A Confusing and Misleading Message

Well, I finally made myself finish "Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus" by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson. I'm not linking it because I really can't recommend it.

I am reminded that the most dangerous counterfeit currency is that which contains elements of the real thing. This parenting book has some themes which sound good at first glance. It encourages the parent to point children toward their need for the cross. It reminds the parent to rely on God and know that you are not perfect and certainly not a "perfect parent". It cautions that Christ alone saves--our children will not be saved by "good parenting" (should we somehow manage to attain this elusive state). It alludes to something I have long believed--that parenting is an excellent venture to bring us "to the end of ourselves" and force us to our knees beseeching the Lord for guidance and wisdom.

I also liked some of the things she said about media and interactions with those who don't know Christ, and she had a very interesting "formula" (although she disdains formulas as holding to the law rather than resting in grace) for parenting: Management, Nurturing, Training, Correction, and rehearsing gospel Promises (89).

But in my opinion, these nuggets of truth are not worth a reading of the book which could easily confuse the reader. The author contradicts herself at times (for example, relax and rest in grace/do it this way as illustrated in the chart in the appendix) and the book contains some teaching which is presented as biblical, but certainly contradicts my understanding of the Scripture. She says, for example, that "God always employs Satan to God's end, to serve God's people" (150) but that simply is not true. Rather, Satan is the enemy of God, He is trying to keep us from God, and he prowls around as a hungry lion seeking whom He may devour (not serve!). This is such a ludicrous notion I can hardly talk about it. Job glorified God in the way he handled his trials from the devil, but the devil was NOT employed by God to serve Job! God allowed Job to be tested, Jesus allows us to be sifted as wheat (at Satan's initiation, notice, not God's! Luke 22:31) , but God himself tempts no one (James 1:13).

There is a decidedly Calvinistic tone to the book as the author teaches that God will either save your child or not--the child has no choice in his or her response to the gospel and you as the parent certainly have nothing to do with it. Now, I'll grant you, I cannot save my children--salvation is of Christ. At the same time, I can't believe that I have no influence in the training of my children and preparing their hearts to be noble or honest and good and thus ready to receive the seed of the Word (Luke 8:15). Why would God make a covenant with Abraham because he knew he would "command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice" (Genesis 18:19) if He gives the parent no responsibility in leading children to obey the Lord? And doesn't God say He unites the husband and wife in body and spirit--and why? because he is seeking godly offspring (Malachi 2:15). We are admonished to bring our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) and it seems to me we have a responsibility to obey this command as much as we can while simultaneously trusting God's grace to cover our many, many failures in the attempt.

I was also surprised at the author's equating suffering the consequences of sin with persecution. She seems to think all trials, all loss, all suffering and pain we encounter in life are given to us by God (who employs Satan against us but "for" us--bleck) for the express purpose of seeing how we handle them and giving God glory. Again, there is a small nugget of truth here--our response to trials, suffering, and temptation CAN INDEED bring glory to God. But it is possible to suffer as a consequence of sin and God clearly contrasts this with suffering for the name of Christ (I Peter 4:14-16) and other times we suffer simply because "time and chance happen" (Ecclesiastes 9:11). Yet this book compares Paul's suffering of persecution (which was clearly for the name of Christ) to the suffering of a parent whose child is rebellious and says we should boast in this circumstance as Paul did because our child's sin is from God to teach us humility and to rely on Him. Methinks this is comparing apples and oranges. . .and again, simply not true.

There are other, more practical, things in this book that I disagreed with--namely the practice of talking your kids to death. She shares literal PARAGRAPHS of what she would say to a child who is wiggly during prayer or who threw the bat when he struck out at a baseball game. To be honest, I can't hardly even make myself read through these dissertations--I'm mentally rolling my eyes as I read. Can you imagine a child actually *listening* for paragraphs of "correction"?! At the risk of making this post way too long for anyone to ever actually even read, I just have to share what she says you should say to your four-year-old child who is pitching an on-the-ground screaming fit because he doesn't want to leave the park.

