Music, Music, Music

I started my "weekly wrap up" of our schoolweek last Friday afternoon, but didn't get it finished before going to a young ladies' Bible study retreat for the weekend with Briana, so here it is a little late.

It's been a musical kind of week.  We are studying the "Age of Revolutions" in history this year and Briana read Victor Hugo's Les Miserable a while back and Destry has read part of it so far this year.  Alan and I love the musical, so needed no further motivation to take our two oldest children to the production of one of our favorite musicals when it came to Des Moines last week.  The performance was simply amazing (an overused adjective, I agree, but what other word fits here?!).  This was the 25th anniversary and the updated set, effects, and scenes only improved the original version we saw nearly 20 years ago.

I occasionally managed to pull my eyes from the stage to watch my teenagers take in the performance.  They were overwhelmed.  Their eyes were glued to the stage and they were motionless, transfixed by the talent.  "I thought it would be good," Briana said afterward, still shell shocked.  "But I had no idea it could be THAT good!"

Their fun was only enhanced by the attendance of their good friend and first piano teacher from Missouri.  She ignited their love for music when she started teaching them a few years ago and she was just as enraptured by the performance as they were.

We were also blessed by an invitation to attend a performance by "world class violinist" Pamela Frank, with several other musicians, of chamber music at Drake University.  We very much enjoyed their talent and the musicians made it more interesting by revealing how much fun they were having with one another as they spoke to one another with their instruments.

Destry also started his music theory class this week.  He has been messing around with writing some music and his current piano teacher, who retired from teaching at Simpson College, asked if he would be interested in taking a theory class she is offering.  She warned that it would be challenging, as she is using a college text, but I think he will be able to work hard and learn the material as he is interested in composing.  He enjoyed the first class this week as they started with scales and interludes and. . .something else I know nothing about!

Music is another subject in which my children's knowledge is quickly outdistancing my own, but we still have fun sharing music together.

I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Guest Post

Briana, Destry, and I recently finished our reading and discussion of I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris.  Because I thought you might enjoy a peek into their thoughts after reading it (and not at ALL because I am way behind on writing book reviews of course), I asked them for permission to share the results of their assignment to "discuss I Kissed Dating Goodbye in two-three paragraphs by briefly summarizing it and sharing at least one or two points that most affected you".

To quickly insert my own thoughts, I thoroughly enjoyed reading and discussing the ideas with my teenagers.  It was relationship-building, it gave me a peek into their thought processes, and I was blessed to hear them discuss the seriousness of marriage as a covenantal relationship intended to portray the relationship between Christ and His church.  They each proclaimed themselves not yet ready for marriage and realized areas in their lives where they need to allow God to grow them.  It was a wonderful experience, and I am grateful the Lord led us to read it together at what seems to have been the perfect time.

DESTRY'S THOUGHTS:

I Kissed Dating Goodbye, written by Joshua Harris, is a book that promotes whole-hearted focus on God. It causes us to ask ourselves what the effects of dating are, and if there’s a better way to find a spouse. It shows us how dating can be a road that leads toward premature intimacy and sin. It almost always ends in disappointment and emotional pain. But Joshua doesn’t just stop there; he helps us find better things to dedicate our single years to. He reminds us that our teen years are meant for waiting and preparation for marriage, not to be wasted in romantic gallivanting. Joshua states that his purpose for this book is for us to walk away from it with a more discerning spirit, and that we will be brought closer to God's desire for our lives. That is exactly what it did for me.

 Being 15, I have never actually dated someone. But that’s not the point. It’s not the dating that is the problem; it’s the focus and mindset behind it that is the problem. And that is what I need to work on. It’s important for us to keep a sober mindset and ask ourselves what matters at 50. Is this person’s good looks or character going to make the difference when they’re 50? The first question to ask when evaluating character is: how does this person relate to God? Are they Christians, do they have a growing and personal relationship with God, are they focused on impressing others or God? Secondly, how does this person relate to others? Namely, authorities, parents, the opposite gender, and their companions. Thirdly, how do they discipline their personal life? How do they use their time, handle money, and take care of their body (dress, eating habits, exercise, etc.)

