How Can You Afford It?

I've received several emails asking questions about adoption so I thought it might be fun to address some of them and occasionally share some of the ways adoption continues to affect our life, even as we're not actively pursuing bringing a child home right now. As a commenter shared on Missy's post (you really must read this post--it's very inspiring) about the various stages or 'camps' we are in regarding our passion for the Lord:

I submit that there is one more camp - the one where we are living with our Passion. We adopted 6 children (one baby, then a sibling group of 5 boys) a little over 10 years ago. When we adopted, we were younger, optimistic, more naive, and had more energy. It's a calling for sure, but the struggle does not end when the Passion is fulfilled. That's actually just the beginning of a life of faithful dependence on the author of the Passion.

There is a great deal of wisdom in this commenter's post. Adoption has changed our lives forever (for the good!) and it would be naive to think it's "all over now". From interactions with birthparents to talking with our children about their stories to potential medical issues and fielding questions about our multi-shaded family, adoption will continue to impact our lives for years to come.

I think the most common question I've heard lately involves the finances of adopting. Many people seem supportive of the idea of adopting, but think there is no way they can afford it. They think those adopting must have two incomes, a fat savings account, an inheritance, and/or net $100,000 per year. I'm certainly not going to deny that it's ridiculously expensive, but I'm just going to share a little about how we have "afforded" it even though we meet none of the aforementioned criteria.

We've been blessed with the generosity of fellow Christians, as I've shared before. We were given almost $2000 to help with the costs of our second adoption, and nearly $6000 to assist in bringing Tyrell home. This has been a faith walk, for sure, as we had previously been much more comfortable as givers rather than receivers. (God is always working on that pride thing in our lives!) Seeing God move His people to support the fatherless is a beautiful and faith-building experience. Feeling His provision through His people comforts and encourages, and has reinforced our trust in Him.

Another way adoption has been made more affordable for us is through the adoption tax credit. If you are considering adoption but find the costs daunting, you should definitely look into this. We aren't big fans of 'living on credit' and prefer the 'save-then-buy' lifestyle, but we have borrowed the money to adopt each time. With the tax credit, they apply up to $13,000 you have spent on adoption expenses toward what you owe Uncle Sam. So, for example, if your owed amount is $8,000 and you've had $9,000 withheld from your income throughout the year (and trust me, you won't have any trouble exceeding the adoption expense qualification), your tax return will be $9,000 (where it would have been $1,000 without the adoption tax credit). We aren't receiving money from other tax payers, but our own taxes are being reduced. I honestly don't see how we could have afforded to adopt without this benefit as these hefty tax returns are immediately plopped on our adoption loans in addition to our monthly payments, enabling us to actually pay the loans off (and be able to adopt again! smile)

It's also been a lot about budgeting (thank you Dave Ramsey!), cutting down on the 'wants', and making some sacrifices. It's amazing how many things that used to be in the "need" column have been relegated to their proper place as 'wants'.

For example, this is a picture of my husband's and my dresser. We bought it used from his aunt about 14 or 15 years ago.
Do you know that a dresser with working drawers is really not a 'need'? Alan has repaired the drawers several times, greatly extending its life. But they are just no longer fixable, no matter how handy my hubby is.And it just doesn't matter.We still have a place to put our clothing--our "too much clothing", really, when we consider how many items we have compared to orphans in poor countries who have (at the most) two changes of clothing. We'll get a nicer dresser someday. . .but bringing our children home just takes precedence. The dresser just doesn't matter in the big picture.

Perspective is something God will change for us if we just let Him. He'll shift our paradigm to value what He values, and it's amazing how freeing that can be. If you're considering adopting but you're scared of the costs, don't let that be the factor that leaves a child fatherless. God provides through a variety of means. Those means might be tax breaks, a temporary part-time job, the generosity of others, or some other avenue. Regardless of the method He uses, it will be something that builds your faith, draws you closer to Him, and produces growth.

And that's really what this life is all about--that's what really matters.

Fun, Fun, Fun

Albert Baggett was fifteen, freckled and a bit rodenty about the teeth.

Now seriously, how could you not enjoy a book written like this! Can't you just see him?? I was looking forward to a fast and fun read as I preread The Strictest School in the World: Being the Tale of a Clever Girl, a Rubber Boy and a Collection of Flying Machines, Mostly Broken by Howard Whitehouse for my big kids. It was recommended by my favorite book reviewer, Carrie at Reading to Know, so I knew it would be good (she clued me in to The Mysterious Benedict Society series which the kids and I thoroughly enjoyed).

But I didn't realize quite how fun this book would be, nor did I realize it would not be a FAST read because I would have too much fun savoring the author's word choices, descriptive phrases, and delightful sense of humor. I chuckled aloud, backed up to read an especially clever phrase again, and even shared them with the kids more times than I could count.