Sweetheart, I will discipline you now because I love you, and you must learn to control yourself. When I tell you that it is time to go, we must leave. I know you didn't want to go, but when we don't get what we want, it isn't okay to start screaming and throw yourself to the ground. There are two things you must understand: first, you were being unsafe. God has put me in charge of you, and he has told me to keep you safe. When you lie in a parking lot with cars around, you could get hurt. So, when I tell you to come, I am doing what I believe will keep you safe. Second, when you don't get what you want, you are not allowed to start screaming and crying. You are sinning against God and against me when you disobey and complain. I understand that you didn't want to leave the park. I know how difficult it is to show control when you don't get what you want. And because you can't control yourself, you need Jesus (58).

Okay, sorry, I'm tired of typing, so you only get the first paragraph. But SERIOUSLY?! Try just reading that paragraph out loud--and imagine saying it to a four-year-old. The first problem with the whole example is a four-year-old even trying to pitch a throw-myself-down-screaming-fit, but I digress. . .

So, what will I take from this book? I did appreciate the reminder to consciously point my teens to Christ's sacrifice when they are struggling with sin in their lives and comfort them with the Truth that they are clothed in Christ's righteousness, not their own failures. Other than that. . .I'd recommend sticking with Parenting by the Book!

I received this book in exchange for my honest review from www.crossway.org/blog And, as always, if you see Scriptural error in what I am saying, please speak the truth in love to me.

Be Proud

I cleared off my desk.
It was piled really badly. I've discovered this most amazing device for chronic piling addictions. It's called a filing cabinet. You just pick up a pile, put it in a manila folder, label it, and stick it in the cabinet. Voila! No one knows about your horrible little habit.

Roman Road Finished as School Begins

Destry's summer project of building a "Roman Road" in the style of the ancient Romans came to completion just as our new school year began.
He started building a path from the back porch around the deck last Spring when we were learning about the many accomplishments of the Romans. Since we tend to walk through the yard to the back porch during chores, we decided this would be a great place to practice Roman technology.They started by digging a hole to remove the sod to prepare a solid bed for the road.Then they filled the hole with brick debris and/or rock for the base. They lined the edges with whole bricks and then laid bricks over the top. Finally, they sprinkled a mixture of sand, dirt, and crushed rock to fill in the cracks between the bricks to make a level surface.
I'm not sure if his little helper hastened the process or slowed it down! :)The final road is about 45 feet long and stretches from the sidewalk on the south end of the deck clear to the concrete patio at the door of the back porch.I am very proud of Destry for his hard work and perseverance in seeing a job through to its finish. It's not EVERY homestead that has its own Roman Road. I'm thinking he should next make a road sign proclaiming "Appian Way".
Easton has also started Kindergarten this week. He loves school, absolutely loves it! He is excited to learn to read, he's proud of writing letters, and he thinks it's fun to do math with cuisenaire rods. But his very favorite time is nature study. I'll have to get a picture next week, but he loads his backpack with binoculars, field guides, sketchpad, and pencil and carries his butterfly net and insect catcher. It's simply too cute for words.
Another highlight of our school week was the completion of our "prayer wall." The children's prayers were dissolving into rote recitations and we kept trying to suggest things to pray about, but it wasn't working. While at my brother's house, I saw this great idea and we just had to copy it. Each index card in this pyramid has a different suggestion of something to pray about (and two of them have memory verses about prayer). It includes topics from thanksgiving for Jesus dying for our sin, for our food, our house and our family to petitions to help us obey, be patient, for our leaders, the sick, and the orphans and even asking forgiveness when we have done wrong. Their very favorite thing to pray about which makes it to nearly every prayer is their cousins whose pictures HAD to be included on the wall!

