Introducing. . .

Aryana Joy

April 17

6 pounds, 18 inches

Mommy and Daddy are so happy to finally meet our new daughter.  It's been a busy few days since she was born, so I haven't had time to update my blog until now that she's a week old.

We are blessed, blessed beyond measure by this precious little girl.  Aryana has a really easy-going disposition and has fallen readily into the eat, wake time, sleep pattern I love to employ with my babies.  She is stealing the hearts of everyone she meets with her alert eyes, facial expressions, and even temperament.  (Even the man beside us on the airplane, for yes, we arrived home in the wee hours this morning.)

I'll try to update the story over the next couple of days, but wanted to introduce her to those of you who aren't "facebook friends".

Here are a few pictures from the first four days.  We are in love!

Never Change

Never Change by Elizabeth Berg

As is typical with a Berg book, I would like to chat this one out as soon as I close the back cover.  This wasn't one of my favorites for two primary reasons:  1)  it revolves around the final weeks of a man's life who has a cancerous brain tumor (I have a dear friend who recently learned she has a brain tumor and she is in the scary waiting season to learn more about the prognosis) and 2) suicide is presented as a viable option, particularly for someone with a terminal illness.

Having said that, I once again appreciate Berg's insight into people.  The main character is very interesting as she is a self-described loner/wallflower/spinster type, yet she begins to realize that she has set herself apart from others and created much of her own loneliness.  I also enjoyed meeting the various characters she works with as a home health nurse.  They all have such different things going on in their lives, they all experience some sort of growth throughout the novel, and their relationship with the main character produces mutual growth.

At the end of the book, I had to reflect on the irony of the title.  So many write in a friend's high school yearbook "never change", but the truth is, we all change--and change is good.  Sometimes it takes something drastic to shake us out of our comfort zone, our default choices and emotions, but we can't grow without changing.  I have changed so much, I wonder if I would even recognize my high school self!  I found it interesting to consider the rather rough character, DeWitt (a drug dealer), and his perspective on how people deal with the challenges in life:

"We all on drugs, baby.  Just choose different kinds, is all.  Some folks sit in churches with they butts clamped tight.  Some spend their whole lives buying (stuff).  But don't you doubt it for a minute, girl, we is all of us in the bidness of numbing ourselves" (202).

I think I was most struck by the way she emphasized how alienating having a terminal illness is.  It separates one from others; it is something that you ultimately have to experience alone.  No one else can do it for you and no one else can fully understand or fully be there for you as you go through it.

"Who can be with me, Myra?  Not Diann, she can't do it.  This is so lonely, I'm in here so alone.  That's the thing that hurts the most.  Somebody draws this small circle, you step inside.  Somebody stops the bus and tells you you have to get off and you're not nearly where you wanted to go, but you have to get off.  And nobody will look at you the whole way down the aisle.  If only they would look" (78).

 That was somewhat depressing to me, yet it makes sense too.  Hmmm, still thinking about it. 

Exceedingly, Abundantly, Above All That We Ask or Think

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.  Amen.  Ephesians 3:20-21

I love those verses.  As the Lord would have it, we were blessed to hear a brother teach on this passage when he was a guest speaker in our area last fall.  The way he broke it down really stuck with me.  God is able.  He is able to do all that we ask.  Not just all we ask, but all we think.  Not just all we ask or think, but ABOVE all that we ask or think.  Not just above all that we ask or think but abundantly. . .exceedingly.  Have you ever stopped to think about all those. . .hmmm, what are they?  Adverbs?  Superlatives?  (Where are the grammar police when we need them?)

We've had verses we held onto in each of our past adoptions.  This is the passage the Lord seems to have given us for this particular journey.  Doug's teaching on this passage seemed to be an answer to prayer as we were (rather fearfully at that time, I confess) considering answering a need for a little girl who was born blind and with a severe cleft palate and needed a family.  This verse reminded us that God is able.  That situation didn't end up coming to fruition, but this passage has continued to resonate in our minds.

As soon as the previously mentioned newsletter arrived in people's mailboxes, the Lord was moving hearts to send gifts.  I can think of no more appropriate verb--the checks and the notes simply poured in.