The reason these questions helped me most, is because it keeps the focus on the important things. Not on the outward appearance that man cares about, but on the inward self, which God cares about. More importantly for me, I need to apply these questions to myself, not just criticize potential spouses. How good of a husband can I make? The neat thing about these questions is they apply through all of life, not just when you’re single. Whether you’re 15 or 70, married or single, you can still use these questions to better yourself.

I KissedDating Goodbye is a book that encourages us to leave behind the primitive dating mindset, and move on to higher standards. The things I have mentioned here are just a few of the many excellent points and ideas contained in this book. I encourage everyone to read it, because I can assure you that it will increase your love for God. 

BRIANA'S THOUGHTS:

In I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris’ goal is to reveal to his readers that waiting is much better than dating. He explains that dating has highly defective habits that destroy purity and relationships. Dating encourages individuals to be self seeking and to neglect their responsibilities and convictions in the name of romance.  Dating gives you intimacy without commitment that leads to sin and heartbreak. Josh’s hope is to help us kiss dating goodbye, and move on to godly obedience and sobriety about relationships. He uses his book to offer various ways to change our mindset from what the world wants to what God wants for romance. “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” asks a question: Do you want the best marriage God can give you? If your answer is yes, Josh’s encouragement is to kiss dating goodbye and submit to following God, so you can have a beautiful love story.

One of the big things I gained from “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” was the realization that I’m not ready to get married. In the past when I have thought about marriage, I have thought only about how marriage would fulfill my desires. I need to wake up to what marriage really is. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that represents Christ’s relationship with the church. In order to have a marriage glorifying to God, I need to have maturity, responsibility and selflessness that I do not have right now. I need to grow in faith and the fruit of the Spirit before I’m ready to take on the commitment and responsibility of marriage. This realization has gotten my head out of the clouds and given me real goals to work toward. I want to change my view of marriage from a one-time romantic event that will fulfill me to something more realistic and beautiful:  two people committed to serving God and each other as long as they live. This book encouraged me to work now on developing Christian character, so that when it’s time for me to get married, I will be ready.

             

Since I’m not ready to get married yet, I need to stop looking at boys as potential mates and start considering them to be my brothers and friends whom I can encourage. As a girl, I can either be a distraction or an encouragement to boys. Dating, flirting, and considering a guy’s potential are ways that I can be tempted to distract boys from God, and get them to look at me. As a Christian, this is not the kind of girl I want to be. I don’t want to distract and defraud my brothers. “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” helped me realize that I have a responsibility to God, myself, and those around me to conduct myself in a godly way. Instead of seeking romance, I need to pursue godly, purposeful friendships with boys, in which we can learn to serve and encourage one another, with heaven as our goal. “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” has given me the desire to be the kind of girl that boys don’t have to worry about. Everywhere Christian guys look, they see girls who are speaking, dressing and acting in such a way as to steal their attention from God. I want boys to be able to relax around me because I refuse to distract them from the Savior. I want boys to feel safe in being my friends, because I am following the Lord too, and I want to do what’s right. My desire is to stop trying to get boys to look at me and instead get them to look at God.

Open Adoption Five Years Later

"You guys are just the perfect family for Kiana," her birthmother said to me last weekend.  She had traveled to our home to celebrate Kiana's fifth birthday with us and we were standing together watching Kiana run and play with her brothers and sisters (including her half brother and half sister).

Kiana jumping on the trampoline with her first mama.

We had a wonderful weekend together and I was once again blessed by open adoption.  Because we have an open adoption, Kiana is able to know her birthparents, what they look like, how much they love her.  Because we have an open adoption, her birthparents are able to see her, to witness first hand how much we love her, to express their love to her.  It's a win-win situation for everyone involved.

Kiana making her birthday cupcakes with her first mother.

I realize open adoptions aren't possible or in the best interests of the child in every situation, but it's working nicely in all three of our adoptions so far.  I know sometimes people are leary of open adoption, fearing interference in their parenting, or the relationship between the child and birthparents, or for other reasons I'm not aware of, so I'm sharing some of the blessings we have experienced.  Besides that, I don't want to forget this weekend--I look forward to sharing these memories with Kiana as she gets older.

I am also blessed by open adoption because of the relationship Kiana's birthmother and I have nurtured over the years.  It makes me happy to see my daughter goofing off and making memories with her first mother.  It's also incredibly encouraging to hear the peace her birthmother has about her decision to make an adoption plan and give us the privilege of raising her daughter.

