Leaving friends and forming new friendships is one of the hardest parts of moving. It's sad to leave people who already know and love me, with whom I have years of treasured memories, and who have helped me in so many ways over the years (including helping with the move itself).
The process of making new friends isn't fun. It's starting all over again. It involves figuring out who can be trusted with an open heart, learning who has similar interests, and sharing parts of yourself over and over again. And let's face it, by this stage of life, people tend to already have well-established friendships. In a culture that has more commitments than hours in the day and prefers the quick, shallow acquaintances of social networks to deep, time-consuming connection, it becomes even more difficult to develop real relationships when moving to a new town.
I was blessed with some wise counsel from an older friend the week that we moved. She has moved several times throughout her seventy-plus years, and cautioned me that I can't continue every relationship. Instead, she advised me to "choose the relationships you want to maintain and then be intentional about it." For a long-distance friendship to last, both parties must make the effort to stay in touch with emails, phone calls, blogs or visits. She said if I try to just make a blanket effort to stay friends with everyone, I will soon find none of the relationships to have stood the test of time. As I'm not good at maintaining long-distance friendships anyway, I really appreciated her sharing her experience.
She also advised me not to TRY to make friends. What an interesting thought! She reminded me that our human tendancy is to look at the outward appearance and choose to be friends with certain people based on our perceptions but those friendships "just don't seem to work." In contrast, she claims God puts people in our lives, and He "ties heartstrings." She summarized her advice with "He loves you, trust him to provide friendships to His glory."
Such wise counsel! I don't want to forget it. So while I'm trusting the Lord to tie heartstrings in my new home, I think I'll make an intentional effort to keep this wise friend in my life and send her a card tonight.
What wonderful advice! Thank you so much for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteYou're quite welcome! This way I thought I might not lose it! ;)
DeleteIt is so hard. Having moved so has meant a lot of goodbyes for me, and I am often surprised by who my long-term friends turn out to be. It is overwhelming to try to maintain every relationship. There are certain people, though, with whom I can just "pick things up again," even after extended periods of time apart, and they have turned out to be a quiet but steady influence on my life.
ReplyDeleteOk, whew. From the title of this blog post I thought you were announcing that you were shutting down your blog! Once I stopped hyperventilating I was able to read the rest of the post. ;D
ReplyDeleteGod tying the heartstrings is such a beautiful picture. That sounds like most excellent advice.
ha! I don't see that happening--I have too much fun processing my thoughts in this venue. I do have to admit I'm finding it more difficult to make time for my blogging, however, which is a little sad. Seasons I guess!
DeleteGood thoughts. Don't seek to make friends but to make disciples of Christ, I read somewhere, and ridiculously can't remember where now.
ReplyDeleteI hope we get to stay friends. :)
Mmmm, I like that point too, thanks for sharing! And yes, please, let's stay friends! :)
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