For example, the horse who pulled the delivery cart in this tale set in 1894 England was previously described as a carthorse "who was old and unlikely to go anywhere, except home when he was told to. He usually snorted in an elderly, complaining way and thought about carrots" (75). At a critical point in the story, however, "The grocer's van was going at a trot, which was a tremendous surprise for the old horse, who had more or less forgotten how to move at more than a sluggish walk" (169) and climaxed with "The horse had panicked--as any sensible animal who had seen two monsters pass overhead might do--and was galloping in a geriatric fashion" (172).

I laughed out loud at this point. I knew this horse, after all, due to the author's vivid imagery, and the picture of him "galloping in a geriatric fashion" was just too much. I had to read this to the children, (and then define geriatric, of course). And the horse is barely even a character in the book, so just wait until you get to know the main characters!

I had planned to relinquish the book to the kids to read after I finished it, but I'm now thinking it would be a wonderful read aloud (partially just because I selfishly want to vicariously experience their enjoyment). I just don't know if the kids will ever let me stop reading it once I start--it's so fun, they'll be snitching it out of the basket to read ahead when I'm busy. We may have to take a vacation day and just read together--where's the blizzard when I need it?! chuckle

In a nutshell, the book is not about a horse at all, but about a fourteen-year-old girl, Emmaline, and her adventurous twelve-year-old friend Rubberbones (Robert, really, but Rubberbones is much more fun and descriptive), and their eccentric friends and co-conspirators. Emmaline is trying to invent a flying machine but her proper mother thinks she needs to learn to be a lady, so she is sent to a boarding school after which point the book turns into an adventure about the horrors of the school, her escape attempts, and the rescue efforts of her friends.

While some might be tempted to put this in the hands of younger children, I really think my 13 year old son and nearly 15 year old daughter are at the perfect age to read this book. They will more fully appreciate the humor, characterization and the word choices, and some of the vocabulary will still be new to them. I've also heard the recommendation that parents use the age of the main characters as a guideline for the age of the target audience and have found that to be excellent advice for richer appreciation, so I would suggest holding off until around age 12 for children to read this book (and series--for joy, joy, there are two more books I can look forward to reading!) Unfortunately, I'm not sure how many young people will appreciate this series as they are too busy reading trash to appreciate such wonderful books. By trash I'm referring not only to subject matter, but also to poor writing. (stepping off soapbox)

I will also throw in, that for the conservative reader there are a couple topics to be aware of. Some gypsy friends practice palm reading and crystal ball viewing as though it were real (but it's a very small scene) and there is a reference to extinct creatures who lived "millions of years ago". In my opinion, for my children at least, these references are minor and they are old/mature enough to handle it. Again, I wouldn't hand it to my eight year old.

While this book is delightful and fun and an enjoyable break from more challenging classics, it's not all fluff. There are some precious nuggets of wisdom tucked between the clever phrasing and humorous adventures. I could write an entire new post on the insight tucked within the following paragraph.

As they took Rubberbones into the house (his teeth were chattering, but he kept smiling like the Cheshire Cat in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland), Emmaline realized something. She had spent ages reading about flying. Thinking about flying. Talking about flying. And then along came this boy who never read at all, who had never thought about flying until a few weeks ago, and he simply went out and flew (31).

As CS Lewis says, it's great to read the map--the map is essential, in fact. But if you only look at the map, you never experience the ocean.
And I've saved the best for last!! YOU TOO can read this book!! Simply email the author at professorbellbuckle (at) yahoo (dot) com and he will tell you how to paypal him a mere $21 for the ENTIRE HARDBACK SET--and he'll even autograph it for you! What book lover can pass that offer up?!

The Obligatory Snow Blizzard Post

Since we don't often receive 16 inches of snow in one day or get snowed in for a few days, and even (gasp! unprecedented!) have our rural electric cooperative close for a day, I thought I should record our experience with the 2011 Blizzard, even though my pictures aren't nearly as good as several others I've seen.Poor little Kiana had a hard time navigating the snow, but she persevered!
These pictures really don't communicate the depth of the snow.
Playing in the drift by the garage.
Destry jumped into the snow drift from the deck. Notice the water hydrant to his left to get an idea of depth.
Easton hard at work to dig a tunnel in the pile Daddy made blading the driveway. (Briana took this picture and the rest of these snow pictures--she got some cute shots).
Awww, enjoying the fruit of his labor (of course, it was about 3% his labor and 97% Destry's labor. . .)
Their labor included a 'cavern room' and two different tunnels.
Destry claimed the second was his escape route. Fortunately for them, the snow shows no signs of melting, so their playground remains.
Wouldn't it figure that this was the week the ewes were due to lamb? Things went well, all things considered, as we still have 34 of the 38 lambs born and they are doing well. We've had some late nights with bottle lambs and birthing, and Alan gets up in the middle of the night to check on them in case any laboring mamas need help, but we are grateful for the health we've experienced so far. Just a few mamas left to deliver!

