Getting It Off My Chest: Good Dad, Bad Dad

That comment Friday night was the final straw.  It was the third comment in less than two weeks time lauding Alan's fathering.

What did he do to merit such praise?  He sat beside his two-year-old son during a meal to help him and keep him from making a mess.  The time before that he took a couple of his young children to the bathroom and the time before that he walked through the line at a fellowship meal with his six-year-old son helping him fix his plate while simultaneously filling his own.

Now don't misunderstand me.  Alan is a very good father; I'm not trying to dispute this claim.  I'm simply concerned that our standards for fathers have apparently declined to the point that a father who actually attends to his children's most basic physical needs is elevated to near sainthood.

Perhaps my expectations are too high, but I find it more commendable for fathers to teach their children the Word of God, to pray with and for their children, to train and correct their children.  I'm impressed when a father encourages his children, when he points his children to the cross as they struggle and fail with temptation, when he inspires them to learn and try new things.  I admire dads who instill vision and goals in their children, who prepare them to work with diligence and cheerfulness, who shape them to be people of integrity.

Taking a child to the bathroom or helping them with a meal. . .well, that's just an assumed part of parenthood, isn't it?  Why would such mundane daily tasks be worthy of comment, let alone commendation?

As I've reflected on these questions, I've arrived at a very sobering answer.  There are men who are not only failing in their responsibilities to shape their children's spiritual lives and adult character, but are also failing to take even the most minute role in attending to their children's basic daily needs.  The lack of dads involved in assisting their children's meals is merely an outward symptom of the disease of the fathers' absence in spiritual formation.

"If we stay on the current course, one day the United States
will be known as the country of the Founding Fathers
with no fathers to be found." ~ Dr. Wade Horn

 As I apply some hindsight, I realize this decline has been rolling for a few generations.  I think several years ago, fathers simply disconnected from their children.  It likely started with the Industrial Revolution when they were physically disconnected from their children and progressed through the feminist movement which led to the claim that women (in their superiority equality) should have the moral and spiritual responsibility of the family.

Truthfully, I see some men in my generation who are changing their family trees by starting a renewal, a restoration to the father's biblical role.  Where their fathers, my husband's father included, limited their parental responsibility to "bringing home the bacon", some forward-thinking men are realizing their importance in their children's emotional and spiritual development and are claiming their responsibilities to bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

"What's important is not who my ancestors were,

what's important is what my children and grandchildren will become."

~  Abraham Lincoln

When the father's focus moves to spiritual matters, his daily physical care of the children simply falls into place.  This father realizes that the only way to impart spiritual truths to his children is by living in relationship with them and spending time with them, teaching them "when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, when you rise up". . .

and when you fix their plates and take them to the bathroom and sit beside them to eat your meal.