Unglued

I highlighted many sentences in the first half of Lysa TerKeurst's most recent book, Unglued:  Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions.  I even texted my sis and my sil to tell them my toes were sore from Lysa stepping on them.

Unglued is relatively easy to read as she writes with humor and honesty and liberally sprinkles her personal mistakes and victories throughout the teaching.  In addition to focusing on different emotions we might experience and how the Lord wants us to handle them, Lysa also helps the reader discern personal coping mechanisms, which was one of my favorite parts of the book.

Interestingly, Lysa also says that our reaction type changes based on the other person we're interacting with, which I think is very insightful.  The four types are:

• exploder that blames others
• exploder that shames herself
• stuffer that builds barriers
• stuffer that collects retaliation rocks

Regardless of our natural tendencies, Lysa encourages us toward soul integrity.

"Soul integrity is honesty that's godly.  It brings the passion of the exploder and the peacemaking of the stuffer under the authority of Jesus where honesty and godliness embrace and balance each other" (52).

I think the section contrasting boundaries and barriers benefited me the most.  In many relationships I tend to be a stuffer, sometimes building barriers and other times collecting retaliation rocks.  I want to learn to effectively establish boundaries rather than building barriers, especially as building barriers separates me from others when that's not really what I desire.

"The difference between boundaries and barriers is honest transparency.  When we erect a barrier with a person, it's either because we're afraid to be honest, tired of being honest and getting hurt, or feel like the relationship isn't worth the hard work honesty sometimes takes.

When we establish boundaries, we are brave enough to be honest but also compassionate enough to wrap the boundary in grace by clearly communicating the parameters of the relationship.  Barriers set relationships on a regressive course that leads to isolation.  Boundaries set relationships on a progressive course that leads to connection" (85).

Even as I got a lot out of this book, I also got a little tired of it towards the end and thought it could have been shorter.  I'm not sure if that was just me, or the relevance of the chapters, but I was glad to be done with it rather than left wanting more.  I'll be interested to see if others felt the same way, or if the end of the book just addressed topics the Lord and I have been through already.

The best line of the book summarized her main point that we need to be in constant communion with the Lord in order to choose self-control.  If we are just plugging along in survival mode, the bumps in life are going to bring out the ugly.

"when the rhythm of my soul is survival instead of revival, I will come unglued" (157).