Reflections on October Baby

A movie about making choices.

Choosing life.  Choosing love.  Choosing forgiveness.

I took my teenagers to see the new movie, October Baby, which was inspired by Gianna Jesson's story.  The main character, Hannah, learns at the age of 19 that she was adopted shortly after she survived a failed abortion.  The movie explores the emotions and reactions of several people affected, including Hannah, her adoptive parents, her birthmother, and the nurse at the abortion clinic, as Hannah sets out to discover her story.

There are many worthwhile messages in this movie which are especially meaningful to me, as an adoptive mother.  I'll try not to spoil the outcome as I share some of my reflections:

• I am grateful we have open adoptions with our children's birthfamilies and that our children will never have to live "that moment" of realization that they were adopted.  I don't understand the decision to keep a child's adoption from her and I can understand why she would feel like her entire life was a lie.
• I didn't understand why she set out on her journey to meet her birthmother by herself.  It made me really sad for her.  I would think that I, as an adoptive mother, would want to be there for her, especially as an adoptee just never knows what she will find on the other end.  Will it be joy or pain, reconciliation or rejection?  I would want to be there for my daughter as she goes through that.  Yet perhaps it was a good symbolism of how alone she felt, not knowing where she belonged or who she was as she reeled with the shock.
• I thought the movie was real, and I appreciated that.  It was tempting to criticize some of the reactions, but the truth is, we all have our issues, we all have our baggage, and we don't always respond in some perfect little fairytale way.  The adoptive father hadn't healed from previous loss, he was wrestling with his trust in God, and he seemed to be holding on to some resentment for financial costs.  That's just the way we are in life sometimes, isn't it?  It's a good reminder for us to first examine ourselves for issues we need to let go of and second to extend compassion as we interact with others as they will have issues that affect your interactions with them.  I also thought Hannah's role was pretty real.  I don't know how I would react to the news that I was adopted *now* let alone at the age of 19.  I thought some of her reactions were immature as she flounced off here and there. . .but that was a believable reaction as I think about it.  She was experiencing a great amount of pain and loss--who am I to say what is an appropriate reaction?
• The movie was honest.  Adoption is painful.  As I've said many times before, adoption involves loss, frequently for all involved.  The adoptee loses her first family and frequently her sense of identity.  She wrestles with the rejection, wondering what is wrong with her.  In the movie, my heart broke when Hannah said to her father "Thank you for wanting me."  That is just wrong.  Who should ever feel it necessary to thank their parents for wanting them?  That's just a basic need for all of us--I don't even think about thanking my parents for wanting me.  I just take it for granted that of course they do.  But then, I've never experienced that feeling of rejection, of not being wanted.
• One of my favorite parts of the movie dealt with Hannah's search for freedom--freedom from her burden of pain and emptiness, anger and hate.  Before she leaves to find her birthmother, she writes in her journal that she has to know the truth, and asks if the truth will set her free.  After she gets back home, she is counseled to give forgiveness rather than carrying a burden of hate.  She is pointed to the cross with the reminder "if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" (from John 8:36).  I think this was the best message of all.  We don't always get "the truth" or the closure or acceptance that we need from humans, but we can still have healing and freedom in Christ.  I love this message and could write an entire post on it alone.  Consider what it means in each of our lives.

• I was struck by the story of the actress who played the role of the birthmother as she herself had chosen abortion.  The pain that lingers with a woman after she kills her baby haunts me.  I am angry with an industry that brainwashes women into believing it is an easy solution to erase their mistake and then blithely continues on making money as women suffer in silence and regret.
• I was both sickened and saddened as the abortion nurse shared "if you're told something enough times, you start to believe it.  We were told it's just tissue."  I wonder if we are speaking the truth enough to our children, our families, our churches and communities to counter their belief in the oft-spoken lies.
• I also appreciated the wisdom the police officer shared as Hannah drew closer to finding her birthmother.  He said "remember life isn't always black and white.  Hate the crime, not the criminal."  Right and wrong are still right and wrong, I don't think he's negating that.  I think he was reminding her that we are all human, we all make mistakes, and there is always room for forgiveness.  We can extend compassion and forgiveness just as we want others, and especially God, to grace us with compassion and forgiveness when we repent.

I hope you'll get the opportunity to watch October Baby and share its truths with people in your life.  Help others believe that a baby is a baby at conception and if it's left alone, it will result in viable life outside the womb.  If it's just tissue and not life, why the urge to kill it?  If we tell the truth enough times, maybe others will start to believe it.