That These Two Will Live

Once I started reading That These Two Will Live by Sharla Kostelyk I could hardly put it down.  Sharla shares the story of her children's adoption with honesty, trust, and hope.

When their adoption agency went bankrupt, their son and daughter were stranded in a transitional home in Ethiopia.  These children had already suffered the loss of their home and their first parents and had been moved from the familiarity of the orphanage, so their parents were determined to do whatever it would take to bring them safely home.

While our adoption stories have never looked quite like that of the Kostelyks, there are some common threads I think every adoptive family will be able to relate to.

• God's provision:  They knew the Lord would provide what was needed even as they saved and budgeted and collected items for garage sales.  Their motto was  'getting to Ethiopia ten cents at a time'.  "Some said not to bother with such a small amount, but dimes really add up when they are in God's hands!" (31). . .When I found a dime on the pavement that Wednesday, I knew it was no coincidence.  I was reminded that God would provide the money somehow" (70).  There is such a beauty in watching the Lord provide, both in our own lives and in hearing His faithfulness in the stories others share.

• Fears and worries:  While joy overflows throughout the book, Sharla was too honest to minimize the fears and worries involved in an adoption journey.  "I wondered how they were, and if at that moment they were in an orphanage or still with a family member.  I worried about how they were feeling and whether or not they were hungry, sick, or scared.  I prayed for them.  I cried for them.  I grieved for the losses they would endure.  I loved the thought of them" (21).  "It was in the times of idleness that the worry crept in and overtook me and the tears flowed" (50). 

• She was also painfully honest about Satan's attack on marriage during the stress of an adoption and shared how they worked through the tension and distance.  "We each voiced our deepest fears and had very little comfort to offer each other as we were both feeling the same way.  With the kids' frequent tantrums and violent outbursts, we worried that maybe we had made a mistake, that we wouldn't be able to cope with all the kids once we returned home" (141).

• Wry humor at God's ways versus our ways: I drew a little smiley face in the margin several times because I love it when we make a statement from our own human limitations and then God shows Himself to be ever so much bigger.  You think you only want an infant, or a certain race, or a certain gender, or a "healthy" child or only one or, or, or?  He is so good to grow us past ourselves and Sharla wasn't afraid to share those moments when He worked in their lives. "Mark had been very clear from the first time I brought up my childhood wish to someday foster that he would never be willing, and here he was suggesting it!" (9)  "My motivation was mostly about what I wanted and what I thought would be best for me. . .I began redefining my motives and opening myself up to what God had in store for me" (14).

• Fierce love:  "They were our children, just as much as the ones we could see in the backseat of the van, and we would do anything for any one of them" (6).

• Waiting:  I don't think I ever ended up creating the tag "waiting" on my blog during our most recent adoption journey, but I seriously considered it.  I don't know anyone who has pursued adoption without experiencing the ubiquitous 'hurry up and wait' cycle (hurry up and get this paperwork done or these fingerprints or these references or this photo book followed by days and weeks and months of waiting).  Sharla eloquently expressed the lesson we all must learn.  "None of the timing was in my control, so it was futile to pretend that any of it was. . .On the days when the wait felt never-ending, I reminded myself that the timing was ultimately up to God.  I reassured myself with the knowledge that He had already chosen our children for us and us for them" (21).

I highly recommend this adoption memoir as it is about these two precious children finding their family, yet it is about so much more.  I found it very encouraging and affirming and even convicting.