It's been a great start to our school year--and I'm glad tomorrow is Saturday! :)

Wonderful, Walking One-Year-Old

Every good and perfect gift is from above. . .
Tyrell turned one last week. These moments always cause us to reflect on what a blessing our children are and I just thought you might enjoy some pictures of this cute little man. (The first couple shots were captured by my sister, by the way, so you'll see a drastic difference in quality as we progress through the post! smile)
He has a smile that lights up his eyes and transforms his entire face, yet he also has a serious, pondering look that causes two little dimples above his eyebrows.
He loves, loves, loves to be outside and the heat doesn't faze him--he just sweats and keeps on truckin'. He's much tougher than mama!
He understands very well the meaning of the word "no"--and he doesn't like it.
He cut three teeth last month as evidenced by the drooling on his shirt. He also had another double ear infection and then had an allergic reaction to amoxicillin. Poor little guy--he felt terrible, and his legs LOOKED terrible!
He is now walking. He pretty much skipped the toddling two or three steps and went right to walking all over the place. He is also climbing. . .and getting into everything! ;)
He isn't crazy about baby toys, but loves to play with his big brothers' toys. . .and comes up with his own creative uses for them! The older four kids went to spend a couple days and a night with Gma and Gpa and he didn't know what to do with himself--mama was way too boring. I don't think I've spoiled him *that* much, but he really thought I should play with him every second. Once they got home, he was again content toddling through the house, watching what they were doing. . .he's definitely a youngest child, not an oldest accustomed to entertaining himself!
He is also starting to say a few words besides the ubiquitous grunt. He says dada, mama, nana (for Briana), up, all done, uh-oh and makes various animal noises.
He loves opening presents, and we thought he was pretty cute as he opened some little farm animals and immediately started making it "walk" across the floor.
So, happy birthday little man! I am thankful God gave us you.

Business Woman

Briana has started using her creative gifts to begin her own business. She calls it "Baby Bundles by Briana" and sells custom-designed ring slings.
She has made two in this gorgeous green color and we used the first one to take a few pictures of the various ways children can be worn in the versatile baby carriers.
Tyrell was a willing model as he loves the security of the sling with mama or sissy.
She used the photos to make a tri-fold brochure explaining how to use the sling and illustrating several examples of carrying positions.
She has also made a brown sling and the colors pictured below--burgundy with black rings and gray with slate rings.She sells the solid prints for only $20 each. In addition to selling these slings, she has also started a weekly job cleaning a neighbor's house. She's saving all this hard-earned money and making plans to attend another leadership camp.

(If you're interested in ordering a sling for your own use or as the perfect baby shower gift, drop her a note at brileigh28 at gmail dot net. She charges true shipping costs for slings that need to be mailed to customers.)

Overwhelmed

So many things I truly want to do. . .
So many things I think I ought to do. . .
So many things others expect me to do. . .

And right now I'm feeling overwhelmed.

• Let's get this house in order. If I could just have a system and everyone would know what to do when. I need to keep the house clean, food prepared, and clean clothes in drawers. I read Large Family Logistics and there are great tips I want to implement. I make a list of what constitutes 'clean' in each room. I develop and type out a morning routine, an evening routine, and table chores for each meal. I'm going to make a household management book and have a great routine in place before school starts. Yet the papers for the book are piled on my desk and nothing has yet been implemented. . .

• I'm going to lose weight. It's time to get this under control, to remove the idol of food from my heart. Read Made to Crave and blog through this journey with a friend. Make one meal for my family, and another for myself. Learn what hunger feels like again. Fight the lack of energy and temptation to irritability and feelings of being deprived. Don't give up when it's hard, when I'm traveling, when I eat something that wasn't on "the list".

• Read from Ezekiel and study Philippians. Every day, because the Word is the source of Life and I want to study it and I know I ought to read it. . .but somehow it becomes one more thing on my list.

• Raise these kids to love and obey the Lord, to be compassionate and servant-hearted. And then I start reading Give Them Grace and realize I'm doing it all wrong. She says I'm not supposed to encourage them to "be good", I'm not supposed to express personal disappointment when they disobey, but I am supposed to give them a two-paragraph lecture about how they can't be expected to do what is right because we are all sinners, here is the gospel, and only through Jesus can you be good. And while I'm not sure I agree with every word, I see the merit in what she's saying as I look back over my pitiful attempts to "point them to the cross" (a la Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart) which have, over the years, been far outweighed by my impatience and selfishness when I just want them to "be good."

• I said we were going to start school August 1. I have all our homeschool materials--I spent much time researching various options and curricula. I spent time finding the best deals. I spent time ordering them. Now they're all here. . .and so is August 1 (well, it's really, really close!) And I have no lesson plans--not one day. Multiply three kids by I-don't-even-know-how-many subjects and figure out when I'm going to get this done.

