Flying True

In the spirit of recording "stones of remembrance", I am going to preserve this story so I can review it on days I'm tempted to become weary on this parenting journey or to doubt that anything I'm trying to teach is getting through.  The last several months have been rather challenging for me in this arrow-launching season, as I've alluded to, and this experience my daughter recounted for me as she grows in and lives out her faith just seemed an affirmation for this weary mama's heart.

Briana wanted to make a trip to her old employer, Jaarsma, for some donuts
when she came over to celebrate her birthday last night.

Briana, who turned 20 years old today, is "out on her own" now, renting an apartment, working as a clerk for a representative at the state capitol Monday through Thursday, and also as a CNA for a hospital Friday and Saturday.  She is thoroughly loving this season of life and enjoys both of her jobs very much.

All the kids were more than happy to oblige her request.

While working at the capitol a couple weeks ago, however, she had an interesting conversation with a lady whose desk is near hers--a 50-something, female, Democrat representative.  Briana got to know her last year and found her likable and servant-oriented even while observing that the two of them had drastically different worldviews and thus political ideologies.  I will insert here that while this woman seems to like Briana, she also doesn't seem to understand her or our family and our choices.  When we met her, I felt rather like an odd specimen under a microscope in her gaze.

Their conversation started with the representative's statement that she thinks prostitution should be legalized. As they discussed it, Briana noted that she feared legalizing prostitution would look as though they, the government, condoned the practice while the representative contended that women were willing participants, no one was hurt by their trade, and it was just filling up the jails.  Briana rebutted that many of these women have been trafficked initially, are victims of childhood abuse, and asked "what about the wives of the men who hire them?"

As their discussion continued, they agreed that the government can't legislate morality.  Briana summarized that those involved in government can be tempted to think they can use laws to try to make people do what is right, but "really the law can't do that, only Jesus can."

To which the representative added "or whatever religion you believe in."  She then proceeded to detail her thoughts on how all religions are basically the same, all are good, and as long as you believe in something, that's all that matters and that makes you a good person.  She gave the example of a fellow representative who is Muslim and does many good things in government that help people.  Briana listened to her, realizing that she was a religious pluralist (Briana's assessment, chuckle), and tried to figure out where this woman was coming from and how she had developed this belief.

Finally Briana asked a pointed (and in my opinion, brilliant) question:  "I'm confused.  You're saying it doesn't matter which religion you believe in.  Do you mean in this life, or after you die?"

"Oh, in this life," the representative immediately and confidently asserted.  "I have no idea what happens after we die."

Briana told me later that this is when she had her lightbulb understanding of this woman's worldview.  She continued listening patiently and kindly to the representative who continued explaining her thoughts that as long as people believe in a higher power of some kind it will prompt them to live a good life and serve others, which is all that matters.

When she was finished, Briana gently but firmly stated:  "I hear what you are saying, but I want to make sure you understand that I don't agree.  Jesus said in the Bible 'I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No man comes to the Father but by me' and that's what I believe."

They ended the discussion amicably, but a couple days later the representative approached Briana.

"I really enjoyed our conversation the other day," she said.  "You know what, you've inspired me to read the New Testament."

As Briana finished her story, she said "So, I'm praying for her, Mom.  You can pray for her too if you want.  I'm trusting that the word of God will not return void."

This girl and her bold but gentle faith!  I'm telling you, I would have been intimidated by this older, accomplished, feminist woman--especially at the tender age of almost-20.  I'm certain I would not have handled this conversation so well. I am both challenged and encouraged by this daughter of mine as her faith is being honed and growing.

Friendships Don't Just Happen

Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends by Shasta Nelson

I very much enjoyed this book.

Having said that, I must insert a disclaimer here that I don't agree with EVERYTHING in this book, and I'm quite certain I don't agree with all the author's life choices or beliefs. While she professes christianity of some sort, she appears to be a religious pluralist and I am not. I could write a couple paragraphs detailing this disclaimer, but overall I really did get a lot out of the book so I'll leave it to the discerning reader to read carefully on her own if she so chooses.

