Choosing to See

Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman

This book had been recommended to me by a couple of people, but it kept being relegated to the back burner until our plan to see the Chapmans on the Love Like You Mean It cruise, and then I determined I needed to read it.  I'm glad I did.

Such a heartbreaking story! I think it hit really close to home as our family dynamics are so similar.  I have a 17 yos (biologically) and 7yod and 4yos (through adoption) and he was simply horrified at the thought of accidentally running over his little brother while little sis looked on.  I can't imagine how this would affect our family.

But I think Mary Beth shares their story very well.  I really appreciated that she started "her story" long before the tragic accident so we got to know them--through depression, finding what would make their marriage tick, Steven's career, and their adoption journeys.  It helped to know them "before" as she shared the accident and how it affected their life.

I really appreciated her transparency. I think we all have a plan for our lives, as she did, and we want it to be as easy and as happy as it can possibly be.  "It wasn't like I wanted a life that was unreasonable or questionable.  My plans had to do with Christ-centered ministry, an easy marriage, a peaceful and orderly home, constructive growth rather than shattered dreams, protection rather than fires. . .all good things.  Still, God has turned my life, my expectations, and even some of my dreams completely upside down so many times" (26).  No one would sign up for her story.  But it seemed to me she lived it as well as anyone could, clinging to her Lord.

There were a couple of thoughts that stood out to me in her story.

#1:  I was impressed at the friendship and church community that enveloped them in love and service.  It was especially poignant the night Mary Beth couldn't sleep, she was overwhelmed with loneliness and panic, but her husband was sleeping.  She went and woke a friend and asked her to lay beside her and recite Scripture to calm her spirit so she could go to sleep.  What a friend!!

#2:  I was struck by her reflections on how differently she would have lived had she known her time with Maria would have been so short.  "I would have purposely hugged and kissed more.  I would have tried to memorize and lock away in my heart certain smells and smiles.  I would have colored more and worked less.  I would have laughed more and fussed less.  Bedtime wouldn't have become a chore to check off the list of things to get done.  Instead it would have been more of an opportunity to listen about the day and offer whatever words were needed" (211).  (Convicting!! Especially since I loathe bedtime.)

#3:  I don't want to forget the analogy of being a "willing, broken vessel into which you've allowed God to pour Himself" (242).  Mary Beth said this of Steven, and that he had "set the example for the family on how to allow God to leak out of the broken places of their lives."  It is when we are broken that people can see Christ in us.

And this quote:  WOW

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."  C.S. Lewis