Half Broke Horses

When I finished reading The Glass Castle, I got online and looked for more information about Jeannette Walls and her family.  I was so fascinated by them, and wondered how they got to be who they were.  Half Broke Horses tells the story of her maternal grandmother's life, which of course gives insight into who Rosemary is and why.

I would read these books again, and would love to chat them out with friends. Lily is quite the character!  I do appreciate many of her aphorisms scattered throughout the book, such as "You can because you have to," and "Kids were like horses in that things went a lot easier if you got their respect from the outset rather than trying to demand it after they'd started seeing what they could get away with," and "In this life, hardly anyone gets to do what they want to do."

I like the voice Walls gave her grandmother.  She was a matter-of-fact woman who did what needed to be done, wasn't afraid of hard work, and learned to judge people's character.  She lived a full life by her own code and it definitely wasn't a boring one!

A few quotes I enjoyed:

"I never met a kid I couldn't teach.  Every kid was good at something, and the trick was to find out what it was, then use it to teach him everything else" (64).  (I love this philosophy!)

"But I had learned a lot--about myself and other people" (85).  (Her response to a particularly difficult time in her life.  So true, take the lessons and move on.)

"Sometimes after I finished a particularly good book, I had the urge to get the library card, find out who else had read the book, and then track them down to talk about it" (90).  (This makes me smile.  It sounds like something I would want to do!)

"I realized that you can get so used to certain luxuries that you start to think they're necessities, but when you have to forgo them, you come to see that you don't need them after all.  There was a big difference between needing things and wanting things--though a lot of people had trouble telling the two apart" (133).  (Isn't that a great point!  This was her reaction to moving to a remote ranch and giving up her indoor toilet.)

Briana Continuing to Self-Educate and Work

Briana has been enjoying her time since graduating from high school.  She continues to live at home and work at Jaarsma Bakery where she is valued and appreciated and has received steady raises.

In addition to campaigning for our state representative, she has been continuing to educate herself.  She continues to hone her homemaking skills by trying new recipes, making herself a ear muff, working on a new quilt, and reading The Hidden Art of Homemaking.  She has continued to read classics such as The Old Man and the Sea and Animal Farm and read A Muscle and a Shovel this Fall.

One of her favorite things she did this fall was attend an intensive class in Kansas City where she learned the basics of cutting hair.  She was gone for three days and as soon as she came home, she was sticking her scissors in people's hair!  Easton was her first subject, and Kiana followed soon afterward.  I was especially impressed with how nice Kiana's haircut looked. She says it's definitely not something she would want to do as a career, but it is a nice skill to have and she hopes to someday save her family money in this way.

It seems to this mama that she has been gone a lot lately.  If she's not at work or cleaning houses for her cleaning business, she is running off to Missouri to see friends or getting together with friends to go to a local performance or movie, or helping young mothers from church with childcare.  I am seeing more and more independence in her, and cherish the moments we get to spend catching up with what's going on or sharing dreams and hopes.

We had a lot of fun at a "mother/daughter" table when my good friend Caren invited us to their Ladies' Blessings Banquet.  The meal was delicious, the music was beautiful (Destry played for part of it!), and the message was encouraging.  Several of our other friends were there as well, which made it even more enjoyable.

Briana with her friends Amber, Hannah, and Rebekah from left to right.

The newest thing going on in Briana's life right now is that she is going to be clerking for an Iowa State Representative during the next legislative session.  She has been taking several classes to prepare her for this new job, including Word, Excel, Outlook, and classes teaching her how to navigate the website and manage bills.  This is something of a dream opportunity for her, and she is over-the-top excited about it.  We are very happy for her and love hearing about all the new things she is learning and about her visits with her representative and the goals he wants her to help him accomplish.  One of her new tasks will be to write his newsletter for his constituents.  I'm trying not to feel jealous of this fun opportunity.  :)

Her commute to the capitol from our house is right at 45 minutes.  She is seriously considering moving into an apartment with a friend from church while the legislature is in session.  There's a part of her that thinks it would take all of her earnings to do that, but another part of her longs for the adventure and the independence.  Whatever she decides, we'll be here supporting and encouraging her.