If you can sort the wheat from the chaff, however, there is lots of very interesting information in this book. My main takeaway was that wherever people fall in your circles of friends, *that's okay*. We need people in all different circles or levels and it's okay if you don't "click" with everyone or have a consistent and vulnerable relationship with every person that you like.

As an analytical person, I especially enjoyed evaluating my friendships, placing my friends in their respective circles, and observing where my circles are strong and where they are lacking. This exercise also helped me to identify some of my own strengths and weaknesses in my friendships and challenged me to be a better and more intentional friend.

I also think this book will appeal to people differently based on their perceived need. One of my friends who read this book with me felt like the author was pushing people to make more friends as she frequently suggested ways a person COULD meet new people and make more friends. I didn't sense the author was saying people *must* have lots of friends, but just that she was offering suggestions for people who feel that need.

I thought the author's writing style was quite engaging and found this an easy read, even as it was packed with lots of thought-provoking information. This is definitely one to read and discuss with a friend--RED CHAIR WORTHY! :)

Bookish Questions

I saw that my friend Carrie over at Reading to Know answered some assigned bookish questions, and I thought it would be fun to play along in answering those same ten questions (hey, they're about books, why not?!).  What would some of your answers be?

1.  Do you remember the first book you read or really liked?
My dad bought me a copy of Where the Red Fern Grows when I was in third grade.  I would hate to have to guess how many times I've read that book!

2.  How did your love for reading come about (grew up in a reading family, a certain book captivated you, etc)?
My dad is a big reader, so he modeled it before me, and both my parents read to us children.  Also, I grew up with no television, to which I attribute some of my love for reading.  My parents were also really good at helping me build up my own personal library from garage sales, gifts, etc.

3. What is your favorite genre to read?
Why?  Why must I pick just one?
I suppose it depends on why I am reading.  If it's to learn or gain encouragement, I would say books about christian living.  If it's just for fun or escape, I will have to say fiction.  But really, I like all sorts of genres.

4.  What genre do you avoid reading?
Because Carrie already said christian fiction, I will avoid my soapbox on this topic (except I do love Francine Rivers).

I don't tend to read science fiction books, although I have read a couple.

5.  What is your favorite movie based on a book?
Hmmm, this one is difficult for me.  I don't watch lots of movies, and I don't always know if they're based on a book.  But I will say The Help, because I thought it followed the book pretty well.

6.  What is your least favorite movie based on a book?
I am sure there must be something, but I simply can't think of any right now.  I know there have been plenty of times when I moaned "Oh, the book is so much better!", but I don't have one standing out to me right at the moment.

7.  What is your favorite time and place to read?
Curled up in a chair in the living room while the children are napping.

8.  Are you in any "real life" book clubs or discussion groups?
Yes, I started a book discussion group with several other local homeschooling moms.

9.  How many bookcases do you have?
12
(This question makes me nervous.  Is someone staking out my house to come and STEAL my BOOKS?!)

10. What is a favorite quote about books or from a book?
There are several quotes I love that eloquently express the truth of how reading teaches us about both ourselves and about others and even open our eyes to a bigger world than ours.

• The most influential books, and the truest in their influence, are works of fiction.  They repeat, they rearrange, they clarify the lessons of life; they disengage us from ourselves; they constrain us to the acquaintance of others; and they show us the web of experience so we can see it for ourselves.  Robert Louis Stevenson

• Reading may be an escape, but it is not escape from my own life and problems.  It is escape from the narrow boundaries of being only me.  Reading in some wonderful way helps me find out who I am. . .Reading enlarges my vision of the world; it helps me understand someone who is different from me.  It makes me bigger on the inside.  We tend to see the world from our own perspective; it is good to see it from the eyes of others.  Good literature helps me understand who I am in relation to what others experience.  --Gladys Hunt

• The wonderful thing about books is that they allow us to enter imaginatively into someone else's life.  And when we do that, we learn to sympathize with other people.  But the real surprise is that we also learn truths about ourselves, that somehow we hadn't been able to see before.  --Katherine Peterson

A Couple of Easy Fiction Books

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman

I really enjoyed this book. Ove is a very interesting character, (curmudgeon is an excellent description for him) and he made me think of some people I know with his matter-of-fact gruffness, his lack of tact, his hard work ethic, and the way he serves behind the scenes without making a big deal of it. I smiled a lot reading this book--it had that sort of dry wit that makes me think of British authors, although its author is Swedish.

