The Highlights

I was blessed by a special meeting of the church this past weekend.  There were some lessons I really needed to hear, and I came away from it feeling convicted, challenged, provoked and encouraged.

CONVICTED
to speak what is helpful in building others up instead of complaining or criticizing.

CHALLENGED
to look for God's "appointments" in my life rather than being disappointed when *my* plan doesn't work out and gracefully accept the seasons during which God is preparing me for something ahead.

PROVOKED
to contend for the faith--to wrestle, to agonize--instead of sitting back watching to see what happens, being lazy, or thinking I'll do it later.

ENCOURAGED
to walk in good works that Christ's light might shine brighter through me.

Hubris Art Thy Name

As is my custom, I dropped into the library while Destry was at his violin lesson and checked out the discarded books.  The title "Woman Thou Art Loosed" rang the bell of familiarity so I exchanged a quarter for the copy on the cart and sped through it while waiting on Destry.

I know I've probably been living under a rock or something, but I don't know anything about the author, T.D. Jakes.  And I will concede that my reading of this novel is my sole exposure to the man or his teaching.  But I've come away from it thinking "Wow!  We might be getting a little mixed up as to who we are worshiping here!  It's good to use God-given gifts in spreading the Word, but we need to be careful we are pointing people to the Savior and the cross.  We need to not get the messenger in the way of the message."

My eyebrows first lifted as I saw the author had cast himself in the role of famous evangelical preacher of a mega-church when he introduced his character ministering to a women on death row. I became less and less impressed as I continued to read more and more about "Bishop Jake" but still no Scriptures in this novel purportedly detailing a woman's journey to the Lord.

"He listened to the sermon.  Bishop Jakes had tapped deep down in his soul" (197). . ."Michelle shouted as she clapped her hands in response to Bishop Jakes's words" (199). . ."As she listened to Bishop Jakes". . ."But with the help of Bishop Jakes, she was given a chance to really make something of her life" (204)  "She returned her attention to Bishop Jakes.  His voice, she decided, had a way of bringing a calm to her troubled soul" (211).

Is it just me, or is anyone else bothered by the representation of it being a man who taps deep down in a person's soul, his words being what brings about change, his voice bringing calm?

I am so sad that we so easily get things mixed up and worship the creation rather than the Creator.  I think this is a problem both for your average-Joe christian to be tempted to elevate some to "super-christian" status and it's also a temptation for some to elevate themselves above others.  It's been a problem since the very early days of the church as evidenced by Paul's letters to the Corinthians, so I suppose I shouldn't be so disheartened by it, but I am nonetheless.

That's my biggest impression from reading this book and I can't recommend it (nor do I feel any inclination toward watching the string of movies of a similar name that I came across on Amazon while looking for a picture of the book to link). The woman's story is also pretty rough.  I realize that one in three women have been sexually assaulted (and personally believe the truth to be higher than that) but it's not really something I enjoy reading about.  I'm thinking this book will be thrown out to the burn barrel with the rest of our trash rather than earning a spot on my bookshelves.

Life-Changing Week

Destry described his week at TeenPact as life-changing.  It was his first TeenPact experience and Briana's third.  Both came home bubbling over with enthusiasm, dreams and goals, and new friendships.

TeenPact's mission is to train youth to understand the political process, value their liberty, defend their Christian faith and engage the culture at a time in their lives when, typically, they do not care about such things.

The truth is, both Destry and his friend Jarret (pictured above) were pretty much dragged to this government and leadership four-day camp.  They were appalled that they had to do several homework assignments and help pay for the cost.  They were further appalled at the idea of wearing a tie every single day!

I had considered not having my kids go this year, but after much prayer and discussion with my husband, we made a late decision that Destry needed to go this year for reasons that I'll not go into here.  I just love it when the Lord works things out like this.  Not only did they learn a great deal about government, but they also grew in their relationships with other teenagers who love the Lord and are seeking Him.  A more sober-minded and humble son came home to me Thursday than the one I dropped off on Monday.

Both of my teens enjoyed honors this week.  Briana ran for the position of governor and did not win, but she was recognized as the highest-scoring alumnus in homework, tests and quizzes.  Destry was elected as one of the three senators and as such gave a speech at the graduation ceremony.  I was, of course, quite proud of them both for these accomplishments.

What I was most proud of, however, took place during the speech of another of the elected senators.  He asked Destry to stand and then commended him for being a person who always has an encouraging word and knows just the right thing to say when you need it.