"I'm glad that I was able to find you all. I love you guys so much," she wrote to me on facebook. "You have been an amazing mother to her. I thank you so much. You have given her a life I would have struggled soo hard to give to her. And thank you for keeping me involved and in her life as much as I am. I love you all sooooo very much."

She came with her family on Friday evening and spent the day Saturday.  While they were here, Kiana got to show her our house and all her toys, jump on the trampoline with her (and guess where Kiana gets her mad flipping skills!), make and decorate puppy cupcakes, open presents, eat breakfast, read books, get her nails painted and just generally have a great time with her first mother.

Our families "breaking bread" together.

For the first time this weekend, Kiana referred to her birthmother as "mom".  We have left it up to her what to call her.  I call her birthmother by her first name when I'm talking to her or about her, but we also frequently refer to her as "your first mommy" or "your birthmom or birthmother".

Kiana opening her gift from her birthmother, a handpainted treasure box which also contains earrings.

Kiana walked up to us as we stood talking and said "Hey Mom, I like your fingernails."  (If you know me well, you know she certainly was not talking to this mama as my nails are chewed and unpainted!).  Later, as Kiana was driving her scooter like a maniac she hollared "Hey Mom!"  I automatically replied, "What baby girl?" and she said "Not you, my first mom!"  She wanted her to be sure and watch her as she flew down the hill at breakneck speeds.

How do I feel about this, you may ask?  It doesn't bother me at all.  That's who she is, why wouldn't she call her mom?  Do I begrudge her that title?  Not one bit.  We see her twice a year, maybe three times.  Kiana is with me and calling me mom 99.9% of the time.  There's plenty of room in her heart for both of us!  Besides, it's not about us, it's about Kiana.

While she was here, Kiana's birthmother watched me style Kiana's hair (after these pictures were taken, obviously!).  "I love the way you fix her hair," she told me.  "If she had stayed with me, I wouldn't have kept her hair as nice as you do."  These words were music to my ears for so many reasons.  Validation of my efforts to learn, obviously, but even more, I heard peace about her decision to choose us as Kiana's parents and a lack of regret.

I think it's interesting, as well, to consider how much we all have grown in the last five years.  I was blessed with opportunities in my life that she had never been exposed to and our relationship has opened her world to different ways of doing things.  She told me several times that our family has inspired her as she has since married and has two other children she is parenting.  The three areas I remember her saying were:

• doing things with her children, spending time with them.  She has recently made a lion mask with her little boy, finger painted with her little ones, and is planning to make handprint turkeys with them to decorate for Thanksgiving.  This was something she hadn't really seen before.
• eliminating cussing from her vocabulary. 
• managing money.  We tend to be pretty frugal and try to be good stewards.  We had some nice conversations and shared some budgeting tips as well as our tendency to buy used instead of new when possible.

After she got home, she posted birthday wishes to Kiana on her facebook status:

 I'm glad to be back home but like always miss her until I get to see her again. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my baby girl who is 5 years old now.  I love you so incredibly much. 5years ago right now you were only an hr and 10 min old and we were the only ones together.  No one had came in just yet so it was our time before your family came in to meet you. Your small 4lb 11oz body snuggled tight in my arms all wrapped up sleeping. i love you soo sooooooooooooo much Kiana. You're a wonderful, fun, amazing child. I have had sooo much fun with you and your sass you clearly get from me. I hope your day is amazing can't wait to see you again. Love you and thank you to the moon and back Alan and Shonya for letting us have this time.

I am thankful to the Lord for tying together the heartstrings of Kiana's birth and adoptive families and look forward to seeing how He continues to grow us in the years to come.

The Eyre Affair

Hmmmmm. . .I can't say I loved it.

But I didn't hate it either.  I think it was a rather clever idea, but I had to make myself read it, and that does not speak well of a book.

In The Eyre Affair, Jasper Fforde creates an alternate world in which people and fictional characters can travel between their worlds via The Prose Portal and some industrious book worms while a branch of law enforcement is dedicated to crimes of a literary nature.  I didn't find the characterization to be very strong and even had a hard time keeping track of all the names which kept floating around since I didn't get to know the characters.  Even the main character, investigator Thursday Next, leaves me cold as I wasn't made to care enough about her to get sucked into the story.

