Mere Motherhood

Mere Motherhood: Morning times, nursery rhymes, and my journey toward sanctification by Cindy Rollins

I loved this book!

Oh, it wasn't amazing, I must admit. It's a memoir from Cindy's 30 years of homeschooling, not a how-to-homeschool book, so don't open it expecting that. And really, for a memoir, it's frustratingly vague. Yet I understand her desire to protect her children's identities and not "air the family's dirty laundry". It's not always a fascinating read, but it was like a warm conversation with a good friend--an encouraging breath of sweet fresh air. I've been homeschooling for 16 years, so that's long enough to read between the lines of the various trends (good and bad) in the homeschooling movement that Cindy lived through.

I wouldn't have gotten as much out of it even just five years ago. I daresay this is not the best book for a younger, newer homeschooling mama. She likely won't appreciate it as much. There are things we simply don't know that we don't know until we get there. But maybe reading it will help her connect the dots when the time comes. And I came away both encouraged and inspired.

I chuckled aloud several times as I read, especially as she gently poked fun at herself: "Each morning we sang a new hymn, verse by verse. . .I was a bit neurotic about learning all the verses. Now I know that is called self-righteousness" (46) and "Obviously we weren't in the the habit of buying horses; we just read books about horses" (50) and after having drugs the first time for her ninth and final delivery "I would never be an obnoxious mother-in-law bragging that I had ALL my babies naturally" (64). LOL I thoroughly enjoyed her voice.

I also loved the way she sprinkled Scripture throughout (in her own voice, no quotation marks) and her frequent but casual references to great stories like The Chronicles of Narnia and The Lord of the Rings. She is definitely a book-lover.

In a nutshell, Cindy's book shares three main ideas (among other smaller ones) she has learned in her homeschooling journey: 1) It's easy to let our relationships with our children become idols in our hearts. 2) Be careful not to take too much credit or too much blame for the successes and failures of your children. 3) Motherhood is a tool for our sanctification.

She shares things that worked, and things that didn't. She warns those of us in the trenches not to make mistakes she made. She transparently shares the joys and struggles of various seasons, including her current season during which she has moved and no one knows the "former her" who homeschooled nine children but now see her with only her last child almost ready to leave the nest. (wouldn't that be so weird?!)

There were so many great nuggets sprinkled throughout. I could definitely chat this one out side-by-side in a couple of red chairs! I'll try to limit myself to just a few quotes:

"Motherhood is sanctification. Perhaps way more sanctification than you ever bargained for. . .There is no trite way to explain the heart-wrenching joys and sorrows you have seen. There is no way to warn the mommy next door or your daughter-in-law. It is a walk of joy that often includes the tearing off of the old dragon skin one painful layer at a time, made all the worse because you didn't even know you were wearing dragon skin. No one ever does" (ix). 

"my lifelong pattern of hanging out with people who are smarter than me" (89). (I try to do this too!!) 

"I suppose that I should have raked in a lot of wisdom and knowledge, and yet, the further up and further in I go the less sure I am about what I know. I know a lot less today than I did thirty-five years ago. . .After all these years, I don't know as much as I thought I did, but I hope that makes what I do know more valuable" (135). 

(about reading aloud) "When we cannot escape ourselves, we can escape to other worlds together"(139). 

"It seemed that I had worked passionately for nineteen years on a beautiful product and, in the end, he had become something entirely different than I intended. I did not recognize him at all. How could I go on creating beautiful pottery pieces if they weren't going to turn out as I had intended or hoped? Until one day I had an epiphany. I was not the potter. A potter was shaping my children, but it was not me. . .My son was not my product. He was the work of a great artist: the Creator of all" (156). 

"Part of the sanctification of motherhood is learning to trust God with our children. . .Our children must not become 'Our Precious'" (161).

AND MY FAVORITE QUOTE OF THE BOOK:
"Josef Pieper tells us that leisure is the basis of culture. Most moms would laugh at the idea of leisure, but that is essentially the gift homeschooling gave us--the leisure to learn" (163).