There were a couple of themes introduced toward the end of the book that I didn't appreciate, although it didn't go into detail But overall, I really enjoyed it. The author has a nice way with words, and it's a "feel-good" story demonstrating the importance of connecting with others.

Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell

I really enjoyed this quick little read. It's a "coming of age story", a teen romance, a story of overcoming a horrible family life, racism, and poverty.

It was well-written, heart-breaking, and sweet, all at the same time.

--"He's a bad person. Just. . .trust me. He's the kind of bad that tries to kill anything good."
--"'Why doesn't she leave?' She shook her head. 'I don't think she can. . .I don't think there's enough of her left."
--Eleanor looked over at Ben, sitting in the closet. He stared at her without giving up a thing. Thanks to Richie, they were all experts in the blank-face department."
--"If Eleanor were the hero of some book, like The Boxcar Children or something, she'd try. If she were Dicey Tillerman, she'd find a way. She'd be brave and noble, and she'd find a way. But she wasn't. Eleanor wasn't any of those things. She was just trying to get through the night."

"Holding Eleanor's hand was like holding a butterfly. Or a heartbeat. Like holding something complete, and completely alive."

"Eleanor wasn't. . .nice. She was good. She was honorable. She was honest. She would definitely help an old lady across the street. But nobody--not even the old lady--would ever say, Have you met that Eleanor Douglas? What a nice girl."

"What if Park realized that all the things he thought were so mysterious and intriguing about her were actually just. . .bleak?"

"When Eleanor smiled, something broke inside him. Something always did."

"Park loved how much they loved each other. It was the thing he thought about when he woke up scared in the middle of the night. Not that they loved him--they were his parents, they had to love him. That they loved each other. They didn't have to do that."

Savor: January

I have a goal this year, to record a few things I savored each month.  I meant to do this earlier, but hey!  We're still in the first week of February, so it's not too late to record January's savorable moments.

Savor:  taste and enjoy completely, enjoy or appreciate completely, 

especially by dwelling on it to delight in

Friendship is very important to me, and I got to savor some wonderful moments with great friends  Misti and Caren (ironically, they seemed to involve food too!).

My baby is growing up, but has had a couple days this month in which she just needed extra mommy time.  I chose to savor the moments and reverted to babywearing.  She loved being up on my back.

Tyrell is doing a great job learning to read, and thinks he is teaching Aryana to read with him. She repeats everything back to him just as he says it.  It is about the most precious thing I've ever seen.

Savoring. . .

My dear, dear friend and sister-in-law, Marcy, and I slipped away for a fine. dining. experience!!! (With the accompanying price tag! whoops and giggle) We had a wonderful evening of sharing and recharging which I savored immensely (and yes, I savored that Sashimi Tuna as well, mmmm!).

Puppies. How the children loved on those puppies in January before they went to their new homes!  So sweet.

Briana came over for supper one evening and was bombarded at the door.  So precious.  Savoring these moments of sibling love.

Destry and Kiana parked on the heat register reading Odyssey magazines together, ages 18 and 8.  Knowing this time next year Destry will not be living here and I won't see these precious moments.  Savoring. . .

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty  Smith

In a nutshell, this book was about strength of character and overcoming adversity. I think it was the strength of the characterization that carries the book. By the time I was finished, I felt like I knew Francie and Neeley, Johnny and Katie, Sissy and Evy. . .