Friendship and Travel

"I'm trying to explain myself, trying to make myself known.  
Because isn't that the point of every relationship:  
to be known by someone else, to be understood?  

He gets me.  She gets me.  Isn't that the simple magic phrase?" 

(Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn pg 29)

I copied that quote from a book I didn't particularly enjoy because it was the best passage and really resonated with me.  To be known--to be understood. . .well, that's just important to me, and frankly, it's rare.

Earlier this year I got to travel to New York to see just such a friend.  Even though we hadn't seen one another for nearly four years, she still gets me.

And dare I presume to say that I get her as well?

Some friendships are wonderful but based on external similarities, whether they be a stage in life or similar life choices.  Other friendships transcend such superficiality and are based on knowing the other person--recognizing who they are underneath the stages and life situations--and not just accepting but also genuinely liking that inner person.  It's somewhat scary to open oneself up to let another person see who we really are.  It makes us vulnerable as they might not like what they see.  It requires intimacy - "into me see".

Something I appreciate about this friendship is that we feel no need to put one another in a box.  Neither of us expects the other to make identical decisions and life choices.  Rather, we each expect the other to grow in her individual walk with the Lord.  We don't try to hold one another back but allow and even encourage the other to grow.  We give one another support, not critical judgement.

We went to New York City and had a wonderful day seeing all the tourist attractions, visiting with her friend, and riding the train, subway, ferry, trolley and in a taxi--not to mention all the walking.  We laughed our heads off over the downpour that drenched us on the trolley, giggled some more at our crazy adventures in Chinatown, and hooted and snorted with laughter while learning how to open doors.

"I'm as miserable as I've ever been!"

We visited attractions in the Hudson Bay area and met fascinating people.  We ate yummy food, saw beautiful scenery, and got to enjoy her kiddos together.  But my favorite part of the trip was simply spending time with her over pizza, driving down the road, and in the wee hours of the night (who needs sleep when grabbing a rare moment with a dear friend?!).

Sharing our hearts, thoughts, fears, dreams, struggles, and successes.

Reconnecting.  Understanding and being understood.

I do recognize and value this rare gift.

Traveling seems a good excuse to see one another.
Perhaps we should go to Europe next.  Or Australia.

Four Letter Word

T.I.M.E!

I'm struggling with finding time to write out my thoughts during this busy season of my life.  I wish there was some way to email between my brain and blogger.

Until someone invents that capability, I guess I'm just going to have to wrestle with time until I get enough pinned down to compose a worthwhile post.

New Adoption Books for the Kiddos

I try to pick up a couple of new children's adoption books each year during national adoption month, and last month was no exception.

The first book was I Don't Have Your Eyes by Carrie Kitze.  I think the children liked this one and particularly enjoyed the illustrations.  Each page highlights another body part and discusses the ways mother and child are different and alike.  I really liked this one because I am always noticing the physical characteristics my children get from their birthfamilies, and the perspectives and habits they get from us. Both nature and nurture are at work in their lives and this book shows both.  I also think it will be a different take for Aryana as she gets a little older and we are learning the names of body parts.

As I'm slowly reading Black Baby, White Hands, a memoir by an adult transracial adoptee, I'm being reminded how important it is that we not pretend to be "colorblind" and not discuss the differences between us and our children.  The author of the memoir struggled as he watched his parents and their biological children highlight their similarities to one another (red hair, freckles, interest in science, etc.) but yet in their efforts to show him they loved him "just the same", they ignored their differences, which made him insecure.  I think reading books like this one will naturally provide opportunity to talk about ways we are alike and ways we are different and most of all, how we are a family who loves one another.


I also bought Motherbridge of Love illustrated by Josee Masse.  I didn't realize this book is basically just an illustrated version of a well-known poem about birthmothers and adoptive mothers until after it arrived.

Once there were two women Who hardly knew each other
One you do not remember, The other you call mother
Two different lives shaped to make yours one
One becoming your guiding star The other became your sun.
The first gave you life And the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love And the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent, The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, The other dried your tears.
The age old questions through the years; heredity or environment-which are you the product of?
Both my darling-both.
And two different kinds of love!