Marriage Cruise, Take Two

Alan and I had a wonderful time again on the Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise with two other couples (back in February).  This season of life is so busy, and I love the opportunity to focus on "savoring" my husband.

Our 25th wedding anniversary is next year, and after seeing so many people's marriages fall apart (including my own parents) in this season, I am sensitive to be extra diligent in protecting our marriage.

We once again went on the cruise with some good friends.  My friend Wendy lives in Oklahoma, so the cruise provided a great excuse to see her and her husband John.

And Troy and Caren are good friends who live near us and suggested the cruise in the first place.

Part of the fun of the cruise is eating--escargot, alligator, our daily omelet, pizza, desserts, ice cream. . .

The cruise was supposed to go to Jamaica and Grand Cayman.  We were especially excited to go to Jamaica since that is Tyrell's birth heritage, but unfortunately, someone on the cruise had a health situation arise and we had to turn around and go back to the States  So we ended up back on Key West, which had been a destination the year before.

Thankfully, what we really cared about was having a good time and being with our friends, so riding around in a golf cart with our new selfie sticks and laughing 'til we almost peed our pants was enough to ensure we had fun.

Our second stop was the Bahamas.  Alan and I explored the island from the poorest of the poor native islanders to the extravagance of the Atlantic resort.  The stark extremes were striking.

The conch we tried here was A-MA-ZING.  Much better than what we had in Key West.

As usual, we heard some outstanding lessons from speakers including Lysa TerKeurst and Dave and Ann Wilson.  Some of my favorite tidbits from the lessons include:

• Don't worry about falling out of love; worry about falling out of repentance.
• We tend to think our greatest need is to be loved, but our greatest need is to learn HOW to love.
• Forgiven people forgive.
• Unforgiveness is like drinking a cup of poison and expecting the other person to die.  We cannot harbor unforgiveness and expect to achieve oneness at the same time.
• Satan does all he can to dim our light by making us turn from the battle around us to battling one another: 'You're not meeting my needs!'
• In conflict, someone has to de-escalate the situation.  Who? Whichever one is most mature.
• Inside every man resides a punk and a prince. The one you speak to is the one you call out.
• Stop speaking to the problems and start speaking to the potential.
• My job is to be obedient to God.  God's job is everything else.

Selah was absolutely incredible.  What amazingly gifted musicians!

A major highlight of the week for me was the ballroom dancing classes Alan and I took (and we talked Troy and Caren into taking one with us!).  It was SO MUCH fun, I know my mouth was stretched into a huge grin the entire time.  We laughed and goofed and had a blast.

Alas, all good things must come to an end.  Once again, the buffet was closed and it was time to head back to snowy, cold Iowa.  While we don't plan to go on this cruise again next year, I do hope we'll get to go again someday.

Five Month Sabbatical

Well, I've been gone from this blog for five months.  Life just happened, I was busy, and I simply lost the urge and desire to write.

I'm starting to feel the urge again. . .maybe a little.  Life is still crazy busy, so we'll see how long this lasts.  But I've been blogging off and on since 2008!  This is the chronicling of my life, my crazy thoughts, my growth. . .how can I stop permanently?

I'm thinking I'll duck back and hit some highlights from the last several months, especially since I have some posts sitting in my drafts folder. Grin  I may jump back and forth over this next month, and even bring over some book reviews, for yes, I've still been writing those on Goodreads.

Then school will be starting back up, and we'll just see how it goes.  I'm making no promises.

Books on Planes

Interestingly, I ran the emotional gamut with my recent choices for "easy, light reads for an airplane ride."  Both laughter and tears. . .the other travelers must have thought I was crazy!

  Night Road by Kristin Hannah

I picked this one up at a thrift store for a cheap, easy airplane book because I didn't want to have to think. Well, I didn't really want to cry either, but cry I did! (I feel for the people around me as I soaked 3 (THREE!) tissues with my tears on that flight.)