I'm curious to see how this experience continues to affect their daily lives and future.  I record these details not to brag on them (well, not too much anyway! ha!) but mostly so they won't forget these moments and the impact TeenPact has had on them.  I record them now, anticipating one day looking back on their experience and seeing how it shaped their choices.

To Everything There is a Season

To everything (turn, turn, turn. . .what does that mean, anyway?)
there is a season (turn, turn, turn). . .

And I think my season of blogging has come to an end.  There are several reasons for this, but the top three are time (or lack thereof), focus, and relationship.

The first one is surely self-explanatory.  I've been borrowing blogging time from sleeping time for a little too long as it is.  I'm a homeschooling mother of five children--enough said, right?  And when I add that the youngest children are nearing the end of the napping years (prime blogging time) it surely makes even more sense.

Time segues nicely into focus as I'm not sure blogging is the best use of my limited time in this next season.  There are some other areas I need to focus on including the character training of my children, personal Bible study, involvement in our local homeschool community, and serving in our community just to name a few.  I've enjoyed blogging and would like to think I have encouraged people here and there as I've reflected on books I've read, what the Lord is doing in our family and homeschool, and along my faith walk with the Lord but I sense a changing and more immediate focus ahead.

It's time to focus on relationships in my immediate vicinity.  I pour a lot of myself onto my blog and frankly, don't get a lot back.  Few people comment and some just check in every once in a while to see what's up in my life without catching me up on what's up in theirs or engaging in any discussion.  Once I've digested my life or my thoughts about a book or my struggles in my daily christian walk on my blog, I am disinclined to rehash these topics again in face-to-face conversation.  As we've so recently moved and are developing new friendships, I am finding this practice to be damaging to establishing meaningful "real-life" relationships and I bear full responsibility.

I think it will be hard to completely give up blogging as sometimes I just need to sit down and write.  My plan is to leave this post up for a few days so I don't just "drop off the face of the. . .internet" and then I'll set my blog to private.  This will also help prevent my recent increase in spam comments (insert annoyed grimace).  I may still post once a week or so as the urge hits me, so if you would like to be invited to read my much-less-active blog, click on my profile to your right and use the button under "contact me" to give me your email address.  (I won't be inviting anyone without an explicit request to do so as I don't want to assume anything)

I still hope to stay in touch with my long-distance bloggy friends by reading (and commenting on) your blogs.  Until then, thanks for reading!

The Language of Flowers

What a terrible book.   I simply couldn't put it down (sorry, Alan, for that evening I spent curled on the couch with this book and a handful of tissues ignoring you and the kids).

The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh has, in my opinion, two captivating pieces that make its storyline a success.  Number one, the protagonist is a young woman recently "emancipated" from the foster system and the book tells her story by alternating between the past and the present.  While I'm not always fond of her because of her choices, I think the author accurately depicts behaviors which result from attachment disorders.  This is what our foster system creates when it bounces children from one home to another, from dysfunctional biological families to foster families to biological family to another foster family and so on.  My gut reaction calls this a terrible book because I don't like to vicariously experience this life, (and it's not comfortable because it makes me think I should provide some permanence and security to children trapped in this debilitating cycle) but really that just shows how well the author crafted her character.

The second piece consists of the detailed application of communicating with flowers.  While I am not a flower person--I can barely distinguish a rose from a carnation--this book makes me want to learn both to identify and to communicate with flowers.  It was so very appropriate for an emotionally-damaged young woman to be able to express herself in this way and I was unreasonably tickled to find the author's personal flower dictionary in the back of the book.

This makes the second "modern novel" I've read in the last couple weeks that I actually recommend because it is well-written, has good characterization, is thought-provoking, and free of explicit immoral activity (not that it doesn't reference it, but it doesn't detail it).  Rather shocking, isn't it?

Thanks, Kristy, for recommending this one--it's much better than The Eyre Affair.  (wink)

Child-Initiated Discussions

We've always tried to be open about adoption discussions in our family, especially since adopting our first child almost seven years ago.  I have been conscious about using books to initiate discussions and their "lifebooks" have long been among their favorite bedtime stories.

This post is a great excuse to share these recent pictures of my handsome young man.

But it's been only recently that Easton, who will be seven in May, has started bringing up the topic of adoption of his own volition. 

Easton and Kiana came running into the living room where I was sitting.

"Were Briana and Destry in your tummy?" Easton demanded.