The most interesting character, in my opinion, was the villain Acheron Hades who is a bad guy simply for the sake of being bad.  His discourses are the most interesting, even as I heartily disagree with him and wonder how many might agree with his philosophical views in our increasingly amoral society.

"Goodness is weakness, pleasantness is poisonous, serenity is mediocrity and kindness is for losers.  The best reason for committing loathsome and detestable acts--and let's face it, I am considered something of an expert in this field--is purely for their own sake.  Monetary gain is all very well, but it dilutes the taste of wickedness to a lower level that is obtainable by almost anyone with an overdeveloped sense of avarice.  True and baseless evil is as rare as the purest good" (154).

"Don't ever call me mad.  I'm not mad, I'm just. . .well, differently moraled, that's all" (157).

I will concede that I am not familiar with all the English authors and works cited, which might have affected my enjoyment of the book and I got really tired of the debate over the authorship of Shakespeare's works.  I will also concede that satire is not my favorite genre.  I'm left with the uncomfortable feeling that maybe I just didn't get it because I certainly don't see what all the fuss is about.  I wouldn't mind reading another of his books to give it another chance, but I have soooo many books on my 'want-to-read' list that I doubt I'll get around to it.  There are simply so many better books out there.

Treasure in a Cornfield

There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life

when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure. 

--Mark Twain

The highlight of our school week took place on Monday when we went to see The Steamboat Arabia with some dear friends in Kansas City. 

This was a wonderful field trip and captured my imagination to the point that I bought Greg Hawley's book detailing the adventure, Treasure in a Cornfield.

The Steamboat Arabia hit a snag which penetrated 10 feet into its hull in the Missouri River in 1856 and sank in about five minutes.  All the people survived but the tons of merchandize intended for general stores upriver were buried in the mud of the Missouri.

Nearly 130 years later, the visionary Hawley family set out on an adventure with a couple of close friends to excavate the steamboat.  They were treasure hunters and had big dreams of making a quick buck.  They didn't realize how much work it would be or how much money it would require.  They didn't realize the toil it would take on their families.  Most of all, they didn't realize they would fall in love with history and this ship and ultimately decide to turn their discovery into a museum rather than a fortune.

The museum was fascinating as it boasts the largest collection of pre-Civil War era artifacts in the world.  Best of all, the museum told the story of the Arabia while telling the adventure of the friends and family who unearthed it.  I think it was presented in the best possible way as it sucked us all into the adventure even to the point of Mr. Bob Hawley himself, the father of the family, making an appearance to tell us some of the interesting experiences.

One of the reasons the museum and the book made such an impact on me was that this experience illustrated what can happen when people are lifelong learners.  The Hawley family worked together in their heating and cooling business before this adventure.  They weren't college-trained historians or museum curators.  They just had a passion and a love for learning so they set out to figure out where the Arabia had sunk, they investigated stories recorded about passengers who were on board, and read lots of books about beads, fabrics, dolls, and anything else they needed to know to understand the historical significance of their discoveries.  I find that inspiring, especially as I sometimes fight worry along this homeschooling journey, wondering what my children will do for a living and how they will learn what they need to know.  My goal is to teach them to be lifelong learners and this story reminded me how valuable that trait is.

I was also impressed with the Hawley family's determination.  When the going got tough, the father frequently reminded his sons "Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent" (154).  I can guarantee you I would not have persevered through such an adventure--I would have given up with the first ship they attempted to salvage (and the Arabia was the tenth ship on their list and they started looking for it after three years of unsuccessful attempts with the other ships!).

I was pleasantly surprised by the book.  There are several beautiful pictures of artifacts and the excavation and his writing was much better than I expected as he did a good job smoothly interjecting research and news accounts into his personal experiences.  (Frankly, I am incredibly impressed with this multi-talented family!)  It reads like an adventure story and almost (almost--but not quite, I'm much too tied to security) inspires me to go on a similar treasure hunt.  At the same time, he is painfully honest about the hardships his children, wife, and even spiritual life suffered as a result of his "love affair with a steamboat".

I highly recommend both the book and the museum.  We were all fascinated by this modern day treasure hunt.

C'mon and Play With Me

This is my idea of fun--wanna play?  We recently took a personality inventory with a group of people.  Not only is it good for us to consider our own personalities, but it's also a fun way to learn more about people you interact with.

