Didn't Expect That

It doesn't matter how much you research a topic or ask other people questions, there are just some things you don't know until you experience it.   Sharla asked an interesting question on her Adoption Magazine blog:  “What has surprised you about the adoption experience?”

I've been surprised in many ways, but the most striking is in the way I think.  The adoption experience has opened my eyes and my heart in ways I never could have expected.  As I wrote previously, I can't look at our material indulgences in this country anymore without thinking of children who need a mom and dad.  Children who need a loving home, food, clothing, and maybe even a few toys.

I think Emma phrased it best with her "Orphan Addict" bracelets for those "addicted to adoption or the orphan".

I didn't expect to become "addicted" to adoption or to have my heart bleed for children who need a family.  I didn't expect to be blessed with a large home and then feel guilty that there are children who need a family--a home--and here I am with plenty of room and plenty of love.

I didn't expect to hear stories of orphaned children and wonder. . .might I be their mother too?  I can't imagine my life without being the mother to my treasures through adoption, Easton, Kiana, and Tyrell.  What joy I would have missed had we not opened the door to say yes to any one of them!

The Assignment

Carrie from Reading to Know invited me to participate in her book club again this year and the theme is classics.  Since I had already planned to read Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter with my teenagers this school year, I chose it for the February selection.

Would you like to read along with us this month?

It's a great book and will give you lots to think about.  Here is the brief introduction to the book:

Until I read The Scarlet Letter with my teenagers last year, I hadn't read it since high school twenty years ago. I got a lot more out of it this time through and am looking forward to reading everyone's thoughts of this great classic. Expect to see themes such as repentance (godly sorrow vs. sorrow of the world) and penance vs. penitence as well as pride and "presenting an image". I also especially enjoyed learning about philosophies such as puritanism, romanticism and transcendentalism in conjunction with reading the book and considering the time period in which Hawthorne wrote it. Read along with us and you won't soon forget Hester and Pearl, Chillingworth and Dimmesdale. If you examine yourself, you'll likely even see bits of their characters in your own.  

I hope you'll be back for the discussion on Carrie's blog in four weeks!

My Hands Came Away Red

How do you feel about book recommendations?  I have such mixed feelings.  On the one hand, I am excited to get a recommendation--to know that someone else really enjoyed a book and hope that I will also enjoy it.  On the other hand, I'm unsure if I will have the same taste as the recommender and I'm even afraid that having expectation heightened will cause a book to fall flat.

Fellow blogger Sherry had a fun idea.  She invited people to share their favorite books they read in 2012 and she would give them recommendations for 2013. She suggested I might enjoy My Hands Came Away Red by Lisa McKay.  I was intrigued by the description, so I ordered it and eagerly anticipated its arrival.

I was not disappointed! (hurray!)  The author sucked me right into the story of a group of teenagers who took a mission trip to Indonesia to build a church building in a remote village.  As conflict between Muslim and Christian populations increased, the teenagers escaped into the jungle.

I liked the simultaneous conflict in the story of man vs. nature and man vs. self.  Not only did these teenagers have to learn to survive in the face of malaria, wild animals, and foraging for food, but they also were forced to dig down deep into who they were and how they were going to handle a traumatic encounter.

The author's bio describes her as a forensic psychologist who provides "psychological and spiritual support to humanitarian workers" and this experience is evident in her characterization.  I really enjoyed the realistic portrayal of different people, different personalities, and their unique reactions to times of stress and life-threatening situations. It makes me wonder how I would respond in a similar situation--and how my two teenagers might respond.

I'm not always a fan of the christian fiction genre, but My Hands Came Away Red was a worthwhile read.

A New Vision

I get such a kick out of myself sometimes and the way I can think I have some great idea, the perfect plan, and then the Lord moves me in a different direction and reminds me that His ways are so much higher than my ways.

There is a crisis pregnancy center (offering alternatives to abortion and parenting support and training) near us which has experienced some financial struggles in the last few years as a major employer (who matched employee charitable gifts!) moved out of the area.  We were blessed to be involved with a very active pregnancy crisis center in Missouri which was led by an inspiring director, and we were eager to get involved here. 

I talked with the director on the phone about various fundraising ideas, public relation-building events, and other needs such as washing donated clothing, cleaning the building on a volunteer basis, and hosting baby showers for mothers who chose to parent their babies.  I took in some baby blankets and other baby items we no longer needed and visited with her again.  We raised pledges and took part in the Walk for Life last Spring.  My husband also went to the facility and visited with the director and was asked if he would be willing to serve on the board, to which he agreed.

She never followed up with any of this.  No follow up call for me to clean or pick up baby clothing, no follow up call for Alan to come to a board meeting, no follow up call to help with fundraising (for which I had some great ideas, of course!).  Frankly, I was a little annoyed.  I had this all figured out, you know--how we could serve and promote life and prevent abortions.  But she wasn't being proactive and putting us to work.

Our first time meeting Easton May 2006

Well, I've been chuckling to myself the last several days about how the Lord works.  Here I was volunteering to wash donated baby clothing and such, but the Lord was planning to use me and the experiences He has provided for us in a different way.

A young woman who was not in a good situation came to the center and discovered she was pregnant.  The director told her about a couple families she knows who are interested in adopting and she picked one she would like to meet.  She would like an open adoption, and the prospective parents are unsure what they think of that idea, so the director gave them my name and number.  She knew the Lord had blessed us with three precious children through open adoption and thought we would be able to answer the prospective parents' questions and give them not only one picture, but three different pictures of what open adoption can look like.