Night Road is actually quite well done and paints an incredible picture of grief. When a teenager is killed in a drunk driving accident, each of the people who loved her mourned in their unique way, whether by drowning in guilt, punishing self, determining to move forward, or shutting down all emotions in order to survive. It's been a week since I finished it, and I still find myself pondering the different reactions.

Mentalpause: ...and Other Midlife Laughs by Laura Jensen Walker

This was just a light little read I had on my kindle and decided to read while on an airplane. I have a couple of friends who are starting to experience some menopausal symptoms, and most of my friends have passed that 40 milestone, so it made me chuckle to hear some of my friends' voices in the author's words. While the book isn't incredibly well-done, and is mostly silly, it still contained a few good nuggets I enjoyed.

"We have to savor every moment and make it last. Yesterday is gone. We have little control over tomorrow. All we have is today! It's up to us not to waste it. And in my opinion, a hearty laugh is proof that we haven't wasted the day."

"Some of us can get pretty hung up on our bodies--thinking flat stomachs, slender legs, and unlined faces define us. . .I'm not my breasts. Or my thighs. Or my gray hairs. Or my crow's feet. Or even my upper arms. What I am is a child of God."

"The best mirror is an old friend." --George Herbert (LOVE that one!)

"After a certain number of years, our faces become our biographies." --Cynthia Ozick

Savor: February

February was a great month to practice "my one word": SAVOR.

I think Destry is beginning to realize he won't be living here much longer, and he is being more deliberate in spending time with his younger siblings.  I treasure the moments I see him spending purposeful time with them reading books. . .

or playing card games.

My children can be the best of friends, but they can also push one another's buttons without mercy.  I savor the times I see sibling love:

Big sissy Kiana chose the girls' outfits for the day. . .

 Easton and Tyrell played happily with airplanes. . .

Easton, Kiana, and Tyell played "picnic".

A stomach virus hit our family in February, and while I can't say I appreciated it, it did remind me to appreciate our general health.  I also just had to grin that even when Mom is sick on the couch, she is still the best place for a sick boy to lie, and the preferred place for a wiggly almost-two-year-old to perch.

I am delighting in this man and in our marriage.  We got to go on the Love Like You Mean It cruise again in February (maybe I will get around to posting about it someday. . .) and my very favorite part of it was the relaxed time spent with him.

We also got to enjoy time on the cruise with these dear friends--John and Wendy and Troy and Caren.  Friendship is ever so precious to me!

I love to dwell on the relationship my two big kids have.  While Briana was visiting one day, she regaled Destry with stories from her two jobs and I sat watching them, dwelling on their laughter and joy.

 As residents of Iowa in the year of a presidential election, we enjoyed getting to caucus for the first time.

This son of mine is so weird and crazy and fun and loving. . .I'm savoring these moments of spontaneous, neck-choking hugs before he goes off into this big, wide world.

And this spunky, ornery, delightful not-such-a-baby-anymore. . .

And finally, I "tasted and enjoyed completely" an evening at Johnny's Steakhouse to celebrate the 20th birthday of my daughter in the wonderful company of my mom, sister, sister-in-law, and daughter.

The word savor is just perfect for this year!

Flying True

In the spirit of recording "stones of remembrance", I am going to preserve this story so I can review it on days I'm tempted to become weary on this parenting journey or to doubt that anything I'm trying to teach is getting through.  The last several months have been rather challenging for me in this arrow-launching season, as I've alluded to, and this experience my daughter recounted for me as she grows in and lives out her faith just seemed an affirmation for this weary mama's heart.

Briana wanted to make a trip to her old employer, Jaarsma, for some donuts
when she came over to celebrate her birthday last night.

Briana, who turned 20 years old today, is "out on her own" now, renting an apartment, working as a clerk for a representative at the state capitol Monday through Thursday, and also as a CNA for a hospital Friday and Saturday.  She is thoroughly loving this season of life and enjoys both of her jobs very much.

All the kids were more than happy to oblige her request.