Getting the mail each day was so much fun!  In addition to the generous monetary gifts, people shared their hearts and encouragement in notes.  Some people were moved to share what a blessing adoption had been in their lives.  Others shared their losses of longed-for children, their support of life, and their belief that children are a blessing.  Still others told us they were moved to pray for Abigail, that she might come to realize the love of the Lord in this painful season.  One lady wanted to "pay it forward" from her experience in her childhood of a couple showing her the love of Christ in hopes that we would share Christ's love with this little girl as a member of our family.  Another lady told us how she had recently been in the parking lot of an "abortuary" (her word, I assume maybe a Planned Parenthood?), mourning the approximately 40 cars in the lot and praying for the Lord to show her something she could do to help save these babies.  When she received the newsletter in her mailbox, she knew it was an answer to that prayer.  Many of these notes brought tears to our eyes and all filled our hearts with praise and thanksgiving.

In just a week, our need had been met!  We were amazed at what the Lord had done.  While we received approval for that loan from the bank, we will not need to borrow a single cent.  The Lord is indeed able--exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we ask or think--and He is glorified in the church by Christ Jesus.

How fun it was to share with as many people as we could, as quickly as we could, that the need had been met.  As in the days of Moses, we asked the people to stop giving

So Moses gave a commandment, and they caused it to be proclaimed throughout the camp saying let neither man nor woman do any more work for the offering of the sanctuary.  And the people were restrained from bringing, for the material they had was sufficient for all the work to be done--indeed too much.  Exodus 36:6-7

Would you ever have dreamed that this would happen?  I never would have even asked or imagined he would do this!  Yet He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all--and He chose to bring glory to Himself in the church.  How very, very full my heart is as a result of His working.

Words of Affirmation

So, part one of how the Lord has been working these last couple weeks coming up right now.

Words of affirmation are not my primary love language.  They aren't even my second language (I would put them at number three).  Yet words of affirmation are still so meaningful to me.

You may recall that we sought advice from an older brother in the Lord for whom we have utmost respect a couple months ago.  We asked if we were being foolish for stepping out so far in faith to adopt this baby girl when we didn't have the funds readily available and he replied with a resounding "no."  He even said this child not only needed a home, but needed to be in our home.  On his advice, we went ahead and borrowed the initial difference for our first payment from a family member and continued the process of setting up a home equity loan with a bank to borrow the rest of the money we would be needing.  He also said, however, that he thought there might be christians who would want to help support our adoption if they knew of our need and we agreed that he could share it.

Now my husband was the one talking with him on the phone, and here is where we had a little communication blip.  I thought Brother Rick was going to just share with individuals who might come to him asking if he knew of any needs as they were blessed financially (such as maybe at tax return time).  My husband asked me to email him some information about our family, our past adoptions, the costs involved in adoption, our financial situation, etc., which I did.

I later realized they had talked about Rick writing an article about adoption for a newsletter that goes to several "sister" congregations and sharing our adoption story/ies.  I was so touched by the words of affirmation he shared in this article.  It was a very humbling experience to read "all my business" put out there (oh, the Lord is always working on me and my pride!), but I was blessed by the kind words he shared (as well as challenged/inspired to try to live up to them!).  You know this parenting job isn't exactly a source for validation or words of affirmation.  We don't get raises, bonuses, or job performance reports.  My family of origin also doesn't tend to be the "words of affirmation" sort.  Neither my dad nor Alan's dad are affirming types.  While I would never presume to put Rick in a father role for myself (he is a good friend's father after all!), he nonetheless is a man I respect very much and care for quite a lot, so his words of affirmation were especially meaningful and encouraging during this season.

Rick is a very eloquent man and well-respected throughout the brotherhood, and the Lord used this opportunity to move hearts to action.

A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy habitation.
God sets the solitary in families.  --Psalm 68:5-6 

Wow, did He ever move people to help give this baby girl a family!  (Part two to come. . .)

Too Full

Have you ever had your heart so full, so absolutely stuffed with the Lord's working that you can't even express it?

That's where I am this week.  I can hardly process it, let alone express it.  It's percolating.  Hopefully next week I will have some time to sit down and work through it with words.

Bossypants

Bossypants by Tina Fey

Very fun.  She made me laugh out loud a few times.  I have to admit I didn't always get her humor because she makes lots of references to, well, should I call it "current culture"?, and I'm not up on who all these people are.  We definitely don't have the same worldview either, but it was still fun and I enjoyed her self-deprecating humor.