There are so many things I could chat about in this book. I appreciated the perseverance, particularly of the women, which made me examine the male characters. Why were the Rommely women "slender, frail creatures with wondering eyes and soft fluttery voices. . .but made out of thin invisible steel" (69) while their men were visionary dreamers who resorted to drink and even running away? "Katie exchanged her tenderness for capability. She gave up her dreams and took over hard realities in their place. Katie had a fierce desire for survival which made her a fighter. Johnny had a hankering after immortality which made him a useless dreamer" (97).

I loved the imagery of the tree which "struggled to reach the sky. . .liked poor people(6). . .gets no sun, and water only when it rains, growing out of a sour earth. . is strong because its hard struggle to live is making it strong" (95) as it illustrated the life of the Rommely family. It was so interesting that Francie and Neeley looked at the "mighty easy life" their little sister was going to have, observing that she would never have the hard times or the fun they had, and then pityingly concluded "Poor Laurie" (472). I have to ponder the way some people thrive and grow strong in adversity while others wither away.

The theme of poverty of course ran throughout the book with the escape route of education running right alongside it. I adored Francie's love for reading: "But Francie was a reader. She read everything she could find: trash, classics, time tables and the grocer's price list" (22). I think I would have liked her. :) I chuckled at her willingness to read beloved books over and over again, and her determination to buy all the books she wanted when she grew up. I admired the family's quest for education, although I disagreed with them that schooling=education, or is the only way to become educated. Yet isn't it true how education can open our eyes--it "showed her that there were other worlds beside the world she had been born into and that these other worlds were not unattainable" (176). I can't imagine the level of poverty that they lived, the starvation, the scrambling just to survive. I can't imagine, as a mother, accepting my children's paychecks from their work when what I desperately wanted was for them to be in school. I can't imagine the humiliation of listening to how wonderful a little girl was who gave up one of her many dolls to "a poor girl" with her own name. "Why can't they just give the doll away without saying I am poor and she is rich? Why couldn't they just give it away with all the talking about it?" (213).

Yet even in all the themes of poverty, there is a spirit of resilience and hope that I don't hear as much today. In the book, there is no allusion to systemic poverty or systemic racism and all the other. . .excuses?. . .we hear today. The only time I caught a whiff of it was in Francie's reflection "This could be a whole life. You work eight hours a day covering wires to earn money to buy food and to pay for a place to sleep so that you can keep living just to come to this. . .These people are caught because they haven't got enough education" (364).

I have to admit I was also intrigued by the portrayal of love and of its resulting intimacy throughout the book. From Sissy's "healthy hunger" to a neighbor's desperation to "rigidly enduring the brutal act" (232) after years of marriage and children. . .I wonder where the author was going with these contrasts.

There were so many other thoughts worthy of discussion in this book, but I'll end with another theme I appreciated in the book--that of *living* and living well. "Let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry. . .have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere-be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute" (421).

Love and Respect

Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs

Alan picked this book up off the shelf last month and started reading it. Honestly, I was a little annoyed. I had purchased it nearly ten years ago and we read the first two chapters together, but we hit a bump and never finished it (cough, the bump's name was Alan, cough).

But he was really enjoying it this time and kept wanting to talk about it, so I decided to go ahead and read it too.

There's a lot of good stuff in there. I don't love the book, but when I say that, I have to ask myself why. And the two reasons I come up with are 1) he takes about 300 pages to say what he could have said in 200--or even fewer--and that annoyed me, and 2) he makes me feel defensive. There you go, how's that for keeping it real? I am not good at respecting and I don't really like being told so. But if the shoe fits. . .

The truth is, he had a lot of good points. And you know what? I am benefiting from my husband having read this book--big time. I know he loves me, but he's not always great at expressing it. Rather like I do respect him, but I'm not always good at expressing it--or respecting him unconditionally. He is being intentional in applying what he learned from reading this book. As I read behind him, I got teary-eyed more than once as I recognized some change in him having been suggested in the book. So I'm working on showing unconditional respect better and I'm recommending that if you are looking for a book to read with the one you love, you might want to pick this one up.