While working at the capitol a couple weeks ago, however, she had an interesting conversation with a lady whose desk is near hers--a 50-something, female, Democrat representative.  Briana got to know her last year and found her likable and servant-oriented even while observing that the two of them had drastically different worldviews and thus political ideologies.  I will insert here that while this woman seems to like Briana, she also doesn't seem to understand her or our family and our choices.  When we met her, I felt rather like an odd specimen under a microscope in her gaze.

Their conversation started with the representative's statement that she thinks prostitution should be legalized. As they discussed it, Briana noted that she feared legalizing prostitution would look as though they, the government, condoned the practice while the representative contended that women were willing participants, no one was hurt by their trade, and it was just filling up the jails.  Briana rebutted that many of these women have been trafficked initially, are victims of childhood abuse, and asked "what about the wives of the men who hire them?"

As their discussion continued, they agreed that the government can't legislate morality.  Briana summarized that those involved in government can be tempted to think they can use laws to try to make people do what is right, but "really the law can't do that, only Jesus can."

To which the representative added "or whatever religion you believe in."  She then proceeded to detail her thoughts on how all religions are basically the same, all are good, and as long as you believe in something, that's all that matters and that makes you a good person.  She gave the example of a fellow representative who is Muslim and does many good things in government that help people.  Briana listened to her, realizing that she was a religious pluralist (Briana's assessment, chuckle), and tried to figure out where this woman was coming from and how she had developed this belief.

Finally Briana asked a pointed (and in my opinion, brilliant) question:  "I'm confused.  You're saying it doesn't matter which religion you believe in.  Do you mean in this life, or after you die?"

"Oh, in this life," the representative immediately and confidently asserted.  "I have no idea what happens after we die."

Briana told me later that this is when she had her lightbulb understanding of this woman's worldview.  She continued listening patiently and kindly to the representative who continued explaining her thoughts that as long as people believe in a higher power of some kind it will prompt them to live a good life and serve others, which is all that matters.

When she was finished, Briana gently but firmly stated:  "I hear what you are saying, but I want to make sure you understand that I don't agree.  Jesus said in the Bible 'I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No man comes to the Father but by me' and that's what I believe."

They ended the discussion amicably, but a couple days later the representative approached Briana.

"I really enjoyed our conversation the other day," she said.  "You know what, you've inspired me to read the New Testament."

As Briana finished her story, she said "So, I'm praying for her, Mom.  You can pray for her too if you want.  I'm trusting that the word of God will not return void."

This girl and her bold but gentle faith!  I'm telling you, I would have been intimidated by this older, accomplished, feminist woman--especially at the tender age of almost-20.  I'm certain I would not have handled this conversation so well. I am both challenged and encouraged by this daughter of mine as her faith is being honed and growing.

Friendships Don't Just Happen

Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends by Shasta Nelson

I very much enjoyed this book.

Having said that, I must insert a disclaimer here that I don't agree with EVERYTHING in this book, and I'm quite certain I don't agree with all the author's life choices or beliefs. While she professes christianity of some sort, she appears to be a religious pluralist and I am not. I could write a couple paragraphs detailing this disclaimer, but overall I really did get a lot out of the book so I'll leave it to the discerning reader to read carefully on her own if she so chooses.

If you can sort the wheat from the chaff, however, there is lots of very interesting information in this book. My main takeaway was that wherever people fall in your circles of friends, *that's okay*. We need people in all different circles or levels and it's okay if you don't "click" with everyone or have a consistent and vulnerable relationship with every person that you like.

As an analytical person, I especially enjoyed evaluating my friendships, placing my friends in their respective circles, and observing where my circles are strong and where they are lacking. This exercise also helped me to identify some of my own strengths and weaknesses in my friendships and challenged me to be a better and more intentional friend.

I also think this book will appeal to people differently based on their perceived need. One of my friends who read this book with me felt like the author was pushing people to make more friends as she frequently suggested ways a person COULD meet new people and make more friends. I didn't sense the author was saying people *must* have lots of friends, but just that she was offering suggestions for people who feel that need.

I thought the author's writing style was quite engaging and found this an easy read, even as it was packed with lots of thought-provoking information. This is definitely one to read and discuss with a friend--RED CHAIR WORTHY! :)