This won't be a long review because this book was mostly a fun read.  But there were two sections whose underlying points were worth marking with flags in my library copy.

"How can I give (my daughter) what (my dad) gave me?  The fear of getting in trouble.  The knowledge that while you are loved, you are not above the law.  The Worldwide Parental Anxiety System is failing if this many of us have made sex tapes" (53).

I also loved her "Rules of Improvisation That Will Change Your Life" (84-85).  I think I might want to copy them and give them to my teenagers for them to use in their conversations and interactions throughout life.  In a nutshell, they are something like this (only she says them funnier):

1)  Always agree and say yes.  This means "respect what your partner has created" and at least start from an open-minded place.  Start with a yes and see where that takes you.
2)  Say YES, AND.  Agree and then add something of your own.  This means don't be afraid to contribute.  Always make sure you are adding something to the discussion.
3)  Make statements.  Don't just ask questions and put pressure on the other person to come up with all the answers.  This means whatever the problem is, be part of the solution.  Don't just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.
4)  There are no mistakes, only opportunities.  Many of the world's greatest discoveries have been by accident.  "I mean, look at the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, or Botox."

This is rather fun when you're in a slightly silly, light mood.  Thanks for the recommendation, Kristy!

Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full

Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full: Gospel Meditations for Busy Moms by Gloria Furman

I'm pretty sure you're going to want to read this one, so if you want to pop on over to Crossway to order it and then come back to whet your appetite while you wait for your order to be processed, that's fine, I'll wait.

Let's start with the things I *didn't* like about this gospel-centered encouragement for mothers first.  1)  She says bedtime is a "maturing experience for all of us."  (grrr, bedtime makes me cranky)  2)  She pointed out that I should be loving my children to the glory of God alone rather than falling into the ego trap of seeking my glory in my parenting.  3)  She convicted me that I shouldn't be allowing the tyranny-of-the-urgent decisions to take over my days.  4)  She claimed that serving my family all day should not be motivated by the goal of them all going to bed and no one bothering me again until morning.

Oh wait, those are all really good (though painful to my toes) points.  Seriously, there were only two rather minor points I disagreed with which she references only in passing and I doubt most readers would object to so I'm not even going to bother to mention them.  My other small complaint (hey, I'm digging here in order to give you a 100% honest review) is that a couple of the chapters seemed rather choppy, but that might have been because I had lots of interruptions and it took me about five days (five days, five kids--are you hearing me?) to get through those two chapters.

Overall, this message is Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.  Allow your children to point you to Jesus.  Allow your days and nights with them to work sanctification in you.  Point your children to Jesus.  Jesus forgives.  Jesus extends mercy and grace.  Create a community with other women, not competition for "we need other Christian women in our lives to help us grasp how wide, how long, how high, and how deep is the love of Jesus" (43).  Put your hope in Christ instead of in perfect circumstances, perfect children, or a naptime where children go down without a peep.  See those challenging moments in your day as a "CALL TO WORSHIP".

Her account of how her mother loved her through her adolescence was particularly powerful to me.  "I was a scoffer; she loved me sincerely.  I walked in the counsel of the wicked; she loved me enough to tell me that I was going astray.  I stood in the way of sinners; she loved me enough to tell me about Jesus's forgiveness" (85).  Wow!  I want to be that kind of mom, grace and love-filled--not the annoyed, critical, unable-to-be pleased kind of mom.

This is not a book that condemns or sets a bunch of rules on how to be a good mom.  Rather it gives encouragement and hope.  The gospel.  "The gospel changes how we view our failures, and we see how God redeems our flaws for his own glory" (117).  Oh, I'm not going to say I didn't feel a strong measure of regret at times in reading this, for it opened my eyes to mistakes I have made in my approach to parenting.  But truthfully, I'm not sure this book would be as meaningful to a new parent.  I think it's the seasoned mother, the experienced mama who has made her fair share of mistakes, who is going to gain the most from this hopeful book for she is the one who will more fully realize the power of the gospel in the day-to-day of parenting.

Take heart, fellow mamas, "God is able to make all grace about to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work."  II Corinthians 9:8

(You may remember Gloria Furman's previous book I reviewed.  It was really good--this one was even better.  I received this book in exchange for my honest review.)