It's not as relevant to us as some books are since its focus is on Asian adoptees and it implies older adoption, but the children still very much enjoyed it.  There are few words and lots of vivid, colorful illustrations.  They enjoy observing all the details of this artwork, and look at it even when we aren't reading it to them.

The Reason I Jump

The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with Autism by Naoki Higashida

Simply fascinating.

I read the translator's introduction, and was intrigued that "the three characters used for the word autism in Japanese signify self, shut, and illness" as though a person is imprisoned in his body.  I thought it would be interesting to read a 13-year-old boy's answers (conveyed using an alphabet grid) about his life with autism, but then I set the book aside for several days.

When I next picked it up, I read it through to the back cover.  This is a simple read, packed full of insight.  I found it inspiring, really, and it filled me with empathy.  I was most struck by three re-occurring themes:

1. He kept referring to being in a body that he can't control, how terrifying that is, and how it makes him lose who he is to have to focus so much on trying to control his own body.
2. He is drawn to things that are unchanging--that are reliable and he can count on.  Numbers, familiar commercials on television, the same foods and clothes.  "People with autism get quite a kick out of repetition.  If I was asked how come, my reply would be this:  'When you're in a strange new place, aren't you relieved too if you run into a friendly, familiar face?'" (75)  "While we're repeating the action, we get to feel really good and incredibly comforted" (97) or "soothed and calmed down" (100).
3. He is very aware of how his struggles with verbal expression or body control or emotions upset people around him.  He frequently appeals to the reader to "stick with us", to "please never give up on us" and to consider what it's like for the person interacting with the world through the veil of autism.

I understand some complaints at "creative license" the translator might have taken with the prose, but I enjoyed it personally.  I've also read some criticism that the author is speaking for all people who have autism while not everyone has the same experience, but I think it's easy to realize that he is speaking from his personal experience most of the time and occasionally musing about common experiences.

If you have ever been curious at possible answers for why some children

• are picky about their food,  (each type of food has its distinct taste, color, and shape and they need more time than the average person to come to appreciate unknown types of food so they're happy sticking with only those foods they're used to eating, 57)
• are extremely bothered by loud noises, (you don't understand how the noises affect us--it's a fear that if we keep listening, we'll lose all sense of where we are, it's absolutely terrifying, cupping our ears is a measure we take to protect ourselves and get back our grip on where we are, 51)
• line up their toy cars and blocks, ("it's the best fun.  I care about the order things come in, and different ways of lining them up.  It's actually the lines and the surfaces of things like jigsaw puzzles that we love, and things like that.  When we're playing in this way, our brains feel refreshed and clear" (70)
• love being in the water, (it's so quiet and I'm so free and happy there. . .there's not so much stimulation for our eyes and ears 71)
• flap their hands in front of their face, (it allows the light to enter our eyes in a pleasant, filtered fashion that feels soft and gentle)
• or yes--why they jump--(as if feelings are going upward to the sky, I can feel my body parts really well too, a physical reaction to happiness and sadness, shaking up the ropes that are tying up my body and feel lighter, 47)

(and many other questions) you really should read this young man's reasoning.

I think I'm going to try to find time to skim back through it again before I have to return it to the library.

Pumpkin Patch Fun

Oh look!  I found a post from over a month ago that I forgot to publish!  And I would rather read than write a post today--so lucky you!  Here are some pictures from when it was quite a lot warmer.

A funny thing about having several children is that you end up doing the same things over and over again.  Do you know how many hayrides I have been on, how many times we've been through corn mazes, how many times we've gone to the pumpkin patch to pick out our very own pumpkin?

Yet somehow it's special every single time with each child, as I get to treasure their smiles and their squeals of excitement.

It's extra fun for the kids when we get to take field trips with friends.  Above Kiana is on the hayride with her friend Lauren and Lauren's little sister, while below Easton sits between his buddies Ryan and Matthew.

After the hayride and selecting their pumpkins, the kids got to roam through a corn maze, looking for the correct punches to fill out their papers.

Once they conquered the corn maze, we had a picnic on the grounds with friends, and then the kids ran and played while the moms visited.  They had a haypile to jump into from a swinging rope, a chicken house turned playhouse, a teepee, large haybales to climb on. . .all kinds of good, outdoor fun.