(Incidentally, you know your family has laughed at one too many Hank the Cowdog books when your children insist on naming a set of LAMB triplets Rip, Snort, and Missy--who for the uninitiated, are COYOTES! LOL)
While we spent all this time at home, I also fixed Kiana's hair in my favorite style--the half cornrows. It's such an adorable look on her, keeps her hair out of her face, looks fixed, yet I still get to enjoy those curls in the back. She chose sweet little ladybug and butterfly clips to ornament her style. I think she's ready for Spring (or maybe I'm projecting!)
By the way, the outfit is totally Kiana. She's wearing a short sleeved peach shirt with multi colored stripes (backwards) under her long-sleeved princess shirt. Why? "Briana wears two shirts, I want to wear two shirts." (Briana wears long-sleeved tees under short sleeved sometimes.) I'm still amazed she CARES so much about what she wears.

The One With No Snow Days

It was a rough week. Since we were warned of a major snowstorm, ended up receiving approximately 16 inches of snow, and were snowbound for three days, lots of my friends had time off from school and work. I had a hard time justifying taking a snow day (or snow WEEK as the public schools ended up doing, with the exception of Monday morning!) when we were stuck at home anyway, so we persevered with schoolwork even as this selfish and lazy mama wished she was wearing the same pair of sweatpants for several days in a row and reading on the couch! (smile)

We've added a couple new things to our studies this semester which has helped (a little) to shake us out of a rut. This was our second week of the public speaking section of our English class for this year. Since my degree is in Communication and I teach upper high school home-educated children a "public speaking" class, I thought it would be good to introduce my own children to the delights and techniques of giving oral presentations. We are using Secrets of Great Communicators by Jeff Myers, which I can't recommend highly enough. There is a text book for the children to read, then we watch the video together along with Dad. Alan frequently speaks at church and has used communication skills in his job, but he said he can always work on improving his speaking, so we're having fun watching the series together. I think it's a fantastic introduction to public speaking and it will benefit Briana and give her more confidence as she prepares to attend TeenPact later this month.

Briana and Destry are also working on independent studies they each designed from the books Polished Cornerstones and Plants Grown Up. Briana is doing her study on time management and Destry is studying initiative. I've used these books sporadically through the years, and over Christmas break I asked them each to look through the books and choose 4-5 topics they would like to study. Then we sat down together and chose some projects and they designed their study and calendar for the first topic. This has been a nice change of pace for these winter months and I am seeing fruit from their studies already. I think I need to pick a topic or two for myself!

I think the highlight of our week was the reading and viewing of Shakespeare's As You like It. It's fun to expose the kids to Shakespeare's plots at least, even in simplified form. Last year they read Hamlet from Charles and Mary Lamb's retelling, and earlier this year they read Macbeth and The Tempest. This week we read As You Like It because The American Shakespeare Center was performing it at my alma mater. I snapped a picture during the preshow before they asked us not to take pictures during the play. I think my favorite line was "Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits. (1.2.59)" That just makes me chuckle. I also appreciated "Beauty provoketh thieves sooner than gold. (1.3.110)"

I just love mining these little nuggets from good writing. We were prepared for the famous "All the world's a stage" speech and had lots of fun discussing it both before and after watching the performance.

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard;
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything."
- William Shakespeare, As You Like It, 2.7

We thoroughly enjoyed the performance--it was the highlight of our school week. We were amazed by their acting and I think it inspired the children to raise their standards for their upcoming drama production. Briana, in particular, would love to attend the 3-week Shakespeare theater camp, but I looked it up online and. . .phew! Pricey! It would be a wonderful opportunity, however.

Easton and Kiana had a fun preschool week again with more activities revolving around The Snowy Day by Keats. We read lots of books about snow and animals who live in the snow. The highlight for them was making a bird house with Daddy for the winter birds.

They were pretty proud of their creation and are sure some birds are going to be very happy!
I'm not sure how this last picture ties into school for the week, but I just had to remember big brother Destry's sweetness in making them cars to drive. They played with these for hours, had a designated "garage" space, and just generally had a great time.I think the snow pictures deserve a post of their own, so stay tuned for the drifts and tunnels and other grand times from "the Blizzard of 2011." :)

Saving Levi

A book about. . .

• God's marvelous provision.
• unity and bonding in a common goal.
• loving and caring for the fatherless.
• overcoming fear.
• acting in obedience.
• generosity from total strangers.
• God's grace.

