A Lump of Clay

I've had a little kids' song going around in my head this week.

He’s still working on me, To make me what I ought to be

It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars, 

the sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars

How loving and patient He must be, He’s still working on me.

There really ought to be, a sign upon my heart

Don’t judge me yet, there’s an unfinished part,

But I’ll be better, just  according to His plan,

Fashioned by the Master’s loving hand.

In the mirror of His Word, reflections that I see,

Make me wonder why He never gives up on me,

But He loves me as I am, And He helps me when I pray,

Remember He’s the Potter, I’m the clay.

The words have just been especially fitting this week as I've finally realized an area in which the Lord is refining me. Yet again, He is so good to file away another piece of my "self" and teach me how he wants me to TRUST HIM by submitting to my husband. (linked to thoughts from *two years ago*) 

I'm actually embarrassed that it takes me so long to get these points the Lord is trying to teach me. There are things that we can understand intellectually, but life just brings about a deeper understanding as we have opportunity to apply the Truths. 

So how has He been teaching me this? It's all woven within Alan's job change. I know to be a submissive wife and a helpmeet and talk all the jargon with the best of them, but inside I still struggle with control issues, selfishness, stubbornness and pride. So, under cover of being a "helper", I have been trying to subtly manipulate our path. Ugh, that sounds just as ugly as it is!  

When he was first invited to Colorado for an interview, I tried to persuade him not to even go.  He had to take time off work (miss pay) to go and it was so far away and I just didn't think it was necessary.  He responded that the Lord had opened that door and it was his job to walk through it and see where it led--and he wanted *me* to come *with* him to be by his side in it.  What you saw was the "submissive wife" who went along with him to support him, but you didn't see the heart's resistance or me trying to talk him out of it.

When we were in Colorado and he got the call offering him a position in Iowa, I again tried to "help." I pulled a notebook out of my handy dandy book bag, opened it to a clean sheet and said "Ok, you tell me the pros and cons and I'll make the lists." I then ever so "helpfully" made additional suggestions of considerations to keep in mind.

And now there's the job offer in Illinois and I've been headed down that familiar, slippery path. It took strep throat, the stomach flu, and a mouth full of canker sores for me to finally realize (for I sincerely believe stress weakens the body's immune system) that I was taking on stress that was not mine to bear. I have a husband who loves the Lord, who seeks to follow Him, and who is also "a lump of clay in the Master Potter's hand." The Lord has provided ample means for my husband to provide for our family--not only physically and financially, but also spiritually. Wherever we go, whatever job he takes, God will lead us, God will provide for us, and best of all, *God will grow us*.

If I truly trust the Lord (as I profess to) then I must trust the systems and chain of authority He set in place. I am now bowing out of trying to influence my husband as he sincerely seeks the Lord and tries to determine what will be best for our family. What a concept, hmmm?

(Here is a version of the children's song 1) just in case you don't know it and want to get it stuck in your head like it is in mine and 2) just because this little girl is so precious and makes me smile.)