We recently finished a book discussion with a group of six other couples (I should have taken a group picture!) of
Equipped to Love: Building Idolatry-Free Relationships by Norm Wakefield.
We had a really great time meeting each week as time allowed at the end of a busy summer. My favorite part of the study was about the time we spent together, building relationships, sharing our hearts, and being transparent with one another. As we've lived here less than two years, our relationships are quite new, but this time let us get to know one another in a more meaningful way than just over a game of Dutch Blitz (not to minimize those fun moments that reveal latent competitiveness, grin). I now feel like we can truly call these couples friends as we've shared struggles with daily life ranging from work struggles to parenting struggles to marriage struggles and other temptations and we've prayed together over them.

I like a lot of what Norm Wakefield says, especially in the areas of men being godly men and improving relationships. I will insert a disclaimer here that I don't agree with every single thing he says, but much of what he says has been a blessing both in our marriage and our parenting. I've also heard him speak on two different occasions and he presents himself in a humble and endearing way. He's the kind of man you wish your children had as a grandfather.
But about this book in specific, he makes the claim that we don't tend to even know what love is. While true love comes from God, brings glory to Him, and purposes to give to and serve others, we most often "love" those we can use or when others make us happy. He calls this type of love idolatry as we too often put something else (usually self) on the throne where God alone should be.
I think he has some good thoughts, although at times I get the feeling he stretched his message a little too much to get the book over 100 pages (it hit 108) and thus at the minimum belabored the point. Much of the book was spent looking at the characteristics of idolatry from Deuteronomy 5:6-9 and applying those characteristics to how we tend to control and carve on people in our lives to get them to meet our needs and be what we want them to be if we aren't looking to God alone. The only way we can truly love others is if we are seeking God and letting His love flow through us onto them. He says when people treat us in ways we don't like, it's an opportunity for us to love as God loves--to be conformed into the image of Christ as we learn to be more forgiving, more patient, etc.
Alan and I both thought it was good to identify times we carve on our children, friends, or one another to get our own way--when we are looking to others to meet our needs instead of looking to God. In the ironic way life tends to work, we missed one of the meetings recently when Alan had a prolonged bout with bronchitis. He was sick for a full eight days and felt so horrible he frequently took three naps a day and slept from about 8:30 pm to 7 am each night. Since he didn't feel well, he wasn't the most cheerful person to be around and he also wasn't his normal team-player self in our home. It was a good opportunity for me to check my own irritability as I realized I got short-tempered with him because he wasn't doing what I wanted (and was used to) in training our children, reading them books or taking them outside when I wanted to get something done. The Lord provided me with an opportunity to practice what we had been studying!