Daddy meets Tyrell and holds him for the first time  July 2010

Well, we had a wonderful phone conversation and then met for supper the next night and I shared what the Lord has done in our adoptions.  I told her about the different ways our children's birthparents have adapted to their decision and the relationships we have developed with them.  I told her about our correspondence through the years and the opportunities we have had to meet with birthparents to build that relationship between parent and child and  provide reassurance that their child is healthy, happy and loved.

I was able to help prepare her for setting the "tone" of the relationship and compiled a list of questions/talking points for when they meet.  I suggested that they write a letter "introducing themselves" that they could give the expecting couple when they met, knowing that it would be a big meeting for them and they would be overwhelmed so having a summary of the prospective family to take home and review would be reassuring.  And of course I sent her home with a few books about open adoption to further prepare them.

I truly believe open adoption is a wonderful option when a woman is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and doesn't feel able to parent her child.  I am grateful that my children have pictures of their birthparents so they can identify physical characteristics they have inherited.  I am grateful we have relationships with their first parents and can share stories about their parents and talents they share.  I am so glad these relationships will one day provide an opportunity for answers to questions my children might have about why their first parents made an adoption plan.  Should my children someday have a health situation for which they need a blood relative, they each have the ability to contact numerous blood relatives.

I understand why it is a scary prospect for these prospective parents, but we have found open adoption to be a rich blessing and it was such an amazing opportunity to answer their questions and share our experiences.  It is natural to be afraid of the unknown, but by sharing our story we were able to ease their fear and educate them so they can also be blessed by open adoption.

Kiana--9 months old

Isn't it funny how I had "my idea" of how I could serve the pregnancy center but God was preparing something completely different?!  I can just see this being a perfect niche the Lord has prepared me for, to mentor families (both adoptive and birth?) as they go through the adoption process. Not what I had in mind at all. . .but truly amazing! 

New Scarf Technique, New Experiences

Briana is becoming such a handy and independent young lady.  We keep seeing these fun scarves around, so she picked up a couple skeins of the special yarn and whipped a couple scarves out in no time flat. 

She also has her driver's license and is feeling a newly-found sense of independence.  She takes Destry to piano lessons, runs my errands at the library and grocery store (and even slips into the shoe store to browse for a couple minutes), and drives herself to her house cleaning job.  She and Destry have enjoyed going to a brass ensemble together and out to a movie with a few other friends from church and this last weekend she even went to the Winter Jam concert with a group of friends from the homeschool group.

It was really weird for me at first, entrusting her to the Lord's protection in yet another way, but I'm getting more comfortable with it now.  I thought it was funny as she prepared to leave for the Winter Jam.  I asked her if she was a little nervous about it.  Her response?  A bright, cheerful, carefree "No!"

So I just tucked my nervous flutters away, reminded her to "be careful and have fun", and watched her drive away.

Zack's Alligator Study (and Giveaway)

I've had a lot of fun with the little ones studying alligators the last couple weeks in our unit based on the delightful book, Zack's Alligator by Shirley Mozelle.

The neatest part of the study has definitely been the opportunity for the kids to "water" their own alligator and watch it grow.  Our alligator, which is made of two different polymers--one which loves water and one that "fears" water--absorbs water so it will grow.

 They loved tracing the alligator on graph paper each day and measuring how many "units" long it was.  I was actually a little surprised at the drastic growth as it started at 15 units and more than doubled its size to 39 units.

I was also impressed at their ingenuity in climbing up to the kitchen counter to check on their alligator who was soaking in a container of water.  If the first box of toys doesn't add enough height, just add the toolbox, right?

For science we learned about alligators by reading All About Alligators by Jim Arnosky and Alligators and Crocodiles by David Knight. We also made an alligator facts book and sang songs with alligator facts set to the tune of "Twinkle Little Star".

Our geography study included learning about the Everglades and Florida.  We read The Everglades by Cheryl Morgan and Panther:  Shadow of the Swamp by Jonathan London.

For art they painted pictures of alligators and for phonics we played an alligator "short a" game.  Just for fun they watched The Rescuers Down Under (because they remembered there were alligators or crocodiles in that movie).

It was such a fun and relaxing study, we want you to learn about Zack's Alligator too!  Simply leave a comment by Tuesday and you'll be entered in a drawing to win your own "growing gator".

**Briana drew the name of:  Carrie from Reading to Know!! 

Guest Hair Stylist

I was blessed this last weekend as one of Briana's friends, Kidon, came over and styled Kiana's hair.  She is from Ethiopia and gave me a good dose of humble pie.  I was thinking I was getting pretty good at doing Kiana's hair, but this girl is crazy fast!

She created this gorgeous style in just 2 1/2 hours.  The same style would have taken me at least 4, probably 5 hours, and would have been a challenge.  I still have a lot to learn.

I hired her to do it and Alan was just amazed and said it would be worth it to have her do it every other style considering how much time I usually spend.  I was mostly just thinking I might learn something, it would make Kidon feel good to have a little job, and that it would be nice for Kiana to get a break from mama's styling, but now I'm tempted to agree with Alan on having her do it 3-4 times a year.

I love, love, love the way she did the cornrows down the back with the zigzag parts.  This style is a huge hit and I'm expecting it to last at least four weeks if not even six.

 In other fun hair news, Kiana received a new book in the mail this week because I couldn't resist ordering it after reading Sharla's review.  And would you like to guess the name of the main character in I Love My Hair?  That's right, it's spelled slightly different, but still Keyana!

 My Kiana is tickled with the book, couldn't wait to share it with Daddy when he got home from work, and enjoyed telling me which styles pictured in the book were her favorites. I'm glad Sharla shared this title and thought I would share it with you as well.