• Big kids volunteering, serving, starting their own businesses, fellowshipping with friends somehow balanced with little kids learning to share, to use their words instead of their fists, surviving ear infections and playing with friends.

• My constant love/hate relationship with pictures. I take the pictures, wanting to preserve and share the memories. I order prints of the pictures. And now they sit, in a box, on my desk, waiting for me to write on the backs and put them in the photo album. And my little one turns one and the pictures sit on the camera, waiting to be downloaded to the computer and emailed to his birthmom so she can vicariously celebrate his birthday. And my five-year-old still needs his annual portrait taken, now my one year old is ready for his, and my mother-in-law is still reminding me that two children have been added to our family since our last family picture.

• Oh yes, and my husband. . .

A partial list of the many things consuming my time and thoughts these days. I need to add one more month of summer.

Wake Up Call

Well, I've had a shocker of a wake-up call. I don't know how this has happened and I didn't realize how bad it was. I'm usually the one behind the camera so I very rarely see pictures of myself. This summer, friends and family have caught a few shots of me--and I don't like what I'm seeing.

I would love this picture my sister got of me with my precious girls--if I cropped the bottom third off the picture which is just a little too revealing of the situation I've gotten myself into.And it's rare to get a picture of me with my husband so you would think I would cherish this shot. But this picture is what woke me up to the realization that I have gotten so overweight that he can't get his arms around me. Ugh
And a friend was trying to get a family picture for us one day. I didn't realize until partway through the shots that this arrangement simply was not going to work. I really didn't intend to frame my fat gut with my children's heads!
Thanks to the research and encouragement of my good friend Kristina, I am now on a mission to get rid of some of this excess weight. I know I will have more energy and be a better wife and mom when I have lost 20-25% of my weight.

If you're curious, I am doing what is called the hcg diet. In brief, hcg is an abbreviation for the hormone that is found in pregnant women and gives you a positive test. According to Dr. Simeon, when this hormone is present is the only time a person can cut way back on calorie consumption and prevent the body from going into starvation mode or taking calories from (needed) structural fat or muscle tissue. Instead, the body gets calories (at the rate of 3500 calories per pound) from stored fat. This method is also reputed to reset the metabolism, making it easier to continue weight loss after using the hcg and maintain the weight loss. I am really hoping it works!!

Here are my tools, some of which crack me up. The hcg has to be diluted with Vitamin B and that's why the syringe is pictured--for the mixing process. I had to buy a whole pack even though I only needed one (so if you need any, give me a holler, chuckle). The kitchen scale was a must to keep to my 3.5 ounces of meat per meal and the cute little calendar. . .well, that was an impulse buy to keep track of how many pounds I'm losing, my hcg dose, etc. Call it an incentive. . . :)
I am doing very well so far. I have lost TEN POUNDS!!! It hasn't been easy, because it's called "very limited calorie diet" for a reason, but I'm motivated. . .for now. I've had some challenges and encouragement from friends, including a night at Bunco when there was tons of delicious looking and smelling food, but I brought my meat, apple, and cucumber. I cheated a tiny bit by taking three bites of fried chicken (but it WAS the breast!) and I had good friends "giving me the eye" to stay out of it. :) (Thank you--I really need all the help I can get!) And we had several people here last night for Bible study and ice cream and I didn't even lick a spoon!

But as I said, I'm motivated "for now". My willpower is atrocious, I love food, and have a really hard time saying 'no' to things like pizza and chocolate (sigh). If you are around me and there is food, please encourage me, tell me you're happy for me that I've lost some weight, and even give me "the look" if I'm starting to succumb to temptation! :) My friend Kristina and I are blogging our hcg adventure to daily encourage one another and reading through Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food. The blog is set to private (hey, we have our weights and before pictures up! emBARRassing!!), but we are thinking about inviting a few supportive friends and family to read along, comment, and encourage us. If you want an invite, shoot me an email and I'll think about inviting you. . .lol, blush.

Prayers requested!!