There's a lot of growth taking place in my life, and I'm finding it a struggle to blog about it. I've been studying the book of James the last couple weeks--a great, digging-in-study that hasn't quite taken me through the first chapter yet. I'm realizing change that's taking place in my life, and change that *needs* to happen in my life. I'm experiencing joy in a new way, a new level. But I'm having a hard time sharing it on my blog.
For one thing, I'm struggling with finding the time to write, period. Blog posts swirl in my brain as I cook meals, as I wash dishes, as I fold laundry. I flesh out ideas mentally as I braid hair and drive down the road. Ideas flit through my mind as I grade math, biology and essays, read and study the Bible, and lie in bed trying to go to sleep. But the time to sit at the computer and type them out evades me. When I do manage to grab a few minutes to type, like now as the children sleep, it's not enough time to express what's in my heart.
Which leads to my other struggle--finding the words. A couple times I've sat down to type and just stared at the screen, my fingers motionless, waiting for the right words. It's not writer's block--I have scribbles jotted all over the place of ideas I want, even need to express. It's the mode of expression that I'm struggling with. And discovering those words. . .well, it's going to take some time.
And the circle continues.
Yet I want to find the time and the words so I can process it. So I won't forget. So I can share what the Lord is doing.
Praying for you as you look for the words...I know that words are important to you. Thanks for your willingness to share even when it feels like you aren't! HUGS.
ReplyDeleteOh, my Shonya. I know exactly how this feels -- the never finding time part, especially. Don't you love what God did as He created us -- with these minds and hearts of ours? Amazing. Just write your heart, Shonya. That'll always be the right words.
ReplyDeleteOh, do I ever hear you on this! There are days I long to just be able to process through it with someone, even though I'm not even sure yet what I would say.
ReplyDeleteI always find it so overwheleming when God calls me to grow in lots of ways. I think its especially hard for people like us that most of the time appear that we have it all together. And I think it is ok that you don't have the words yet. I get that. And I think in our quietness and confusion we hear Him the most. I'm always happy that I walked through growth when its all over! ha! Wish we were on the same week of our study together! It's a good one!
ReplyDeleteI remember somebody pointing out to me, before I had children, that very often before a growth spurt children will gain extra weight, a sort of stocking-up before they stretch out. Sometimes I think in writing there is something of a silence while things simmer, before a person can find the right words, or the right angle to come from. I've noticed spurts in my own writing. It is hard, though, to trust that eventually what needs to come out, will. I hope you are not too frustrated--I bet whatever is simmering in your head will find its way through your fingers given enough time!
ReplyDeleteThank you, all, for your kind words, support and encouragement. Thoughts are still percolating in my mind, and will make their way out between other easier (and thus quicker) posts (such as Kiana's hairstyles and pictures of Tyrell! ha!).
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