I want to get to know YOU better.  Take a couple minutes to complete this inventory and then leave me a comment sharing what animal is listed under your highest total--and you could even list your two highest for extra fun.  (rubbing hands together in anticipation)

Gary Smalley and Dr. John Trent's Personality Inventory

Keep track of the number of words or phrases in each section that describe 

a consistent character trait of yours in your home. 

Likes authority * takes charge * determined * confident * firm * enterprising * competitive * enjoys challenges * problem solver * productive * bold * purposeful, goal-driven * decision maker * adventurous * strong willed * independent, self-reliant * controlling * persistent * action oriented

Total X 2 _________
LION "Let's do it now!" 

Enthusiastic * takes risks * visionary * motivator * energetic * very verbal * promoter * friendly, mixes easily * enjoys popularity * fun-loving * likes variety * spontaneous * enjoys change * creative, new ideas * group oriented * optimistic * initiator * infectious laughter * inspirational

Total X 2 ___________
OTTER "Trust me!  It'll work out!"

Sensitive feelings * loyal * calm, even keel * non-demanding * avoids confrontations * enjoys routine * dislikes change * warm and relational * gives in * indecisive * dry humor * adaptable * sympathetic * thoughtful * nurturing * patient * tolerant * good listener * peace maker

Total X 2 _________________
GOLDEN RETRIEVER "Let's keep things the way they are."

Enjoys instructions * accurate * consistent * controlled * reserved * predictable * practical * orderly * factual * conscientious * perfectionistic * discerning * detailed * analytical * inquisitive * precise * persistent * scheduled * sensitive

Total X 2 _________________
BEAVER "How was it done in the past?"

Each personality type, of course, has its strengths and weaknesses.  In general:

Lions are leaders, decisive, bottom line, problem-solvers, not conversational.

Otters are fun-loving, entertainers, net workers, motivators, creative, talkers.

Retrievers are loving, nurturing, loyal, good listeners, encouragers.

Beavers are hard-working, detailed, accurate, focused on quality.

 On the other hand, being aware of our weaknesses allow us opportunity to work on them:

Lions: Be softer and more gentle and include others when making decisions.

Otters: Think before you speak, and consider consequences before you act.

Retrievers: Practice saying no and making firm decisions.

Beavers: Learn to relax and don’t expect others to do things just like you.

So, who are you?  I'll let you know how I scored in the comments in a day or two.  Meanwhile, if you'd like to guess which animal represents me, that would be fun too! :)

Family + Fellowship + Food = FUN

We like to have fun as a family, and our favorite friendships are those that can be carried out in the context of the family.  Since we moved, we have been blessed to connect with other families who also enjoy family fun.

Last week we had four families come over for fun fellowship.  We had lots of fun getting ready for the big night, making chili, baked potato soup, beef and barley soup, and yummy hot sandwiches as well as cleaning out the garage and making sure the basketball hoop, trampoline, and ping pong table were ready for use.

There were 31 people total:  eight teenagers, six boys between the ages of 6-11, six girls between the ages of 4-11, one toddler (Tyrell!), and ten adults.  I got pictures of most of the kids, but didn't get the adults.  I guess I was too busy talking and laughing.

This is the most fun I've had all year!  It was so nice to have real conversations, even those that disabused others of crazy notions that I had it all together, and to get to know some new friends better.  Everywhere I looked, people were smiling and having a good time.

My resourceful hubby figured out a way to make a big sound in the garage.  His huge garage was just the perfect size for some square dancing fun, but I couldn't figure out how to play the music loudly enough for everyone to hear it.  He rigged it up somehow with an old set of computer speakers and even finangled a microphone and amplifier so he could call the steps.

We started out with the Virginia Reel, which is really easy to learn.  One of the things I love about family square dancing is that the focus is not on boy-girl pairing and touching, but on helping others have a good time. 

Teenaged boys like Destry's friend Jarret partner with little girls like my little Kiana, brothers and sisters like Briana and Destry pair off, and everyone laughs and grins from ear to ear.

We also did a fun circle dance called the Gay Gordan (I refuse to surrender that word) and the Pattycake Polka. 

Then Briana taught us the Electric Slide line dance she had learned in drama several years ago and several fathers and daughters learned or practiced the steps to the waltz.

We are looking forward to the next time we can have several friends over.  As crazy as people's lives get, I still maintain that the most fun and the best way to really get to know one another is in our homes.