Any Connection to Adoption?

Six years after beginning our adoption journeys, I have discovered a wonderful little resource for adoptive parents, potential adoptive parents, foster parents, and anyone who wants to support their friends or relatives who are traveling (or especially beginning) an adoption journey.
The premise of this ebook is a familiar one--you must take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of others. I've been reading Sharla Kostelyk's blog, The Chaos and the Clutter, for only a short time but have discovered in her a kindred spirit (except that she loves washing dishes--I can't relate to THAT! chuckle). The warm, conversational tone of her blog comes through in her book. Reading it is like sitting down for a good chat with a friend who has been there--indeed, is yet in the trenches beside you.

My favorite part of Shield: A Framework of Self-Care for Foster and Adoptive Families is the chapter on building a support network. In many ways, I had a great support group, but there are certain things people just don't know if they haven't had prior connections to adoption. If I were adopting now for the first time, I think I would buy a few copies of this to pass out to close friends and family! :)

As Sharla says, "It is important to prepare them for what lies ahead and to let them know what you will need from them. Do not assume that just because you have been there to support them in the past, they will be there to support you. Also, don't assume that they will know how to support you without being asked."

I remember explaining to close friends and family that our children wouldn't have had the experience of knowing my sounds and smells from their time in the womb, so I would be spending a lot of time with them at home, holding them, being the one to feed and change them, so they would know ME as their mama. It felt a little uncomfortable to both say and follow through on that, although people accepted it graciously, but how nice it would have been to have a little booklet to hand them which says "if you want to be the only one who is able to hold your child, people will be much more prepared and less likely to be offended if it has been explained to them ahead of time." (for more FANTASTIC information on attachment, check out this series my dear friend Kat is sharing as she prepares to bring home her daughter Jael--and pray for little Jael's attachment while you're at it).

Sharla's book has a lot of common sense advice which is easy to implement, yet it's also necessary to remind us that if we are running on empty, we have nothing with which to serve others. I appreciated her simple, practical steps to fall back on during a challenging time. This book is easy and compact and useful in passing on tips to successfully build a shield of self-care in the preparation for and process of adoption.