This book moved me to tears more than once. As I read about a six-week-old baby boy found abandoned in a field in China, my heart hurt. As I saw pictures of his horribly burned body, to the point that ashes fell off when his hand was touched, my stomach hurt.

But the story of what God can do through those who are willing to obey Him, who are moved by compassion, love, and faith, was inspiring and healing.

This was just one of those books that will always stay with me. It was a quick and easy read (I read it in one day during naptime and then finished it in the evening) but it was immensely powerful. I can't help but think of the amazing growth God produces in people when we are willing to step out in faith and allow Him to work in us and through us. I think of how often it is fear that keeps us from taking risks--whether it is the risk of loving a child not ours from birth, the risk of leaving a successful career for an uncertain financial future, the risk of caring for people when we might lose them, the risk of giving liberally at the cost of our children's college funds or our 401K, the risk of loving those who aren't easy to love and may never return that love. . .

Yet taking those risks while trusting in and serving God reaps growth that far outweighs the costs and risks. He pours blessings on us as if He was just hovering above us, His arms filled with the richness He longed for us to be willing to receive, and the moment we fully surrender He delightedly showers us with the gifts and growth we had been rejecting with our selfish and willful lives.

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter. . .
My hope is your story will be about changing. . .
about learning to love a child. . .
about learning to love others more than we love ourselves. . .

We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?. . .
And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back.

It is you who will have changed.
--Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

I'm having a hard time reviewing it--just read it yourself. Seriously.

Sister Love

Briana is so happy to have a little sister--and she's such an awesome big sister four times over! I love this girl's huge heart and sweet spirit. She decided to make Kiana a "real" apron (as opposed to her dress up chef outfit) for helping mommy in the kitchen. We had so much fun looking at fabrics and finally opted for a storybook creatures theme. This darling fabric has the Three Little Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, the Little Red Hen and the Gingerbread Man--it's absolutely precious!

Briana told Kiana she had a present for her. Wow! Out of the clear blue, no special occasion?! What fun! Kiana was almost shaking with excitement and surprise. What could it be?

I am so thrilled I got this shot. As soon as she realized what it was, she cast herself on Briana's legs to give her a fervent hug. And it even has pockets! Sisters are so precious. And to think, we could have missed this!

Encouraging Words

I'm still working on jotting notes and thoughts from Humility: True Greatness because, even on my third time through, it's just THAT GOOD! Also because, quite simply, I am THAT FAR away from true greatness.

In our last post we talked about identifying evidences of grace in those around us, and this week our topic is related to that same idea as we consider the words we speak. "When you examine your words you'll discover your heart for our use of the tongue is the hinge on which the door into our soul swings open in order to reveal our spirit" (120). "How much of that flow (of words) is fulfilling God's intended purpose for our speech? How much of it reflects pride, rather than a gospel-motivated humility?" (111).

I am so convicted from this chapter that I don't even want to write this post. But maybe it will help me. The chapter is based on God's intended purpose for our speech from Ephesians 4:29--Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. We are clearly told everything we should say--and what we never should say.

• Corrupting talk is words that bring decay. Words that defile someone, are divisive or degrading. "Any and all communication that deters growth in godliness; any speech that hinders the cultivation of godly relationships; any words that have a deadening or dulling effect on the soul of another" (113).
• Words that build up "reveal the character and the promises and the activity of God. They're words rooted in and derived from Scripture" (114). They are words that show how God is at work--especially in the lives of our fellow believers.
• Fitting words are appropriate to the person I'm seeking to serve. In order to tailor our words to the person, we must know that person and not "simply be trying to impress them. What do they need now? Is it counsel? Exhortation? Warning? Comfort? Forgiveness?" (115). I Thessalonians 5:14
• Purposeful words geared to giving grace to the hearer are chosen with discernment and give justifying grace to those who feel condemned or are legalistic, bring sanctifying grace to those struggling with sin, comforting grace to the suffering, sustaining grace to the weary. . .(118). I found this list of types of grace particularly interesting. We must especially "prepare to give grace when we correct, and we must give hope in the midst of correction. Never correct without reminding the individual, at some point, of the gospel" (119). Oh, how very convicting this last point is, especially as I consider the correction of my children. I know to point them to the cross, I desire to point them to the cross. . .but too often, my pride and selfishness get in the way and I rail at them, belittle them, and shame them rather than giving grace.
  

"In my experience, where there's an absence of edifying words there's also normally the presence of pride and of self-righteousness, because those who are proud are too preoccupied with themselves and think too highly of themselves to care about building others up or to be sensitive to their true needs. It's the humble who are perceptive; they're skilled in discerning the work of God in others because they care about others and want to serve others" (121--emphasis mine)

My prayer?

Let the words of my mouth and
the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14 ESV