if I need to.

From the Mouth of a Child

I had the most delightful conversation with Kiana this morning as I was helping her dress for the day. What is it about a talk with a child that brings all of life down to its simplest form and pares out all the unnecessary stuff until all that's left is what is most important?

God is my daddy.
Yes, he is. He loves you and gives you everything you need, doesn't He?

Does He live in Heaven?
Yes, He does.

And I'm gonna go there?
Yes, if you love and obey God, you will go there.

I will!!! I will obey Him!!!! And you are going to come with me?
Yes, I love God and I obey Him, I will go to Heaven and be with God too.

What are we gonna do there?
We get to be with God and Jesus and worship them all the time and be happy and never be sad or sick.

Is Nathan gonna go? Is Adi gonna go? And Isaiah gonna go? And Mya? And Zayne (Zayne-knee)? (each asked and responded to individually, of course)
Yes, if they love and obey God, they will go too.

How are we gonna go there?
Jesus is going to come and get us.

Yay!!!!!! It's gonna be so much fun!!!! (jumping up and down) Can we go right now?
No, first we have to live on Earth and obey God and tell other people about Him so they can come with us.

But ye have received the Spirit of adoption,
whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
Romans 8:15

Kiana, experiencing the love of the Father through her earthly daddy

as he submits to her pretend play that he is her baby who will cry without the little toy pacifier.

Three Months Already

Time is still flying along and I'm being wrapped ever more firmly around my little man's finger. Now seriously, who could resist this precious face?!
I really find it hard to believe Tyrell is three months old already! He talks like he's really saying something, he smiles more than any baby I can remember seeing, he is perfectly content lying on the floor looking at and batting toys, and he literally scoots himself from one place to another with his feet.
He's not making any efforts toward rolling over, and he's perfectly happy even on his tummy as he lifts himself to a ninety degree angle (which is especially precious when he raises up to peek over the edge of his little Moses basket).He's starting to deliberately hold things and try to bring them to his mouth, including his bottle. He is very aware of his hands and loves to look at them.He's even endearing when he cries, and has the cutest little pucker with his bottom lip. (Yes, I'm still the mean mom who thinks crying babies are absolutely adorable)
He sleeps so hard he actually snores--sounds like a little chainsaw. I promise he usually doesn't sleep on my shoulder, but every once in a while I get a little extra cuddle time. He doesn't complain.He is going to have strong communications skills. He loves to talk and be talked to.
Please excuse the horrible videography as I was taping him on my lap and couldn't see where the camera was pointing. But I don't want to forget the way he talks so much at such a young age.

Another Worthwhile Harvest

I promise this post about butchering chickens will not be as graphic as it was last year. I almost decided not to post it since it's an annual event, but the kids have grown and changed (I'm amazed at how much the big kids have grown!) and Alan switches something around every year, so I decided to record this memory (in case my kids don't remember butchering chickens when they are adults or something, giggle).

Destry was the official chicken killer this year. He caught and killed all fifty chickens and bled them out. It was cold and rainy last year, so Alan set things up in the garage, but this year we had ideal weather and he set up right by the back door. That was pretty convenient for water access and for getting the chickens into the house to be cut up and bagged.
Briana was a great help again this year. She cuts those chickens up like she knows exactly what she's doing. I think she could do it without me (but doubt she'd appreciate it if I ran off to do something else!). We butchered in two sessions this year. The first one was a Monday night and nothing went right. Tyrell was fussy, Alan had a hard time getting the water just the right temperature for plucking feathers which complicated things immensely, and the chickens were huge so most wouldn't fit whole into a freezer bag and I had to wrap them in freezer paper. Add to that we were all tired and rushed and you'll understand why we didn't do very many that night. We finished them up on a Friday evening and it went without a hitch.

We bagged them a little differently this year. As our family as grown (both numerically and in size/age) we have found a need to put a little more meat into each bag. Eight pieces of fried chicken just isn't enough anymore! Easton is usually fine with only one piece and so am I, but Kiana and Briana will each eat two and Alan and Destry. . .well, they would each each three if they had their preference.
I love the pictures of preserved food--it's so rewarding to me, so please bear with me. Here we have whole chickens, fryer chicken, wings, and boneless skinless chicken breasts.
We also have several quarts of chicken and broth for dumplings, noodles, casseroles, and soups. I love cooking with chicken--there are so many different things to make!
It's a lot of work to get it all into this state of preservation, but the flavor and health-benefits of home-grown chickens are worth every effort.

Is it a Symptom of Apathy?

Orphan Sunday from Greg Buzek on Vimeo.

Please take four minutes and watch this video through. It makes my heart hurt to watch the pictures fade away and I did my best to blink back the tears. Please pray. Pray for the children, and pray for yourself. What would God have you to do?

Science may have found a cure for most evils,
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all. . .
the apathy of human beings.
--Helen Keller