So What Happens Now

Even though this song isn't completely appropriate to this place in our adoption story, it's the song that came to my head as I was unpacking our suitcases this morning. :) In case you don't know it, Eva was a poor girl with big ambitions who. . .uh. . .used her influence over men to get to the top, if you know what I mean. Yet, she's a likable character and many of her countrymen looked to her as a hero of the people.

I know, silly me, but I like Evita, this music expresses my emotions, I was unpacking suitcases (which made me think of some lyrics from the song), and I really do wonder "so, what happens now."



We do have Hope, however, which brings us comfort and joy even in our sorrow. I can't help but think of someone like Eva, or Cleara. . .or countless others who don't have that hope, who don't even know what they're missing. The hardest thing for us has been thinking of this little girl, for whom we have prayed and prayed, living that life. Cleara has had pretty much every experience you don't want your child to have to go through, yet she's sentencing her children to that same life, that same caregiver. That's the hardest part, wondering why, yet knowing that God sees the big picture and we don't have to know or understand.

So, I received another profile today of a birthmother who is looking for a family to raise her baby. And you know what I think? I'm just not ready yet. It's so sad--this girl's life, she's had two abortions in the past, she has her priorities all messed up. . .You just put yourself so out there and you pray and pray for someone and I'm not a 'detached' kind of person. I'm not over Cleara's story--can I take on another one? I don't know, we'll pray about it of course, and I'm sure God's will will prevail. But right now, I feel a little too tender.

But then, it's not about me, is it?