"Yes, they were," I smiled.

"See, I told ya!" Kiana exclaimed triumphantly.

I lowered my brows at Kiana's sass but tucked a reprimand away for later as Easton's face clearly expressed his disappointment in my answer.  He leaned against my right shoulder.

"Why were they in your tummy?" he appealed.  "Why can't I be in your tummy?"

I think it's interesting that Kiana, at 5, seems to have a clearer understanding of adoption and what all it means.  Is it because she's a girl and he's a boy?  Is it just something about their unique personalities?  Kiana is more dramatic and emotional by nature, and thus perhaps more in tune with her emotions, while Easton is pretty laid back.

 I wonder about what provoked this reaction in him.  My hope is that he doesn't feel jealousy or somehow "less than" because he is one of my three children who weren't born from "my tummy".  He has many times suggested that we adopt another little girl so we will have three boys and three girls (smile, love the way kids think) and has said that when he is a grown up he is going to adopt some children--maybe 10 children!  It seems a normal way to grow a family in his eyes.

I think he had somehow just missed the fact that we didn't adopt Briana and Destry.  He thought we had adopted all of them.  Ultimately, I guess I'm glad that he hadn't discerned any difference among his brothers and sisters and how they are all loved and treated.

On a different day, he seemed to be reassuring himself as much as me that we are family and always will be, no matter what or when.

"You'll always be my mommy.  Even when I'm a grown up and 

live in a different house, you'll be my mommy.  

And I'll come back and visit you."

I certainly hope so, and am thrilled to have the privilege of being his mommy.  I'm glad we talk about adoption and expect to have many such conversations throughout the future as we help our kiddos process the losses and joys that come with being a part of our family.

Getting It Off My Chest: Good Dad, Bad Dad

That comment Friday night was the final straw.  It was the third comment in less than two weeks time lauding Alan's fathering.

What did he do to merit such praise?  He sat beside his two-year-old son during a meal to help him and keep him from making a mess.  The time before that he took a couple of his young children to the bathroom and the time before that he walked through the line at a fellowship meal with his six-year-old son helping him fix his plate while simultaneously filling his own.

Now don't misunderstand me.  Alan is a very good father; I'm not trying to dispute this claim.  I'm simply concerned that our standards for fathers have apparently declined to the point that a father who actually attends to his children's most basic physical needs is elevated to near sainthood.

Perhaps my expectations are too high, but I find it more commendable for fathers to teach their children the Word of God, to pray with and for their children, to train and correct their children.  I'm impressed when a father encourages his children, when he points his children to the cross as they struggle and fail with temptation, when he inspires them to learn and try new things.  I admire dads who instill vision and goals in their children, who prepare them to work with diligence and cheerfulness, who shape them to be people of integrity.

Taking a child to the bathroom or helping them with a meal. . .well, that's just an assumed part of parenthood, isn't it?  Why would such mundane daily tasks be worthy of comment, let alone commendation?

As I've reflected on these questions, I've arrived at a very sobering answer.  There are men who are not only failing in their responsibilities to shape their children's spiritual lives and adult character, but are also failing to take even the most minute role in attending to their children's basic daily needs.  The lack of dads involved in assisting their children's meals is merely an outward symptom of the disease of the fathers' absence in spiritual formation.

"If we stay on the current course, one day the United States
will be known as the country of the Founding Fathers
with no fathers to be found." ~ Dr. Wade Horn

 As I apply some hindsight, I realize this decline has been rolling for a few generations.  I think several years ago, fathers simply disconnected from their children.  It likely started with the Industrial Revolution when they were physically disconnected from their children and progressed through the feminist movement which led to the claim that women (in their superiority equality) should have the moral and spiritual responsibility of the family.

Truthfully, I see some men in my generation who are changing their family trees by starting a renewal, a restoration to the father's biblical role.  Where their fathers, my husband's father included, limited their parental responsibility to "bringing home the bacon", some forward-thinking men are realizing their importance in their children's emotional and spiritual development and are claiming their responsibilities to bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

"What's important is not who my ancestors were,

what's important is what my children and grandchildren will become."

~  Abraham Lincoln

When the father's focus moves to spiritual matters, his daily physical care of the children simply falls into place.  This father realizes that the only way to impart spiritual truths to his children is by living in relationship with them and spending time with them, teaching them "when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, when you rise up". . .

and when you fix their plates and take them to the bathroom and sit beside them to eat your meal.