Child-Initiated Discussions

We've always tried to be open about adoption discussions in our family, especially since adopting our first child almost seven years ago.  I have been conscious about using books to initiate discussions and their "lifebooks" have long been among their favorite bedtime stories.

This post is a great excuse to share these recent pictures of my handsome young man.

But it's been only recently that Easton, who will be seven in May, has started bringing up the topic of adoption of his own volition. 

Easton and Kiana came running into the living room where I was sitting.

"Were Briana and Destry in your tummy?" Easton demanded.

"Yes, they were," I smiled.

"See, I told ya!" Kiana exclaimed triumphantly.

I lowered my brows at Kiana's sass but tucked a reprimand away for later as Easton's face clearly expressed his disappointment in my answer.  He leaned against my right shoulder.

"Why were they in your tummy?" he appealed.  "Why can't I be in your tummy?"

I think it's interesting that Kiana, at 5, seems to have a clearer understanding of adoption and what all it means.  Is it because she's a girl and he's a boy?  Is it just something about their unique personalities?  Kiana is more dramatic and emotional by nature, and thus perhaps more in tune with her emotions, while Easton is pretty laid back.

 I wonder about what provoked this reaction in him.  My hope is that he doesn't feel jealousy or somehow "less than" because he is one of my three children who weren't born from "my tummy".  He has many times suggested that we adopt another little girl so we will have three boys and three girls (smile, love the way kids think) and has said that when he is a grown up he is going to adopt some children--maybe 10 children!  It seems a normal way to grow a family in his eyes.

I think he had somehow just missed the fact that we didn't adopt Briana and Destry.  He thought we had adopted all of them.  Ultimately, I guess I'm glad that he hadn't discerned any difference among his brothers and sisters and how they are all loved and treated.

On a different day, he seemed to be reassuring himself as much as me that we are family and always will be, no matter what or when.

"You'll always be my mommy.  Even when I'm a grown up and 

live in a different house, you'll be my mommy.  

And I'll come back and visit you."

I certainly hope so, and am thrilled to have the privilege of being his mommy.  I'm glad we talk about adoption and expect to have many such conversations throughout the future as we help our kiddos process the losses and joys that come with being a part of our family.