Infinitely More

Kids need a mom and a dad.  They need to grow up in a family where they will be loved, nurtured, and trained.  We know that--even just instinctively, we know that.  But the more I learn, the more I read, the more I experience. . .well, the more I see how much better God's ways are.  Reading Infinitely More by Alex Krutov reminded me of what I already knew, yet painted an even starker reality of the future for orphans than I previously understood.

Alex grew up in the Russian orphanage system and his story begins when he was abandoned as an infant as the Soviet Union collapsed.  He shares what life was like in the orphanage, his experience with adoption "disruption", and the bleak future orphans face as they age out of an orphanage.  It becomes a story of hope, however, as he interacts with christian missionaries and grows in his knowledge of and relationship with Christ and His followers.  His story culminates with his beautiful desire to serve other orphans and pass on the hope and purpose he received by the grace of God.

I was most struck by the emotional and spiritual desert orphans face as a result of their lack of family.  Alex effectively illustrated how throwing money at a situation and buying stuff does nothing to address the core, heart issues.

"missionary dollars were flowing into the orphanages, yet it did not change the outlook for the orphans' futures to have nicer bathrooms or hot water.  There was no real investment in their morality, their spirituality, their identity, value, dignity, or purpose.  We watched, over time, as orphans left the system, hopeless.  In fact, the Russian society honestly believed it would be better for everyone if they just died"

I think we all know about the horrible lives many orphans lead after they age out of the system,

"For all these reasons, along with the emotional issues of hopelessness, isolation, and depression, the vast majority of emancipated orphans begin to make poor choices, choosing the streets as their 'home' and selling drugs and their bodies, or stealing, to survive.  At least ten percent of them end up committing suicide."

But I hadn't thought about orphans having a sense of entitlement since they had never learned to work for what they had (little though it was) or had the opportunity to realize their needs were met because they were  loved (as I was, or as my children are).

"There is a phenomenon with orphans, at least for those who grew up in an orphanage, that goes contrary to expectations:  a sense of entitlement that comes from years of someone else providing for you.  Never mind that their core needs of love and affection were never met, or that their provisions were secondhand, ill-fitted clothing and shoes, or that their showers were cold.  Their perceived needs were always met by someone else--and not anyone close to them, either, but by an impersonal 'them'.  Similarly, there is a concept with orphans known as 'silent love':  their inability to express appreciation.  They were never taught how to show appreciation or express affection".

I am  inspired by Alex's story and growth in the Lord.  There were certainly times he was immature, selfish, greedy. . .all sorts of ugly character traits. . .but I appreciated that his story didn't gloss over his own imperfections and growth.  That wouldn't have been realistic or honest, nor would it be helpful to others walking behind him.

"Too many missionaries believe you just bring the gospel and lead people to the Lord and then they'll be fine.  Yet, that is just the starting point.  You need to deal with the emotional baggage of these orphans, working through attitude and emotional changes, forgiveness, and validating these kids as individuals."

Reading stories like this touch my heart and make me think there's room for one more child in my heart and home--surely there's room for one more child who needs a mom and dad, security, love, the gospel. . .

For information on Alex's ministry to disciple and mentor orphans in family-style communities, check out The Harbor.